A Life of Serenity

April 20, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Hello and good morning to all! Today, I liked the search term “life of serenity,” and will talk about serenity.

Serenity is defined by Webster as a state of being serene, and serene is defined as being untroubled, calm , tranquil, peaceful, and quiet. As someone who lives her life in serenity, I can honestly say it is a marvelous place to be.

How can you live a life of serenity? For me, it was a matter of cleaning up the past, visiting the past as a means of moving forward in the present. Once I did this, I was able to heal from the wounds I received during my lifetime, and became able to focus on what was happening in my life in the moment.

You, too, can do this. Re-visit the past, not to dwell, blame, or pity yourself, but as a way to understand your wounds more fully so you can begin to heal from them, as a means of understanding your inner self in current day.

Examine your actions and behaviors to ferret out those times when you were unkind to others, intolerant of them, times when your behavior was less than giving. Look not only at how you treat others; look at how you treat yourself, as well. Resolve to treat others and yourself with more kindness, gentleness, and tolerance.

Apologize to others, and to yourself, for any harm caused, and this includes spiritual harm. For example, gossip is a form of character assignation that you will wish to curb in order to live a life of kindness and serenity. You will find more serenity when you cease gossiping and focus on yourself instead. By this I mean, focusing on your behaviors and actions to keep them “clean.”

Learn to be grateful for everything around and within you, and you will begin to feel more serenity. Find a force greater than yourself to believe in, to turn to in times of trouble and in times of appreciation and thankfulness.

I cannot say enough how glorious it is to live in serenity; you will find great peace, happiness, and freedom when you discover it. Simply try the things I have suggested and see if you are able to have a life of serenity. Leave a comment to let us know how you discovered serenity in your life.

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Quotes on Life with Images

October 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This, “quotes on life with images,” was a search term that found my website this morning. I recall using that as a keyword phrase, perhaps… What I what to really focus on is the term, because what I have to offer you today is quotes on life with images. They are taken from my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.

Copyright (c) 2011 by Carolyn Jones

All Rights Reserved

Visions of Gratitude

When seen with eyes and heart that appreciate,

everything around and within me becomes more pleasing, more beautiful.

Moments of Wonder

 Do you suppose there has always been such richness, such beauty in the world?

Perhaps it has been there all along,

waiting to be noticed, to be seen, with the eyes of the heart.

If we as individuals cannot speak to each other,

how, then, can we as nations achieve peace?

 Rather than take on everyone else’s dreams, desires, and expectations,

can I not look humbly at what has been placed before me?

Openness of Heart

We will grow through the barriers of our heart and

be able to fully experience the richness of life.

Promise of Peace

When I practice the principles of love for myself and others,

the gates of my heart melt into the glow of dusk,

and peace rises to greet me.

Balance of Serenity

I am serene, carried by the winds to places where

I am held in balance with great beauty and strength.

Burst of Joy

My heart bursts with joy!

 

 

 

 

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How to Live In Serenity

September 23, 2012 by 2 Comments

Balance of Serenity

Good morning. How to live in serenity was one of the search terms from yesterday and I thought it would be a great topic to blog about, given that that we just finished posts about getting sober.

The picture to the right suggests that when we are in serenity, life is balanced. Webster defines serenity as the state of being serene and serene is defined as not disturbed or troubled, the state of being calm, peaceful, tranquil.

Living a life of sobriety can lead you to serenity. In fact, being sober leads directly to the ability to have serenity. Once you work through all the muck that you drank over, or that you fret about if you don’t drink a lot, then what is left is an abiding calmness, tranquility… serenity.

I think the forgiveness of my parents led in large part to my ability to experience serenity. I was no longer angry at them and I became able to look at the past with calmness, with softer eyes and heart.

You, too, can find serenity, if that is what you seek. The steps to get there include letting go of the need to be right all the time, or to get your own way. It involves learning how to forgive, and my article on forgiveness may be helpful to you. To receive the article, sign up to the right of this post and you’ll receive step-by-step instructions to gain forgiveness.

I stress forgiveness because we all hold grudges and angers/hurts against others at one time or another. In my own life, when I forgave, life became much sweeter, much more easy. It’s like I just glided along from one moment to the next.

Living by the principle of live and let live is another thing you can adopt in your life that will assist you to find serenity. Live your own life as you wish, as long as you are not harming yourself or others, and let others be free to live their life as they wish, as long as they are not being harmful to themselves or others.

Practicing acceptance is another thing you can do to gain serenity. Learn to live with the realization that things are as they are, and unless they need changing, accept them as they are. Accept the fact that your life is not serene, and with that realization, you open the door to allowing serenity in.

Often, simply acknowledging a feeling will get the energy flowing and will allow you to get unstuck from that feeling. It’s like, once the light is shined on a feeling and exposes it, the Universe has the opportunity to step in and dispel the feeling.

Practice a few of these techniques and you, too, will soon be experiencing serenity in your life. It is truly a pleasant place to be.

Today, allow yourself to live and let live. Learn how to forgive others and yourself. That’s a biggie… Practice accepting life exactly as it is and see how much you gain serenity.

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Finding Serenity in Sobriety

August 13, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Balance of Serenity

“I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am held in balance with great beauty and strength.” This is the verse that accompanies this image in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart A Journey of Healing.

Serenity is defined as the art or state of being serene, which is defined as un-troubled, calm, and tranquil. It is a space you find yourself living in when you go through the process which has been presented in this blog.

