Willingness • Creating Peace Through Forgiveness

Feelings of Giving Up

April 17, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning and happy day to each of you! I am compelled to speak to the person who expressed “feelings of giving up.” I remember being in that state where all I could do was pray to die because I was experiencing feelings of giving up. It was s such a place of despair that I want to speak to the person who searched for it.

The reason I am so much wanting to speak to them is because I want to relay there is hope. It gets better – it really does. In fact, there are things you can do which will make it get better, which can get you out of the place where you have feelings of giving up.

One thing you can do is begin to identify the one thing that lights you up. This could be the simple beauty of a flower, or seeing a child laugh. I blogged yesterday about this, so read yesterday’s blog. Find just one small thing that can make you smile in spite of yourself and your feelings of giving up. Focus on it and bring your thoughts back to it when you begin to have feelings of giving up.

The next thing you can do is become willing to look at things from a whole new angle, with new eyes. Resolve to have this willingness. If you can’t seem to become willing, ask the Universe for the willingness to be willing to have willingness. Just keep saying, Universe, please help me be willing to have willingness.

Next, think of how you can help another. Set aside your feelings of giving up for a brief time, and do something nice for someone else. Help an elderly person in some way, or a homeless person. Set aside your feelings of giving up while you’re helping them and you’ll begin to feel better.

Now consider what the lesson is that you are being taught, for our darkest hours can be our greatest teachers if we allow them to be.

Give these suggestions a try and see if you do no begin to get through your feelings of giving up. I hope you are feeling less like giving up and more like you have value to others in the world.

If you would like help to get to a place of feeling better about things, I coach people to get past the feelings of giving up. Simply call me to schedule a free 30 minute discovery call. On that call we will discuss what it is you want from your life and how o go about getting it. Call 415-883-8325.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain Tagged With: being willing, despair, feelings of giving up, help, hopelessness, willing, Willingness

7 – Day Forgiveness Challenge

April 6, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning, all, and welcome to another day on my blog. : ) I have given it some thought, and have decided to hold a forgiveness challenge for the next 7 days. The goal of the challenge is to get to the point of being able to forgive one person in your life.

Together, you and I will walk through the steps that will allow you to forgive that one person with whom you have a gripe, a grudge, and with whom you are just plain angry. The end result is that you will experience freedom and peace-of-mind.

Let’s start. The first thing I ask is that you get a dedicated journal to write in every day, one that you can print in with your “other” hand, your non-dominant hand. This is important to try as a technique because it has been shown that writing with the non-dominat hand brings forth your subconscious thoughts. That will become important as you go through this process.

Today, I ask that you get prepared to be willing to look at forgiveness as an option in your life. In order to do that, it is necessary to understand what forgiveness is not.

Forgiveness does not mean you condone what was done to you. It does not mean you are letting another’s behavior off the hook. You are not saying what occurred is okay.

“Be” with those thoughts. Allow them to permeate your being. Breathe deeply and slowly as you contemplate these thoughts. Then, explore your willingness to let go and get to a place of forgiveness. Write about your reaction to these statements, your gut feelings about them.

Write about your level of willingness. If you find you are resistant, not willing to consider forgiveness, write about that in your journal. Don’t hold back; be honest. If you think I’m full of crap, write that. If you feel you cannot go to that place, jot that down. Simply write down whatever comes up for you as it relates to your willingness to consider forgiveness as an option in your life, a way to obtain peace in your heart.

That is your task for Day 1 of this forgiveness challenge. Stay tuned for 6 more days to unfold.

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: being willing, forgiveness, how to forgive, Willingness

Honesty, Openness, and Willingness

March 28, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Well, good morning to each of you! I wish you all a wonderful day filled with light and joy. May you have peace. This morning I was able to get into my stats and I see three searches for honesty, openness, and willingness, so will speak about these today.

Honesty, openness, and willingness are the basis of all spiritual walks and the cornerstones of all recovery programs… the hallmarks, if you will. When you practice these three things, all sorts of other things fall into place for you. But what do they mean? Let’s take a look…

Welds of Honesty

Honesty, openness, and willingness are all in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. Let’s start by looking at honesty. Certainly, you want to practice being honest by not lying, stealing, cheating, etc., but this refers to much more.

Being honest also refers to your ability to see yourself as you truly are, with both your positive and your negative points, your strengths and your weaknesses, the things you do well and the things you messed up, the ways you were unkind, for example.

Many of you have not even heard of the concept of doing a self-appraisal and keeping a watch on yourself and your behavior. When performed on a regular basis, it is very powerful.

Being honest about who you are, even with all of your faults, is what is meant by being honest. Allowing others to see your soft and vulnerable side is being honest.

When you are honest, your being is as solid as the welds in the picture to the left, and it forms a strong base upon which to build your true Self.

Let’s continue on in our talk about honesty, openness, and willingness by moving on to openness. This refers to how you open your mind to new things, open your heart to feel, open your heart to allow grace in.

When you go around with a closed mind, thinking you know everything, not hearing what others are telling you about things and about yourself, then you are cutting off so much that is valuable. When you close your mind to what others say about you, you shut out an outside viewpoint, something you may wish to consider in your journey to wholeness and peace.

Beware of those, however, that would put your down, verbally abuse you, and try to not let their words affect you negatively. Realize that they are striking out, perhaps, in their own fear, their own woundedness, but don’t buy into what they are saying.

Key of Willingness

Having a closed heart blocks the way to peace and joy. You may stay behind the safety of a closed gate for fear of getting your heart hurt… again, yet when you open the gates of your heart, wondrous things start to happen. You are touched in ways you perhaps never have been before. It is very freeing, and it’s the way to peace.

Now we come to willingness and I cannot say enough about this except that it is the key to everything. When you are willing, it unlocks the gates of your heart, it allows the Universe to provide for you.

All it takes is willingness the size of a keyhole, and that is enough to unlock gates. The desire to grow takes willingness, the ability to listen to what another is saying takes willingness, the on-going practice of doing a self-apraisal takes willingness.

If you struggle with being willing for change to visit you in your life, ask the Universe for the willingness to be willing to have willingness.

And there we have the cornerstones… honesty, openness, and willingness. I wish you well in your search for and practice of these three things.

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: being honest, being wiling, honesty, how to become willing, how to find peace, inner peace, openness of mind, peace, Willingness

Willingness Is the Key to Your Happiness

March 25, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Hello to you this clear and bright morning! I hope you have a good day, filled with love and joy. Today, I am going to address the search term “willingness is the key.” The term did not say “key to what,” and I added happiness, because it is true… when you have the willingness to be happy, you can find happiness.

A coach with whom I am working stresses that you come what you believe. So, if you believe you can be happy, you begin to engage in activities and thought patterns that bring you happiness.

I spent my life until about the age of 52 believing that happiness was found in other people, in my circumstances. I held others responsible for my happiness and when they didn’t produce it, I was angry at them, carried a resentment against them. And I searched all over for the right set of circumstances, the right place to live, believing that when I found the right place, the right set of circumstances, I would be happy.

About 4 years into sobriety, I realized the fallacy of these beliefs. I learned that happiness came from inside of me, that I formed my own happiness. Wow, that was revolutionary, a true aha! moment. And then I discovered that if I showed willingness to assume responsibility for my happiness, it began to be a reality.

Key of Willingness

Willingness is the key to everything, I have discovered. I had to have willingness to be responsible for my own happiness, willingness to get and stay sober so I could heal, willingness to feel my feelings, willingness to approach life with a positive attitude. Without willingness, these things could not occur.

The image to the right is from my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.” In the book, the verse that accompanies the picture is, “All it takes is willingness to unlock whatever lies inside, to turn the knob and open the gate… All it takes is a tiny opening the size of a keyhole.”

This is so true… a tiny opening in your heart, in your mind, will lead to more and more willingness. If you are willing to have just a little willingness, the Universe expands it for you.

If you are having difficulty being willing to heal, willing to get sober if that is your need, willing to hold yourself responsible for your feelings and your happiness, then ask the Universe for the willingness to be willing to have willingness. Just show a little willingness and you’ll be amazed at how you are supported in that endeavor! Here’s to your willingness!

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: beinig happy, happiness, how to be willing, how to fiind happiness, how to have willingness, key of willingness, Willingness, willingness is the key

Dealing with Despair

March 24, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Face of Despair

Good morning. I hope it is a day of brightness for each of you. Yet, judging from the search term of “dealing with despair,” which showed up three times, I suspect some of you are not feeling brightness in your lives. So today, I want to talk about a way out of despair.

See the image to the left? Can you see the little face, mouth open in a wail of despair, hands covering his eyes? It is from my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, with the verse that says, “Can you hear my wail? Can I hear myself?”

What I meant by “Can I hear myself” was that often, we do not pay attention when we are in deep pain. We ignore it by stuffing it, by becoming incredibly busy, or by numbing the feelings with substances. Is this you?

