worthlessness • Creating Peace Through Forgiveness

How to Get Past Feeling Worthless

May 7, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning! Many blessings to you each, and many thank you’s to those of you who continued to visit my site, even during my lull in posting. There were four queries for getting past feeling worthless, and today, that is what I will address.

There is nothing quite like feeling worthless to bring about despair. Perhaps you were told you were worthless; perhaps you came to that conclusion after trying things and “failing” at them. The result is the same… you feel like nothing is worth it, you aren’t worth it. Well, I can understand these feelings as I have been there, and I am here to tell you, there is hope.

First of all, I’d like to address you if you feel you have “failed,” and that is what is leading to your feeling worthless. Consider believing that there are no failures, only attempts to try something. You didn’t fail at something; your attempts merely were unsuccessful to reach the goal you were trying to reach.

The thing which is wonderful about looking at it like that is you can try again, and again and again, until you reach your goal. And each time you try and don’t reach that goal, you know what didn’t work and what not to do in the future. Many people try things, don’t get the result they were looking for, and then their thoughts go from, “I failed,” to “I am a failure and therefore, am worthless.”

Is that you? If it is, I invite you to redefine your view of failure as I defined above.

To address the issue of feeling worthless and how to get past it, let me say that the greatest elixir for that is discovering how you can be useful to another person or animal. For me, it was realizing my abusive past had been of use to another person because he could relate to me, he knew I had suffered as he was suffering, and a bond was created. So when I told him of ways in which I had started to heal from my past, he listened.

Had I not dealt with what I did, had I never had the experience, I never would have had to go through the steps and actions to heal that ended up helping another person. There is nothing quite like feeling that what you do or say is of use to another.

To get past feeling worthless, I invite you to muster up your strength, and determine how you can be of use, be of service to someone, sharing with them a way to do something, or a way for them to get past their pain. Opportunities to do this abound out there, as so many people are feeling worthless. I am inviting you to step beyond that to something greater. Will you take the step to healing?

Worthlessness – What Caused It and How I Overcame It

December 29, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning. It is early and the sun has not yet begun to rise. I am in a pensive mood today, wondering if I need to let go of my dream to be a speaker and a coach, and focus my energy and attention elsewhere, on another opportunity that has arisen. I saw the search term of “what causes worthlessness” and decided to write about that today.

Most of my life has been spent with the feeling of worthlessness. In my case, it began when I was told most every day that I was worthless. I was told that because I did not excel at intellectual pursuits like my two sisters. Rather, I was of an artistic nature and excelled at writing and other creative endeavors. Those things were not valued by my father, however, who was an intellectual type himself.

The effect that being called worthless had on my later life was devastating. It always was underlying any attempt to better myself, any attempt to heal and to grow. It hit me the most and became known to me when I was drunk. There were many times when all I could do was sob – kean actually, if that’s the right word for it. It was sobbing and wailing at the same time. It was miserable and always left me spent emotionally.

Although when I stopped drinking and got sober the sobbing and wailing stopped, the feelings of worthlessness I carried were always underlying everything I did. They always surfaced and I felt defeated. Even when I worked in a high-level job for State government and initiated a program that got very ill and medically-fragile children out of the hospital ICU and into the home with hourly nursing care, I felt that feeling of worthlessness. Nothing I did was ever good enough.

Today, I do not feel that worthlessness. In fact, I feel like a worthy and worthwhile person. How did that happen? Well, the first thing that happened was I got sober. That allowed me to really feel my worthless feelings and after several years in sobriety, an incident occurred that led to my healing.

I was at a meeting and heard a man share about the emotional turmoil he was experiencing. What he said struck a chord with me, and I went to talk to him after the meeting. I listened as he further described his feelings, and then I relayed my experience with early abuse, and how I had begun to heal from it. I relayed books I had read which were helpful. I offered my therapist’s name and number. I offered understanding and kindness.

He was so grateful for my input that he almost cried. As I walked to my car, I realized I had been of use to him. Relaying my experiences and how I had begun to heal had helped him. In a flash, it hit me that talking about these things to another person was of use, of service. Suddenly, my life and all my experiences had a purpose, and my feelings of worthlessness began to heal in that instant, as I began to see myself as a worthwhile person.

It took a few more years to fully overcome my feelings of worthlessness, and I worked diligently to identify them when they surfaced. I engaged in positive self-talk when they came up, reminding myself I was a person of worth simply because I am on this planet. Today, I occasionally feel worthless, but it is a rare occasion, and I can work my way out if it.

It has been my experience that feelings of worthlessness can begin to resolve by being of service to another, to others. Further healing can occur when positive self-talk is used to combat those feelings when they arise. The reward is feeling whole, feeling happy.

Do you deal with feelings of worthlessness? If you do, I send my deepest compassion, for I know how debilitating it can be. I invite you to try being of service to another, and from that, gain appreciation for who you are as a person at your core, for at your core, you are a worthy and worthwhile person.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain Tagged With: sober, sobriety, unworthy, worthlessness, worthy

Is Living Worthwhile?

December 21, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

I was taken aback by this search term this morning, and want to address it. The question searched for was “Is Living Worthless,” and I changed it to “worthwhile,” as it is easier to address for me. The an answer is, no, living is not worthless, and yes, living is worthwhile.

How do you discover your worth when you feel worthless? First, let’s define worthless a little bit. It creeps up on you when you feel there is no use in continuing, when you feel your life has no purpose, no worth to anyone. It is a feeling that accompanies hopelessness, and leaves you exhausted, depressed. So, how do you get out of this feeling?

It is helpful to find someone for whom you can be useful, even if you are just two steps ahead of them in the healing journey. That help comes in the form of you telling your story to someone in need and relaying how you got past your own feelings of worthlessness, focusing only on what you have gained, and not on the distance you have yet to go. You want to give from one to three points of things the person can do to work through those feelings.

For example, it might have worked, or be working, for you to journal. If this is the case, tell the person who is feeling worthless that they can journal and feel better. Recommend they write with their non-dominant hand, as all sorts of deep feelings will come out and they can get to the core faster than if they write with their dominant hand. This has been tested and found to be true and I found it to be true in the writing of the majority of verses in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.

Taking a brisk walk or engaging in some other form of exercise may have been, or is being, helpful to you. Therapy may have been helpful also, as has been, perhaps, any group’s support meetings. And, there is always prayer, asking for the willingness and strength to get through your feelings of worthlessness.

Remember, you are taking the strife you have experienced in your life, turning it positive, and then relaying what you did, to someone who is feeling worthless. You are trying to be of service to another. There is nothing quite like realizing you have been of use to a person who is hurting, that helps you get out of the feeling of being worthless, nothing quite like discovering the purpose of your life. For, you see, helping another is your purpose in life. It just depends upon HOW you are intended to help them.

Once you talk to another who is struggling, one who is in great emotional pain, you will feel that life is worth living. You will see the purpose of your life to be that of being of service. This will feel wonderful and it will change your thoughts about yourself when you think about being of service to another.

This does not mean that you forget about your own personal pain. No, you keep it off to the side while you’re helping the other person; you put it on hold. But you do not want to negate it or sweep it under the rug, because the pain will just show up in a different way in your life. At its best, your personal pain ignored will keep you stuck, unable to move forward.

When you are not helping another, and are considering your own feelings of worthlessness, try to write about these feelings and why you feel worthless. Get in writing all the old stories, the old injustices, that have led you to this point of not feeling worthwhile. Allow yourself to feel the feelings and look them squarely in the eye. Recognize the hurt, humiliation, and shame that are beneath the worthlessness. As you focus on these feelings, they will soon float away, replaced by other thoughts.

Look at the ways in which you can take action to fix or right things that are wrong in your life, or that are not the way you want them to be. Follow through with these actions, or you will feel like a failure. Start with just a few, or even one, manageable actions to begin with and grow from there if you’d like. But, be responsible and do your part to get to a place of feeling worthwhile.

Do you feel worthless? Do you think you can be of service to another so you begin to feel more worthwhile? Write down the answers to these questions, using your non-dominat hand. List out people you know that are struggling emotionally, and think how what you have learned or experienced could be of use to that person. Resolve to tell them your story and you will be spreading hope.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: is living worthwhile, worthless, worthlessness, worthwhile

One Day at a Time in Sobriety

November 17, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning and welcome to this rainy day, if you are in the San Francisco area… It is the rainy season here in the Bay Area, and I am not fond of the rainy weather. Oh dear, we are just at the beginning of the season. How will I make it through? I will make it through one day at a time, just like my sobriety. I accumulated 12 years one day at a time.

It is our tendency to want change to happen to ourselves and our situation right now, but that is not how things work in sobriety, or in life. Things evolve, they happen slowly when it comes to changing ourselves. My sponsor once told me everything in my life was going to shit because God was breaking me down to nothingness so He could rebuild me in all my glory, all my worthiness.

So, all the old messages and beliefs that I was worthless needed to be dispelled. I needed to learn to see myself with eyes of love, and the only way to do that was to strip me of all the old messages that I was no good. I was brought back to the past for the purpose of healing from it so I could move forward in the present. The only way to do that was one day at a time.

Then, each day was broken down into one action after another, a day of doing the next indicated thing, and then the next, and the next, and so forth, until the day had passed. It was difficult to get through some days, and sometimes, all I could do was take a nap or go to bed, even at 6 pm, for example.