When living a life of serenity, you find yourself unruffled by calamity; instead, you are able to take things in stride. You do not become freaked out, or “wigged out” about things in your life when they go awry.

You are able to calmly assess situations and react with assuredness and certainty. Certainly, you are still concerned about difficult things that arise, but they no longer throw you off-kilter.

To get to this place of serenity, you have looked at yourself and have begun to heal old wounds through the practice of acceptance and forgiveness.

You no longer attract to your life the drama that you were involved in before, thus allowing you to remain serene through difficult times. Your ability to be in that space of serenity strengthens your sobriety, and the more you stay sober, the more serenity you experience. 

All of this is achieved through using the process that has been described in this blog, from the development of trust in a power greater than yourself, to courage. Then you throw in honesty, openness, willingness, and humility, and you are able to look at yourself through a self-appraisal, in order to discover things that need to be corrected, righted, or changed.

Once this occurs, you are able to offer kindness, gentleness, tolerance, and respect to others and to yourself. You learn the art of forgiveness and you are set free to live your life, fulfill your dreams. 

Today, look at how far you have come on your journey to serenity and peace. Be humble, yet commending of the actions you have taken to get to this point. Notice how your sobriety is strengthened. Enjoy your serenity today.

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Good morning. Yesterday, I neglected to blog because I was at a conference out-of-town. I hope you continued to enjoy the joy article from the preceding day. I am wondering how you liked the forgiveness article.  If you haven’t received it yet, then sign up, to the right of this text. I think you will find some valuable information that will help you be guided to a whole new level of peace, as you forgive yourself and others. Enjoy!

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With Sobriety Comes Possibility

August 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Realm of Possibilities

Having experienced all that we have, we now discover that there are a wealth of possibilities in our lives that we can tap into. There is nothing to stop us, except ourselves. 

The gates are flung wide, offering us a stairway to climb that leads to serenity and peace. It leads to a stronger sobriety for us. The way is beckoning us.

All we have to do is keep climbing, taking with us the wonder and gratitude that surround us in our lives. We just keep practicing these, along with honesty, willingness, openness, compassion, kindness, and all the other positive ways to live in the world.

What we will find is a softening of out heart, our soul. As we recognize some possibilities, more will appear to us. Soon we are surrounded with possibilities in our lives.

The thing about our sobriety and possibilities is that we become able to discern our choices. We will not be numb, and therefore, can recognize the possibilities when they appear. We will recognize them, while before, when we were drinking, we could not.

Today, look at all the possibilities of ways to be in the world, with yourself and with others. Revel in all of these possibilities. Choose a couple to follow up on, and you will begin to feel more serenity and peace. Notice how, as you follow up on those, that more possibilities appear to you. Notice how smoothly your sobriety flows.

********************

I don’t know why, when I clicked on the image while it was in the pre-insert-into-the-post-mode, that it created a new page… I guess you can view that great photo twice!

To all of you who are faithfully viewing and reading my blog, I want to thank you. I hope with all of my heart that what I say is helpful to you. Now I have something more to offer for you, and it is my article on forgiveness. It goes into how to find if, along with exercises designed to guide you to that place. I invite you to sign up to get it… there to the right of this blog.  Let me know what you think after you read it.

 

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Living with the Glass Half Full

March 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

We have completed the journey through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. Before I start over with the book’s topics, I wanted to share an old post. It deals with the way in which we view the world. Is our glass half empty of half full?

I was reflecting upon a blogging class I took a while back. Specifically, I was thinking about how I rated the class with a thumbs-up of 8, instead of a full thumbs-up of 10. When asked by the presenters why that rating and not a 10, I replied that I already knew much of the information that was presented.

It’s interesting I responded in that way, as a lot of what I DID learn was new to me, and very valuable. I was rudely awakened to the fact that I looked at the experience as my glass half empty, instead of half full. Embarrassing to admit, but a valuable lesson for me to examine further, so I thought it beneficial to share it with you.

I was modeled the attitude of judgment about everything and everyone when I was growing up, and the judgment was always negative. I don’t say this to give an excuse, but to allow you to see where my default mode came from. It’s simply a fact.

So, when asked about my thoughts about the class, they automatically went to my glass being half empty, rather then half full. Darn! And I thought I had outgrown that! I certainly have worked on changing that perception over the years.

I believe this experience came up to show me how I still need to work on this issue of the glass half empty or half full. It gives me an opportunity to treat myself with gentleness and tolerance, rather than beat myself up about where I initially went… to the glass half empty.

Additionally, I get the chance to practice perseverance in changing my default to the glass half full.  Life is all about practice, after all… We can turn the other way and become defensive or intimidating about the way in which we see the world as half empty, or we can gently examine ourselves, ferreting out our negative responses when a positive one is just as easy to do.

When we look at the glass as half full, we stay in that zone of serenity and peace. Such a perspective is all it takes to help us stay in that space. It helps us to stay sober.

How do you view the world? Is your glass half empty or half full? Do you have to remind yourself of this, or is your glass always half full? Do you view the world with a positive outlook?

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We Will Know Peace

March 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Promise of Peace

Ah, we have finally made it to what we have been searching for. We have made it to peace.

“When I practice the principles of love for myself and others, the gates of  my heart melt into the glow of dusk and peace rises to greet me.”

As the verse says, all we have to do is practice the principles of love for ourselves and for others. If we are kind, tolerant, gentle, compassionate, and  respectful toward all beings, including ourselves, peace will flow in.

There is a stilling of the mind and heart when we reach peace. It’s like the calm of a lake as we look out across the waters.