STOP! Your soul is crying out to be acknowledged, wants you to pay attention to it, wants the opportunity to heal. When you feel those feelings of despair, stop. Become willing to write in a journal or notebook what you are feeling.

When writing, I suggest you print with your non-dominant hand. This will prompt all sorts of your deepest feelings to emerge onto the page; you’ll get to the bottom of your woes more quickly and easily. Try to stay with those feelings for at least 15 minutes at a time. When you can no longer deal with them, THEN get up and be active… do the dishes, take a walk, do something productive.

Then look at and consider what you have written about your despair. Consider how you want to feel instead. Write about that in detail… what would your life look like if you were not in despair? Vision it, write about it. Now, consider if there is an action you can take right now that will move you forward to that vision of how you want your life to be.

Focus on that one thing, that one action. Keep it simple. You will have to find one action you can take. Maybe you cannot do it in the moment, but you can do it today sometime, or tomorrow. Make a to-do list and put that action step on the list. Often, when we are being of use to someone else, our despair lessens, so you might consider an action step that involves doing something good for another.

On the other hand, we often forego our needs for the needs and desires of another, so you may need to focus on your needs and desires right now. Doing good for another can come after you have met your needs.

Now, take that action. Just take it, do it – that one simple thing. Once you have done it, sit and contemplate how you feel about yourself now, having done something good for yourself. Write about it, share about it with someone you trust not to steamroll you.

I am not suggesting this is easy, for it is not. It will take willingness on your part. AND, once you do it, you will reap the rewards and you will feel less despair and more peace in your heart.

Sit down and write today… now. Then take that action step.

If what I say resonates with you, move at the speed of instruction. : ) Write again and again about your despair, focusing on your vision and taking action. Let us know in a comment if things change for you.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain Tagged With: despair, despairing, how to be willing, how to find peace, inner peace, peace, Willingness

What Does Willingness Look Like?

February 6, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning, everyone! I has dawned a bright and sunny day here in the north San Francisco Bay Area, and I hope your day is bright and sunny from the inside out. I think someone stuffed the ballot box with the search term “what does willingness look like,” (lol) and I will address that today.

Key of Willingness

I believe willingness is the key to all change, all improvement, and all feeling better about ourselves and others.

Webster defines willingness as the act of being willing, which is acting or giving readily and cheerfully, gladly or voluntarily. In my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, I say that all it takes to unlock the gates of our heart is a little opening the size of a key hole. Then the door opens wider…

When we practice willingness, we are open to whatever the Universe has to bring our way. We are open to differences in others, open to seeing new things for ourselves. It is a feeling of expansiveness, of expanding light.

Yes, willingness is a lightness of being. There is a mysterious quality about it, as we await new experiences, new feelings, “new” in all areas of our life. There is a deep knowingness when we are practicing willingness, a deep feeling that all is well. We look eagerly to what the Universe has to offer us.

When we are demonstrating willingness, others see an openness about us, experience less judgment from us. They see our lightness, our eagerness for newness. They see a person who is more at peace with themselves, with others. Yes, willingness is the key to happiness and peace.

How do you feel when you are experiencing willingness? Leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: how to be willing, willing, Willingness

The Power of Willingness

January 1, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones 2 Comments

Good morning and Happy New Year to all of you out there! I hope you all have a wonderful year in 2013! I want to start the year off by talking about willingness, but before I do, I’d like to address the person who searched for “sometimes living is worthless.”

To you who searched for that, I’d like to say, yes, sometimes it feels like living is worthless. There appears to be no hope, nothing to do that will improve the situation. That is what it was like for me anyway, when I was praying to God to let me die in 2005.

The operative word there is “feels.” It “feels” like living is worthless. The thing is, it is a feeling, and if we allow them, feelings will come and go. They pass if we just hang in there and wait for them to do so. What worked for me when I felt living was worthless, was helping someone to get through what I had gotten through in my suffering.

In other words, I was helped through that feeling by being useful to another, and I was useful to another by sharing my story with someone who was struggling with the same feelings with which I had been struggling. It worked for me to talk through these feelings in an effort to be of service to another. When I realized that by sharing how I made improvements in my life I was helpful to another, I began to feel that life WAS worth living. Perhaps you can gain something from that and your feeling that living is worthless will ease.

Key of Willingness

Let’s move on to willingness. In fact, willingness applies in the situation above, because one has to be willing to be of service to another, willing to let the feeling of worthlessness travel through.

Webster defines willingness as acting and giving readily, cheerfully, gladly… voluntarily. I found that asking the Universe for the willingness to be willing to have willingness was useful to get me to the point of having willingness. Unfortunately for my mental health, I had to be beaten down to the lowest low emotionally and with my drinking, before I was able to gain the willingness to do something about it all. I was so bad off, I became willing to do whatever it took to feel better.

Today, I define willingness as one of the major keys to use to open the gates of my heart when it is closed. In fact, I find willingness to be the key for the basis of everything I do. The power of willingness is remarkable. When I am willing, all sorts of positive things come my way. Often, problems solve themselves with my action and God’s intervention, but I have to be willing to do the work. Then, I have to be willing to allow God to work in my life.

The act of being willing opens doors that might never be opened for us. It’s like, when we show willingness, the Universe knows how to help us attain what we want and need. It opens our mind, our heart. There is great power in that.

How do you show willingness? Leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: being willing, key of willingness, willing, Willingness

How to Open Your Heart More

December 6, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

“How to open your heart more” was searched for 4 times yesterday morning, so I thought I’d address that. I apologize for no post yesterday… I started this and the day got away from me before I could develop the blog. So, here we are today, in this moment, and let me write about how to open your heart.

The first thing needed to open your heart is willingness to do so, willingness to go there. Once you are willing, the whole world opens up, and you are able to see the things around you that you couldn’t see before. You see your physical world more intently; you see others with eyes and heart of gentleness and kindness.

Once you are willing to open your heart, the next stage involves identifying the wounds you have endured during your lifetime, and the feelings that accompany these wounds. Look closely at your fear and how it holds you back in life. Look closely at grief you may be experiencing, a feeling associated with loss of any type. Allow yourself the time to look at these feelings and try to be straight while you do so. Try to just “be” with them, without numbing them out with substances or activity.

Now, feel compassion for yourself for the wounds you have received and endured. See yourself with gentleness, kindness. Do not slide into self-pity… this is not a pity party I am suggesting. More, it is an objective assessment and acknowledgment of the damage you have received. Now it’s time to start seeing the world around you with gratitude. Be grateful for the simplest things and soon that gratitude will expend to larger things in your life.

Now you are equipped to begin a self-appraisal, looking first at your positive traits, behaviors, and actions. Really praise yourself for these things. Then, look at your negative behavior, the things you do for which you are mad at others for doing, when you do the very same things yourself. For your bad behavior that was hurtful to others, take ownership of that behavior. Be responsible and accountable for it by letting go of any resentments, and apologizing, if indicated.

This tool is invaluable as one to use on an on-going basis, throughout each day. It becomes second-nature to see yourself honestly, objectively. Rather than allowing this appraisal to be a jumping-off place from which to beat yourself up, use it instead as a method of keeping yourself right-sized… not bragging or boastful, nor insecure and self-reproachful. Use a self-appraisal to locate where you are in your world, both outer and inner.

Once you learn to follow this process, you will have opened your heart so very much. There is one more tool to use to get to deep peace and freedom, and that is forgiveness. Forgiveness allows you, without condoning what was done, to put to rest your heart-burning resentment, the thing that keeps you simmering with anger just below the surface. Once you come to forgiveness, you will begin to be really free, able to open your heart even wider.

So, this is the process to go through to open your heart. How does it work for you? Do you have a different method? What works for you? Leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: compassion, fear, forgiveness, grief, how to forgive, key of willingness, loss grief, open your heart, overcome fear, Willingness

How to Open Your Heart More in Sobriety

November 25, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

“How to Open Your Heart More in Sobriety” was in the search terms four times this morning. Well, the term was really how to open our hearts more, and I changed it a little, embellished a bit to add sobriety. I like adding the angle of sobriety in, because sobriety is so often what allows you to live with your heart more open.

Often, people who have been through the hell of hitting bottom and then getting sober, find that they can open their heart more than someone who has not been through hell. It’s as if the person who got sober knows what the other side is, and is so grateful to be out of there, out of that space, that opening their heart becomes a joy.

Perhaps one of the most valuable tools to use to open our heart more is that of honesty about ourselves… our actions and words, our behaviors. When drinking, we tend to be mired deeply in ourselves, concerned about how what everyone is doing is damaging or hurting us. In reality, we are manufacturing our own misery, but most drinkers would become engaged if you said that to them.

Anyway, back to honesty. When we take a real, hard look at ourselves and see our errors, our weaknesses, our bad behavior, we realize we have done the very same things we are mad at others for. In one way or another, we have. Wow. That’s a sobering realization! And once we realize we do the same things others do, we become humble, taking ourselves off that pedestal we’ve put ourselves on, making ourselves right-sized.