If you are contemplating sobriety, or are in the middle of sobriety, you can adopt the philosophy of taking it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. By doing this, you allow yourself to see your past, the old messages of worthlessness, and you can begin to build upon the ashes that have become your life. Emotional pain may be needed for a time, and that will disappear as you replace it with good feelings about yourself, as your situation improves, one day at a time.

My suggestion to you is to start taking it one day at a time, doing the next indicated thing to do throughout that day, until the day is over and you can start over again the next day. Make plans only so they can move you forward, but let go of the outcome and be flexible with your plans, wants, and desires. Try not to live in the past or the future, but squarely in the present day.

So, tell me, how are you doing with living one day at a time in sobriety? Leave a comment and let us know how you do that and how it works for you in your sobriety.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: feelings of worthlessness, living sober, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, worthless, worthlessness

Overcome Despair with Sobriety

November 13, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning. I haven’t done the rest of my grief work yet, so do not have the rest of the process to report on this morning. I will have it tomorrow. Meanwhile, let’s talk about the benefits of sobriety, for with sobriety, it is possible to overcome despair and feelings of worthlessness.

When I was in my drinking days, it was easy to keep being in despair and worthlessness because the drink fueled those feelings, kept me in self-pity and blaming others. Then when I started in sobriety, the fuel for that fire was gone. Suddenly, I had to look at the actual feelings behind my despair, my worthlessness. I had to feel the hurt at a very deep level. I had to be responsible for my own feelings… and it was difficult.

Yet, by keeping my sobriety intact, I was able to ease my way through the feelings. My sobriety allowed me to discover a place inside where I wanted to give to others. And when I wanted to give to others, I found my purpose in life. When I found my purpose in life, the despair left me. It was only by staying sober that I became able to get outside of myself and really care about another, really care about being of service to them. It’s actually a glorious place to be.

But if you are in despair or feeling worthless, you cannot imagine that place, I know. At least, I never would have been able to imagine that place. Trust me when I say that it may be obtained. It is possible. So, let me tell you how I got there and maybe you, then, can get there yourself.

My despair dissipated when I told my story to someone and it was useful to him. Recognizing that, I came to the realization that by telling my story and how I recovered from a horrible upbringing, horrible anger and bitterness, horrible grief, it might be useful to others so that they, too, could get through and past their horrible experiences, their resentments, their despair.

It took being in a state of sobriety, where I was “clear” enough to recognize this. It took being in sobriety to be able to get beyond myself so I could consider another, could be of service. I did this by being willing to be open to what came to me, by being willing to maintain and practice my sobriety.

How about you? How can you take what you have learned in sobriety and be useful to another with that information? How can you be of service from that deep place of knowingness that we discussed yesterday… that place of great worthiness. All you have to be is two steps ahead of the person to whom you are being of service.

Move forward in your day with awareness. Be conscious of the ways in which you can be of service to another. Look for how your story, your experiences and the healing you’ve done-to-date could be useful to another. Remember… you only need to be two steps ahead. Then make the decision to be of service, to be of use and take action. May you discover your purpose as a result of this process, and may you replace your despair with hope, with feelings of goodness.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: despair, despairing, how to get past despair, living sober, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, worthless, worthlessness

Overcome Worthlessness with Grief Recovery

November 12, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

It is with a great deal of experience in the area of worthlessness that I write today. i.e., it is something with which I am quite intimate. You see, every day or so throughout childhood, I was called worthless, told I would never amount to anything. I grew up and flew the nest with that belief firmly stamped into my deep sub-consciousness.

This is how I started the blog that I planned to post yesterday. It ended up being 950 words, and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to post such a long one, filled with a great deal of personal experience that I thought you’d find boring. I was afraid it would be too much. Confused, I took no action…

Interesting. I wonder how much of my inability to edit it down has to do with the effect that feelings of worthlessness have on me today, which make it difficult to speak about it without getting carried away. In other words, I believe that I still hold some feelings of worthlessness and they come up for me from time to time. Oh, I have made great headway. Example… in days past, I would forget to post, or not get to it, and I’d feel like a failure, worthless. I no longer go there.

Enough about me. At least you understand why I didn’t post yesterday and I hope you returned today for the post on worthlessness.

Before I write about that, I want to acknowledge all the Veterans who are reading this post and say thank you for your service. You have made a sacrifice that will affect you for the rest of your lifetime, and I want you to know that I recognize that, and am especially appreciative of what you did to help our country.

On to our topic… Webster defines worthlessness as being without value, without merit or worth. Worth is defined as that quality of a person that lends importance. I believe that we each have something of importance to bring to the world. I believe that at our core, we are each inherently good people, filled with worth.

Even though I believe this, I struggle some days with feelings of worthlessness, days in which I feel of no importance or value to anyone or anything. On these days, I have to consciously talk myself through it, reminding myself over and over that when my father called me worthless, it was a lie. Also, I consider that he said it, but meant it about himself, not me. I find I can them go to the affirmation of “I am worthy and worthwhile.”

I know the feelings of worthlessness I hold go deep within my being. So it was with interest that I decided to get help through this. An opportunity came along to be coached in a grief recovery program. What I have discovered is as expected… continued feelings of worthlessness, the grief from the feelings of worthlessness. I never even thought to look at what losses I endured as a result of those words. So I have been looking at that.

The losses I’ve identified so far are loss of self-respect, loss of all beliefs that I am a good person, loss of a positive image, loss of ability to receive acknowledgment or compliments about me and my work. I imagine more will surface. Next, the process involves allowing myself to feel those losses, the grief from losing those things. I then make a choice to let the worthless feelings go.

The next part of the grief process involves choosing one person with whom I wish to get closure, to put to bed my feelings of worthlessness. I, naturally, chose my father and his calling me worthless all those years.

As I explore my feelings, I come to a place of forgiveness for him. I get there by realizing that he was a wounded person when he said that, and I feel compassion for his woundedness. From that place of compassion, I have been able to reach forgiveness for him.

My assignment for the week is to write a letter of closure, putting to bed my feelings of worthlessness, breaking the connection of my father’s words with my current-day reality. I will be working on that today and tomorrow, so can report back on what I discovered through the process.

What about you? What wounds have you endured in life that have led you to develop feelings of worthlessness? Take a look at that/those and see how it/they manifest in your life. Then, identify all the losses you have experienced as a result of those feelings of worthlessness. Allow yourself to look at them, to feel them. Acknowledge the hurt you felt every time you were told you were worthless, or whatever it was that led you to develop worthlessness.

Then tell yourself that is not who you were or are at your core, the center of your being. Step outside of yourself for a minute and picture your outer self smiling to you, the real person. Smile with great knowingness that you are a person of great worth, with value to share with the world. Smile with deep belief and understanding that you are filled with worth and value, value to yourself and to others. When you slip into worthlessness, return to that place of knowingness. Gradually, you will find your feelings of worthlessness are fading away.

Well, I have managed to write another long post today, and I’m going to let it stand. I’ll return, hopefully tomorrow, to let you know how the letter-writing went. Remember your mantra for the day… “I am a person of great value and worth.”

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement Tagged With: feelings of worthlessness, how do I feel worthy, worthiness, worthlessness, worthy

Overcoming Worthlessness

November 10, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning. There were four search terms for worthlessness and no value, so will address this issue. However, I am out of time today, and not able to write. I was locked out of my wordpress account until just a minute ago, and now I have to get ready to leave for a workshop I am attending on how to be a more dynamic speaker. I’m excited for the day!

I wish you well for the day, and for those of you feeling worthlessness and of no value, I offer you kindness and love, and the words that you can feel worth it, and we’re going to talk about that tomorrow. Please hang in there.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions Tagged With: I feel worthless, unworthy, worthless, worthlessness

Overcoming Feelings of Worthlessness

October 27, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning. Please forgive my silence for the past three days. The days got away from me while planning and preparing for my workshop that is today. I hope you have enjoyed looking at the images and reading the verses… There were three searches for worthlessness yesterday, and I will address that today.

How did you learn or come to believe that you are worthless? In my case, I was told I was worthless and would never amount to anything every other day or so while growing up, and I got to adulthood feeling a great deal of worthlessness. It has been a lifetime of trying to overcome that, and on most days, I am successful.

How about you? You must be stuck in the feeling of worthlessness if you are searching for that term. Webster defines worthless as without value or merit. It is pretty devastating to believe you have no value, no merit. And the thing is, it is false. The truth is, you ARE worthy, you are of value and merit, simply because you are a human being alive on this earth, with experiences and wisdom to share with others.

Worth is further defined as that quality of a person that lends importance, value, merit, etc., and that is measurable by the esteem in which the person is held. Worth implies an intrinsic excellence; intrinsic means located within, not dependent on external circumstances. Worth is inherent… which means existing in someone as a natural and inseparable quality or characteristic. It is inborn.

So you see, just by definition, you are valuable and of worth, and can begin to shake off your feelings of worthlessness. Yet, it still needs to resonate with your heart that you are valuable, worthwhile. And therein lies the difficulty. Until you feel in your heart that you are worthy, that you have merit, then life is difficult and you are left feeling worthless.