In order to get to peace, we have had to remain sober. We have had to work at our sobriety, learning and practicing the principles of love.

Forgiveness plays a huge role in achieving peace, for when we forgive, we free ourselves… our mind and our heart. We feel washed clean.

Do you feel more peace in your life? Like the pink glow in the sky, has peace gradually descended upon you, catching you unaware? If so, revel in this feeling. Know that it is a place to which you can return when you practice the principles of love.

Today, enjoy the feeling deep in your heart. Enjoy that quietness and stillness of spirit. My hope for you is that you know peace.

 

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Serenity Can Be Yours

March 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Balance of Serenity

“I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am held in balance with great beauty and strength.” This is the verse that accompanies this image in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart A Journey of Healing.

Serenity is defined as the art or state of being serene, which is defined as un-troubled, calm, and tranquil. It is a space we find ourselves living in when we go through the process which has been presented in this blog.

When living a life of serenity, we find ourselves unruffled by calamity; instead, we are able to take things in stride. We do not become freaked out, or “wigged out” about things in our life when they go awry.

We are able to calmly assess situations and react with assuredness and certainty. Certainly, we are still concerned about difficult things that arise, but they no longer throw us off-kilter.

To get to this place of serenity, we have looked at ourselves and have begun to heal old wounds through the practice of acceptance and forgiveness.

We no longer attract to our lives the drama that we were involved in before, thus allowing us to remain serene through difficult times. Our ability to be in that space of serenity strengthens our sobriety, and the more we stay sober, the more serenity we experience. 

All of this is achieved through using the process that has been described in this blog, from the development of trust in a power greater than ourselves, to courage. Then we throw in honesty, openness, willingness, and humility, and we are able to look at ourselves through a self-appraisal, in order to discover things that need to be corrected, righted, or changed.

Once this occurs, we are able to offer kindness, gentleness, tolerance, and respect to others and to ourselves. We learn the art of forgiveness and we are set free to live our lives, fulfill our dreams. 

Today, look at how far you have come on your journey to serenity and peace. Be humble, yet commending of the actions you have taken to get to this point. Notice how your sobriety is strengthened. Enjoy your serenity today.

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How Sobriety Leads to Joy

March 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment

If we’ve stuck together through all of the stages and changes in thinking that have occurred along the way in these blogs, we have begun to see how sobriety leads to joy. We have begun to see that, if we have stayed sober, we are experiencing joy.

Joy is defined as a very good feeling, happiness, a great pleasure, delight, and anything causing such a feeling.

If joy is not happening for us, perhaps we want to examine our willingness level. Perhaps we’re stuck on a self-appraisal, or are having trouble forgiving. If so, we need to return to those topics and look again.

(I tried to supply links back to those topics, but I was not able to do it due to an uncooperative computer. Just like I am unable today to upload the image that goes with joy. Too bad, as it’s one of the best photos.)

“I never thought this could happen. My heart BURSTS with joy!”  This is the verse that accompanies the photograph of a gate’s center section, which is a diamond with rays, or bursts, of metal coming from the center, reaching upward and outward.

I never DID think I could feel this level of happiness. All my life, I had looked to others to supply it for me. Suddenly at one point in my recovery, it dawned on me that my happiness comes from inside and it is what I choose to make it. Soon after realizing this, I started experiencing joy.

Happiness and joy were the effects, the feelings that I sought from alcohol and drugs, yet, I never could find them there. So to have found them in sobriety, in much bigger levels than I ever dreamed possible, is something for which I am grateful every day.

You, too, can find this incredible joy. It come from within your being. It is a choice you make. If you are grateful for every little thing that occurs and surrounds you in your life, you cannot help but look at the world in great wonder, great awe, and from that grows joy. 

I hope for you to stay the course, to stay sober through all the rough times. It is so worth it on the other side. Once you find joy, you will know serenity and peace. 

 

 

 

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You Can Live Your Dream

March 25, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Fulfillment of Dreams

From my experience, I have determined that, in sobriety, it is possible to live your dream that you have held in your heart forever. 

Even when not in sobriety, our dreams can come true, although we may not be grateful for them at that time. Instead, we want more than is given.

But, if we remain sober, do our healing work, and take action in the direction of our dreams, one day we just find ourselves in the middle of them. 

The key is taking action in the direction of our dream, saying yes to ourselves, and acting upon those things that come across our path to align us with that dream.

It takes courage, despite the fear we feel. It takes being self-responsible and holding ourselves accountable for our stumbles. It takes surrender to and acceptance of where we are being led.

We each, after all, have our own unique gift that we are intended to share with the world and when we align ourselves with our unique gift and stay sober, opportunities will arise for our taking. 

When we begin to see our dream coming true, our sobriety allows us to express constant gratitude, which results in abundance that further leads us on our path. You may not be sober and your dream still comes true. It will have a different feeling than if you were sober.

For example, while I was in the middle of my drinking heyday in 1995, I moved from Colorado to California to live aboard a sailboat and to go cruising one day. I did live aboard for three years, at which time I left my troubled marriage and the boat.

I had held in my heart the dream to sail since the mid-eighties. Suddenly, here I was, about to live my dream to cruise and enjoying the boating lifestyle in the meantime.

Instead of spending each day in gratitude and wonder that my dream was a reality, I was always finding fault and wanting more. More things, a nicer boat, more happiness… I could go on, but you get the idea, I’m sure.

This picture is in such sharp contrast to what I am experiencing today in sobriety. As a result of God’s grace and keeping sober, my childhood dream to become a photographer has been fulfilled. I photographed and published the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. 

