How to Get Past Feeling Worthless

May 7, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Good morning! Many blessings to you each, and many thank you’s to those of you who continued to visit my site, even during my lull in posting. There were four queries for getting past feeling worthless, and today, that is what I will address.

There is nothing quite like feeling worthless to bring about despair. Perhaps you were told you were worthless; perhaps you came to that conclusion after trying things and “failing” at them. The result is the same… you feel like nothing is worth it, you aren’t worth it. Well, I can understand these feelings as I have been there, and I am here to tell you, there is hope.

First of all, I’d like to address you if you feel you have “failed,” and that is what is leading to your feeling worthless. Consider believing that there are no failures, only attempts to try something. You didn’t fail at something; your attempts merely were unsuccessful to reach the goal you were trying to reach.

The thing which is wonderful about looking at it like that is you can try again, and again and again, until you reach your goal. And each time you try and don’t reach that goal, you know what didn’t work and what not to do in the future. Many people try things, don’t get the result they were looking for, and then their thoughts go from, “I failed,” to “I am a failure and therefore, am worthless.”

Is that you? If it is, I invite you to redefine your view of failure as I defined above.

To address the issue of feeling worthless and how to get past it, let me say that the greatest elixir for that is discovering how you can be useful to another person or animal. For me, it was realizing my abusive past had been of use to another person because he could relate to me, he knew I had suffered as he was suffering, and a bond was created. So when I told him of ways in which I had started to heal from my past, he listened.

Had I not dealt with what I did, had I never had the experience, I never would have had to go through the steps and actions to heal that ended up helping another person. There is nothing quite like feeling that what you do or say is of use to another.

To get past feeling worthless, I invite you to muster up your strength, and determine how you can be of use, be of service to someone, sharing with them a way to do something, or a way for them to get past their pain. Opportunities to do this abound out there, as so many people are feeling worthless. I am inviting you to step beyond that to something greater. Will you take the step to healing?

 

Share
Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain Tagged With: , ,

Is Living Worthwhile?

December 21, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I was taken aback by this search term this morning, and want to address it. The question searched for was “Is Living Worthless,” and I changed it to “worthwhile,” as it is easier to address for me. The an answer is, no, living is not worthless, and yes, living is worthwhile.

How do you discover your worth when you feel worthless? First, let’s define worthless a little bit. It creeps up on you when you feel there is no use in continuing, when you feel your life has no purpose, no worth to anyone. It is a feeling that accompanies hopelessness, and leaves you exhausted, depressed. So, how do you get out of this feeling?

It is helpful to find someone for whom you can be useful, even if you are just two steps ahead of them in the healing journey. That help comes in the form of you telling your story to someone in need and relaying how you got past your own feelings of worthlessness, focusing only on what you have gained, and not on the distance you have yet to go. You want to give from one to three points of things the person can do to work through those feelings.

For example, it might have worked, or be working, for you to journal. If this is the case, tell the person who is feeling worthless that they can journal and feel better. Recommend they write with their non-dominant hand, as all sorts of deep feelings will come out and they can get to the core faster than if they write with their dominant hand. This has been tested and found to be true and I found it to be true in the writing of the majority of verses in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.

Taking a brisk walk or engaging in some other form of exercise may have been, or is being, helpful to you. Therapy may have been helpful also, as has been, perhaps, any group’s support meetings. And, there is always prayer, asking for the willingness and strength to get through your feelings of worthlessness.

Remember, you are taking the strife you have experienced in your life, turning it positive, and then relaying what you did, to someone who is feeling worthless. You are trying to be of service to another. There is nothing quite like realizing you have been of use to a person who is hurting, that helps you get out of the feeling of being worthless, nothing quite like discovering the purpose of your life. For, you see, helping another is your purpose in life. It just depends upon HOW you are intended to help them.

Once you talk to another who is struggling, one who is in great emotional pain, you will feel that life is worth living. You will see the purpose of your life to be that of being of service. This will feel wonderful and it will change your thoughts about yourself when you think about being of service to another.

This does not mean that you forget about your own personal pain. No, you keep it off to the side while you’re helping the other person; you put it on hold. But you do not want to negate it or sweep it under the rug, because the pain will just show up in a different way in your life. At its best, your personal pain ignored will keep you stuck, unable to move forward.

When you are not helping another, and are considering your own feelings of worthlessness, try to write about these feelings and why you feel worthless. Get in writing all the old stories, the old injustices, that have led you to this point of not feeling worthwhile. Allow yourself to feel the feelings and look them squarely in the eye. Recognize the hurt, humiliation, and shame that are beneath the worthlessness. As you focus on these feelings, they will soon float away, replaced by other thoughts.

Look at the ways in which you can take action to fix or right things that are wrong in your life, or that are not the way you want them to be. Follow through with these actions, or you will feel like a failure. Start with just a few, or even one, manageable actions to begin with and grow from there if you’d like. But, be responsible and do your part to get to a place of feeling worthwhile.