There is no need for shame at this point, thinking we’re a bad person. It’s just our behavior that’s bad, and that can be changed. So, once you are honest and open your heart to yourself, you can open it to others more, seeing them with different eyes, realizing that perhaps they, too, have wounds behind their bravado, their bad behavior. When you realize this, you can see with compassion and compassion helps you in your sobriety to open your heart more and more.

I don’t think that we can get to this point of having a truly open heart unless we are in sobriety. In other words, sobriety is what allows us to open our hearts more in life, to life. When we are drinking, we are too wrapped up in ourselves and our little (and big) dramas which we have created in some way or another, that we cannot get out of ourselves enough to see the surrounding world with tenderness, with compassion. We are mired in what the other guy has done to hurt us.

I am watching this very situation occur in realtime with a friend of many years. She lives out-of-state and so, everything I get is from her point of view, or the report of other friends. I have gotten the most recent update from a friend, and the truth is somewhere in the middle, but the drinking friend is driving everyone away through her bad behaviors and actions, and then claiming everyone is deserting her.

In reality, if she looked honestly at her own behavior, her own actions, she would see this and how she is reaping the consequences of her behavior. In other words, she is creating her misery. Tragic situation I am observing from afar, as I watch lives being ruined by the actions of one who is choosing to reject sobriety.

It is with a heavy heart that I wrote about that situation because I know if she took the route of sobriety, she would be able to open her heart more to others, to herself.

At any rate, after honesty is used to help open your heart in sobriety, openness of heart and mind follows. It is crucial to be open to suggestions and new ways of thought once you get into sobriety. And, of course, willingness is the key after honesty and openness are achieved. Willingness turns the key in the lock of a closed heart. You can have all the honesty and openness you want, and until you have willingness, you cannot put your sobriety to work for you.

Once you have looked at yourself with honesty, openness, and willingness, once you have added compassion to the mix, your sobriety will be enhanced and you will be able to open your heart more.

How about you? Are you able to open your heart more now that you are sober? Leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being willing, honesty, honesty with self, living sober, open heart, open mind, Openness, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness

Willingness is the Key to Sobriety

November 19, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning. I see that I forgot to write yesterday and I apologize to those of you who visited and found no new post. I think from now on, I will take Sundays off from blogging…

Today, the search term that caught my attention was “willingness is the key.” I wanted to write about this because it IS the key to sobriety and to so much more. Willingness is the thing that can bring so much into your life, when you practice it.

Webster defines willingness as the noun of willing, which is to act readily, cheerfully, and gladly. Notice it is to “act,” so willingness takes action on your part. I have found that to be willing, I have to approach situations with a new look, with new eyes. I have to let go of my idea of how things need to go, for example, take action and see what evolves as a result.

Willingness involves being open to what can happen in your life – open to change, open to new ways of doing things. It is a softening of your resistance so you can accept in the new. In the case of sobriety, it is being open to try it, to do it, to commit to it. If you are having trouble being willing, ask the Universe for the willingness to be willing to have willingness.

Once you show just a little willingness, the door opens wide and the ability to be willing comes flowing in to you. It is not just a softening of your resistance; it is also an excitement of anticipation of what can happen. In the case of sobriety, willingness will make or break your efforts.

First, you have to be willing to even get sober, to try sobriety. That involves acting readily to let go of alcohol as your friend and companion. Next, you will need to have the willingness to approach what you find in sobriety with an open mind – open to new ideas, new ways of doing things. It means getting rid of your contempt prior to investigation. The act of willingness allows you to look with excitement at what you are doing.

Along the way, you will need the willingness to feel your feelings without numbing them out with substances or activity, just being with them. If you show the willingness for this, the Universe will help you through your feelings. You will need the willingness to take others’ suggestions, even when you don’t want to. You may need to be willing to seek professional help, for example, to get through emotions related to the past.

Yes, willingness is truly the key to getting sober and staying sober. It is the key to open the doors in so many areas of your life. How do you practice willingness? Does it come easily to you, or do you struggle with it? Leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being willing, how to find peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness, willingness is the key

Honesty, Openness, and Willingness – Keys for Sobriety

October 13, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Welds of Honesty

Honesty, Openness, and Willingness, the three things that are key for sobriety. Without these, sobriety is nearly impossible. With these, you have a chance for success.

It used to really irk me that people claimed I was not honest. After all, I did not steal from others, I report my taxes to the best of my ability and knowledge… I was an honest person. But what they were actually referring to was the way in which I presented myself to others. Was I showing to them who I really am, what I really think and feel? Or, was I taking on another’s opinions and beliefs, merely to “keep the peace?”

Hmmm. I was taking on my husband’s characteristics of impatience, self-righteousness, etc., because it kept the peace. I was not letting shine my abilities and beliefs of tolerance, respect, and love toward others. In the eyes of sobriety minded people, I was not being honest.

So, I took this new definition of honesty and began to assess my abilities in that area. Hmmm. I was not being myself, was not showing my true nature of kindness. It took me several years of healing work in sobriety before I was able to be honest with others about who I really and truly was and am. It was a beautiful awakening…

Openness of Heart

Being open, for me, refers to openness of mind as well as heart. One day, my heart just opened. It came after some time of being openminded. That open-mindedness came from a belief that everything that was being presented to me in the way of books to read, or opportunities, etc., was a gift from God. And I got that belief from reading the book Conversations With God, by Neale Donald Walsch.

Armed with the belief that gifts were being presented to me, I was able to be open to get help from others, to accept medication and EMDR, for example, for my panic disorder, major depression, and PTSD. When I was openminded toward these things, and they turned out successfully, bringing me more and more lightness, that feeling invaded my heart. I could not help but open it, too, to the blessings and gifts I was experiencing.

Wow. What a whole different way this was to look at tinges and to live. A world of difference from the bitter and angry person I had been for some 35 years, blaming my parents for my emotional difficulties. I liked it, and I continue to like it. It took an open mind and an open heart to be able to look at things differently, to be able to be responsible for my own emotions, to be able to take action on my behalf.

But there is nothing that could or would have happened had I not been willing to see things differently. That’s why I believe willingness is the key to sobriety, to a changed life. I believe willingness opens the gate to your heart. It did mine, and that was a miracle, given how angry a person I was.

Once I opened the door and allowed willingness to express my heart more authentically to play out, things began to flow more smoothly for me. I became willing, for example, to consider forgiveness for my parents. This, of course, came after a lot of healing and pre-forgiveness work, a lot of therapy. When I was in it, I could not see a way out, it was excruciating at times.

On the other side of it, I can see why events and learning situations happened as they did. I see why they, for example, were so painful, because I was clearing out years of pain and heartache. Years of shame and feelings of worthlessness. It was difficult to address my grief over the loss of trust I had in my parents, how badly that wounded me. With willingness, I became able to view things differently. It has made the entire difference in my life of sobriety.

How about you? How do you practice honesty, openness, and willingness in your life, in your sobriety? How does it manifest for you? Leave a comment and let me know.

Key of Willingness

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: honesty, honesty openness willingness, living sober, Openness, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness

Forgiveness is the Key to Your Inner Peace

September 11, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Do you live in the space of anger at others for things that happened long ago. resenting the heck out of them? Or, do you live in the realm of forgiveness, having moved through your resentment to the other side?

There is another side, you know, a side where there is freedom from the physical and emotional aspects of anger, resentment. I don’t know about you, but when I was angry for all those 36 years, I was tight as a drum in my muscles, went around with a scowl on my face a great deal of the time.

Emotionally, I was always in a turmoil, a continual thought process about how I’d been wronged by so-an-so, who had hurt me, whose fault it was. I definitely did not have inner peace. I didn’t even know such a thing existed. Peace? Being at peace in my heart, my mind? What’s THAT?

What I discovered after about 5 years of sobriety was true forgiveness and the effect of that forgiveness was that 36 years of anger and rage slowly receded. One day, I just noticed how my energy was being spent watching the world and other people around me, and that I was a witness to miracles, every day. This realization bred a great deal of joy for me.

All this was possible and had occurred, because I was willing to consider forgiveness when it looked me in the eye. It looked me in the eye when I realized I was doing to the men in my life the very same thing that had been done to me when I was a child. I used to get drunk and scream at them that they were worthless. I was heartsick and mortified when I remembered this, because I so denigrated their soul.

The thing is, I didn’t even feel that way about THEM, I was feeling worthless about ME. After realizing that, I was given the grace to feel compassion for myself, a small child being told she was worthless, and the permanent scars that these words caused in her life.

One day it dawned on me… if I didn’t feel the men in my life were worthless, instead that I was worthless and said it uncontrollably, then is it possible my father hadn’t meant it about me, but instead, about himself and was unable to keep those feelings of worthlessness inside? Suddenly, the door was opened ever-so-slightly. Through that crack, I saw a man, just a man, young at that, with lots of responsibility for a large family, under lots of stress, having endured the verbal abuse himself at the hands of his father.