Now, I am living my 1980s dream of being a speaker, empowering others to gain the serenity and peace I have found. All I am doing is taking the next indicated step that comes along my way that moves me toward my dream.

Today, get or maintain your sobriety. Reach in your heart and find your dream that is held there. Make the decision to live your dream. Gain the courage to stay sober and to take action on those things that will further your dream.

Don’t push, just let things evolve naturally. Do the things in front of you to do, day in and day out. One day, you may be surprised to find yourself living that dream. 

 

 

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You Can Live Your Dream

March 25, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Fulfillment of Dreams

From my experience, I have determined that, in sobriety, it is possible to live your dream that you have held in your heart forever. 

Even when not in sobriety, our dreams can come true, although we may not be grateful for them at that time. Instead, we want more than is given.

But, if we remain sober, do our healing work, and take action in the direction of our dreams, one day we just find ourselves in the middle of them. 

The key is taking action in the direction of our dream, saying yes to ourselves, and acting upon those things that come across our path to align us with that dream.

It takes courage, despite the fear we feel. It takes being self-responsible and holding ourselves accountable for our stumbles. It takes surrender to and acceptance of where we are being led.

We each, after all, have our own unique gift that we are intended to share with the world and when we align ourselves with our unique gift and stay sober, opportunities will arise for our taking. 

When we begin to see our dream coming through, our sobriety allows us to express constant gratitude, which results in abundance that further leads us on our path. You may not be sober and your dream still comes true. It will have a different feeling than if you were sober.

For example, while I was in the middle of my drinking heyday in 1995, I moved from Colorado to California to live aboard a sailboat and to go cruising one day. I did live aboard for three years, at which time I left my troubled marriage and the boat.

I had held in my heart the dream to sail since the mid-eighties. Suddenly, here I was, about to live my dream to cruise and enjoying the boating lifestyle in the meantime.

Instead of spending each day in gratitude and wonder that my dream was a reality, I was always finding fault and wanting more. More things, a nicer boat, more happiness… I could go on, but you get the idea, I’m sure.

This picture is in such sharp contrast to what I am experiencing today in sobriety. As a result of God’s grace and keeping sober, my childhood dream to become a photographer has been fulfilled. I photographed and published the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. 

Now, I am living my 1980s dream of being a speaker, empowering others to gain the serenity and peace I have found. All I am doing is taking the next indicated step that comes along my way that moves me toward my dream.

Today, get or maintain your sobriety. Reach in your heart and find your dream that is held there. Make the decision to live your dream. Gain the courage to stay sober and to take action on those things that will further your dream.

Don’t push, just let things evolve naturally. Do the things in front of you to do, day in and day out. One day, you may be surprised to find yourself living that dream. 

 

 

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Who Is This Lady Behind Blogs About Sobriety, Serenity, and Peace?

March 24, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Who is this woman who blogs every day on sobriety, serenity, and peace, this gate lady? How did my “previous life” propel me into what has ended up being a daily blog on these topics?

To answer my questions is to describe to you why I am passionate about blogging for you, why I am passionate about sharing words about sobriety, serenity, and peace. It involves telling you where I came from to get to the point where I am today, in these blogs. I relay this in the hopes that it will be useful information for you.

In my prior life, meaning prior to sobriety, I was tremendously unhappy, miserable, in fact. Yet, I put my bright face forward, not letting others know I was aching inside. I spent a lot of time drunk or high, in self-pity, blaming my parents and others for that misery. However, I was doing nothing to claim my own unhappiness. I just kept drinking more.

I was in a dissatisfying, dysfunctional, and verbally abusive marriage, one I was afraid to leave for fear of being alone. My now ex-hisband and I were drinking and drugging buddies, so there was no encouragement or desire to stop drinking and getting high. I stayed for 20 years.

In late 1999, I developed feelings for another man and believed he reciprocated those feelings. I left my marriage in June 2000, only to find out the man did not share my love. I was devastated. My drinking escalated as did depression. I was unable to do anything but drink and cry for two months. I was unable to function with daily activities, such as eating.

After that two months, I quit my job because I had decided to go on a road trip to “find myself.” I was barely able to perform it anyway… I left the San Francisco Bay Area to go to San Diego, stay for a couple of weeks, and “get a handle on my drinking.”

Thus began a new life for me, a life of sobriety. I had no clue what was in store for me, I just did whatever came across my path that seemed in my best interest.

Although I have experienced many situations, and much growth and healing during my sobriety, my story is really about what it’s like to show up for life, to be present and take action as a sober person, to be responsible for myself. The gates and the verses that appear in my book are a reflection of what it took to get to where I am today, a life lived in serenity and peace.

It is this background from which I come to blog my thoughts every day. It is from a space for which I was looking in drugs and alcohol. Interesting how I found that incredibly rich and vibrant space in sobriety. I know how painful it is to be struggling emotionally, and I hope my blogs are of use in your pursuit of serenity and peace.

 

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There Are a Wealth of Possibilities In Your Life

March 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Realm of Possibilities

Having experienced all that we have, we now discover that there are a wealth of possibilities in our lives that we can tap into. There is nothing to stop us, except ourselves. 

The gates are flung wide, offering us a stairway to climb that leads to serenity and peace. It leads to a stronger sobriety for us. The way is beckoning us.

All we have to do is keep climbing, taking with us the wonder and gratitude that surround us in our lives. We just keep practicing these, along with honesty, willingness, openness, compassion, kindness, and all the other positive ways to live in the world.