Do you feel worthless? Do you think you can be of service to another so you begin to feel more worthwhile? Write down the answers to these questions, using your non-dominat hand. List out people you know that are struggling emotionally, and think how what you have learned or experienced could be of use to that person. Resolve to tell them your story and you will be spreading hope.

 

Share
Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: , , ,

One Day at a Time in Sobriety

November 17, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Good morning and welcome to this rainy day, if you are in the San Francisco area… It is the rainy season here in the Bay Area, and I am not fond of the rainy weather. Oh dear, we are just at the beginning of the season. How will I make it through? I will make it through one day at a time, just like my sobriety. I accumulated 12 years one day at a time.

It is our tendency to want change to happen to ourselves and our situation right now, but that is not how things work in sobriety, or in life. Things evolve, they happen slowly when it comes to changing ourselves. My sponsor once told me everything in my life was going to shit because God was breaking me down to nothingness so He could rebuild me in all my glory, all my worthiness.

So, all the old messages and beliefs that I was worthless needed to be dispelled. I needed to learn to see myself with eyes of love, and the only way to do that was to strip me of all the old messages that I was no good. I was brought back to the past for the purpose of healing from it so I could move forward in the present. The only way to do that was one day at a time.

Then, each day was broken down into one action after another, a day of doing the next indicated thing, and then the next, and the next, and so forth, until the day had passed. It was difficult to get through some days, and sometimes, all I could do was take a nap or go to bed, even at 6 pm, for example.

If you are contemplating sobriety, or are in the middle of sobriety, you can adopt the philosophy of taking it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. By doing this, you allow yourself to see your past, the old messages of worthlessness, and you can begin to build upon the ashes that have become your life. Emotional pain may be needed for a time, and that will disappear as you replace it with good feelings about yourself, as your situation improves, one day at a time.

My suggestion to you is to start taking it one day at a time, doing the next indicated thing to do throughout that day, until the day is over and you can start over again the next day. Make plans only so they can move you forward, but let go of the outcome and be flexible with your plans, wants, and desires. Try not to live in the past or the future, but squarely in the present day.

So, tell me, how are you doing with living one day at a time in sobriety? Leave a comment and let us know how you do that and how it works for you in your sobriety.

 

Share
Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Overcome Despair with Sobriety

November 13, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Good morning. I haven’t done the rest of my grief work yet, so do not have the rest of the process to report on this morning. I will have it tomorrow. Meanwhile, let’s talk about the benefits of sobriety, for with sobriety, it is possible to overcome despair and feelings of worthlessness.

When I was in my drinking days, it was easy to keep being in despair and worthlessness because the drink fueled those feelings, kept me in self-pity and blaming others. Then when I started in sobriety, the fuel for that fire was gone. Suddenly, I had to look at the actual feelings behind my despair, my worthlessness. I had to feel the hurt at a very deep level. I had to be responsible for my own feelings… and it was difficult.

Yet, by keeping my sobriety intact, I was able to ease my way through the feelings. My sobriety allowed me to discover a place inside where I wanted to give to others. And when I wanted to give to others, I found my purpose in life. When I found my purpose in life, the despair left me. It was only by staying sober that I became able to get outside of myself and really care about another, really care about being of service to them. It’s actually a glorious place to be.

But if you are in despair or feeling worthless, you cannot imagine that place, I know. At least, I never would have been able to imagine that place. Trust me when I say that it may be obtained. It is possible. So, let me tell you how I got there and maybe you, then, can get there yourself.

My despair dissipated when I told my story to someone and it was useful to him. Recognizing that, I came to the realization that by telling my story and how I recovered from a horrible upbringing, horrible anger and bitterness, horrible grief, it might be useful to others so that they, too, could get through and past their horrible experiences, their resentments, their despair.

It took being in a state of sobriety, where I was “clear” enough to recognize this. It took being in sobriety to be able to get beyond myself so I could consider another, could be of service. I did this by being willing to be open to what came to me, by being willing to maintain and practice my sobriety.

How about you? How can you take what you have learned in sobriety and be useful to another with that information? How can you be of service from that deep place of knowingness that we discussed yesterday… that place of great worthiness. All you have to be is two steps ahead of the person to whom you are being of service.

Move forward in your day with awareness. Be conscious of the ways in which you can be of service to another. Look for how your story, your experiences and the healing you’ve done-to-date could be useful to another. Remember… you only need to be two steps ahead. Then make the decision to be of service, to be of use and take action. May you discover your purpose as a result of this process, and may you replace your despair with hope, with feelings of goodness.

Share
Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Overcoming Worthlessness

November 10, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Good morning. There were four search terms for worthlessness and no value, so will address this issue. However, I am out of time today, and not able to write. I was locked out of my wordpress account until just a minute ago, and now I have to get ready to leave for a workshop I am attending on how to be a more dynamic speaker. I’m excited for the day!

I wish you well for the day, and for those of you feeling worthlessness and of no value, I offer you kindness and love, and the words that you can feel worth it, and we’re going to talk about that tomorrow. Please hang in there.