What I have to offer as wisdom is what has worked for me to dispel, to hold off, my feelings of worthlessness. It is something I do in present day when I have feelings of worthlessness. The first thing to do is to practice being aware of when you are feeling worthless. For example, when I believe I have failed at something, the feeling of worthlessness accompanies that feeling of failure.

The problem could be that you don’t know when you are experiencing worthlessness. For me, I know I can slip to that space of worthlessness when I am feeling defeated, feeling that I goofed somehow, that I blew it. My thoughts don’t stop with those thoughts; instead, they continue twirling downward until I have decided that I have no value as a person, that what I offer is not wanted by others, that I suck as a person.

It is at that point that I need to stop and realize I have gone to that space. Actually, I need to catch myself before I get to that place. To do that, I recognize that my trigger to feeling worthless is a feeling that I blew it. When I feel that, I start talking to myself, building myself up, telling myself I am still a good and valuable person, telling myself I have experiences worthy of being shared with others.

So, I consciously go into the “build myself up” mode. That helps to hold off the feelings of worthlessness. Then I try to write about my feelings of failure, getting at what is behind them, and always, always, building myself and my abilities, my inherent values, up, always touting them. I don’t do it to brag or to admire myself. Rather, I do it to keep myself from sliding down the worthlessness hole. It works to keep me from going there.

You, too, can start monitoring your thoughts, starting with being conscious and aware of what triggers you to go to that space of worthlessness. Think of it as an adventure to solve the problem, to find the trigger(s). Once you do, stay aware of your behavior and your internal thoughts and feelings. When you reach your trigger point, start talking positive to yourself in an effort to prevent a slip into worthlessness. When you have tried this, leave a comment and let us know how that worked for you.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: feeling unworthy, I feel worthless, not worthy, unworthy, worthless, worthlessness

Combatting Feelings of Worthlessness, No Value

October 4, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning. I wanted to pick up where we left off yesterday… after the point of worthlessness, at that place where you are feeling in your deepest recesses that you have done or said some good things – even just one. I hope you did the exercise from yesterday and come armed with the results, the feeling of personal goodness in at least one area.

Take that feeling into the next part of the process, which is seeing the wounds that have led to the feelings that you have no value, the wounds that reinforce your worthlessness. What you want to do here is to start writing about the earliest time you can remember when you were criticized or denigrated. Remember who said or did what… write it down and take a deep breath…

Allow yourself to feel those feelings, just noticing the emotional charge they have for you. Then, decide to look at things from a different viewpoint, with new eyes. Become willing to choose to believe that what was told to you was a lie, told by a wounded person themself. Feel that all the way to your toes… that what they said was wrong. Replace the language that was used against you then, and now replace it with a positive statement about yourself.

It bears repeating here that what was told to you was a lie, incorrect information, based on someone else’s woundedness. It may take some time to incorporate that into your heart, for when you take that belief into your heart, you have years of blaming that needs to fall away, years of negative self-talk to combat and reverse.

This is no easy task, but then, what you are currently dealing with is not easy either. And, no doubt you feel miserable about yourself… that’s why you’re reading this. If you stick with it and commit to sticking with it through all that comes up, you will reap the most awesome beliefs and feelings about yourself on the other side.

You will feel more alive than you have felt for some time. That aliveness is self-perpetuating and cumulative, and it only firms up your new belief that you are good at that one thing, just that one thing… It becomes easier to believe in your light, your goodness, as you go through this process.

What do you wish to be in your heart? Whom do you wish to be? Look at that dream, that desire, and envision yourself living it. What is your “wow?” What does that look like for you? How does it feel? Write your answers…

You are now headed on the course of discovering what makes you shine. It is a discovery of your “wow,” of your light in the world. Follow this process again and again to clear out old messages and beliefs. Be gentle with yourself, and don’t beat yourself up. Allow those gremlins to stay away. When you meet resistance, write about it, even if it is only to simply notice its presence. After you have had a chance to get to your deeper self, let me know what that was like for you by leaving a comment. I wish for you many blessings on your journey.

Oh, and one last thing. I forgot to mention numbing-out during this process. If you stay straight, you go through the process more quickly than if you numb out. You get to the other side more quickly when you’re sober. I invite you to practice sobriety during this process of healing.

And finally, I will be going to my nephew’s wedding in Tampa over the weekend, leaving at 3:30 am tomorrow, so I most likely will not blog tomorrow. I definitely won’t be blogging Saturday or Sunday either, cause I’m not taking my computer. Wow! A true vacation!! Enjoy the weekend and see you on Monday.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement Tagged With: getting sober, how to find peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, worthless, worthlessness

Combatting Worthlessness and Feelings You Have No Value

October 3, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

I was taken aback by a search term… “I have no value.” My heart went out to the person who wrote this, in a state of worthlessness. Oh, it would be easy for me to say, yes, you do have value! But unless you believe that in your heart and soul about yourself, it is to no avail. I wish for you who believe you have no value, a turn-around in beliefs about yourself…

Two other search terms had to do with hopelessness. So, I want to write about feeling no value, and the worthlessness and hopelessness that those feelings generate.

I spent the majority of my life feeling I had no value, in a state of worthlessness. As a result, I felt a great deal of hopelessness A large part had to do with the fact that I was told by a parent every day that I was worthless… well, maybe every-other-day. The effect it had on me has been lasting, and I continue to struggle with it, even today… somedays.

My solution to stop the horror I felt over my worthlessness, having no value, was to drink… heavily… I started at age 22 and continued until age 48, at which time I got sober. Sobriety has been with me for close to twelve years and it has changed the way I see myself. Today, I see my value, my worth. It was a struggle to get to that point, so I understand you may be going through the same thing now. Take a deep breath…

When you are feeling worthless and of no value in the world, each day is an extreme effort… an effort to get up, to get dressed and to eat. Each activity becomes a dreaded chore. It is a challenge to live each day. There is no point in living, existing in this space of worthlessness and no value. If you are like I was, you are afraid to commit suicide and so you are praying to God to let you die. Deep breath….

What changed that around for me in about the fifth or sixth year of sobriety was finding my purpose in life. I had the opportunity to help someone out who was suffering emotionally. I did that by sharing my own story and how I had healed partially from my difficulties. The information I gave to the man was useful for him and he was grateful, so much so he almost started crying.

From that experience, I felt I had something to offer someone and I felt grand about being able to help him out… I felt a purpose by telling my story of physical, verbal, and emotional trauma early in life, and how I healed from the effects of it, how my sobriety helped that endeavor. You see, people are interested in you and your story when it involves something they can use in their life to make themselves feel better.

If you think about another… their difficulties, their struggles… and truly reach out to help, maybe by sharing what you have been through and how you came out the other side, you feel better about yourself and you begin to realize your value, for you and your story are of use to others and that gives you value. Just by being a human on the earth, you have value. Your lessons learned are of value to others. Take a deep breath…

To get out of myself, I had to first have a sense of who I was, what I felt about myself, so I identified my feelings of despair, anger, hurt and decided I wanted something different in my life or I WOULD die! So I looked at all the good things I had done with and in my life, and there were many that I’d kind of brushed aside, so I stopped and really considered them.

Like, I was a nurse and provided genuine, caring services to my patients for 22 years. No, I did not do direct patient care much of that time, and yes, I had an impact on the quality of people’s lives. I identified and felt my caring and compassionate nature and I gave myself credit for those things. I began to feel I may have some redeemable character traits.

The bottom line is, do some honest soul-searching, a deep look at yourself, and identify one thing about yourself that you do well. Revel in it and amaze yourself over that ability. Just be with it for a day or so… Take a deep breath…

Then go on to the next thing that amazes you about yourself. If you have to use what another has said about you to find something positive, then do that. The point is to see yourself in a positive light and to really look closely and gently at that. With great compassion for the little child that feels so badly about herself, himself. Smile for that child… give them some hope…

Continue the above exercise until you are seeing evidence of your value, your worth in the world. Let that settle into your heart. Just sit with that for days and days… Then move onto the next part, which I will talk about tomorrow….

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: despair, hopeless, hopelessness, living sober, no value, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, worthless, worthlessness

Getting Past Feelings of Worthlessness

June 4, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Corner of Worthlessness

The beginning of the book deals with four difficult emotions, the next one being worthlessness. For me, this was a feeling that I was about as good as a pile of debris in a corner, just like in the photo to the left.

It was one of the things I drank over, heavily, not only because of the bad feelings, but because of my resentment at the person who called me worthless so frequently. I was looking to drown or numb the sting of the feelings of worthlessness – the pain of hearing it, thinking it, living it.

I did not know how to rid myself of these feelings, so I drank. It was a vicious circle… I drank cause I felt worthless and wanted to feel better, and then I felt not only worse, but depressed, as well. It wasn’t until I discovered my life’s purpose that this all changed.

It also wasn’t until I had been sober for a few years that my feelings of worthlessness diminished. I won’t pretend to tell you the feelings disappeared overnight… they didn’t. Rather, it was 5 years into sobriety and I was still having difficulty with these feelings. Then, a miracle happened. Here’s how it played out…

I felt worthless and great despair over the fact that the pain of my upbringing was for no good purpose except to bring me down, to lead me to failure. I saw no purpose to my life and prayed to God to let me die because I was too afraid of committing suicide.