What we will find is a softening of out heart, our soul. As we recognize some possibilities, more will appear to us. Soon we are surrounded with possibilities in our lives.

Today, look at all the possibilities of ways to be in the world, with yourself and with others. Revel in all of these possibilities. Choose a couple to follow up on, and you will begin to feel more serenity and peace. Notice how, as you follow up on those, that more possibilities appear to you.

 

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A Life of Awe and Wonder

March 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Moments of Wonder

In our pursuit of sobriety, serenity, and peace, living a life filled with awe and wonder will get us closer to our desired goal. It will lighten our heart, and delight our being.

All it takes is a decision to look at every little thing around us and find awe and wonder in it. For example… the star in the photograph to the left. I did not see that when I snapped the photo, nor did I see it for about nine months after that.

Then one day, I had all my gate photographs leaning up against the wall, and I was standing back, looking at them. I looked at this photo and saw the star, beaming at me from across the room.

I stopped in amazement! In that moment, I was struck with awe and wonder. Hence, the title for the image.

Since that time, I made the resolve to notice the small things around me. I do this every day, and every day, I notice something that strikes me with awe, and I feel wonder at the creation I am observing. It can be an object or another person, but I always find something about which to be in awe and wonder. 

We can all do this. As I said, it takes a decision, and then it takes slowing down each day to notice the world around us. If we start with something like a flower, we will notice its delicacy, its beauty, and we will be touched with awe and wonder. When we are, our sobriety softens and we find our way to serenity and peace. We will find that we are useful to others because we are often inspiring to them. 

Today, take the time to make the decision to look at the world around you more closely than you currently do. Make the decision to see it with awe and wonder.  Don’t you feel lighter, filled with awe and wonder? If you do this, it will help your sobriety and your journey to serenity and peace.

 

 

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Living a Life of Acceptance

March 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Path of Acceptance

Our level of acceptance is directly proportional to the amount of serenity and peace that we experience. The more we are able to accept our life, others, and ourselves as they are, the more serenity we will have. Our sobriety will be that much stronger.

I used to think that acceptance meant giving up in defeat… accepting things, but with an attitude of defeat. After a few years of sobriety, I learned that acceptance is not like that. It is a joyous action we take, a conscious choice we choose. 

When we are accepting of our lives, ourselves, and others, things flow as smoothly as the moss on the stairs in the picture above. In order to experience this, we must first become willing to accept.

How do we become willing? We reason that there is nothing we can do to change a situation, and when that thought hits home, it will then resonate with our heart.

This assumes, of course, that we have already taken action on anything we determine requires action. But we do not push. There is a fine line between taking action and pushing. Taking action will flow smoothly, like the Universe is with us. When pushing, we will run into resistance of all sorts.

After we become willing to accept situations that are beyond our control, we direct our attention to things in front of us to do, things that are our business, not another’s. We engage in our task. Then, we go to the next task, then the next, and so forth.

If we practice this enough, we will soon notice that we are graced with the ability to live in that space of acceptance. We become adept at looking at a situation, assessing our actions and behaviors as they relate to the situation, and owning anything that was unkind or disrespectful to another.

Then, we feel clean about how we responded in that situation, and we move forward to determining if there is any action to be taken to improve or complete the situation. We take that action. Then, we wait to see what happens, while turning our attention to our affairs.

The point here is that we learn how to live our lives within the larger space around us which is life happening. We center, or anchor, ourselves within the fray of our lives and we objectively acknowledge it for what it is. We start from that point to reach acceptance through the process I described above.

Today, how well do you practice acceptance in your life? Be as objective as you can while you honestly look at this. Remember, the more you can practice acceptance, the more serenity and peace you will have, and your sobriety will become easier. 

 

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How to Find Forgiveness – Part 2

March 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Tiers of Forgiveness

We are starting today at the first tier in the forgiveness process. This is the place where we have defined why we are withholding our forgiveness and from whom. Overnight, we sat with the emotions that arose for us.

This morning, we have become willing to look at the resentment we hold against those who have wronged us because we want emotional peace and we want something different for ourselves in our sobriety, in our life.

Forgiveness is for us, not the other person. Yet, it does often benefit the other person as well. By forgiving, we are in no way condoning what occurred as right. It was not. Yet, we can get to a place of forgiveness even though that is true.

Having said all of that, let me say that there is tremendous freedom in forgiveness, and that is what allowed me to reach emotional peace in my sobriety. This is how it happened.

I was about 3 years sober and was doing a self-appraisal about my romantic relationships, looking at all the ways I contributed to their demise, being accountable where I erred. What I realized was, I would get drunk and yell at each of them how worthless they were, that they would never amount to anything.

I was appalled to remember I had said those things! I didn’t mean them. I said them because that’s how I was feeling about myself. Knowing how terrible I was feeling at that time, I started to feel compassion for that woman who was in so much pain that she lashed out at another human’s spirit, denigrating it, for that was a terrible thing to do and say.

Wow. That was powerful when I looked at it in that way, allowing compassion to come into my being. For when I saw myself with compassion, I was able to then see the person who used to yell at ME that I was worthless and would never amount to anything, with compassion for what he might have been feeling when he said those things to me.

I began to realize he was so very young and was dealing with his own wounds. I say that not to excuse his actions, but to lend some understanding to him, and especially given that I had done the very same thing. He was an emotionally and spiritually sick man, I have come to understand over the years. I feel compassion for the sick man he was, and he has changed. 