Share
Filed Under: Difficult emotions Tagged With: , , ,

Overcoming Feelings of Worthlessness

October 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Good morning. Please forgive my silence for the past three days. The days got away from me while planning and preparing for my workshop that is today. I hope you have enjoyed looking at the images and reading the verses… There were three searches for worthlessness yesterday, and I will address that today.

How did you learn or come to believe that you are worthless? In my case, I was told I was worthless and would never amount to anything every other day or so while growing up, and I got to adulthood feeling a great deal of worthlessness. It has been a lifetime of trying to overcome that, and on most days, I am successful.

How about you? You must be stuck in the feeling of worthlessness if you are searching for that term. Webster defines worthless as without value or merit. It is pretty devastating to believe you have no value, no merit. And the thing is, it is false. The truth is, you ARE worthy, you are of value and merit, simply because you are a human being alive on this earth, with experiences and wisdom to share with others.

Worth is further defined as that quality of a person that lends importance, value, merit, etc., and that is measurable by the esteem in which the person is held. Worth implies an intrinsic excellence; intrinsic means located within, not dependent on external circumstances. Worth is inherent… which means existing in someone as a natural and inseparable quality or characteristic. It is inborn.

So you see, just by definition, you are valuable and of worth, and can begin to shake off your feelings of worthlessness. Yet, it still needs to resonate with your heart that you are valuable, worthwhile. And therein lies the difficulty. Until you feel in your heart that you are worthy, that you have merit, then life is difficult and you are left feeling worthless.

What I have to offer as wisdom is what has worked for me to dispel, to hold off, my feelings of worthlessness. It is something I do in present day when I have feelings of worthlessness. The first thing to do is to practice being aware of when you are feeling worthless. For example, when I believe I have failed at something, the feeling of worthlessness accompanies that feeling of failure.

The problem could be that you don’t know when you are experiencing worthlessness. For me, I know I can slip to that space of worthlessness when I am feeling defeated, feeling that I goofed somehow, that I blew it. My thoughts don’t stop with those thoughts; instead, they continue twirling downward until I have decided that I have no value as a person, that what I offer is not wanted by others, that I suck as a person.

It is at that point that I need to stop and realize I have gone to that space. Actually, I need to catch myself before I get to that place. To do that, I recognize that my trigger to feeling worthless is a feeling that I blew it. When I feel that, I start talking to myself, building myself up, telling myself I am still a good and valuable person, telling myself I have experiences worthy of being shared with others.

So, I consciously go into the “build myself up” mode. That helps to hold off the feelings of worthlessness. Then I try to write about my feelings of failure, getting at what is behind them, and always, always, building myself and my abilities, my inherent values, up, always touting them. I don’t do it to brag or to admire myself. Rather, I do it to keep myself from sliding down the worthlessness hole. It works to keep me from going there.

You, too, can start monitoring your thoughts, starting with being conscious and aware of what triggers you to go to that space of worthlessness. Think of it as an adventure to solve the problem, to find the trigger(s). Once you do, stay aware of your behavior and your internal thoughts and feelings. When you reach your trigger point, start talking positive to yourself in an effort to prevent a slip into worthlessness. When you have tried this, leave a comment and let us know how that worked for you.

 

Share
Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: , , , , ,

Combatting Feelings of Worthlessness, No Value

October 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Good morning. I wanted to pick up where we left off yesterday… after the point of worthlessness, at that place where you are feeling in your deepest recesses that you have done or said some good things – even just one. I hope you did the exercise from yesterday and come armed with the results, the feeling of personal goodness in at least one area.

Take that feeling into the next part of the process, which is seeing the wounds that have led to the feelings that you have no value, the wounds that reinforce your worthlessness. What you want to do here is to start writing about the earliest time you can remember when you were criticized or denigrated. Remember who said or did what… write it down and take a deep breath…

Allow yourself to feel those feelings, just noticing the emotional charge they have for you. Then, decide to look at things from a different viewpoint, with new eyes. Become willing to choose to believe that what was told to you was a lie, told by a wounded person themself. Feel that all the way to your toes… that what they said was wrong. Replace the language that was used against you then, and now replace it with a positive statement about yourself.

It bears repeating here that what was told to you was a lie, incorrect information, based on someone else’s woundedness. It may take some time to incorporate that into your heart, for when you take that belief into your heart, you have years of blaming that needs to fall away, years of negative self-talk to combat and reverse.

This is no easy task, but then, what you are currently dealing with is not easy either. And, no doubt you feel miserable about yourself… that’s why you’re reading this. If you stick with it and commit to sticking with it through all that comes up, you will reap the most awesome beliefs and feelings about yourself on the other side.

You will feel more alive than you have felt for some time. That aliveness is self-perpetuating and cumulative, and it only firms up your new belief that you are good at that one thing, just that one thing… It becomes easier to believe in your light, your goodness, as you go through this process.

