How to Develop Tolerance

Good morning, all! Once again, the morning got away from me yesterday and I had to leave for work for the day before I blogged. I really don’t like people coming to my site to find my blogs and not finding a new each day. Yet, there is a wealth of information to keep visitors busy. 🙂

How to develop tolerance was searched for three times yesterday and today, so I thought I’d write my thoughts on that. The definition in Webster that fits my belief of tolerance is to recognize and respect another’s ideas or beliefs without sharing them. The definition goes on to say, to bear or put up with something that is not especially liked.

I suppose tolerance boils down to one saying that is a good motto to follow, and that is, “live and let live.” If we pay attention to our own affairs, and allow others to pay attention to theirs, we are that much closer to practicing tolerance. This assumes, of course, that the other is not being a harm to themselves or others. When they are being harmful, we do not tolerate that behavior or action.

If we dislike what someone believes in or is saying, then we can remove ourselves from the situation. What if we can’t? For example, I disliked the verbal abuse I was enduring as handed out by my now ex-husband. I couldn’t leave at the time. I wasn’t strong enough emotionally. Yet, it was a choice to stay in the marriage. And, I tolerated the abuse.

In retrospect, I see that I could have made good on my threat to leave much sooner than I did. I also could have employed lots of self-talk while being verbally put down, by building myself up, telling myself what he was saying were lies, that what he was saying was a reflection of his insecurities. Much easier said than done!

In the end, when we have the strength to do so, we can remove ourselves from the vicinity of someone whose opinion and actions we do not like and thus, tolerate them, while still taking care of ourselves. We allow them to be themselves while, at the same time, we respect and tolerate our own views and opinions.

Tolerance has to do with ourselves, also. We need to learn to tolerate our foibles and failings, accept them, and then move forward to correct them. We have the power to change ourselves and our behaviors, actions, and beliefs, and we can exercise that power.

When we act in such a manner, we end up finding peace-of-mind. How do you tolerate those people in your life that you find disagreeable? Have you tried any of the things I’ve suggested here? How did it work for you? Leave a comment and let us know.


Stop Playing Small – Practice Tolerance

Practice of Tolerance

Another tool to use to help you find your dream is tolerance. If you practice tolerance of the feelings and beliefs that surface on your journey to your dream, it becomes easier to follow the dream itself. 

How can that be, you may ask? Well, you may find that the dream itself is unsettling because it asks you to stop playing small in the world and to show up totally. That could be scary for some, terrifying to others.

Tolerance plays a role because you need to be tolerant of the feelings that arise, not sloughing them off, ignoring or minimizing them, or self-medicating to avoid or numb the uncomfortableness that may arise.

As I’ve invited before, consider that the desire you have is a message from your soul, knocking at your heart, looking for a way to get your attention because the dream is your intended purpose in this lifetime.

On the other hand, feelings of elation and joy may occur as you contemplate your dream and you may have difficulty accepting these as signals to move forward in that direction.

You may not feel worthy of this joy, and, if so, I invite you to tolerate the fear. In that way, you acknowledge it and then you can get beyond that fear of having joy in your life.

Today, practice tolerance for your dream, the feelings that it evokes. Be with those feelings so you can grow beyond them. And then, take one more step forward toward your dream.





Are You Honest About Who You Are?

One of the most important practices we can use to get and stay sober is being honest. By this, I mean not only cash-register honest, but honesty about who we are.

Cash register honesty means we don’t lie, cheat, or steal. But above and beyond that, we want to be honest with ourselves and  others about who we are inside.

We will need our honesty when we reach the exercise of doing a performance self-appraisal, where we will look at the things we have done to harm others, as well as consider the things we are mad at others for. But for now, let’s focus on our positive traits.

There is a lot that is talked about regarding looking at our not-so-desireable traits, our dark side, if you will. But not much is said about considering and celebrating who we are on our positive side.

It is this that I urge us to do. We want to stop and take a deep breath. Then sit with, maybe write down, all the good things about ourselves. How were we kind to others in the recent past, tolerant, compassionate?

What are our strong qualities and traits that we want to consider? It is okay to acknowledge these to ourselves and others, as we become more honest about who we are.

We are each here for the special message we hold for others, and when we are not honest with others about our good points, we keep our value from them, thus denying them a valuable experience, maybe even a healing experience. We deny ourselves the pleasure of being of service to another.

When we look at out positive points, we do so with humility, being neither boastful nor shame-filled. We just state the facts with no emotion attached. This may be difficult for us to do, having been trained not to brag about oneself. Yet, with humility, we can avoid bragging.

Today, take the time to sit and reflect upon your good traits, the ones that make you unique, the ones that feed your soul when you are engaging in them. Once you have identified them, celebrate them. Congratulate yourself and know these are your gifts, the things that make you, you.