Armed with the knowledge that people do bad things, sometimes because they are emotionally and spiritually sick, I began to apply this thought and heart process to other incidences and people. I found myself getting to forgiveness, even if I had not repeated their behaviors myself. I have to say, there has never been a more freeing sensation for me, a feeling of deep peace.

With this new freedom, I had all sorts of time on my hands, time in which I was not spending my energy being angry. Ah, so suddenly, I had to become accountable, responsible, for myself, and totally. I have found that my time is freer to pursue my own heart’s desires, which has included the publication and distribution of my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. 

Most recently, because, in part, to the freedom of forgiveness, I have turned my attention to adding two new services that I offer, those being coaching and speaking. I use the book as our guide through the process I am blogging about. I am able to perform in these capacities because of the freedom I have found in forgiveness.

You, too, can find forgiveness and can soar to new heights that, up until now, you have only dreamed of. Isn’t that something you want for yourself?

 

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Kindness As a Way of Life

March 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Curls of Kindness

“If this is not the time to be kinder and gentler to each other and to ourselves, when will it be?” This is the verse that goes with this image, and they appear next in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. 

Once we have clarified our morals, truths, and integrities, it is time to look at our actions. Do we come across to others as kind? Are we kind to ourselves? 

Showing kindness is one of the most single, powerful things we can do to promote peace. It will also benefit our sobriety, as when we are kind to others and ourselves, we know a sense of serenity.

When we show kindness, we have a good feeling about ourselves. Being kind feeds our ability to be kind to more people. And, when we show ourselves kindness, we feed our soul, we celebrate ourselves.

I don’t know about you, but when I go out in public to, say, the grocery store, I sometimes listen to parents talk to their children in a very unkind way. That denigrates their being, squashes their spirit.

Sometimes, the words that come out of our mouth are unkind, but we can always apologize for that and make an amend by being kind in the future dealings with people.

How do you display kindness to others? Do you consciously try to be kind, or do you not think about it? You might try thinking about it, as showing kindness will further your sobriety and your emotional strength.

 

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Finding Emotional Strength

February 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Pillar of Strength

“Perhaps, rather than thinking I must make my morals, truth, and integrity match another’s, I can determine what resonates with my own heart. When it does, I have the strength of a pillar.”

There is nothing quite like standing in our own light, resonating with our heart. For me, it evokes a deep knowingness and peace. It brings me emotional strength.

The first step toward gaining emotional strength is to take action. We need to add to our performance appraisal a list of our morals, our truths, and our integrities. We need to do this work… it takes action.

It takes self-confidence and courage to list out these things, and after the preceding stages through which we have been, we are more equipped with these qualities.

Once we have listed out our morals, truths, and integrities, we sift through them to determine which resonate with our heart. We know something resonates because of the deep feeling of peace and groundedness we have when we read that point on our list.

It’s difficult, at least it was for me, to separate out others’ influences while making my list. For example, during my 20 year marriage, I took on many of my husband’s characteristics and truths. They were not who I was. I took them on to keep peace. I changed who I was to get along, and in the process, I lost myself and what I stood for, what I believed in. 

I found that once I knew my morals, strengths, and integrities, there would have been no need for arguing. I could quietly have stated them, relying on my emotional strength. By the time I learned to do this, however, I had been out of the marriage and sober for about 8 years.

I also found that by being strong in what I stand for, my self-confidence and self-respect increased tremendously. I feel good about myself, which leads me to feel good about you, which allows me to treat you with great kindness and respect. See how this works when we are feeling good about ourselves? It is of benefit to others, as well as ourselves.

You, too, can gain this level of feeling confidence, respect, and peace. Start by doing an evaluation of your morals, truths, and integrities. List out all that you currently believe, as well as how you would like to believe from here-on-in. Ask your Source for help in incorporating these points into your life. Ask for the courage to live them, to be strong with them in your being. Ask for the fear of standing in who you are to be removed. 

If you encounter resistance or ridicule, bullying or criticism from others, perhaps it is time to move away from those relationships, as they are not in your best interest. Try to hang out with people who pull you up, not put your down, those who applaud your emotional strength.

When you are responsible for yourself in this way, you have less need to drown the sorrow of your own betrayal with alcohol or drugs. You will experience a great deal of freedom and self-assurance about who you are. You will know a better feeling than you get with numbing. You will have emotional strength.

 

 

 

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Becoming Serene

February 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Balance of Serenity

“I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am help in balance with great beauty and strength.”

This is how we will be feeling by the time we get to this point… serene… a feeling of tranquility, of calmness. Webster goes on to define serene as not disturbed or troubled.

Once we arrive here, we will be able to maintain a deep peace, as well as a devout and reverent sobriety. 

All of the trials and tribulations we have been through to get here will seem like eons ago, and they will be a pleasing memory. It will feel as if our difficulties were worth it to get to this point of serenity.

Like the spires, the metal, and the tree branches in the picture,we are in perfect balance when we are serene. It has taken us a lot of work to get to this point and we are grateful to be here.

Life will happen, as always, but our feathers will not get ruffled as they once did. We will have the ability to hear disturbing news without freaking out. We will be able to remain more present for such news so that we can take appropriate action. 

We will feel more serene about who we are as beings, recognizing that we are human and, therefore, fallible, while we understand and humbly applaud our strengths, thanking the power that is greater than us for these gifts.

Today, reflect upon your journey, about what has led you to this point. Are you feeling serene? If so, isn’t it a beautiful feeling? If not, you may wish to review the stages of the journey through which we walked. Whichever way it is for you,show gratitude for the path you are on, and keep moving forward on your journey. 