Then, one day I was at a support group and I listened to a man share about his pain, which was very similar to the pain of things I had dealt with and healed from. So I went to talk to him, and was able to relay books to read and even gave him my therapist’s name and number.

He was so grateful, he cried. As I walked to my car, I realized that my history had been of use to this guy. If I had not experienced it and suffered as I had, I wouldn’t have done healing work, and I wouldn’t have known resources to give to this man. Suddenly, I saw my difficult and painful childhood as a benefit, a plus.

In that instant, I realized my life’s purpose was to relay to others in emotional pain the information I have gained along the way in my healing process. I had a purpose, my life had a purpose! The feelings of worthlessness and despair lifted and were resolved right then and there! Yes, worthlessness creeps in there occasionally, but I am able to dispel it quickly, and to regain my sense of worth.

Do you have feelings of worthlessness over which you drink? Have you thought that your worth lies in the help and service you can give and be to others? Think about it, for there is a lot of merit in the thought that your life has had a specific purpose all along… that of healing from your wounds so you can help others heal from similar ones. I hope these words bring you feeling of worthiness, that they help you to look at worthlessness from a different light so you can become sober…

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Sober Living Tagged With: feelings of worthlessness sobriety, living sober, sober, Sober Living, worthlessness

Shed Worthlessness and Share Your Dream with the World

April 3, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Cornet of Worthlessness

Good morning. Today, we will continue through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. The next topic we come to is worthlessness.

Now that we have identified and acknowledged our fear, we can begin to look at other feelings that are keeping us from following our dream.

Perhaps, somewhere in our past lies the secret to any feelings of worthlessness we may hold. Perhaps, at one point, we were told by another that we were useless, that we had no value. Or, we have deduced that on our own.

If you were told you were worthless, let me just say, it was a lie. It is possible that whomever told you that was actually feeling it about themselves. They were feeling worthless themselves, and in their pain, lashed out in agony and frustration, spouting it to you.

The fact is, we each have importance and merit, simply because we exist on this planet. We each have value. Let me say that another way. You have value.

Everything about you has value because everything about you helps others in some way or another. When you are on top of your game and in a positive space, being of use to others, you are helping them to grow their sense of worth and value. That is being of service.

Even when you are being negative and/or hurtful to others, it can be a learning experience for the other person. They can look at your behavior as an example of how they do not wish to be in the world. This can act as a motivator to some, as they then strive to act in kindness and love to others.

There are those, however, who, when exposed to negative behavior from others, begin to believe they are useless and worthless. If that describes you, use even this as a learning experience. Look at yourself and ponder what is leading you to that conclusion. Ferret out what it is that you believe about yourself that makes you feel that worthlessness.

Then try this exercise. Think of one thing that you love to do, the one thing that makes your heart sing when you are doing it. You may or may not do it well, but time may slip away when you do it.

Consider that this one thing is your gift, something you were gifted, something you were intended to have or to be like in order to share with the world. This is your light that Spirit intends for you to gift to others, simply by doing it or being a certain way.

Now, wear humbly that thing which you love to do, your gift, and go be of service to another. Shed your feelings of worthlessness and stop playing small. Instead, play big, as there is someone out there waiting to receive your gift. They are waiting to receive you in all of your glory and goodness.

The choice is yours. Playing big is the way to peace and playing small will keep you in misery. Which way do you choose?

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: feeling worthless, finding peace, I feel worthless, inner peace, peace, worthless, worthlessness

Getting Past Feelings of Worthlessness

February 8, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Corner of Worthlessness

Do you have feelings of worthlessness over which you drink? Have you thought that your worth lies in the help and service you can give and be to others? Think about it, for there is a lot of merit in the thought that your life has had a specific purpose all along… that of healing from your wounds so you can help others heal from similar ones. Does that help with your feelings of worthlessness? I hope so…

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: feelings of worthlessness, Law of Sobriety, living sober, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, worthlessness

Feelings of Worthlessness

December 21, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones 9 Comments

We move through the book to the second topic – feelings of worthlessness. Webster defines it as to be without worth or merit, useless, of no value.

To have worth, it is your quality that lends importance, value, and merit. It is measured by the esteem in which you are held by others.

Corner of Worthlessness

Feeling worthless is not a comfortable place to be. When I used to feel that way, I felt like a pile of rubbish in a corner… a heap of debris.

Why do we feel worthless? It comes from being told so or shown we are not valued. In my case, I was repeatedly told I was not worth anything, so I began to believe that.

Perhaps the actions of someone in your life translate to you that you are not valued, have no merit. As much as is possible, do not let their actions get you down.

It is hard to get past feelings of worthlessness, yet, it is possible. One way is to do esteem-able acts. Do something nice for someone else. Not only do they appreciate it, but you will feel self-worth for your actions. Keep doing that, over and over.

Reflect on how you came to feel worthless in the first place. If it was because of being told that, then consider the source and what they were experiencing.

For example, I realized that I did the very same thing to my boy friends that was done to me. I used to get drunk and scream at them that they were worthless. When I remembered that in sobriety, I was horrified! I realized I was saying it because I felt that way about myself.

Hmmm. Perhaps the person that told me I was worthless said that to me because they actually felt it about themselves. That was the corner I turned to start to come out of feeling worthless. Still, though, it is one thing to wrap your mind around a “cure” and another to get your heart and soul in alignment with what your mind is telling you.

What really cinched it for me was the discovery of my purpose in life, or what I consider to be my purpose. Once I figured that out, I felt worthwhile, I felt I had something of value to give others, and my feelings of worthlessness dissipated. Very occasionally, I go to that place when things are discouraging for me, yet I don’t stay long in that space because I remind myself of my purpose and why I’m here.

I hope that you, too, can conquer these feelings of worthlessness. Maybe the examples of how I recovered from feelings of worthlessness will help you.

It is not necessary to feel them and the fact is, we are each valuable and worthy in our own way. Believe that for it is a Truth. Each of us has a unique gift to give the world. It is just a matter of finding it. I wish you well.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: esteem-able acts, feeling worthless, feelings of worthlessness, Sober Living, sobriety, worthless, worthlessness

Inspirational Quotes About Life and Hope

November 26, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Ray of Hope

One of the inspirational quotes about life and hope for today is, “A ray of light across the bars of my being lights my way, instills hope in my heart.”

Another is, “You feel hope when you feel that what you want will happen.” That is Webster’s definition…

For you who is learning to love yourself and to overcome low self-esteem, depression, worthlessness, or despair, you begin to believe that you can overcome these things, that you can feel self-love.

Now that you have seen yourself with kindness and compassion, forgiven yourself and others, learned to have humility and willingness, and accepted yourself as you are, you realize that you have hope for better times, a better feeling about yourself and your life.

You have hope that you can move forward in life, that inner peace and happiness can be yours. Breathe in intention – to move forward in your life. Breathe out manifestation – you experience peace and happiness today.

All it takes is that little ray of hope that you see in the photograph, and soon the sun shines even more brightly across the bars of your being, dissolving doubt, washing away fear. You bathe in that ray and drink in the hope that it brings to your soul.

That’s right… go ahead and drink in hope, relish it, revel in it. Let it open your heart. Believe in yourself and let your light shine in your world and the world around you.

Can you feel that hope? Are you breathing in intention and breathing out manifestation? Let your soul be lightened and washed clear. Is your soul feeling more clear? It is my hope that it is. Now, have a peaceful and happy day as you bask in hope today… then tomorrow, and then the next day, and the next… one day at a time…

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: compassion, depression, despair, forgiveness, humility, inner peace, inspirational quotes about life, kindness, low self-esteem, Sober Living, Willingness, worthlessness

How to Do a Performance Appraisal of Yourself

November 17, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Today it is time for a performance appraisal of yourself, a search of self. This is the next topic in the book. It is the second reference to looking at yourself, your behavior and your actions. The first was in the blog about honesty.

Search of Self

But this time, when doing an appraisal, take a look at yourself with the eyes of the soul. You are looking for your heart, right in the middle of everything you are, which is sometimes muddled, sometimes messy.

We are all human. We all have swirls and shadows, shades of tan and rust… darkness and light. Do you recognize and acknowledge your humanness, your good, your bad?

You see, resiliency of spirit lies in the ability to see yourself as a falable human being, who is not perfect, who makes mistakes. The beauty of it all is that among all these swirls and shadows, your heart is there in the middle, shining brightly, truthfully. It knows the truth of who you are.

All you have to do is find it, to feel it. In your heart, you know when you are treating yourself or another poorly. You know. So, after being honest with yourself about it, you can do a do-over, a retake. You can get humble and apologize.

How do you apologize when, during a performance appraisal of yourself, you find that you have wronged yourself? You can acknowledge it, first of all. Then, you can see yourself with compassion, trying to get to the root of why you are treating yourself poorly. Is it an old message of worthlessness that plagues you? Do you not feel worthy of better treatment, taking good care of yourself?

Once you ferret out the reasons behind your poor treatment of yourself, be sure to apply compassion, but not humiliation. Do not beat yourself up. Smile at the small and child-like person you were when you did whatever it was you did, or did not do. Like I said before, apologize and change your behavior.

This applies to the appraisal of yourself, as well as to an appraisal of how you treat others. They key is willingness to look at yourself, again and again, and to correct what you find. You will always find darkness. But it is changeable, if you choose.