What do you wish to be in your heart? Whom do you wish to be? Look at that dream, that desire, and envision yourself living it. What is your “wow?” What does that look like for you? How does it feel? Write your answers…

You are now headed on the course of discovering what makes you shine. It is a discovery of your “wow,” of your light in the world. Follow this process again and again to clear out old messages and beliefs. Be gentle with yourself, and don’t beat yourself up. Allow those gremlins to stay away. When you meet resistance, write about it, even if it is only to simply notice its presence. After you have had a chance to get to your deeper self, let me know what that was like for you by leaving a comment. I wish for you many blessings on your journey.

Oh, and one last thing. I forgot to mention numbing-out during this process. If you stay straight, you go through the process more quickly than if you numb out. You get to the other side more quickly when you’re sober. I invite you to practice sobriety during this process of healing.

And finally, I will be going to my nephew’s wedding in Tampa over the weekend, leaving at 3:30 am tomorrow, so I most likely will not blog tomorrow. I definitely won’t be blogging Saturday or Sunday either, cause I’m not taking my computer. Wow! A true vacation!! Enjoy the weekend and see you on Monday.

 

Share
Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Combatting Worthlessness and Feelings You Have No Value

October 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I was taken aback by a search term… “I have no value.” My heart went out to the person who wrote this, in a state of worthlessness. Oh, it would be easy for me to say, yes, you do have value! But unless you believe that in your heart and soul about yourself, it is to no avail. I wish for you who believe you have no value, a turn-around in beliefs about yourself…

Two other search terms had to do with hopelessness. So, I want to write about feeling no value, and the worthlessness and hopelessness that those feelings generate.

I spent the majority of my life feeling I had no value, in a state of worthlessness. As a result, I felt a great deal of hopelessness A large part had to do with the fact that I was told by a parent every day that I was worthless… well, maybe every-other-day. The effect it had on me has been lasting, and I continue to struggle with it, even today… somedays.

My solution to stop the horror I felt over my worthlessness, having no value, was to drink… heavily… I started at age 22 and continued until age 48, at which time I got sober. Sobriety has been with me for close to twelve years and it has changed the way I see myself. Today, I see my value, my worth. It was a struggle to get to that point, so I understand you may be going through the same thing now. Take a deep breath…

When you are feeling worthless and of no value in the world, each day is an extreme effort… an effort to get up, to get dressed and to eat. Each activity becomes a dreaded chore. It is a challenge to live each day. There is no point in living, existing in this space of worthlessness and no value. If you are like I was, you are afraid to commit suicide and so you are praying to God to let you die. Deep breath….

What changed that around for me in about the fifth or sixth year of sobriety was finding my purpose in life. I had the opportunity to help someone out who was suffering emotionally. I did that by sharing my own story and how I had healed partially from my difficulties. The information I gave to the man was useful for him and he was grateful, so much so he almost started crying.

From that experience, I felt I had something to offer someone and I felt grand about being able to help him out… I felt a purpose by telling my story of physical, verbal, and emotional trauma early in life, and how I healed from the effects of it, how my sobriety helped that endeavor. You see, people are interested in you and your story when it involves something they can use in their life to make themselves feel better.

If you think about another… their difficulties, their struggles… and truly reach out to help, maybe by sharing what you have been through and how you came out the other side, you feel better about yourself and you begin to realize your value, for you and your story are of use to others and that gives you value. Just by being a human on the earth, you have value. Your lessons learned are of value to others. Take a deep breath…

To get out of myself, I had to first have a sense of who I was, what I felt about myself, so I identified my feelings of despair, anger, hurt and decided I wanted something different in my life or I WOULD die! So I looked at all the good things I had done with and in my life, and there were many that I’d kind of brushed aside, so I stopped and really considered them.

Like, I was a nurse and provided genuine, caring services to my patients for 22 years. No, I did not do direct patient care much of that time, and yes, I had an impact on the quality of people’s lives. I identified and felt my caring and compassionate nature and I gave myself credit for those things. I began to feel I may have some redeemable character traits.

The bottom line is, do some honest soul-searching, a deep look at yourself, and identify one thing about yourself that you do well. Revel in it and amaze yourself over that ability. Just be with it for a day or so… Take a deep breath…

Then go on to the next thing that amazes you about yourself. If you have to use what another has said about you to find something positive, then do that. The point is to see yourself in a positive light and to really look closely and gently at that. With great compassion for the little child that feels so badly about herself, himself. Smile for that child… give them some hope…

Continue the above exercise until you are seeing evidence of your value, your worth in the world. Let that settle into your heart. Just sit with that for days and days… Then move onto the next part, which I will talk about tomorrow….

Share
Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Shed Worthlessness and Share Your Dream with the World

April 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Cornet of Worthlessness

Good morning. Today, we will continue through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. The next topic we come to is worthlessness.

Now that we have identified and acknowledged our fear, we can begin to look at other feelings that are keeping us from following our dream.

Perhaps, somewhere in our past lies the secret to any feelings of worthlessness we may hold. Perhaps, at one point, we were told by another that we were useless, that we had no value. Or, we have deduced that on our own.