I saw all of that through the crack in the door, and slowly, it crept open and compassion flowed in. Well, it actually trickled, but steadily flowed. Forgiveness came over me slowly, gently, with God’s grace and my actions and thought processes. Willingness and being open minded and open hearted helped a great deal.

Suddenly, I began to experience what I described before… the ability to observe the miracles happening all around me. I put my toe in these waters, slowly, cautiously, not sure if I was dreaming or if the feeling of freedom would be rudely yanked away. Time showed me that it was permeant and that I loved it as a space to hang out in.

You, too, can discover the willingness to consider looking at things with new eyes. That’s all it takes. Willingness to consider something and someone differently. Then it takes compassion and being willing to extend it to another. What lies through this all is peace, inner peace. And freedom. Join me tomorrow and I’ll walk you through the process of how to find forgiveness for not only others, but yourself as well.

My day would feel incomplete to me if I did not say this… May we hold a screed space for those who were directly affected by the events of 9/11, and also for those of us who stood helplessly watching… horrified. Many blessings for those brave souls who sprang into action to help.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: forgive, forgiveness, how to find forgiveness, how to find peace, how to forgive, inner peace, peace, Willingness

Find Peace – Keys to Unlock the Gates of Your Heart

September 8, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones 2 Comments

Good morning! I hope this finds you well, and on your way to creating peace in your life!

Yesterday’s search term that caught my attention was “an invitation to the opening.” Very interesting, given that we are dealing with the keys to unlock, then open, the gates of your heart. And, I invite you to join in our journey, the search for peace about which I am blogging.

The journey involves first using the keys to unlock the gates of your heart. These can be used all the time. In fact, I recommend that you DO use them all the time. It will further your ability to create peace in your life.

The first and most important key is willingness. You must be willing to take the journey, willing to look at things with new eyes. Are you willing? You can be willing at any time, all the time… willing and eager for new information. I cannot stress how far willingness will take you.

Then there’s surrender. I used to think surrender meant giving up in despair. But it means giving in, letting go, of just about everything… the need to control and manage everyone and everything, the need to control and manage your feelings, to look good to others. It means letting go of trying to control the course of your life.

This is different than taking action. You want to take action in all areas of your life, but then, after taking that action, you will want to let go of the results and let them occur naturally. If things are meant to happen, they will, without your prodding and pushing.

The next key to unlock the gates of your heart is gratitude. Gratitude turns your life to gold, everywhere you look, with everything you touch. You see, if you are grateful for the little things, the littlest of events, your life will begin to transform and you will experience peace more and more. If you have difficulty seeing the world with gratitude, practice waking up and being grateful that you woke up, given the chance to live another day.

When you’re in despair or having feelings of worthlessness, waking up won’t be something to be grateful for, most likely. I know I experienced that, at any rate. In that case, learn to be grateful for one little thing in your life and hang onto that gratitude. Openly thank Source for that one thing, over and over again. Over time, you will be able to expend that gratitude to other things.

There will even become a point when you will be grateful for even the tough times, as you will realize there is a gift in them, a lesson to be learned. When you reach this point, then you will have mastered gratitude. Work toward this goal and when you reach it, you will be knowing peace.

But don’t try to fake it. Be real and authentic with your thoughts and feelings that you tell yourself or others. Admit to having a bad day. Be careful not to slip into self-pity, however. Just state facts about your situation, without pity, without remorse. Be sad or whatever you are at the time, but catch yourself short of wallowing in pity for yourself. This is a non-productive and energy-sucking place to go.

These are the three main keys to unlock the gates of your heart that will lead you to peace. There are other keys, such as humility, courage, honesty, and having an open heart and mind. Over time, as you practice these keys, they will become automatic. They are something you can do all the time.

Today, take some time to practice being willing, surrendering, and being grateful. These three things alone will lead you to more peace. I wish you well in your efforts to unlock the gates of your heart.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement Tagged With: gratitude, how to find peace, inner peace, peace, peace of mind, surrender, Willingness

Willingness is the Key to Your Sobriety

June 21, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Key of Willingness

Willingness is the key to our sobriety. It is behind everything… everything! Being willing to be willing will help us achieve sobriety and peace of mind.

Behind all the things we have been talking about lies willingness. If we are willing to get sober, to be uncomfortable sometimes, and still not pick up a drink, then we have more chance of succeeding.

If we are willing to face our emotions, even the difficult ones, we improve our chances of staying sober. Willingness is behind our courage, our faith.

If we are simply willing to consider the presence of a higher Source in our lives, we have more chance of being sober, as that Source can act to guide us.

Willingness is behind our degree of honesty. If we are willing to look at ourselves honestly and be who we are with others, then we increase our chances of staying sober.

If we are having difficulty getting willing, we pray for the willingness to be willing. It is that simple.

The thing about willingness is, it takes just a little to go a long way – just the size of a keyhole. Once we demonstrate that little bit, the Universe comes to our aid and helps us expand upon it.

Willingness is something we do readily, cheerfully, and voluntarily. We consent to do something specified or implied. With this attitude, we cannot go wrong, we will not be led astray.

Today, be willing to open your heart and mind to the concept of willingness. Take action to be willing. Consciously identify and realize your level of willingness. When you become willing, your life will flow much more smoothly, you will be able to stay sober more easily, and you will find peace.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Sober Living Tagged With: how to become willing, how to find peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness

Willingness is the Key to Fulfilling Your Dream

April 28, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Key of Willingness

The day dawns bright and clear-skied; I can hear birds singing. It is the morn of a special day for me. I am giving my first workshop, in a series of many. Everything I’ll need is piled on the couch, awaiting loading in about an hour.

And I am excited! Really excited to offer what I will to my audience… a way to make peace with your life. In case you’re interested and in the San Francisco Bay Area, it’s today from 10 am to noon at the Embassy Suites – San Rafael 94903.

This is a dream of mine, to share my story, my message, and I am fulfilling it in part, due to my willingness, which brings me to today’s topic…

How willing are you to do whatever it takes to follow your dream? How about to find peace doing your dream?

It is terrifying to make a leap of faith, trying to believe that everything will be okay, when I move forward to live my dream. At least it has been for me, especially the financial investment for training workshops.

Yet, I was willing to do whatever it took to get to the point of following my dream. You, too, can be willing. If you believe that the urging of your heart is your divine, your Source, speaking to you, then it is easier to believe that what you feel in your heart is your dream.

It is easier to take that leap of faith. Even if you don’t believe in anything outside of yourself as a Source, use the higher good within you… follow the urgings of your heart because it is for your higher good. Only you can make that determination.

The key is willingness… to take a risk, to take a leap of faith, to find the courage… all is takes is willingness the size of a tiny keyhole…

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, how to find peace, inner peace, key of willingness, peace, Willingness

Willingness is the Key to Our Sobriety

February 21, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Key of Willingness

Willingness is the key to our sobriety. It is behind everything… everything! Being willing to be willing will help us achieve sobriety and peace of mind.

If we are willing to face our emotions, even the difficult ones, we improve our chances of staying sober. Willingness is behind our courage, our faith.

If we are simply willing to consider the presence of a higher Source in our lives, we have more chance of being sober, as that Source can act to guide us.

Willingness is behind our degree of honesty. If we are willing to look at ourselves honestly and be who we are with others, then we increase our chances of staying sober.

If we are having difficulty getting willing, we pray for the willingness to be willing. It is that simple.

Willingness is something we do readily, cheerfully, and voluntarily. We consent to do something specified or implied. With this attitude, we cannot go wrong, we will not be led astray.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: findiing peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, willing, Willingness

The Power of Gratitude

January 26, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

There is much to say about the power of gratitude. Gratitude can take us from a deep, dark place to one one of light and happiness.

Visions of Gratitude

“When seen with eyes and heart that appreciate, everything in and around me becomes more pleasing, more beautiful.”

Such is the verse that accompanies this image in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. We are moving through the book, one topic at a time, and our goal is to reach peace and maintain sobriety.

When we’re in a low spot, the last thing we want to do is be thankful for anything, because we do not feel there is anything for which to be thankful. Yet, adopting an attitude of gratitude can pull us out of that funk.

We can start easily and small, meaning, we pick some stable things in our life for which we can be grateful… a home in which to live, food to eat.

If we don’t have these, and even if we do, we can be grateful every morning that we wake up and can see around us, can see a myriad of colors. We can be grateful for the use of our body, that we can get out of bed and walk, or propel ourselves.

That is one way to start the day. Certainly, as we start the day, we also want to show gratitude for our sobriety and the power of the Universe that helps us to stay sober.

Every little thing that happens to us throughout the day can have gratitude applied… making it to the grocery store safely, having money to buy groceries in the first place, and so forth.

If we are having trouble identifying things for which to show gratitude, we can start by sitting down and making a gratitude list. This is hard to do sometimes, yet it yields tremendous results over time. We start by listing ten things about us and our lives for which we are grateful. Then, we just sit with that and repeatedly express gratitude for those ten things.