There is always light, also. Always. And sometimes you have to find the courage to recognize and admit to your positive points. If you were bullied or told you were no good at any point in your life, this may be difficult. Stick with it; it will come with time and commitment.

To find the recesses of your heart and its kind and gentle nature, it always helps to ask that greater power to assist you in your search.

Do you have trouble finding the bright knob of your heart when you do a performance appraisal of yourself? What does it feel like for you to acknowledge your goodness? How about your dark side? Can you adjust your thoughts and behavior when the dark side comes out?

Can you let your heart overrule that darkness? I hope you are able to see in yourself that shining heart, right in the middle of all that you do and all that you are, and that you can let it override your darkness.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: feeling unworthy, gentle nature, heart, himble, honest, performance appraisal of yourself, Willingness, worthlessness, worthy

Overcoming Feelings of Worthlessness

November 3, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

As we move along in the book, we come to the second topic, that of feelings of worthlessness. These first four topics are accountings of the difficult and challenging spaces in which I lived, prior to moving forward in my journey.

Corner of Worthlessness

I have learned, and feel quite certain, that it is necessary for me to acknowledge and feel those difficult emotions. It allows me to then grieve them, and to move forward in my heart. Such is the case with my feelings of worthlessness.

Many people do not feel this emotion, which always amazes me, for much of my life I felt worthless. I thought it was something everyone experienced. I believe it stemmed from the many messages I received that translated to my worthlessness, not being worth anything.

I say “stemmed” because I no longer feel worthless. But, as the verse that accompanies this photo says, I felt like “a heap of broken debris in the corner.”

How did I overcome those feelings? First, I got sober and began to feel my emotions acutely. That was very painful and difficult, but I stuck through it anyway, anxiously awaiting the day I would feel better.

Second, I thought about the messages I had received and from whom I had received them. Not to be judgmental, but I realized that that person was emotionally and spiritually sick themselves, and I asked to be shown the way to be useful to them. This led me to compassion, which then led to forgiveness.

So, I had to honestly consider all the ways in which I was told or shown that I was worthless, and objectively consider their truth. What I realized was, the messages were an assault to my Being, not true at all.

Even with that knowledge, however, I still had the feelings of worthlessness. Over and over again for quite a while, I told myself that what I’d been told were lies, not the truth, that they were the words of a sick individual.

For me, it took time and continual awareness of those feelings of worthlessness cropping up. With the awareness, came the consciousness of their falsehood, their slight against my Being. I reminded myself again and again that is not who I am, that worthless does not describe who I am.

I began to write in my journal about my worth, with my left, non-dominant hand, and all sorts of things poured forth in support of my worth. I kept reminding myself of these points when I slipped back into feelings of worthlessness.

Then, one day, I just stopped feeling worthless. I began to feel I was worth something, shyly at first, but worth something. That feeling has grown slowly and hesitantly over the past few months, until one day, I could say aloud, Carolyn, you are a person of great worth! What a freeing realization that has been for me!

So, I say to all of you who have feelings of worthlessness that you are actually a Being of great worth and value. You may not feel convinced, yet, over time, perhaps you can discover that it is so. If you’ve healed from feelings of worthlessness, what worked for you? Please share it so it can be useful to others.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Sober Living Tagged With: feelings of worthlessness, I feel worthless, worthless, worthlessness

Inspirational Sayings About Love

June 25, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Acknowledgment of Others

At long last, I return to the blog. I took the last topic of patience and really put it to the test. Perhaps I have lost some of you… that is my fear. If not, thank you for your patience. It’s appropriate that today’s topic is acknowledgment, as I wish to acknowledge my lack of writing for almost a month.

I was in Pennsylvania from the end of May until June 6th. Since my return, I have been unable to sit down and write. I have had trouble getting back into my work routine, period. I have taken three weeks to pull together documentation for an application to a health care program. In the process, I learned to do a profit and loss statement for my business, so it turned out to be positive.

As a review, what we are doing with this blog is this: In my blog, I write on the topics that are in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, in the order in which they appear in the book. We are going from fear, worthlessness, sorrow, and despair, through discovery and awareness, to lessons learned about how to treat ourselves and others. Finally, we reach joy and peace. It is a chronicle of my own journey from the depths of despair and praying to die, to wholeness and happiness, joy and peace. I’m glad you’re joining me on the journey.

I have to acknowledge that one reason I have procrastinated is because I am uncomfortable writing the blog using my new keyword phrases, inspirational sayings about…, inspirational quotes about… Sometimes, they just don’t fit. Sometimes, I feel uncomfortable using them from blog to blog. I am concerned about what you, the reader, will think. Will you get impatient with it? I have to get past that as I am on page 1 in Google because of using those keywords and phrases. This reaches a large segment of people with which I would like to connect. So please have patience with me as I continue this practice.

On with acknowledgment… In the book, there are inspirational sayings about love, about how we can show love by acknowledging others. “We go within so we can reach out to others, and we reach out to others so we can go within,” is one such example. “We need to matter to each other, and to ourselves,” is another. I think it’s important to acknowledge another… a smile to one on the street, a clerk waiting on a customer, a response to a loved one when they are talking. It doesn’t have to be lengthy or complicated, but it is so important to show love and respect to others, and this is one way to do that.

In our, perhaps, haste to acknowledge others, we sometimes forget to show the same love and respect to ourselves. We brush aside our hurts, our pains, and do not take the time to feel them, grieving for what it is we have lost, giving importance to our feelings. They are not wrong, they are just what is. Once we can experience them, acknowledge them, we can heal from them, and gain the higher benefit from the experience. I think, too, that once we share what we are feeling, it makes us more human to others. We can all relate and connect at that place of hurt, as we have all experienced it. It is a part of living, a part of being human.

We can watch ourselves, as we go through our days, giving acknowledgment to others, remembering to offer it to ourselves, our feelings, our thoughts. We can remember to acknowledge ourselves when paid a compliment, also. So often, perhaps, embarrassed, or not feeling worthy, we brush it off. Does that not negate the other person’s thoughts and feelings, showing them disrespect? Does that not belittle our strengths and who we are? Just some thoughts on quotes about life…

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: awareness, Carolyn CJ Jones, despair, fear, Gate Lady Publishing, grief, inspirational quotes about life, inspirational sayings, joy, love, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Sorrow, worthlessness

How Does Compassion Lead to Forgiveness

April 7, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones 6 Comments

How does compassion lead to forgiveness, you might wonder. Compassion is defined by Webster as sorrow felt for another’s suffering or troubles, coupled with an urge to help in some way, deep sympathy. They also say pity, yet, I believe we don’t have to pity another in order to have compassion For me, it manifests as very soft and tender thoughts for another, often coupled with a deep knowingness of or wanting to understand one’s troubles so I can offer help of some sort.

Compassion leads to forgiveness when we recognize how we have done the very thing for which we are angry at or hurt by another. This powerful realization happened to me. I was doing a self-appraisal of all my relationships, and I recognizd I used to get drunk and yell at my partner at the time how worthless they were, that they wouldn’t amount to anything.

I was horrified to remember this! I didn’t mean those things I said. I was feeling badly about myself, which is what prompted the words in the first place. Then I realized they were the very words that were told to me as a child. I began to wonder if the person who uttered them to me also felt badly about himself at the time he yelled those words.

I felt compassion for myself, for the deep-seated feelings of worthlessness that led me to say these wounding words. Suddenly, I saw the man who said those words to me, as a suffering human being, hurting like I hurt, lashing out like I lashed out. I had great compassion for both of us, both wounded souls. I began to realize that I would like forgiveness in this situation, and believed that to be true for my perpetrator, as well. I softened to both of us, and brought forth all the compassion I could muster. I understood why the words were said. They had nothing to do with me or my worth. Years of hurt and pain were washed away, as my compassion gave way to forgiveness.

So tell me, how does compassion lead to forgiveness in your life? Does it? Can it if you look with compassion?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, compassion, forgiveness, inventory, living sober, Opening the Gates of the Heart, self-appraisal, self-inventory, Sober Living, sobriety, worthless, worthlessness

Do You Have Trouble Accepting What Is?

November 2, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Path of Acceptance

Accepting what is… do you resist it, fight against it? I did for most of my life. It’s only been in sobriety, and years of it, that I have learned to accept life on life’s terms. And I now accept things peacefully, without angst. My energy is then free to take any action I need to take.

There is a different quality between accepting what is and resigning one’s self to a situation. The latter has the makings of despair, hopelessness, and powerlessness. It is fraught with emotion, while the former allows peace of mind to prevail. It allows one to do some soul-searching, determining one’s part in an affair.

When we accept what is, we are opening ourselves up to grace. We are opening ourselves up to change, perhaps. It can be exciting, bringing opportunity that wouldn’t exist otherwise. When we accept something exactly the way it is, it gives us the power to look at any action that may be needed and it allows us presence of mind to take that action.

We demonstrate trust and faith as we realize things are just as they are intended to be at any given moment. This brings us peace. Only when we accept what is does the way become clear to make change. And, it is less tiring when we accept.

Does acceptance mean we like something? No, not necessarily. We can be vehemently opposed to something, yet, we recognize it as being “what is” in the moment. Then we can work with it.

In what ways do you resist accepting “what is” in your life?