If you were told you were worthless, let me just say, it was a lie. It is possible that whomever told you that was actually feeling it about themselves. They were feeling worthless themselves, and in their pain, lashed out in agony and frustration, spouting it to you.

The fact is, we each have importance and merit, simply because we exist on this planet. We each have value. Let me say that another way. You have value.

Everything about you has value because everything about you helps others in some way or another. When you are on top of your game and in a positive space, being of use to others, you are helping them to grow their sense of worth and value. That is being of service.

Even when you are being negative and/or hurtful to others, it can be a learning experience for the other person. They can look at your behavior as an example of how they do not wish to be in the world. This can act as a motivator to some, as they then strive to act in kindness and love to others.

There are those, however, who, when exposed to negative behavior from others, begin to believe they are useless and worthless. If that describes you, use even this as a learning experience. Look at yourself and ponder what is leading you to that conclusion. Ferret out what it is that you believe about yourself that makes you feel that worthlessness.

Then try this exercise. Think of one thing that you love to do, the one thing that makes your heart sing when you are doing it. You may or may not do it well, but time may slip away when you do it.

Consider that this one thing is your gift, something you were gifted, something you were intended to have or to be like in order to share with the world. This is your light that Spirit intends for you to gift to others, simply by doing it or being a certain way. 

Now, wear humbly that thing which you love to do, your gift, and go be of service to another. Shed your feelings of worthlessness and stop playing small. Instead, play big, as there is someone out there waiting to receive your gift. They are waiting to receive you in all of your glory and goodness.

The choice is yours. Playing big is the way to peace and playing small will keep you in misery. Which way do you choose? 

 

Share
Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Feelings of Worthlessness

December 21, 2011 by 9 Comments

We move through the book to the second topic – feelings of worthlessness. Webster defines it as to be without worth or merit, useless, of no value.

To have worth, it is your quality that lends importance, value, and merit. It is measured by the esteem in which you are held by others.

Corner of Worthlessness

Corner of Worthlessness

Feeling worthless is not a comfortable place to be. When I used to feel that way, I felt like a pile of rubbish in a corner… a heap of debris.

Why do we feel worthless? It comes from being told so or shown we are not valued. In my case, I was repeatedly told I was not worth anything, so I began to believe that.

Perhaps the actions of someone in your life translate to you that you are not valued, have no merit. As much as is possible, do not let their actions get you down.

It is hard to get past feelings of worthlessness, yet, it is possible. One way is to do esteem-able acts. Do something nice for someone else. Not only do they appreciate it, but you will feel self-worth for your actions. Keep doing that, over and over. 

Reflect on how you came to feel worthless in the first place. If it was because of being told that, then consider the source and what they were experiencing.

For example, I realized that I did the very same thing to my boy friends that was done to me. I used to get drunk and scream at them that they were worthless. When I remembered that in sobriety, I was horrified! I realized I was saying it because I felt that way about myself.

Hmmm. Perhaps the person that told me I was worthless said that to me because they actually felt it about themselves. That was the corner I turned to start to come out of feeling worthless. Still, though, it is one thing to wrap your mind around a “cure” and another to get your heart and soul in alignment with what your mind is telling you.

What really cinched it for me was the discovery of my purpose in life, or what I consider to be my purpose. Once I figured that out, I felt worthwhile, I felt I had something of value  to give others, and my feelings of worthlessness dissipated. Very occasionally, I go to that place when things are discouraging for me, yet I don’t stay long in that space because I remind myself of my purpose and why I’m here.

I hope that you, too, can conquer these feelings of worthlessness. Maybe the examples of how I recovered from feelings of worthlessness will help you.

It is not necessary to feel them and the fact is, we are each valuable and worthy in our own way. Believe that for it is a Truth. Each of us has a unique gift to give the world. It is just a matter of finding it. I wish you well.

Share
Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Overcoming Feelings of Worthlessness

November 3, 2011 by Leave a Comment

As we move along in the book, we come to the second topic, that of feelings of worthlessness. These first four topics are accountings of the difficult and challenging spaces in which I lived, prior to moving forward in my journey.

The Feeling of Being Worthless

Corner of Worthlessness

I have learned, and feel quite certain, that it is necessary for me to acknowledge and feel those difficult emotions. It allows me to then grieve them, and to move forward in my heart. Such is the case with my feelings of worthlessness.

Many people do not feel this emotion, which always amazes me, for much of my life I felt worthless. I thought it was something everyone experienced. I believe it stemmed from the many messages I received that translated to my worthlessness, not being worth anything.

I say “stemmed” because I no longer feel worthless. But, as the verse that accompanies this photo says, I felt like “a heap of broken debris in the corner.”

How did I overcome those feelings? First, I got sober and began to feel my emotions acutely. That was very painful and difficult, but I stuck through it anyway, anxiously awaiting the day I would feel better.