 

 

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Dealing With Fear in Sobriety – 2 of 3

December 19, 2011 by Leave a Comment

As an addition to yesterday’s post, I’d like to point out that me worrying about whether you would find me stupid for what I blogged was worrying about the future. I didn’t have my mind on the present. That takes practice, remembering to be in the moment, yet it’s an excellent tool for dealing with our fear in sobriety, and ultimately brings us much peace and serenity.

Back to the continuation of yesterday’s topic, the old hurts and wounds behind why being called stupid bothers me… It’s based upon repeatedly being called stupid about everything I did and thought. It was the past, will not change, and was not the truth. I tell myself these things. So do I need to say “get over it and move on?” There are many who say just that.

I am not one of them because that didn’t work for me. That is what I drank heavily over – to hide the feelings associated with the hurts. I believe we do disservice to one who is struggling emotionally and is stuck, repeating the same thing again and again, when we say “get over it and move on.” It does not acknowledge their pain, their grief, and they feel alone in the world in their misery with no hope for improvement.

On the other hand, it gets difficult to listen to over and over again over a long period of time, when we have seen no action taken on the part of that person to deal with their pain. Maybe they are drinking heavily, and we’re focused on that.

The thing is, I think we can gently acknowledge the suffering person’s pain by saying we know it exists and it is valid. And now it’s time to look forward, we gently say. We then can encourage any action they take to get past their pain, however small.

This is especially true for somone who has elected to get sober, as that is the beginning of being responsible for their wound healing, even though they will probably be totally unaware of that.

So, pardon the digression, but I wanted to say that… Back to the issue of the wound’s origin. I need to look at the situation from a different angle, with the new eyes of a 59 year old sober woman instead of a 10 year old scared child. When I do that, I realize something important. It was said by a man whose view of the world was narrow. I think about this a long while, and I feel it in my heart, my soul.

I discover I can, and do, have compassion and sadness for that man, because he misses out on so much. I have been graced with that compassion, and, over time, it has led me to forgiveness.

The thing is, I got to this place of acceptance, peace, compassion, and forgiveness by getting and staying sober. We saw an example of growth in sobriety by dealing with false evidence appearing real, and now we see another way of dealing with fear in sobriety, looking at the old story with new eyes, the eyes of the heart.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to choose the other way, the new way, because that brings me serenity, that brings me peace.

Tomorrow, another way of dealing with fear in sobriety.

 

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Living with Serenity

December 16, 2011 by Leave a Comment
Living with Serenity

Balance of Serenity

“I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am help in balance with great beauty and strength.”

This is how it feels when I am experiencing serenity. It feels very balanced, and I feel beauty and strength both within and without.

The act of being serene is how Webster defines serenity. And serene is defined as not disturbed or troubled, calm, peaceful, tranquil. Do you feel that in your life?

It seems when I am living my life and not forcing it to go anywhere, but merely taking action on the things that have been put right in front of me to do, my life is in balance. It’s like the spires, wrought-iron piece, and the tree branches which are all in balance in the photograph above.

And it’s an incredible gift I am given, that of serenity. For it allows me to go through the day without “wigging out,” which is my tendency, and instead, calmly approaching the tasks of the day.

The gift is as a result of my sobriety, which led to my ability to heal. I went through the process that is described in the book and of which I have been blogging.

Sobriety is a process at which I worked hard, and now I am gifted to be to reaping the reward. Living with serenity allows me to experience calamity and meet it with calm. I’m sort of dealing with a calamity now, actually. Being serene is allowing me to think of all the possible results that could happen, and deciding what my next step is to be, where I will take action and how I will be be responsible for myself.

I couldn’t go through this thought process when I was drinking. I just got angry and withdrew in face of the fear of saying something, or doing something. When I met a calamity, I was filled with inner, and outer, turmoil. 

I cannot express to you how nice the change is. All I can say is it’s due to my sobriety and the process through which I went. I thank you for allowiing me to share that process with you through this blog.

Are you living with serenity in your life? Could you follow the process that I’ve been discussing and make some changes within yourself?

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The Birth of a Book – Moving Through Fear

November 1, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Yesterday, we finished with the topics in the book and today we are starting at the beginning of the book and going through each topic, one-by-one. We ended in joy, serenity, and peace, and it’s nice to know that that’s where we’re eventually headed.

Webs of Fear

The book begins with fear. Interestingly enough, it was the verse for the picture on the right that led me to realize I was writing a book. Up until that point, I had no idea I was creating one.

“Over here,” I was photographing these great wrought-iron gates, and “over there,” I was journaling every day to sort out my feelings and emotions, and to preserve my sobriety.

One day I wrote in my journal, “I have spent a lifetime spinning webs of terror and shame between the spires that stand as sentinels to my heart.”

I immediately stopped, flabbergasted, because I had just titled the image above “Webs of Fear,” in preparation for showing it in a gallery. These words I had just written gave voice to the photo far beyond the visual element.

Well, this prompted a search of all my journals and soon I had found prose that fit about 25 gate photographs. It was at this point that I realized I was creating a book. For the next six years, I gathered together the prose and photos, ending up with a book with 42 photos, prose, and titles. During that six years, I also spent time gaining the courage to present it to the world.

And that is the story of how the book was created. Tomorrow, I’d like to deal with the fear you experience when you step into your Being, when you step up for all the world to see you. This is what I experienced when I started to get my book published. It stopped the process for two years, as I dealt with and overcame that fear. I’ll relay some tips of how I was able to bring my book, and myself, out in the world.