The next day we do the same, and then the next, and then the next after that. Every day, we write down a gratitude list and we reflect on that list. Over time, we soften to the things for which we are grateful and we begin to see other things in our lives to add to the list.

Given time, finding things for which to be grateful comes automatically and we begin to be able to expand our list. We will find ourselves looking for the silver lining in the cloud of that bad experience so we can express our gratitude. It does not happen overnight, but eventually, we will see everything with the eyes of appreciation and we will want to continue this because it feels so good inside.

Today, find three things for which you can express gratitude, and repeat that tomorrow. Then, start writing down ten things you find that you are grateful for. It could be as simple as the pictures on the wall which bring you peace and joy, or as complex as gratitude for that unrequited love that pried you out of a verbally abusive marriage and led you to sobriety.

Soon, you will live a life with an attitude of gratitude, and this, more than anything, will lead you to peace and help to keep you sober. Gratitude is a powerful tool at our disposal, at least, I have found it to be so.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being grateful, gratitude, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness

Accept Our Path In Life

January 24, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Path of Acceptance

“When we become entwined with our path, the steps become as soft as velvet, and the ascent flows smoothly.”

Such is the case when we accept our path in life, accept our path on a daily basis. Often, we resist what is being shown to us as our true path and, as a result, life is difficult and we encounter many barriers, many obstacles. It just seems as if everything goes wrong.

On the other hand, when we tune into our path, take action on the things which come across our path that feed our soul, and further our dreams and goals, the Universe responds in like kind and moves us along smoothly, with little effort.

It’s hard to describe the wonderful feeling that occurs when we accept our path in life, for it is truly amazing. Things just fall into place and all we have to do is take that first step, follow where our path is leading us.

It takes trust in that power greater than us, that we are being guided to a safe and appropriate place, and it takes willingness to follow where we are being led. If we believe in our higher power, we can relax and do the work that comes across our path to do.

If we accept our lives as they are, even if we don’t like it, it makes our lives that much more easy to deal with, to cope with. We will know peace and we can easily maintain our sobriety. If we continually rail against or resist “what is,” we will continually know strife.

Today, notice the times when your actions lead effortlessly to a positive result, one that is in line with your goals, your aspirations. Notice that when you accept what is going on in your life, even if you don’t like it, life flows smoothly.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: accept, acceptance, inner peace, living sober, peace, sobriety, solber living, trust, trust in a higher power, Willingness

Acceptance of Ourselves As We Are

January 11, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones 2 Comments

We continue to move on in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, as we work our way to sobriety and inner peace.

Acceptance of Self

We have come to Acceptance of Self. “Have we really changed throughout the years, or do we merely hold within our heart and mind and soul the essence of who we are, while our physical form changes?

“Can we recapture the delightful being we have always been, as we allow and celebrate our strengths, our flaws, and our spirit?”

I firmly believe that each of us has a truly delightful soul that has often become over-ridden by the hurt and pain we have endured throughout the course of our lives. Our response to these experiences is to close up, to protect ourselves, sometimes treating others or ourselves badly.

In the process of doing that, we forget that we have that delightful soul and spirit that awaits our recognition. Or, perhaps, we focus on our flaws and, so, see ourselves as “less than,” or unworthy.

At some point, we have to just give up, surrender, our negative thoughts about ourselves and celebrate our humanness – celebrate who we are in our soul. We have to gain acceptance of who we are. For in our soul is a good being, if only we can recognize this.

Our efforts need to be focused on our positive points. That is not to say we ignore our flaws, which we all have because we’re human. But we have in place a method for dealing with the hurts we cause others and ourselves through our flaws. It is the self-appraaisal which we discussed a few blogs back. We need to practice doing an appraisal and amends, as appropriate, on a daily basis.

Once we are clean with others, we turn our attention to ourselves. We forgive ourselves for our transgressions, and we just accept ourselves as we are. I say that like it’s easy, but it is not. The key is willingness to let go of our negative beliefs and treatment of ourselves, allowing that delightful spirit to emerge. We surrender to who we are at our core.

When we do these things, we will find a deep and abiding peace, and we will be that much more able to stay sober.

For today, allow your spirit, your soul, to emerge. Clean up ragged relationships with others and yourself. Then, just give up and accept yourself as you are, knowing that, in your soul, you are a valuable human being.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: acceptance, acceptance of self, living sober, performance evaluation, self-acceptance, self-appraisal, Sober Living, sobriety, surrender, Willingness

The Power of Willingness

January 2, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Key of Willingness

The power of willingness is quite strong. All it takes is enough willingness to open the door a little bit, so that the power of the Universe, our higher power, can go to work on our behalf. It is the size of a keyhole, willingness is.

And what is our willingness for? About what are we showing willingness?

We are demonstrating willingness to be honest, to act with an open heart and mind. We need willingness to be humble, to act with courage. Willingness to examine our emotions and feelings can help us heal and find peace.

In sobriety, it is most crucial that we have willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves. That power will help us out, will act on our behalf to keep us sober.

We have already demonstrated that we cannot will ourselves to stay sober; the force of wanting to drink is too strong for us alone. So, we invite in that sacred force to help us, to do things in our life that we have been unable to do.

How do we develop willingness? Well, we make our mind up to be willing. It’s just as simple as making up our mind to be so. Once we open that door a crack, it is flung wide by that power greater than ourselves. Or the door inches its way open. Either way, more willingness will develop from our meager attempts to be willing.

The bottom line is, it takes just a little willingness to get the ball rolling. So go ahead, be willing. See all the ways in which you can be willing in your life. I can almost guarantee you’ll be pleased with the results!

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: getting sober, living sober, peace, sober, sobriety, Willingness

Inspirational Quote About Life and Grace

December 4, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

As we move forward in my book, our next topic is grace. Today’s inspirational quote about life and grace from the book is “Gently, quietly, an unearned favor of great beauty and pleasure is bestowed upon me.”

Sweep of Grace

There is nothing quite like living in grace. It is a spiritual experience, for me. It is swept upon me quietly, gently, as the quote says, and as the photograph shows.

The thing about grace is that it is unearned, it is a favor. The more you strive for it, the more elusive it is. It is a gift that settles upon you. It just feels like the world is in alignment, that all is right for you.

Webster defines grace as an attractive quality, feature, or manner. It is beauty or charm of form, composition, movement, or expression.

How do you live in grace? Since it is nothing you can originate, since it is bestowed upon you, living the principles of living that we have been discussing will lead to grace.

For example, living with honesty, and with an open and willing heart will lead to grace. So will it if you live with tolerance, compassion, and kindness toward others and yourself.

Live with these qualities today and see if you experience grace, that wonderful veil that descends upon you, gently. Let us know if you experience it and what it feels like for you.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: acts of kindness, compassion, kindness, random acts of kindness, tolerance, what is compassion, Willingness

Respecting Others and Ourselves As Individuals

November 30, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Sometimes, we as individuals do not respect others as individuals. So, our topic today is respect of individuality.

The verse that accompanies the photograph in the book starts, “We ask of others to follow our dreams, to be like us. Why?”

Respect of Individuality

Why, indeed. Why do we think that what we are and what we do is what others should be and do? When we expect another to be like us, to follow our dreams, it thwarts the skills and talents of another, sending the message that who they are is not good enough, or simply not good.

Did you experience that at any point in your life? In childhood, in a marriage? I did. I was constantly compared to my sisters, who were academic. I was artistic, so in the comparison, I failed miserably.

It has taken my lifetime to revert the belief that I was not a good person. Even still, I struggle with feelings of not being good enough.

So, what’s the solution? How can we look at another and celebrate their differences as individuals? We can do just that. We can take special note of another’s individuality and respect it, celebrate it.

We can encourage another’s individuality, urging them to greatness in the areas in which they excel and are interested.

At the same time that we are respecting others as individuals, we can respect our own individuality. Oh, yes, for we – you – are each a unique individual, worthy of celebration and respect.

Take the time to think about all the things about yourself that make you an individual, all your special talents and gifts. Then, consider that these are the gifts you are intended to bring to the world.

Be willing to humbly share these gifts with everyone around you. When you do, you will begin to feel at peace with yourself and the world; it will bring you a feeling of completeness, wholeness.

It is my hope that you will begin to see others as individuals, allowing them outside of any box in which you have placed them. And I hope that you begin to celebrate your uniqueness, allowing the world to see who you are as an individual.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: humbly, humility, individual, individuality, individuals, peace, peace of mind, willing, Willingness

Inspirational Quotes About Life and Hope

November 26, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Ray of Hope

One of the inspirational quotes about life and hope for today is, “A ray of light across the bars of my being lights my way, instills hope in my heart.”

Another is, “You feel hope when you feel that what you want will happen.” That is Webster’s definition…

For you who is learning to love yourself and to overcome low self-esteem, depression, worthlessness, or despair, you begin to believe that you can overcome these things, that you can feel self-love.