Know that those are your gifts that you are intended to bring to the world, and know that you cannot do that unless and until you are totally honest with others about who you are inside.



What Is Tolerance and Why Must We Practice It?

As we continue to search for sobriety and peace, we must develop tolerance. Defined as bearing or sustaining differences in others, allowing and permitting those differences, and recognizing and respecting those differences, tolerance must be our mantra.

Practice of Tolerance

Practice of Tolerance

“I have the most difficulty being tolerant of others when I am feeling inadequate, insecure, and uncomfortable with myself. Yet, when I am able to look beyond the imperfections of others, I discover great beauty and worth in them. And, I discover that another’s value does not diminish my own.”

There are things which cannot be tolerated, such as verbal or physical abuse, denigration of our spirit. We want to assess our own behavior and be sure we are not guilty of either of those. If we are, we pray for the willingness to change that behavior. We get help.

If we find ourselves in an abusive situation, we need to find the courage to speak up against the abuse. If we find we cannot do that because it incurs more of the same only with more force, then we consider getting ourselves out of that relationship.

Tolerance of others is a major way to promote peace, not only within, but in the world around us as well. Peace within and around us is not possible unless there is tolerance. The more sober we become, the more we find that tolerance just flows naturally.

It is so important that we practice tolerance; I cannot stress that enough. We will feel filled-up and that will generate more tolerance.

Not only do we need to develop tolerance for others, we must develop it for ourselves also. Certainly, we continue to perform an appraisal of our behaviors, yet, when we are less-than-perfect and hurt another, we are tolerant of ourselves, and then we take action to apologize and to change that behavior in future situations.

Assess yourself today. How do you practice tolerance with others and  yourself? If you discover you are not tolerant, you may take action to change that, as tolerance is the way to peace, to staying sober. It is our mantra.



Commitment to the Journey

Today’s topic as we continue through the book Opening the Gates of the Heart : A Journey of Healing is commitment to the journey.

We see the stairs in the image, ascending, beckoning us to climb. The verse that accompanies this photograph is “Each step leads further in my journey, offering repeated opportunity to examine myself, my life – the leaves that have fallen, the leaves that will fall, and the buds yet to form.”

This portion of the verse suggests that we show commitment to the journey by continually looking at ourselves and our life, noting past and present circumstances and events, while remaining open to future situations that we can examine as they occur. 

We just notice; we do not judge. Instead, we assess our behavior and actions, our thoughts and beliefs. Are they kind and loving, compassionate and tolerant? We look with honesty and an open heart and mind, both of which we have previously elected to practice in order to keep us sober.

Then, we commit to the journey despite hard times that may come, for they shall come. That is just how life is. It presents us with difficulties from which we can learn and grow.

“Once begun, I commit to the climb, for despite rocky and smooth times that I will encounter, the journey’s reward is in each blossom and each leaf along the way.

What do I mean by the second stanza of the verse, that the journey’s reward is in each blossom and leaf along the way? I mean that it is the simple things that occur in our lives that are the rewards as we travel through life. We will find great pleasure in noticing the blossoms and leaves as we journey.

There is no “destination,” no end point to which we travel, other than death. Rather, if we notice the small and simple things that occur in our lives on a continual basis, we will gain fulfillment. We just have to make a commitment to the journey.

How do you demonstrate commitment to the journey? Do you notice the leaves and blossoms along the way, or are you hurrying too fast, on your way to a destination that when you get there, leaves you feeling empty and incomplete? I would suggest you slow down and notice the little things that abound all around you. That will further your goal of reaching peace of mind. That will help to keep you sober. 



Have You Found Inner Peace?

Promise of Peace brings us to the conclusion of the book. And I quietly wonder if you have found inner peace, any at all, by going through the book with me this last 42 or so days. I really hope you have…

Promise of Peace

Promise of Peace

Peace. How do you know peace when it finds you? For me, it is the all-inclusion of everything we have been talking about into my senses, seeing with the eyes of my heart, and feeling a great deal of love for all beings on this Earth.

It is promised to us, if we go through the process that is defined in my book, because in doing so, we learn to love deeply. There is no desire to be in conflict with others.  When really in-tune, that includes inner conflict as well.

Does that mean we go through life in this glow? Hardly. That doesn’t happen because we’re human beings and, as such, are a caring and feeling species. Given the ever-constant changes in our lives from day-to-day, and the fact that we react with feelings and emotions, we slip temporarily from that space of centeredness and peace. 

So, what is there to do when this happens? Lament the loss of our peaceful existence. even if it was only for five minutes? No, we merely start in by looking at the situation, feeling our feelings, examining our response to situations that have arisen.