Second, I thought about the messages I had received and from whom I had received them. Not to be judgmental, but I realized that that person was emotionally and spiritually sick themselves, and I asked to be shown the way to be useful to them. This led me to compassion, which then led to forgiveness.

So, I had to honestly consider all the ways in which I was told or shown that I was worthless, and objectively consider their truth. What I realized was, the messages were an assault to my Being, not true at all.

Even with that knowledge, however, I still had the feelings of worthlessness. Over and over again for quite a while, I told myself that what I’d been told were lies, not the truth, that they were the words of a sick individual.

For me, it took time and continual awareness of those feelings of worthlessness cropping up. With the awareness, came the consciousness of their falsehood, their slight against my Being. I reminded myself again and again that is not who I am, that worthless does not describe who I am.

I began to write in my journal about my worth, with my left, non-dominant hand, and all sorts of things poured forth in support of my worth. I kept reminding myself of these points when I slipped back into feelings of worthlessness.

Then, one day, I just stopped feeling worthless. I began to feel I was worth something, shyly at first, but worth something. That feeling has grown slowly and hesitantly over the past few months, until one day, I could say aloud, Carolyn, you are a person of great worth! What a freeing realization that has been for me!

So, I say to all of you who have feelings of worthlessness that you are actually a Being of great worth and value. You may not feel convinced, yet, over time, perhaps you can discover that it is so. If you’ve healed from feelings of worthlessness, what worked for you? Please share it so it can be useful to others.

Share
Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Sober Living Tagged With: , , ,

How Does Compassion Lead to Forgiveness

April 7, 2011 by 6 Comments

How does compassion lead to forgiveness, you might wonder. Compassion is defined by Webster as sorrow felt for another’s suffering or troubles, coupled with an urge to help in some way, deep sympathy. They also say pity, yet, I believe we don’t have to pity another in order to have compassion For me, it manifests as very soft and tender thoughts for another, often coupled with a deep knowingness of or wanting to understand one’s troubles so I can offer help of some sort.

Compassion leads to forgiveness when we recognize how we have done the very thing for which we are angry at or hurt by another. This powerful realization happened to me. I was doing a self-appraisal of all my relationships, and I recognizd I used to get drunk and yell at my partner at the time how worthless they were, that they wouldn’t amount to anything.

I was horrified to remember this! I didn’t mean those things I said. I was feeling badly about myself, which is what prompted the words in the first place. Then I realized they were the very words that were told to me as a child. I began to wonder if the person who uttered them to me also felt badly about himself at the time he yelled those words.

I felt compassion for myself, for the deep-seated feelings of worthlessness that led me to say these wounding words. Suddenly, I saw the man who said those words to me, as a suffering human being, hurting like I hurt, lashing out like I lashed out. I had great compassion for both of us, both wounded souls. I began to realize that I would like forgiveness in this situation, and believed that to be true for my perpetrator, as well. I softened  to both of us, and brought forth all the compassion I could muster. I understood why the words were said. They had nothing to do with me or my worth. Years of hurt and pain were washed away, as my compassion gave way to forgiveness.

So tell me, how does compassion lead to forgiveness in your life? Does it? Can it if you look with compassion?

 

 

Share
Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Do You Have Trouble Accepting What Is?

November 2, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Path of Acceptance

Accepting what is… do you resist it, fight against it? I did for most of my life. It’s only been in sobriety, and years of it, that I have learned to accept life on life’s terms. And I now accept things peacefully, without angst. My energy is then free to take any action I need to take.

There is a different quality between accepting what is and resigning one’s self to a situation. The latter has the makings of despair, hopelessness, and powerlessness. It is fraught with emotion, while the former allows peace of mind to prevail. It allows one to do some soul-searching, determining one’s part in an affair.

When we accept what is, we are opening ourselves up to grace. We are opening ourselves up to change, perhaps. It can be exciting, bringing opportunity that wouldn’t exist otherwise. When we accept something exactly the way it is, it gives us the power to look at any action that may be needed and it allows us presence of mind to take that action.

We demonstrate trust and faith as we realize things are just as they are intended to be at any given moment. This brings us peace. Only when we accept what is does the way become clear to make change. And, it is less tiring when we accept.

Does acceptance mean we like something? No, not necessarily. We can be vehemently opposed to something, yet, we recognize it as being “what is” in the moment. Then we can work with it.

In what ways do you resist accepting “what is” in your life?

**********

Author statement: It is my intent in bringing you this blog, to acquaint you with the topics in my book. I present them in the blog in the same order in which they appear in the book. The sequence of topics reflects my own healing journey in sobriety, from deep despair and feeling worthless, to joy and peace. I hope you find in these pages that which you seek.

Share
Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

What To Do In The Face of Despair

June 22, 2010 by 6 Comments

Face of Despair

Can anyone hear my wail? Can I hear myself?

The utter hopelessness about everything in one’s life. To be without hope that an expected result will occur. Not even seeing a glimmer… To be despondent. It is an awful feeling, that of despair, one which blocks the sunlight of Spirit.