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Author statement: It is my intent in bringing you this blog, to acquaint you with the topics in my book. I present them in the blog in the same order in which they appear in the book. The sequence of topics reflects my own healing journey in sobriety, from deep despair and feeling worthless, to joy and peace. I hope you find in these pages that which you seek.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, Gate Lady, grace, living sober, Opening the Gates of the Heart, peace of mind, sober, sobriety, worthless, worthlessness

What To Do In The Face of Despair

June 22, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 6 Comments

Face of Despair

Can anyone hear my wail? Can I hear myself?

The utter hopelessness about everything in one’s life. To be without hope that an expected result will occur. Not even seeing a glimmer… To be despondent. It is an awful feeling, that of despair, one which blocks the sunlight of Spirit.

How does one get there to begin with? Perhaps, there are underlying feelings of worthlessness, shame. One cannot see any point in living; death seems preferable to continuing. That’s the type of despair I’m talking about.

What do you do in the face of despair? How can you deal with it? Recognizing it is the first step. Then, as difficult as it is, allow yourself to feel that emotion, to be with it. Drinking over it numbs the pain and delays the inevitable – that of looking at what is behind it. Is it a low self-worth? Have you been shamed in your life and, thus, feel lots of shame?

Counseling to assist with feelings of despair can be very useful, if one has a counselor familiar with these emotions and how to deal with them. Talking to a trusted friend, relative, or clergyman could be quite beneficial, as long as they are not the type to give advice and try to “fix” you. A person in despair doesn’t need fixing. They need a way to heal from the issues that brought up the despair in the first place. That is why trying to identify what has led to the despair is important.

Perhaps there is underlying depression or other brain chemistry issues that need to be treated medically, with medication. Again, a reputable and savvy therapist can refer to a physician for evaluation.

Many times, one deals with these feelings by drinking, numbing them. This only delays inner work that must be done. In sobriety, one will find the courage to look at these feelings. Shopping and over-eating are also distractions and an avoidance of looking at the despair, and although a welcomed relief, these are simply other avoidance tactics. Distract yourself and then come back to look at the feeling.

If one does a self-inventory or appraisal, one may discover what is beneath the despair. Looking inside for the clues can be very fruitful. Once underlying issues are identified, one can turn to Spirit and ask for help with these beliefs about one’s self, one’s conditions, and/or talk to a therapist, trusted friend or clergyman.

Finding one thing in your life for which you can be grateful is another step you can take. This is extremely difficult, but when done, allows you to focus on something positive. Then, it becomes easier to find others things for which to be grateful. This attitude helps dispel the despair.

But the key lies in willingness to look at the feeling and the feelings and beliefs behind the despair. To honestly look at oneself and be with what one finds… that is the beginning of what to do in the face of despair.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, courage, despair, gratitude, honestty, shame, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, worthless, worthlessness

Understanding Fear

June 5, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 6 Comments

Webs of Fear

“I have spent a lifetime spinning webs of terror and shame between the spires that stand as sentinels to my heart.”

Fear. That emotion, that sense which warns us of danger, keeps us alert and in a fight or flight mode, when necessary. But fear can also be detrimental, can hold us back when moving ahead is in our best interest. In these situations, courage can be difficult to call forth, but it can be summoned to walk past the fear one is experiencing.

Fear can be paralyzing, keeping us from moving forward, from reaching our dreams, or even taking the first steps to reach our dream. Fear appears as concern that we will not be liked, that we are not good enough, that what we are doing is wrong. These fears often stem from low feeling of self-worth and feelings of being “less than.” As we strengthen our feelings of esteem and worthiness, these fears lessen.

False Evidence Appearing Real. Often, it is the anticipation of an upcoming event which takes us to fear. We imagine every negative thing that could occur, until soon, we have taken ourselves to great fear, sometimes to feelings of of impending doom. In these situations, we would do well to stop ourselves from imagining how an event will turn out and instead, open ourselves to the possibilities that can occur. This requires an attitude of openness, of willingness to see things in a new light, without anticipation. It requires that one be open to any outcome. One would do well to look within, rather than without, at that up-coming event, to locate any sources of unrest, of fear.

Understanding fear when it arises is useful, so one can choose how to handle it… Is it false evidence appearing real, or a truly dangerous situation? If we identify it is related to a low self-esteem, we can work on our beliefs and feelings about ourselves. If it arises out of the desire to follow a dream, one can summon courage and take the action anyway. Once we do this a few times, fear begins to recede. It becomes easier to call upon courage and to walk through the fear that arises.

To all of you new to my blog, allow me to acquaint you. We are blogging through my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, topic by topic as they appear in the book. We are starting over today; we are at the beginning of the book. Join me as we travel the path from fear to hope to peace. Is that what you look for in your life? Peace?

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Self Improvement Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, despair, hope, peace, shame, worthlessness

Living With Serenity

May 27, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Balance of Serenity

I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am held in balance with great beauty and strength.

Serenity. That feeling of calmness, even amid storms. It is a prevailing attitude, one which overshadows and, thus, contributes to all other attitudes that follow. For me, it comes when I am in alignment with the powers of the Universe, that which is greater than myself. It is a realization that all is well, that I am being provided and cared for.

I got to serenity through the experiences and changes I’ve discussed in this blog. You have traveled through the book with me and read of the trials and tribulations associated with getting to this point.

Perhaps you related as we moved from worthlessness, sorrow, and despair, through awareness to self-appraisal. Past forgiveness and on to principles such as compassion, tolerance, and gratitude until we have reached a point of joy and serenity. What a journey it has been.

As we finish the book, it is time to start over and I am putting out a “request for proposals.” When I go through the book again, is there any specific tack you would like me to take? My thought was to share about each topic in a general way, not relating to my own experiences. I welcome your thoughts. Please share them.

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: awareness, Carolyn CJ Jones, Carolyn Jones, compassion, despair, gratitude, joy, self-appraisal, serenity, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, tolerance, worthlessness

Living With Joy in Your Life

May 24, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 5 Comments

Burst of Joy

“I pick up the thread, however fragile, of finding inner peace. As I do this, it leads to furthering my self-knowledge, my journey to peace of mind and freedom of heart.

I never thought this could happen. My heart bursts with joy!”

A burst of joy. That is how joy comes upon me… suddenly, without warning. I experience it when I see an older couple holding hands, or watching an elder and a young person learning from each other. Joy hits me in public, as I watch a parent bestow patient and kind discipline on a child. It finds me when someone tells me of an accomplishment for which they have strived. Rainbows and nature bring me joy, that deep feeling of great pleasure. It is the simple things that bring me joy.

This is all relatively new for me and started occurring after a few years of sobriety. I lived most of my life not experiencing joy. I was too wounded, too busy looking for things about which to be critical and judgmental. Too busy pitying myself.

I didn’t realize I was making a choice to see things critically or negatively instead of positively, but I did. I chose to look at the negative. Now, I look for the positive that an event holds. There most always is a positive somewhere and that is what I seek. Often, finding the positive can lead me to joy.

This doesn’t mean I ignore the negative; I don’t. I look that squarely in the face, conduct a self-appraisal to see how I am contributing to a situation, and adjust my behavior or thoughts according to what I find. I ask for help from those around me, as well as from a power greater than myself. I take action as needed, even if that is merely a conscious change of attitude. Using this method, I have been able to move past my fear, past feelings of worthlessness and sorrow, past despair.

I have been graced with the gift to see the pleasure, the joy, in many situations, using the method I have described. It works for me. How do you find joy? What brings you joy?

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, despair, fear, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, worthlessness

How to Access the Possibilities of Life

May 12, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 1 Comment

Realm of Possibilities

“If I climb the steps, anything is possible. Anything.”

This gate caught my attention because it was flung open as far as it could go. The stairs welcomed me, beckoned me to climb amidst the intricate and pleasing stone work. I marveled at the retaining ability of the wall. I wondered what was at the top of the stairs, wondered what I would find if I climbed…

Interesting how, for me, this gate and those thoughts relate to life. The Universe welcomes me to join in and participate. There are pleasing sights everywhere I look. There are amazing examples of engineering and artwork, merged in purpose and design.

I wonder what is going to happen in my life… this summer, next week, tomorrow, this afternoon. I cannot see where the path will lead, and still, I am asked to trust. Isn’t that a lot like life?

Once I trust, once I become committed to the journey, committed to really observing what is around me, I see that the possibilities for action are endless. Whether it’s a change in attitude, a belief about myself or another, or taking action to further a goal, I find the day is filled with steps of action. If I climb those steps, I reach the horizon and all that the world has to offer. There is a realm of possibilities. Anything can happen. Anything. We never know. It may not happen today, but it may happen.

All I need to do is take action and leave the results up to the Universe. Sounds easy but at times it’s not. Taking action, for me, involves looking at myself and my actions/behaviors with honesty, choosing to be open-minded, open-hearted, and practicing willingness. It takes adding humility to the mix, as well as kindness and compassion for others AND for myself.

I must be willing to take these steps if I want to experience all that the Universe has to offer. I have learned how to do that in my healing journey, in my sobriety. I have discovered that when I do, there is a wide world of possibilities that exists. I wish for you to experience that in your life, also.

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, compassion, despair, honesty, humility, kindness, living sober, open-mindedness, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness, worthlessness

An Attitude of Gratitude

May 7, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Visions of Gratitude

“When seen with eyes and heart that appreciate, everything around and within me becomes more pleasing, more beautiful.”