Case in point, I am in the middle of something which has the potential to affect how I conduct my life in the future, and I was stunned to realize I was playing the victim role! Wow! I thought I was past that, but it showed up very subtly. So, I am in the process of doing more self-appraising to see what is going on with me that puts me in that mindset.

At the same time, I am feeding myself positive affirmations. These tasks equate to ” taking action,” as we discussed in previous posts. Slowly, I am becoming able to see glimpses of my terror over how this new information could affect my future. How much will I get out from behind that terror to affect my own future? That is the key.

We can affect our own future by the actions we take today, in this moment. What do we do with the fear? We can recognize and feel it, acknowledge that it exists,  then walk away from it and take action, and, as needed, allow a glimpse of it again later.

We repeat this again and again until our fear subsides. I believe these issues get raised for us, so that we can take a look at core beliefs, and to heal from the destructive ones. While we do this, we remember to be gentle, kind, and tolerant with ourselves and the others around us.  And the result is, we find our center again. We find that peace again.

We even can go to it among the turmoil by distracting ourselves with a favored and cherished activity, one in which you get lost. Your peace will return as a reprieve for what you will again visit to sort out. That’s how it works for me. Maybe it will work for you, too.


Definition of Tolerance

We are brought to the next topic in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, and I will provide a definition of tolerance. First, the verse.

Practice of Tolerance

Practice of Tolerance

“I have the most difficulty being tolerant of others when I am feeling inadequate, insecure, and uncomfortable with myself.

Yet, when I am able to look beyond the imperfections of others, I discover great beauty and worth in them.

And, I discover that another’s value does not diminish my own.” 

The definition of tolerance is allowing, bearing, permitting, or not interfering with another’s beliefs and practices.

This is a wonderful habit to practice… tolerating others, as it results in peace for the one tolerating another.

I think it bears repeating why we may be intolerant. For me, I find that I am intolerant of another’s ideas or beliefs when I am feeling inadequate and unsure of myself.

In that situation, I compare myself to another and fall short of them. That makes me uncomfortable and it intensifies my low self-esteem. I struggle with allowing another’s beliefs or practices because they threaten who I believe myself to be… or at least, that’s what I think in the moment.

On the other hand, when I am feeling comfortable about who I am and hold myself in good esteem, another’s different ideas or beliefs do not shake that self-confidence I have.

I think the biggest thing to realize is that just because another has value in who and what they are, that does not diminish my own value. Just because they have a valid point, for example, does not make my point any less valid or valuable.

We spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others… too much time, perhaps. Rather, if we can tolerate the differences in another, it enriches our lives, instead of detracting from it.

So, perhaps the real message here is to work on developing our self-esteem, feeling comfortable with who and what we are. Then, perhaps we can more effortlessly tolerate others. It sounds like an opportunity for practice.

We can also practice being more tolerant of ourselves and our quirks. If we see something we do not like, we can take action and change it, instead of being negative and intolerant of ourselves.

What is your definition of tolerance and how do you practice it? Do you find it is easier to be tolerant when you are feeling good about yourself? I invite you to leave a comment and let us know how you practice tolerance.


Are You Tolerant?

Practice of Tolerance

When you are feeling insecure, unsure of yourself, are you tolerant of others? Perhaps we display little tolerance when we are in such a state, fearful that our value pales in comparison. But when we discover another’s value, another’s worth, we also can discover that our own are not  diminished. We have the choice to see ourselves as unique, beautiful individuals – valuable and worthy. When we do, there is no need to be fearful that we are “less than.”

When we do not feel that we are lessor than another, we are able to be more tolerant, to be more accepting of another’s differences. It is also possible to become more tolerant when we stay on our side of the street, which means, we focus on what is going on in our life and take our nose out of other people’s business. This is a concept that one learns when one chooses sobriety as a way of life. One learns to continually assess one’s own behaviors, thoughts, words, and actions. It keeps one quite busy, such that there is no time to be in another’s business.

What does this have to do with tolerance? It’s all connected to the theory that when we can be comfortable in our own skin, we are more tolerant and accepting of other people, and we can cultivate the differences between us. When we are comfortable with who we are, we are less threatened by another’s skills or accomplishments because we see our our own skills, our own accomplishments and we acknowledge these.

And how do we get to that point? We conduct a self-appraisal, a self-inventory, if you will. We become very honest about not only our areas which need improvement; we list out our positive points, as well. We begin to see the delightful being that we are, to see the unique gifts that we bring to the world. Over time, we become less shy about shining our being in the world. We realize that is what we are meant to do. When we feel good about ourselves, we can be more tolerant of others, showing respect for their individuality.

Every one is unique, made differently, with different beliefs, unique habits. These are worthy of our respect, our tolerance. Are you tolerant of others? How about of yourself?