How does one get there to begin with? Perhaps, there are underlying feelings of worthlessness, shame. One cannot see any point in living; death seems preferable to continuing. That’s the type of despair I’m talking about.

What do you do in the face of despair? How can you deal with it? Recognizing it is the first step. Then, as difficult as it is, allow yourself to feel that emotion, to be with it. Drinking over it numbs the pain and delays the inevitable – that of looking at what is behind it. Is it a low self-worth? Have you been shamed in your life and, thus, feel lots of shame?

Counseling to assist with feelings of despair can be very useful, if one has a counselor familiar with these emotions and how to deal with them. Talking to a trusted friend, relative, or clergyman could be quite beneficial, as long as they are not the type to give advice and try to “fix” you. A person in despair doesn’t need fixing. They need a way to heal from the issues that brought up the despair in the first place. That is why trying to identify what has led to the despair is important.

Perhaps there is underlying depression or other brain chemistry issues that need to be treated medically, with medication. Again, a reputable and savvy therapist can refer to a physician for evaluation.

Many times, one deals with these feelings by drinking, numbing them. This only delays inner work that must be done. In sobriety, one will find the courage to look at these feelings. Shopping and over-eating are also distractions and an avoidance of looking at the despair, and although a welcomed relief, these are simply other avoidance tactics. Distract yourself and then come back to look at the feeling.

If one does a self-inventory or appraisal, one may discover what is beneath the despair. Looking inside for the clues can be very fruitful. Once underlying issues are identified, one can turn to Spirit and ask for help with these beliefs about one’s self, one’s conditions, and/or talk to a therapist, trusted friend or clergyman.

Finding one thing in your life for which you can be grateful is another step you can take. This is extremely difficult, but when done, allows you to focus on something positive. Then, it becomes easier to find others things for which to be grateful. This attitude helps dispel the despair.

But the key lies in willingness to look at the feeling and the feelings and beliefs behind the despair.  To honestly look at oneself and be with what one finds… that is the beginning of what to do in the face of despair.

Share
Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

How to Manage Feeling Worthless

June 10, 2010 by 8 Comments

Corner of Worthlessness

I try and try to climb to the light of my being, yet, I cannot scale the wall of my worthlessness. So I collapse, again, in the shadows…

a heap of broken debris in the corner.

Feeling worthless. One of low self-esteem, loss of self-respect. The feeling that no one appreciates your efforts, that you do not matter to anyone, or to very few. Nothing you do is good enough, so why bother? Just writing about it brings an energy-draining feeling.

From there, feeling worthless often leads to self-pity, which can generate shame for having those feelings. Many numb these feelings with the use of drugs, alcohol, shopping, eating… In the most drastic cases, these feelings lead to suicidal thoughts and, sometimes, actions.

Where does it originate? Some say it stems from the early, formative years, if one repeatedly hears they are defective, not good enough. Yet, one can develop feelings of worthlessness if in a bad relationship, for example, where one endures continual put-downs, degradations. The words heard become adopted as our own and we continue to degrade ourselves; we don’t need others.

How would one manage feeling worthless? It is said that doing esteem-able acts is a way to increase one’s self-esteem, and thus, decrease or resolve those feelings. One might also discover their calling, whereby their actions are geared toward fulfilling an identified purpose. Often, one’s purpose is useful to others, which raises one’s self-esteem and self-respect.

Counseling of some sort to resolve those underlying feelings can be very useful and yield a positive self-esteem and self-confidence, thus, minimizing feelings of worthlessness.

Doing an honest inventory of yourself and your skills can lead to the realization that what was told to you was not true, that you do have many assets and many positive attributes.

Feeling worthless is so damaging to our spirit. It leads us to dangerous places in our mind and heart. The degrading things we were told or that we tell ourselves is not who we are. We are all delightful beings, each with specific skills and strengths. Learn those about yourself. Above all, be gentle with yourself as you heal.

Share
Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Self Improvement Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Face of Despair – Five Ways To Dispel It

November 1, 2009 by 4 Comments

Face of Despair“Can anyone hear my wail? Can I hear myself?”

This is the prose that accompanies the image  Face of Despair in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart. Welcome, as we journey through the book. You may like to discover the magic of the book by reading about its birth.

“To be without hope, to lose or give up hope,” is how Webster defines despair. I found this to be true every time I came to despair. I did not come willingly…

For me, despair was like falling off a cliff. It was a hard and difficult landing. I’d be walking along, functioning well and bam! I’d walk right off into the morass of despair – total and utter hopelessness. I was convinced I no longer wanted to live and prayed for my life to end because I could not stand it any longer. I became suicidal a couple of times. I became unable to function, listless. All I could while there was wail, literally.

Each and every time I went there and then recovered, I was bewildered about how I got there in the first place, about how suddenly it occurred, about how I just fell off the cliff.

What was my despair trying to tell me? I thought it was that life was worthless, that I was worthless. There was no use in continuing. Liquor intensified these feelings; once sober, I no longer had my numbing agent and so felt this emotion acutely. It was agonizing. Little did I know when it started just how rocky my journey would become before it got better.