Now that you have seen yourself with kindness and compassion, forgiven yourself and others, learned to have humility and willingness, and accepted yourself as you are, you realize that you have hope for better times, a better feeling about yourself and your life.

You have hope that you can move forward in life, that inner peace and happiness can be yours. Breathe in intention – to move forward in your life. Breathe out manifestation – you experience peace and happiness today.

All it takes is that little ray of hope that you see in the photograph, and soon the sun shines even more brightly across the bars of your being, dissolving doubt, washing away fear. You bathe in that ray and drink in the hope that it brings to your soul.

That’s right… go ahead and drink in hope, relish it, revel in it. Let it open your heart. Believe in yourself and let your light shine in your world and the world around you.

Can you feel that hope? Are you breathing in intention and breathing out manifestation? Let your soul be lightened and washed clear. Is your soul feeling more clear? It is my hope that it is. Now, have a peaceful and happy day as you bask in hope today… then tomorrow, and then the next day, and the next… one day at a time…

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: compassion, depression, despair, forgiveness, humility, inner peace, inspirational quotes about life, kindness, low self-esteem, Sober Living, Willingness, worthlessness

How to Find Forgiveness

November 24, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Yesterday, I spoke about how forgiveness found me. It was quite by accident. Now, I know how to recreate that for myself and I thought I’d share it with you how to find forgiveness.

Tiers of Forgiveness

It happens in tiers, or stages, over time. There are many emotions to deal with, and the original anger and resentment will resurface for you to look at. It gets easier if you apply the following process.

Identify the original anger. Recognize it as hurt and let yourself feel that hurt. Be willing to feel it.
Don’t get into how justified you are about your anger. Allow yourself to hurt.
Take a look at yourself and determine if you may have done something to provoke the other person. Be really honest about that, even if it is embarrassing to admit. Better to know this up-front. Be willing to look honestly. Be willing to be responsible for your own actions and words.
If you did do something to provoke the other person, perhaps an apology is in order. Drop your pride and apologize if you were the one who set the ball in motion.
If that is not the case, then look further at yourself and examine whether you have ever done the very thing for which you are angry.
Chances are, you have in some form or another. Think about how you felt about yourself when you did that. Were you feeling badly about yourself and took it out on another in some way?
Have compassion for yourself for how badly you were feeling about yourself when you did that act, or said what you said to be hurtful to another. Really hold yourself and give yourself comfort. Be willing to show yourself compassion.
Now, think about the other person and consider that they most likely were feeling badly about themselves when they did what they did to you.
Now, try to see them with the eyes of compassion for the wounded soul they were at that moment that they hurt you.
Don’t condone the hurtful actions. Forgiveness is not about condoning the hurtful actions or words of another. It is about freeing up your heart from the resentment you harbor. It is about clearing your heart.
Once you see with the eyes of compassion, try to bring forgiveness into your heart.
Know that they were doing the best they could at that moment, just as you always do the best you can in any moment, even if you are hurtful to another.

Try this series of ideas for one with whom you are angry and resentful, one whom you are unable to forgive, and see if it is helpful. See if it shows you how to find forgiveness.

If it is yourself you need to forgive, the same stages of self-examination and compassion apply. If you try this method, let us know the results. Leave a comment with your success, or let us know if it just didn’t work.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: anger, compassion, forgiveness, how to find forgiveness, resentment, willing, Willingness

What is Kindness

November 21, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Curls of Kindness

“If this is not the time to be kinder and gentler to each other and to ourselves, when will it be?” This is the verse from my book, and the next topic we will be discussing today – what is kindness?

Friendly, gentle, tenderhearted, sympathetic, generous, and cordial are all terms Webster uses to define “kind,” with “kindness” being the state or habit of being kind. So that answers what is kindness…

How do you treat others with kindness? Perhaps by using many of the things we have discussed up to this point. Things like being gentle, having compassion, being willing to be kind, and having an open heart can all contribute to acts of kindness.

Having a good sense of who you are is also needed for you to be kind, both to others and to yourself. When you feel more at home with yourself, you have less need to strike out in anger, defensiveness, and fear, or to cut yourself down.

The next time you feel the urge to say a disparaging word about someone, hold that thought and allow your heart to soften. Allow in a kind thought, and say something kind instead. Become willing to do this.

In like fashion, every time you catch yourself saying unkind things to yourself about yourself, come into awareness that you are doing that. Make the choice to stop, and think something kind about yourself instead.

This all may sound easy, yet it takes consciousness and practice. When you have the urge to be unkind, or if you actually are, do a self-appraisal and examine what you were feeling at the time that prompted you to act unkindly. If you were feeling “less than,” treat yourself with compassion and gentleness.

What is kindness to you? What are the ways in which you are kind to others? How about to yourself?

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being willing, compassion, cordial, friendly, generous, gentle, self-appraisal, sympathetic, tenderhearted, what is kindness, Willingness

Being Yourself and Standing Strong in Who You Are

November 20, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

“Perhaps, rather than thinking I must make my morals, truth, and integrity match another’s, I can determine what resonates with my own heart. When it does, I have the strength of a pillar.”

Pillar of Strength

This is the verse that accompanies today’s image and topic, being an individual, being yourself and standing strong in who you are. First, however, you need to determine who you really are at your core.

This can be a challenging task, especially if you live in an environment where who you are is not valued and, in fact, is criticized or demeaned.

I lived in such an environment in my marriage, after leaving a home where I was criticized and demeaned during childhood, so for me, it was a lifetime. I learned to be whatever and whomever the other person wanted me to be. I was very good at it.

Therefore, it was very difficult, after I left my 20 year marriage, to determine what my own values and truths were. I was only able to figure this out by staying sober and sticking through the often excruciating emotional times, until I came out on the other side. So have faith; you will come out on the other side

I recommend journalling to ferret out your strengths, your morals, your truths. That worked well for me, anyway. It allows you to write anything you think or feel without the fear of having it criticized or demeaned, thus devaluing you.

This is a time when you want to be totally honest about what you see. If you are confused about your morals, your truths, set the intention to discover them, and go about your day with them in your mind and heart. When you have an idea, jot it down in your journal. Expand upon it later.

Once you discover your truths and integrity, try to gently express yourself to those around you, sticking up for yourself and your opinions. I recognize that this can lead to arguments with a spouse.

I also recognize that sometimes it is not safe to do this, and in that situation, perhaps it is best to keep your thoughts in your journals, but know in your heart what they are. Then, when you have gotten out of the dangerous situation, you can express yourself to others. Do the best you can in a given situation, and keep yourself safe.

Be fair to yourself when you are doing a self-appraisal. This is where honesty, willingness, and openness come in to play. Be willing to look at yourself with an open mind and heart, thus discovering what your strengths, morals, and truths are. Be honest by not downplaying who you are. It is not bragging or arrogant to honestly admit to your strengths. Rather, here is an opportunity to practice humility.

Do you know your strengths and morals, your truths and integrity? Do you project them into the world? Do you feel the inner strength that produces when you do so? Does it help you find peace? I truly hope it does. I hope for you to resonate with your truths, morals, and integrities so that you are being yourself and standing strong in who you are..

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: honesty, humility, integrity, morals, Openness, self-appraisal, truth, Willingness

How to Do a Performance Appraisal of Yourself

November 17, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Today it is time for a performance appraisal of yourself, a search of self. This is the next topic in the book. It is the second reference to looking at yourself, your behavior and your actions. The first was in the blog about honesty.

Search of Self

But this time, when doing an appraisal, take a look at yourself with the eyes of the soul. You are looking for your heart, right in the middle of everything you are, which is sometimes muddled, sometimes messy.

We are all human. We all have swirls and shadows, shades of tan and rust… darkness and light. Do you recognize and acknowledge your humanness, your good, your bad?

You see, resiliency of spirit lies in the ability to see yourself as a falable human being, who is not perfect, who makes mistakes. The beauty of it all is that among all these swirls and shadows, your heart is there in the middle, shining brightly, truthfully. It knows the truth of who you are.

All you have to do is find it, to feel it. In your heart, you know when you are treating yourself or another poorly. You know. So, after being honest with yourself about it, you can do a do-over, a retake. You can get humble and apologize.

How do you apologize when, during a performance appraisal of yourself, you find that you have wronged yourself? You can acknowledge it, first of all. Then, you can see yourself with compassion, trying to get to the root of why you are treating yourself poorly. Is it an old message of worthlessness that plagues you? Do you not feel worthy of better treatment, taking good care of yourself?

Once you ferret out the reasons behind your poor treatment of yourself, be sure to apply compassion, but not humiliation. Do not beat yourself up. Smile at the small and child-like person you were when you did whatever it was you did, or did not do. Like I said before, apologize and change your behavior.

This applies to the appraisal of yourself, as well as to an appraisal of how you treat others. They key is willingness to look at yourself, again and again, and to correct what you find. You will always find darkness. But it is changeable, if you choose.