How can such a thing which is second nature to me today have been something with which I struggled in the past? I resented people who spoke of gratitude, being grateful for this or that in their lives. Then, I felt guilty and ashamed because I could not get to that place myself.

I was still hurting too much from past experiences, their betrayals. I carried great fear to speak up about my feelings. I could barely acknowledge them to myself, they were so painful. I needed to go through a grieving process, to deal with my sorrow, my worthlessness, before I could get to a place of healing.

Over time, this is exactly what I was led through… a healing process. The creation of the book helped me through my growth and change, and my growth and change led to the creation of the book. The order of the images and their titles reflect my process of healing and my process in sobriety.

Today, I am able to look at events as opportunities to learn and grow and I am grateful for those experiences. I am grateful for the ability and grace to feel gratitude. It is an attitude that, for me, has become pervasive. It floods and colors everything I do. It brings me peace and joy, softens and opens my heart.

Do I sound like Pollyanna? lol Most likely. I used to have a Pollyanna doll. I got it for Christmas one year because I loved the movie with Haley Mills. So what’s so bad about sounding like Pollyanna, as long as I give acknowledgment to my emotions that arise from events and situations?

In other words, as long as I don’t gloss over the difficult parts of a situation, pretend they don’t exist, go on cheerily without dealing with them, I am able to get to gratitude with honesty.

Gratitude finds me now, if I am humble, as well as open and willing to receive it. It has been a process of healing over many years. It is joyfully peaceful when I realize I am feeling grateful about something. How about you? Do you experience gratitude often?

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being grateful, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, feeling worthless, honesty, living sober, open-mindedness, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, Willingness, worthlessness

Choosing to Look at the World With Wonder

May 2, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Moments of Wonder

“A beam of light falls upon the metal. I look with awe and wonder at the star that appears… out of nowhere.

Do you suppose there has always been such richness, such wonder, such beauty in the world? Perhaps it has been there all along, waiting to be noticed, to be seen with the eyes of the heart.”

I find that when I choose to look with wonder at the world, I see amazing and wondrous things around me. When I choose to slow down, to stop and look right next to me, beauty is there, just waiting patiently to be seen.

I find it in my physical surroundings… the moss by my feet, with its delicate shoots. It doesn’t have to be as spectacular as the rainbow in the distant sky; I see wonder in the simple things… the spider in his intricately woven web, the bloom of a rose.

I find it in the people around me… the child in the grocery cart in front of me in line, excitedly discovering the world around him, the elderly couple walking hand-in-hand, the woman quietly at rest, watching the sunset.

Wonder is everywhere, if I choose to look, if I choose to see. For me, it is a choice I learned once I became sober. It didn’t happen overnight. I had to get past my fears that I was unsafe in the world, past the feelings of worthlessness enough to be interested in the world around me. I had to learn to get out of myself, to let go of operating from that place of self-centered fear.

It took conducting a self-appraisal, looking at myself with honesty, identifying how unconscious I was to the world and its gifts, identifying how inside of myself I stayed, not venturing out to open myself to others.. not fully anyway.

Once I became willing to slow down and really look with my heart at those around me, my surroundings, I began to see it all with such wonder, such awe. It’s the simple things that I find I notice now, that touch my heart, bring a smile to my face, a tear of joy to my eye. It is that joy which keeps me returning to the choice to see with the eyes of my heart… to see with wonder.

What are the things in your life which bring you to wonder and awe?

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: awe, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, honesty, joy, self-appraisal, Sober Living, sobriety, worthlessness

Self Improvement Through Self Acceptance

March 4, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Acceptance of Self

“Have we really changed throughout the years, or do we merely hold within our heart and mind and soul the essence of who we are, while our physical form changes?

Can we recapture the delightful being we have always been, as we allow and celebrate our strengths, our flaws and our spirit?”

I saw this gate and immediately saw a little being with his arms in the air, celebrating his personhood. It made we wonder if people celebrated themselves… Behind celebration, perhaps, comes acceptance. We accept ourselves before we can celebrate who we are.

If you are like me and have a lot of negative self-talk, it is difficult to find self-acceptance. That, at least, has been my experience. Today, I am able to accept who I am. Even with my human failings, I am able to smile at myself with compassion. How did this come to be?

Once sober, I did a self-appraisal, an inventory, if you will. On it, I listed all of my negative traits.I listed my fears, my grievances and sorrows about my behaviors and myself. Someone had to remind me to include the positive points about myself. I found that quite difficult, but I followed their advice.

It took me years to believe the positive things I had written about myself, really believe them with my heart. It also took years to stop talking down to myself about my failings. It was a process that evolved over time, one in which I struggled to be honest with myself about who I am. I was ashamed about my foibles and my humanness; I felt it conceited to think well of myself.

I’m not sure what changed over the years that has led me to accept who I am, to celebrate my being. I do know I have continued to pray to the powers that be to remove my negative self-image. In response, I seem to have been guided to develop compassion for myself. This has led me to accept who I am without shame. It has also allowed me to like many things about myself without feeling I am being conceited by doing so. In fact, I find it necessary to have a good foundation of love of self before I can truly love others.

We come to acceptance of self perhaps over time, depending upon one’s wounds. With time and some sprinkling of compassion and gentleness, we can find that delightful being we have always been.

How do you find acceptance for yourself? Is that something that has come naturally for you, or do you struggle with it?

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, Carolyn Jones, compassion, fear, Gentleness, living sosber, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, worthlessness

Inner Strength and Spirituality

February 23, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 6 Comments

Pillar of Strength

“Perhaps, rather than thinking I must make my morals, truth and integrity match another’s, I can determine what resonates with my own heart. When it does, I have the strength of a pillar.”

This is the verse from the book for this image. As I write it, I am struck with the part about making my morals and truth match another’s. I have struggled with this throughout my lifetime.

I learned it was necessary to determine what someone wanted of me, who they wanted me to be, and then to be that person, to give them what they wanted. Consequently, I became something other than myself in many ways. I became a people pleaser and would do so, even at cost to myself. Especially at cost to myself.

This thought process has died a slow death. Only in the past couple of years, have I begun to figure out exactly who I am, what I believe in, what my truth is. It has happened as my spirituality has grown. I noticed one day recently that I am being a person with my own truth, integrity and morals. It is wonderful to have realized that… very freeing. How did it happen? How does it continue to happen?

I don’t know for sure. I do know it has happened because I maintained my sobriety. All I seem to do is to show up for my life every day, doing the next thing that is in front of me to do, taking action when indicated. I have been blessed with courage to walk through my fear, especially to be who I am. I have found it helped, and helps, to ask for help from a power greater than myself, whatever that is called.

It has been a process that has occurred over time. It has happened as my awareness has deepened as I become more able to “hear” my heart. It has been a journey through the gates about which I am blogging. What has resonated with your heart? I welcome your comments.

I would like to address the people who found my site yesterday by googling about worthlessness. If you have come back, I would like to offer these words. Take heart, continue on your journey with all the courage you can muster. It is possible to move past feelings of worthlessness, at least, that has been my experience. Go step-by-step, day-by-day. Know that what you have learned about who you are is not your truth, does not serve your higher good. I wish you well in your search and I am hopeful the gates will be of use as you continue your process of healing.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, gates, integrity, living sober, morals, self-truth, Sober Living, sobriety, spiritual journey, spirituality, worthlessness

Birth of Awareness – From The Inside Out

November 17, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

“Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” Carl Jung

I love this quote by Carl Jung. It describes my experience very well. I spent most of my life dreaming. I would add to dreaming the blaming of people, places and things for where I was in life, for what was happening to me.

I then drank to numb the feelings that cropped up, such as anger, resentment, disappointment, fear, to name a few. After a while, drinking only intensified the feelings. I was miserable a lot of the time. Don’t forget, however, that I put on my “all’s right with the world” face. Even I was unaware of the extent to which I grieved.

In sobriety, I have been able to awaken to a different way. I have learned to take responsibility for my life, including my feelings. I now look for my feelings, own them, examine them and my part in things. I usually find it unnecessary to blame other persons or situations for what is happening in my life.

At first, I thought if I looked that closely at myself, I would find nothing but an empty shell of who I once was. All I could see were my negative traits. When I started to look at my positive ones, I began to like the person I saw. That took several years into sobriety, however, as my awakening has been slow to occur.

And what I have awakened to is a tremendous freedom. I have freed my heart soul from all that negative energy. For that, I am so grateful, as I often experience peace and joy, two things I didn’t know I could experience.

Not only have I developed that habit of keeping track of my inner world, I have learned to be aware of my outer world, as well. The flower in bloom, the hills on the horizon… all the scenery around me, both far and near.

Yet, perhaps the most rewarding thing from my inner search and awakening is my desire to see others. I strive to be more sensitive to who others are, more aware of their needs, their dreams and hopes. I try to see more with the eyes of compassion than I have ever known to do before. Keeping a continual scan of my inner world allows me to be more open to my outside world and the people in it. I cannot describe how peaceful and joyful that is.

In what ways have you awakened in your life? Has it been a slow dawning of your inner world or sudden? I would enjoy and welcome your comments. Thank you.