I have not fallen into despair for almost two years now. I believe there are five reasons for that.

  1. First and, perhaps, most importantly, a medication was prescribed in addition to my anti-depressive. This has had a major impact on my ability to stay free from despair.
  2. I had a revelation. One day, I helped a man immensely, just by telling my story. I realized in a flash that perhaps my experiences in life and how I’ve dealt with them could be of use to another. So, I tell my story.
  3. I took certain steps and did a lot of work on my issues of worthlessness.
  4. I continued therapy to help me identify my feelings so I could learn how to think differently about myself.
  5. I read a lot of self-help books about my issues, such as low self-worth.

These five things have made a huge impact on my despair. Today, I do not experience it. I find life beautiful and very worthwhile to be living. I look forward to each day, wondering what the day will hold in the way of experiences as my journey continues. It is a peaceful and joyful place to be and I am so very grateful for that.

Do you struggle with despair? How have you dealt with it?

Share
Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Feeling Worthless – 4 Steps to Moving On

October 22, 2009 by 3 Comments

I was going to move on from the topic of feeling worthless, and then got an email comment from a friend. He raised a valid point, which I would like to share with you.

First, however, I’d like to explain to those of you who are new to my blog what I am doing. I am walking through my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart, topic by topic, as each appears in the book. There are forty-two topics or titles for the images. All together, they tell a story  - that of my personal journey through the gates of despair to joy and peace.

Each title/topic deals with a common human emotion, a principle of living or a way to treat others and myself.

I have preceded the title/topic discussions with six posts about how the book was birthed. It’s quite an amazing story and will lend new awareness to the story as it unfolds.

The point which was brought to my attention was that the gate, Corner of Worthlessness, is down the street from the Gate of Denied Approval. He went on to say that when we did not receive approval or unconditional love, it is difficult to dispel those feelings of worthlessness which arise from that lack.

Even though some of us, as adults, have wrestled with those feelings, and resolved them, they tend to arise occasionally to haunt us. He felt I seemed to have licked this problem. And, to a large degree, I have.

I used to have huge self-worth problems, however, which is why it appears in my book as one of my emotions. Some days, I slide into that morass. Usually these days, though, I don’t feel worthless. How is that, you may ask? I went through a process whereby:

  1. I first identify that I am feeling worthless. (It has taken years to learn that that is what I am feeling…)
  2. I talk to someone about these feelings; I let them out instead of bottling them up.
  3. I ask the Powers That Be, the Universe, to take these feelings from me.
  4. And, I remain willing for this to happen.

These days, that happens; I am freed from the feelings of low self-worth. It took a long time for this to happen, however, as first my esteem had to strengthen, as did my confidence. Perhaps it happened like that so my continued feelings could be of use to someone else. I don’t know.

So, on to the next topic with the next post. Meanwhile, you can view the photos in Opening the Gates of the Heart here.

Share
Filed Under: Difficult emotions Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Feeling Worthless? Pass That Corner Of Worthlessness

October 20, 2009 by 7 Comments

Corner of WorthlessnessHave you had times in your life when you felt worthless? No? Then you are lucky, as many people feel this at least once in their lives. I did, and here is my experience of it.

“I try and try to climb up to the light of my being, yet, I cannot scale the wall of my worthlessness. So, I collapse, again, in the shadows… a heap of broken debris in the corner.”

This is the quote from my book Opening the Gates of the Heart. When I wrote this in my journal, I was at the height of my feelings of worthlessness. (Remember, I described in the Birth of the Book portion of this blog how I wrote the prose in my journal before I took this picture, “Corner of Worthlessness”.)

I felt hopeless and was depressed. I felt there was absolutely nothing redeeming about me… no good qualities. I felt like everything I did was wrong somehow, that I was a failure in every thing I tried. I was a mess emotionally.

How did I go from those feelings to rarely feeling worthless today? First of all, I had quit drinking, as this only further depressed me. Second, I sought out a private therapist who was well-versed in the areas with which I needed to heal and started seeing her.

Third, I listened to a friend, who suggested I get medical attention for my depression. To do this, I got a referral from my primary care physician and went to the local mental health center. I saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with major depression and who prescribed medication.

I allowed myself to take the medication the doctor prescribed and quickly noticed an effect from it. When I say I “allowed myself”, I mean that I allowed myself to believe it wasn’t “weak” to  take medication, allowed myself to realize that the medication just brought me to a level playing field – to a starting place where non-depressed people were. I allowed myself to see depression as a disease in which my brain chemistry was not normal and which was in need of medication.

Over time, the therapy and medication regime have worked for me. I have been able to build my esteem and confidence and, thus, my feelings of worth.

Currently, I strive to see every person as worthy of respect and love, including myself, and this, in combination with my counseling and medication, has helped me to walk past the corner and through the gate of my worthlessness.

Are you feeling worthless? Can you walk through your gate of worthlessness? Do you need help to do this? Please, reach out. There is help.

Share
Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: ,