There is always light, also. Always. And sometimes you have to find the courage to recognize and admit to your positive points. If you were bullied or told you were no good at any point in your life, this may be difficult. Stick with it; it will come with time and commitment.

To find the recesses of your heart and its kind and gentle nature, it always helps to ask that greater power to assist you in your search.

Do you have trouble finding the bright knob of your heart when you do a performance appraisal of yourself? What does it feel like for you to acknowledge your goodness? How about your dark side? Can you adjust your thoughts and behavior when the dark side comes out?

Can you let your heart overrule that darkness? I hope you are able to see in yourself that shining heart, right in the middle of all that you do and all that you are, and that you can let it override your darkness.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: feeling unworthy, gentle nature, heart, himble, honest, performance appraisal of yourself, Willingness, worthlessness, worthy

How to Commit to the Journey

November 16, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Today we are talking about how to commit to the journey you are on, whether that is of awareness, healing, growth, or recovery. The verse begins, “The gate stands open, beckoning me to climb.”

Journey of Commitment

It goes on to talk about how each step leads further in your journey, offering the opportunity to examine yourself and your life – leaves that have fallen, leaves that will fall, and buds yet to form.

Once you begin the climb and commit to it, you recognize and accept that you will experience both rocky and smooth times, that it will be positive and negative, easy and hard. This is just how life is. It cannot be escaped.

You commit anyway, because you know that the reward of the journey is in each blossom and each leaf along the way. That IS the journey… the blossoms and leaves along the way just keep changing faces as one part of your journey ebbs and another flows. The journey changes, again and again, as you learn, heal, and grow.

You see, when you learn how to commit to the journey, you do not know what experiences and lessons will come your way, but you agree to yourself that you will stick it through. The experiences may be terribly painful, even unbearable. Yet, if you stick through it, you will heal from the pain with time and effort on your part. You will find your way to peace.

If you decide to commit to the journey of healing, I can only offer you what worked for me. I found it useful to engage in activities such as reaching out for help from therapy and support groups, and reading books about the type of pain with which I was dealing. Journaling about my deepest, most agonizing feelings was most useful.

Finding a close friend or confidant to talk with about my thoughts was also extremely helpful. That person became my spiritual coach and learning to rely on that power greater than myself became indispensable. Learning to use all the tools we have discussed, such as honesty, openness, willingness, humility, courage… these all helped.

It was most helpful to be useful to others, as that gave me a sense of mattering to someone in the world. What I discovered when I did all these things was that my journey’s face changed from pain and deep despair to that of joy and inner peace. Now, unpleasant situations occur, and I am curious to uncover the lesson to which the journey is guiding me.

I hope I have given you a sense of purpose for your continued journey, and let you know that there is great reward, even in the hard times.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: courage, higher power, honestyt, how to commit to the journey, humility, Openness, power greater than yourself, reward of the journey, trust in Higher Power, Willingness

Finding the Willingness to Change

November 15, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones 2 Comments

Key of Willingness

As we move along in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, today’s topic is willingness. The verse reads, “All it takes is willingness to unlock whatever lies inside, to turn the knob and open the door… All it takes is a tiny opening, the size of a keyhole.”

Amazingly, if you show the slightest bit of willingness -to heal, to grow, to change – the Universe will help you by rewarding you with even more willingness. This is important because everything hinges on your willingness to be willing.

If you are not willing, for example, to have courage or to trust, to commit or to be humble, to be honest or to open your heart, all the forcing on your part will not get you anywhere. If, however, you are willing, those things will happen with little effort on your part.

I used to pray for the willingness to be willing. That may sound funny, but it worked! I was granted the willingness which changed my mindset around and made me more open to things, more open to change and to grow, to heal.

To find willingness in your life, try praying to whatever power greater than yourself that you have defined. Maybe it’s that doorknob you see in the picture. Make a conscious decision to be willing to see and experience things differently.

Seriously, all it takes is a decision the size of a keyhole. In other words, it takes a small amount of willingness to carry you a long, long way toward finding peace in your heart.

Try making that decision to be willing, or pray for willingness. What do you experience when you do this? Do you feel an opening of your heart, your soul? Once you try being willing, let us know what you find by leaving a comment.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: commit, courage, humble, open your heart, trust, Willingness, willingness to be willing

Open Your Heart and Mind

February 13, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones 2 Comments

Openness of Heart

It is a decision you make to open your heart and mind. Once made, the rewards are tremendous. It offers a much more peaceful state of mind and body, at least, that is what I have experienced. You are not scrambling to always be right, nor to have to “one-up” others. You learn much about situations and about yourself.

What prevents us from opening our mind? In my experience, it was insecurity in who I was as a person. It manifested in the defensiveness with which I approached others when they were trying to tell me something. When I entered sobriety and learned to just be quiet and listen, I discovered a whole world of knowledge that was added to my own. I had to practice humility, and willingness to be open. The result was I struggled less, operated with less defensiveness, which drained my energy, and felt great about learning more than I knew.

Before I was able to open my mind, I had to open my heart and see myself with compassion. I had to acknowledge this frightened woman who was protecting herself from gettingt her heart hurt… again. When I let go of the need to shield myself, to protect my heart, I discovered the tender spirit of others. My relationship with them strengthened and went deeper than ever before. Physically, I was much more relaxed and my stomach unclenched. Emotionally, I felt one with others, communicating on another plane.

All of this happened because I made the decision to open my heart and mind. In what ways do you open your heart and mind?

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Carolyn CJ Jones is the author, photographer, and publisher of the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. The photographs, which won an Honorable Mention in the 2010 San Francisco Book Festival, are now being offered as limited edition prints. February’s print is Visions of Gratitude and may be seen above under Buy Prints. The book is available under Buy Book or from Amazon.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, gates of the heart, humility, living sober, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness

A Sacred Event – A Book Launch

October 12, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

How do I describe how a book launch was a sacred event? Maybe a better way to say it, is that it was spiritual, reverent.

I only know that standing in front of the room with all eyes turned on me was humbling. I felt called to speak to these people and, as such, was not too nervous. It seemed like the right thing to be doing, the next indicated thing.

A hush came over the crowd, as my publicist introduced me. I gulped, and it was show time! After acknowledgments, the talk quickly turned to reading of verses from the book, while projecting its paired image. Starting with worthlessness, I worked my way through honesty, openness, and willingness, past tolerance, to rest on peace. I was unprepared for the clapping which came when I was done. I felt like an author! That I was being recognized as an author, and a photographer! A special moment in my psyche.

We moved on and I told my story – of brokenness, heart-ache, and disappointment beyond my ability to cope, and that to manage my feelings, I drank. A lot. Before long, the talk turned to my recovery, my becoming sober, entering sobriety… how my brokenness became wholeness.

Faces all turned to me were attentive, awaiting my next words… some smiles, some nods, but rapt, serious attention. It was a gentle atmosphere, one of reverence… there’s just no other word. Spirit was felt and radiated on the upturned faces. I was in wonder, in gratitude for everyone’s reaction to my words, for everyone’s participation.

When I finished, I read a quote about needing to be our authentic selves first before we can find that safe environment for which we search, one in which we can trust others and open up to them. My closing statement and question was, You are either a victim of your circumstances or you are a powerful, conscious creator. Which do you choose for your life? I pose this question to you…

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, honesty, living sober, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Openness, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness

How Do We Persevere?

August 15, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Rolls of Perseverance

The verse which accompanies this image talks about learning not to feel discouraged, or, to feel like a failure, if our first attempts at being the person we want to be does not work out. The word “failure” stands out to me as a difficult belief about oneself, a difficult emotion, one which warrants further discussion.

Of late, there have been several quotes about failure on Twitter and FaceBook. In short, the message is that there are no failures, only results which have not yet been discovered. It’s only a failure if we don’t pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try again.

But the bottom line is, to try again, to persevere. We continue to make adjustments to who we are as a person – our beliefs about ourselves, others, how we treat each. It is only through trying again that we can get anywhere. Yet, how do we try again? In the same manner? No. We use different tools – a self-appraisal to locate and to objectively look at ourselves, our attempt. We consider a different perspective, an open mind, willingness. We persevere. We gather new input, and we get help if it’s needed…

Perhaps, we allow ourselves to grieve the loss of our desire before we start again. At the same time, we celebrate our efforts of trying at all. Some choose not to change, you know. Do you suppose an individual who goes through life never looking at themselves and making adjustments is happy? I wasn’t.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, open mind, open-mindedness, Opening the Gates of the Heart, perseverance, self-appraisal, Willingness

How to Access the Possibilities of Life

May 12, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 1 Comment

Realm of Possibilities

“If I climb the steps, anything is possible. Anything.”