 

 

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How to Live a Life of Serenity

October 30, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Balance of Serenity

“I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am held in balance with great beauty and strength.” These are the words in my book that are paired with this photograph. They so beautifully describe today’s topic – serenity.

Webster defines serenity as the state of being serene, which is defined as not disturbed or troubled, calm, peaceful, tranquil. These are all descriptions which aptly describe the feeling when you experience serenity.

Have you experienced it? It is a feeling that envelopes you with all good things. When serene, you can float through life’s challenges, accepting of what occurs as you go through your day.

It is a place that I, as a person in sobriety, wish to be because I don’t get agitated and want to drink to dissolve that agitation. It is a place that I, as a compassionate being, wish for others to experience because it is such a luscious feeling.

When experiencing serenity, you are more accepting of what is occurring in your life, and you’re able to think more clear-headedly. This is such a valuable benefit of being serene. 

How do you get to serenity? Well, you make the decision to be accepting of things that are occurring in your life. You feel your emotions, not numbing them or keeping them at bay, but experiencing them and then going forward with acceptance. You find the courage to take action when necessary to keep yourself safe. 

Serenity happens when you follow this simple serenity prayer… “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

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How To Respect Individuality

August 24, 2010 by 5 Comments

Respect of Individuality

I love how all the spires are marching in a row and keeping in line except the first one. It is standing out, waiting to be noticed, waiting to be respected for who and what it is. It is like those of us who dare to show our individuality, to display our uniqueness.

For we all are unique. We each have a special thing that we do, a special way of “being” in the world.  Different beliefs, different interests, different opinions, different things we are good at. It is a rainbow of beauty.

But sometimes, we ask of others to follow our dreams, to be like us? Why?

Is it because it threatens us when someone isn’t like us; are we  fearful of that difference?  Is it because we didn’t have the opportunity to follow our own dream and we are trying to get another to fulfill it? Or, are we that one that was ridiculed for our interests, the things we did, the way we dressed and we are cautious of making known our individuality?

Regardless of which side of the coin we are on, we can change our mind about how we look at a person’s uniqueness and, yes, even our own. We begin to choose to celebrate the talents and skills and differences of each other, encouraging and cheering on others and ourselves to greatness,  daring all to stand out, to be unique, to be individual.  We realize we have a choice to choose that attitude and that we can them take responsibility and act on it.

In so doing, we all shine. Our esteem is increased and we feel more secure about ourselves. We become excited, observing others succeed, watching ourselves succeed. We learn that when we practice respecting another’s uniqueness, we experience joy, serenity, and peace. We become whole inside. We are at home with ourselves and others.

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Self-Appraisal-The Start of Responsibility

August 5, 2010 by 3 Comments

Search of Self

Why is self-appraisal, self-inventory, the start of responsibility? Because we become aware of the ways in which we have affected ourselves and others, both adversely and  for the betterment. It’s a major undertaking and the basis of taking action in the process of recovery from addiction of any sort. It scares us. We wonder if, once we look, there will be anything left of ourselves about which to feel good.

The miracle of an inventory is that we get to see the things we did wrong or the things we did to harm others, even spiritually, and we can begin to hold ourselves accountable for our bad behavior. We begin to see how we do some of the very things that another has done for which we hold a grudge. We begin to feel compassion for another, for ourself.

The more we feel we are being accountable, the more our confidence, and hence, our self-esteem grows. As our esteem improves, we have less need to prove ourselves to others, and, thus, we become more authentic, more able to show our positive side, more able to risk sharing who we are with those around us. We become freer and gain more serenity and peace.

The verse that goes with this image asks the question, will we discover our clear heart, sining brightly and truthfully, right in the middle of our swirls and curls of darkness, shadows, and light? The point being made is that often when we look at ourselves, we are not honest. We do not acknowledge ourselves for our good points. A self-appraisal is not honest, not complete, until we do that.

When we look at our positive traits and characteristics, we feel good about ourselves, and we want to continue with, or share with the world, these goodnesses. We shine to those around us and in so doing, give permission to those others to shine also. More love, more dialogue, is generated. Peace occurs. We are each responsible for creating peace in our world…

How do you accept the responsibility for creating peace in your world?

**********

As the author and photographer of her book of wrought-iron gates and accompanying prose, it is said by others that Carolyn CJ Jones’ book offers inspiration and empowerment to those in transition, to those souls in the corner who struggle. View the video about the book, which is located to the right of this blog. Buy the book from Carolyn’s website  and receive free shipping and your personally autographed copy.

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Living With Serenity

May 27, 2010 by 4 Comments

Balance of Serenity

I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am held in balance with great beauty and strength.

Serenity. That feeling of calmness, even amid storms. It is a prevailing attitude, one which overshadows and, thus, contributes to all other attitudes that follow. For me, it comes when I am in alignment with the powers of the Universe, that which is greater than myself. It is a realization that all is well, that I am being provided and cared for.

I got to serenity through the experiences and changes I’ve discussed in this blog. You have traveled through the book with me and read of the trials and tribulations associated with getting to this point.

Perhaps you related as we moved from worthlessness, sorrow, and despair, through awareness to self-appraisal. Past forgiveness and on to principles such as compassion, tolerance, and gratitude until we have reached a point of joy and serenity. What a journey it has been.

As we finish the book, it is time to start over and I am putting out a “request for proposals.” When I go through the book again, is there any specific tack you would like me to take? My thought was to share about each topic in a general way, not relating to my own experiences. I welcome your thoughts. Please share them.

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