Join me fort the next post as the journey continues…

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, Gate Lady, living sober, Sober Living, sobriety, worthlessness

Birth of Awareness – Discovering the Divine

November 12, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 5 Comments

Before moving on to awareness, I’d like to share what Michael J had to say about surrender… “Surrendering the ego is one of the biggest steps I took. I generally have to take it every day, right after seeking from within my love for the Beloved Self, forgiveness of the Self, and the best way to serve that Divine inside through daily acts of love outside.”

I thought this was beautiful and I wanted to share it with you. Thank you, Michael, for this most useful and thought-evoking point. I had forgotten about surrender of the ego, yet, it is an important part of the letting go process, getting out of my own way.

Moving on to today’s topic, birth of awareness, I’d like to start with my awareness of the Divine, to which Michael referred.

In the image, that little leaf you see in the opening of the gate is me, making the decision to walk through the gates of awareness. After experiencing fear, worthlessness, sorrow and despair, and after letting go of my pretenses that all was fine with me, I was led to develop awareness. There was no where else to go…

This happened for me several months before I got sober. Someone gave me the book “Conversations With God,” by Neale Donald Walsh, which I promptly ignored for several weeks. Eventually, however, I did read the book and became enthralled.

I came away from my reading with a sense that nothing that happens in the world is an accident, that God is constantly presenting opportunities and messages to us through the experiences we have, as well as through other people, songs, books, etc, etc. As I opened up my awareness to these things, I noticed them more and more and it became an ever-widening circle.

As time went on, I struggled with the God-concept, or the powers of the Universe, whatever you wish to call a higher power. But my awareness continued to grow and I could not argue the point that some force was at play in my life. I was led to books by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, author of “The Invitation” and Iyanla Van Zant, author of “Until Today” and received great solace in times of struggle. My belief continued to grow…

Please join me in my next post, when I will talk about developing inner and outer awareness.

Meanwhile, I welcome your comments about how you discovered the Divine in your life. Did you struggle? Did you always believe or did your awareness dawn slowly…

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, despair, fear, Gate Lady, living sober, Sober Living, sobriety, surrender, worthlessness

Surrender of Pretense – Part Two

November 10, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Today I would like to continue the discussion about my surrender of pretense. In the last post, I spoke of the ways in which I used to hide behind my gates, and sometimes still do. In today’s post, I will talk about the incident that led me to my major surrender, what that felt like then and what surrender feels like today.

It was an unrequited love for which I had left my marriage that led me to my knees. I was positive with all my heart that the guy returned the feelings and when I found out in a most humiliating way that he did not, I was devastated. Suddenly, I found myself alone and I was terrified.

All I could do for the next three months was to drink and cry. I was not able to function, to care for myself. I experienced acute sorrow, despair, worthlessness and fear. Eventually, I gave up in utter defeat and despair. I had failed to manage my life.

Interestingly, once I gave up and stopped trying to handle life myself, things started to get better. It was like I opened the gate for the good forces of the Universe to enter. People showed up who helped me and gave me love and support. I was able to make the decision to quit drinking and, at my friend’s suggestion, we joined a support group.

Even in sobriety, however, to surrender felt like defeat, utter despair. It was not until about two years ago, when I was placed on medication, that my inner world changed when I was led to surrender.

First of all, I consciously practiced giving up, letting go of events and the direction in which they were going. I quit trying to manage people and situations.

Secondly, the more I did this consciously, the more it began to happen and the more I noticed the ease in which I was able to let go.

Today, I continually return to that conscious place of letting go of things. I purposefully turn things over to the Universe and let scenarios play out as they will. Sometimes, letting go is a struggle and I do not achieve it. Sometimes, I am able to notice that I have been graced with the ability to let go, to detach. Each time I do this, it becomes easier the next time, and then the next.

When I surrender now, I feel peace and joy. I am usually pleasantly surprised at the outcome of a situation, as it is better than what I had planned or had imagined.

How do you surrender in your life? What does surrender look like for you? I welcome your comments.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, Carolyn Jones Photographs, carolyncjjones, despair, fear, Gate Lady, gates, gates of the heart, living sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, surrender, surrendering to feelings, worthlessness

Feeling Worthless – 4 Steps to Moving On

October 22, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

I was going to move on from the topic of feeling worthless, and then got an email comment from a friend. He raised a valid point, which I would like to share with you.

First, however, I’d like to explain to those of you who are new to my blog what I am doing. I am walking through my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart, topic by topic, as each appears in the book. There are forty-two topics or titles for the images. All together, they tell a story - that of my personal journey through the gates of despair to joy and peace.

Each title/topic deals with a common human emotion, a principle of living or a way to treat others and myself.

I have preceded the title/topic discussions with six posts about how the book was birthed. It’s quite an amazing story and will lend new awareness to the story as it unfolds.

The point which was brought to my attention was that the gate, Corner of Worthlessness, is down the street from the Gate of Denied Approval. He went on to say that when we did not receive approval or unconditional love, it is difficult to dispel those feelings of worthlessness which arise from that lack.

Even though some of us, as adults, have wrestled with those feelings, and resolved them, they tend to arise occasionally to haunt us. He felt I seemed to have licked this problem. And, to a large degree, I have.

I used to have huge self-worth problems, however, which is why it appears in my book as one of my emotions. Some days, I slide into that morass. Usually these days, though, I don’t feel worthless. How is that, you may ask? I went through a process whereby:

I first identify that I am feeling worthless. (It has taken years to learn that that is what I am feeling…)
I talk to someone about these feelings; I let them out instead of bottling them up.
I ask the Powers That Be, the Universe, to take these feelings from me.
And, I remain willing for this to happen.

These days, that happens; I am freed from the feelings of low self-worth. It took a long time for this to happen, however, as first my esteem had to strengthen, as did my confidence. Perhaps it happened like that so my continued feelings could be of use to someone else. I don’t know.

So, on to the next topic with the next post. Meanwhile, you can view the photos in Opening the Gates of the Heart here.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, despair, esteem, feeling worthless, Gate Lady, gates of the heart. esteem, hopelessness, worthless, worthlessness

Feeling Worthless? Pass That Corner Of Worthlessness

October 20, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 7 Comments

Have you had times in your life when you felt worthless? No? Then you are lucky, as many people feel this at least once in their lives. I did, and here is my experience of it.

“I try and try to climb up to the light of my being, yet, I cannot scale the wall of my worthlessness. So, I collapse, again, in the shadows… a heap of broken debris in the corner.”

This is the quote from my book Opening the Gates of the Heart. When I wrote this in my journal, I was at the height of my feelings of worthlessness. (Remember, I described in the Birth of the Book portion of this blog how I wrote the prose in my journal before I took this picture, “Corner of Worthlessness”.)

I felt hopeless and was depressed. I felt there was absolutely nothing redeeming about me… no good qualities. I felt like everything I did was wrong somehow, that I was a failure in every thing I tried. I was a mess emotionally.

How did I go from those feelings to rarely feeling worthless today? First of all, I had quit drinking, as this only further depressed me. Second, I sought out a private therapist who was well-versed in the areas with which I needed to heal and started seeing her.

Third, I listened to a friend, who suggested I get medical attention for my depression. To do this, I got a referral from my primary care physician and went to the local mental health center. I saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with major depression and who prescribed medication.

I allowed myself to take the medication the doctor prescribed and quickly noticed an effect from it. When I say I “allowed myself”, I mean that I allowed myself to believe it wasn’t “weak” to take medication, allowed myself to realize that the medication just brought me to a level playing field – to a starting place where non-depressed people were. I allowed myself to see depression as a disease in which my brain chemistry was not normal and which was in need of medication.

Over time, the therapy and medication regime have worked for me. I have been able to build my esteem and confidence and, thus, my feelings of worth.

Currently, I strive to see every person as worthy of respect and love, including myself, and this, in combination with my counseling and medication, has helped me to walk past the corner and through the gate of my worthlessness.

Are you feeling worthless? Can you walk through your gate of worthlessness? Do you need help to do this? Please, reach out. There is help.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: worthless, worthlessness

How to Get Past Feeling Worthless

Worthlessness – What Caused It and How I Overcame It

Is Living Worthwhile?

One Day at a Time in Sobriety

Overcome Despair with Sobriety

Overcome Worthlessness with Grief Recovery

Overcoming Worthlessness

Overcoming Feelings of Worthlessness

Combatting Feelings of Worthlessness, No Value

Combatting Worthlessness and Feelings You Have No Value

Getting Past Feelings of Worthlessness

Shed Worthlessness and Share Your Dream with the World

Getting Past Feelings of Worthlessness

Feelings of Worthlessness

Inspirational Quotes About Life and Hope

How to Do a Performance Appraisal of Yourself

Overcoming Feelings of Worthlessness

Inspirational Sayings About Love

How Does Compassion Lead to Forgiveness

Do You Have Trouble Accepting What Is?

What To Do In The Face of Despair

Understanding Fear

Living With Serenity

Living With Joy in Your Life

How to Access the Possibilities of Life

An Attitude of Gratitude

Choosing to Look at the World With Wonder

Self Improvement Through Self Acceptance

Inner Strength and Spirituality

Birth of Awareness – From The Inside Out

Birth of Awareness – Discovering the Divine

Surrender of Pretense – Part Two

Feeling Worthless – 4 Steps to Moving On

Feeling Worthless? Pass That Corner Of Worthlessness

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