This gate caught my attention because it was flung open as far as it could go. The stairs welcomed me, beckoned me to climb amidst the intricate and pleasing stone work. I marveled at the retaining ability of the wall. I wondered what was at the top of the stairs, wondered what I would find if I climbed…

Interesting how, for me, this gate and those thoughts relate to life. The Universe welcomes me to join in and participate. There are pleasing sights everywhere I look. There are amazing examples of engineering and artwork, merged in purpose and design.

I wonder what is going to happen in my life… this summer, next week, tomorrow, this afternoon. I cannot see where the path will lead, and still, I am asked to trust. Isn’t that a lot like life?

Once I trust, once I become committed to the journey, committed to really observing what is around me, I see that the possibilities for action are endless. Whether it’s a change in attitude, a belief about myself or another, or taking action to further a goal, I find the day is filled with steps of action. If I climb those steps, I reach the horizon and all that the world has to offer. There is a realm of possibilities. Anything can happen. Anything. We never know. It may not happen today, but it may happen.

All I need to do is take action and leave the results up to the Universe. Sounds easy but at times it’s not. Taking action, for me, involves looking at myself and my actions/behaviors with honesty, choosing to be open-minded, open-hearted, and practicing willingness. It takes adding humility to the mix, as well as kindness and compassion for others AND for myself.

I must be willing to take these steps if I want to experience all that the Universe has to offer. I have learned how to do that in my healing journey, in my sobriety. I have discovered that when I do, there is a wide world of possibilities that exists. I wish for you to experience that in your life, also.

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, compassion, despair, honesty, humility, kindness, living sober, open-mindedness, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness, worthlessness

An Attitude of Gratitude

May 7, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Visions of Gratitude

“When seen with eyes and heart that appreciate, everything around and within me becomes more pleasing, more beautiful.”

How can such a thing which is second nature to me today have been something with which I struggled in the past? I resented people who spoke of gratitude, being grateful for this or that in their lives. Then, I felt guilty and ashamed because I could not get to that place myself.

I was still hurting too much from past experiences, their betrayals. I carried great fear to speak up about my feelings. I could barely acknowledge them to myself, they were so painful. I needed to go through a grieving process, to deal with my sorrow, my worthlessness, before I could get to a place of healing.

Over time, this is exactly what I was led through… a healing process. The creation of the book helped me through my growth and change, and my growth and change led to the creation of the book. The order of the images and their titles reflect my process of healing and my process in sobriety.

Today, I am able to look at events as opportunities to learn and grow and I am grateful for those experiences. I am grateful for the ability and grace to feel gratitude. It is an attitude that, for me, has become pervasive. It floods and colors everything I do. It brings me peace and joy, softens and opens my heart.

Do I sound like Pollyanna? lol Most likely. I used to have a Pollyanna doll. I got it for Christmas one year because I loved the movie with Haley Mills. So what’s so bad about sounding like Pollyanna, as long as I give acknowledgment to my emotions that arise from events and situations?

In other words, as long as I don’t gloss over the difficult parts of a situation, pretend they don’t exist, go on cheerily without dealing with them, I am able to get to gratitude with honesty.

Gratitude finds me now, if I am humble, as well as open and willing to receive it. It has been a process of healing over many years. It is joyfully peaceful when I realize I am feeling grateful about something. How about you? Do you experience gratitude often?

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being grateful, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, feeling worthless, honesty, living sober, open-mindedness, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, Willingness, worthlessness

Tips For Improving Your Character

April 13, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Growth of Character

“Do we notice the character of another? Do we recognize the traits and qualities of another, grown, over time, on the wall of one’s being?

Do we notice our own character, evolved, over time, on our own beautiful wall? Do we groom the moss and mold, encouraging new growth to flourish?”

growth of character Today, because of my journey in sobriety, I am able, even excited, to discover things about others. For me, that brings us closer as we recognize ourselves in each other. And still, each has one’s own unique character and that’s where the fun of discovery come in.

To look at one’s character traits is to look at wisdom, I have found. Once past my fear of others and my self-doubt, I became able to open my heart and consider the other with respect and compassion, cultivating the differences between us. What a joyful experience this has been!

It is interesting that when I wrote the above prose, only the first stanza existed. Then, one of the book’s advance readers asked, “What about our own character, improving it?” She was right. The second stanza was born. I have learned to take responsibility for grooming my own mold and moss, if you will, to strengthen and grow my character. Again, I learned how to do this because of my healing journey and my journey through sobriety.

It took me willingness to do things differently, to listen to others, to ask for help. It took soul-searching and looking honestly at how I treated myself and others. It took forgiveness of others first, and then of myself. It has been a process over time… years, in my case. And the pruning has been worth it.

How did you learn to groom and grow your own beautiful wall?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, Carolyn Jones, compassion, doubt, fear, forgiveness, gates of the heart, honesty, living sober, respect, Sober Living, sobriety, soul searching, Willingness

Part 1 – Learning Patience

March 23, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Patina of Patience

“I am being asked to slow down so much after a lifetime of running so fast. I do not know how to do that. How do I watch and wait for life to evolve naturally without forcing it? How do I learn to be patient?”

Waiting for life to evolve, to unfold naturally, is a concept about which I was clueless. I had learned that if things didn’t go the way I wanted, it meant I wasn’t trying hard enough, so was told to try harder. The thing is, I was often straining against brick walls.

It was after I had several years of sobriety that I began to relax my grip on things and learn to go with the flow, the rhythm of life. This occurred over time, as I got over some of my major fears, one being that I would not be safe if I stopped managing everything.

I learned to let life unfold first by becoming aware of what was going on around me on a different level than I was used to. I started observing the simple things, the flow of every day life. I discovered that if I am running up against walls, I need to stop. I soon realized that when that happens, I am going in the wrong direction.

Yet, if one event runs smoothly and glides into the next event that needs to occur… and the next… then I’m getting a green light, a go-ahead. This is where I need to focus my attention and act upon what is being presented. That is my responsibility in all of this… to act upon what comes across my path.

Perhaps before awareness, came willingness – the willingness to see things in a different light, to try things differently. It was through the practice of willingness that I was able to follow another path, the one of least resistance.

I cannot describe to you the peacefulness I feel when I am able to let go of the outcome of something. I just keep going through those green lights, taking the action, doing the footwork, and letting the results be what they will.

What are some of the things you do to go with the flow? Or, do you meet walls of resistance?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: awareness, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, living sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness

Key of Willingness

January 17, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

key of willingness “All it takes is willingness to unlock whatever lies inside, to turn the knob and open the gate…

All it takes is a tiny opening, the size of a keyhole.”

For me, willingness is an action. It is a state of mind, an orientation, in which I place myself. By choosing to do that, I have set an intention and there is the action part. It is something I do readily, cheerfully, gladly. To get there, I must have an openness of heart and mind. Used with honesty, openness and willingness are very powerful.

What does it feel like to be willing? How does one know they are there? For me, it is a knowingness, a deep sense of peace and trust. It is being alright with, and even excited about, whatever comes my way, even if it is negative or difficult. It is a process of letting go of the way I want things to be, or of the things that I have.

How does one become willing? It is that state of mind, that orientation that I have chosen for the day. It comes with openness. It is something I consciously and actively do… I say to myself I will be open and willing. I even pray for the willingness to be willing. That has helped many times over the years of my sobriety. Even a sliver of willingness has allowed the forces of the Universe to slip in and help.

What is the reward of being willing? Personally, it is that feeling of peace and trust which I mentioned. It is also an excitement, an anticipation, of seeing how my life unfolds when I open myself to the guidance of the Universe, or to God, or to whatever you call your Higher Power.

How do you experience willingness? Is it something you choose?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, Carolyn Jones Photographs, gate photography, gates, living sober, sobriety, surrender, willing, Willingness, wrought-iron gates

Feelings of Giving Up

7 – Day Forgiveness Challenge

Honesty, Openness, and Willingness

Willingness Is the Key to Your Happiness

Dealing with Despair

What Does Willingness Look Like?

The Power of Willingness

How to Open Your Heart More

How to Open Your Heart More in Sobriety

Willingness is the Key to Sobriety

Honesty, Openness, and Willingness – Keys for Sobriety

Forgiveness is the Key to Your Inner Peace

Find Peace – Keys to Unlock the Gates of Your Heart

Willingness is the Key to Your Sobriety

Willingness is the Key to Fulfilling Your Dream

Willingness is the Key to Our Sobriety

The Power of Gratitude

Accept Our Path In Life

Acceptance of Ourselves As We Are

The Power of Willingness

Inspirational Quote About Life and Grace

Respecting Others and Ourselves As Individuals

Inspirational Quotes About Life and Hope

How to Find Forgiveness

What is Kindness

Being Yourself and Standing Strong in Who You Are

How to Do a Performance Appraisal of Yourself

How to Commit to the Journey

Finding the Willingness to Change

Open Your Heart and Mind

A Sacred Event – A Book Launch

How Do We Persevere?

How to Access the Possibilities of Life

An Attitude of Gratitude

Tips For Improving Your Character

Part 1 – Learning Patience

Key of Willingness

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