Can We Live In Harmony?

April 24, 2010 by 5 Comments

Shades of Harmony

harmony “When do we take the time to just listen to the breeze, the quietness, the ramblings of our mind, or the world around us?

When do we simply rest, quietly connecting with ourselves and all that is vast and wondrous around and within us?”

I then go on to ask if that explains our inability to touch ourselves and others in quiet, kind, and harmonious ways. That makes the assumption that we are not displaying kindness or harmony. Is that presumptuous on my part?

Perhaps. It’s just that I see so many around me acting unkindly, fighting and arguing, instead of being at peace with one another, or themselves. The question for me becomes, am I being too idealistic to think we can be kind and harmonious with others, with ourselves?

I don’t have the answer to that question. I think it is a choice and one which each of us must choose. Am I going to be kind to another, promoting harmony? Am I going to show myself kindness, allowing me to be at peace within?

These are the questions I began to ask myself once my journey into sobriety had progressed. It was quite startling to realize the ways in which I was not kind to others, and I especially was not kind to myself. I spent a lot of time criticizing others and myself in my mind, not praising them or myself for positive actions. I was not at peace within.

Over time, and with awareness, things have changed for me. The key lay in the self-appraisal, the self-searching I did. Through that, I was able to see myself more clearly, to accept myself and the point from which I was starting. I became able to move forward and practice genuine kindness. As a result, I experience more harmony, both with others and certainly from within.

How do you maintain harmony in your life?

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Judgment of Others

April 6, 2010 by 172 Comments

Absence of Judgment

judgement“Why do we judge others so harshly for being who they are, if their actions and behaviors feed their spirit and are not harmful to themselves or others?

Why do we judge ourselves so harshly for being who we are, if our actions and behaviors feed our spirit and are not harmful to ourselves or others?”

This is a wonderful attitude to have when looking at others. I noticed yesterday, however, that it went right out the window while I was driving. A whole litany of judgments were flying around in my brain! I mean, FLYING! One driver after another, judged as highly incompetent, stupid or ignorant.

Oh my goodness, how harsh. At one point I realized what was happening and said aloud, “What are you DOING, Carolyn?” I clearly was not practicing respect for those individuals, as I talked about in my last blog post!

Where did this streak of judgment, this lack of respect for others come from? I am not sure. It was not fear that I was a “less than” driver. In fact, I was touting my skills. I was tired and anxious to get home. Everyone was going 10 miles under the speed limit, in all four lanes. They were in my way.

I wonder if, because things were not going the way I wanted, I had the need to make someone wrong because of it? That attitude certainly could use a bit of self-searching to get to the root of the belief. I have learned how to do that in sobriety. I’ll keep you posted about what I find.

And what about judging others when they are not a danger? Is it because another is different from us and we feel less than, feel the need to elevate ourselves by putting another down? Or are we afraid of them? What is it that leads us to judge so harshly?

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Learn to Live with Gentleness

February 11, 2010 by 4 Comments

bed of gentle“Bed of Gentleness”

“Oh, could we not treat ourselves with great gentleness as we go through life learning, growing, healing? Would we then be more gentle with others, too?”

I was prompted to write this as a plea to myself and others during the time I was doing my self-searching. I began to notice the harshness of the people around me. At the grocery store, for example,  I noticed parents speaking to their children roughly, with nasty words. No gentleness. I noticed wives, speaking to their husbands with disdain. No gentleness.

Although I was able to identify a lack of gentleness in interactions around me, it took me several years into sobriety to see that I was treating myself the very same way that the parent treated their child in the grocery store – harshly, with nasty words. I was able to see the lack of gentleness “out there,” but not “in here.”

I began to notice that the way I treated myself slowed down my healing and growing processes. If I’m healing from something which wounded me, for example, being harsh with or belittling myself, etc., does not help me as I try to heal from the original wound. That is just heaping more abuse upon the experience, which hinders the healing process.

If I talk to myself gently, however, it promotes the learning and growing. I feel more safe inside myself. I have recently learned to speak gently from within. It took much practice. I had to consciously think about it, remind myself, catch the times I was talking badly to myself. Over time, good self-talk is gradually replacing bad.

Why all this talk of myself? Isn’t that just a bit self-absorbed? Ah, but you see, I have found on my journey that the more gentle I am with myself, the more gentle I am with you. The more I love myself, the more I can love you. Isn’t that what this is all about, after all?

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Search of Self

February 7, 2010 by 5 Comments

search of selfSearch of self, personal inventory, looking at my part in affairs… all the same thing, perhaps. For me it is. When I became sober and first did an inventory, really looked at myself with honesty, I was scared to death that all I would see was a failure, a selfish and bad person with nothing worth mentioning.

What I have learned over the years is that we all have redeeming qualities, even me. Like the image, our minds are a swirl of ideas and thoughts and we even have our shadows… and right in the middle of it all is our heart, shining brightly, leading the way when we let it. Don’t forget to look for those positive things about yourself that are in your heart.

I talk of looking at my part in affairs… what do I mean? For me, it is looking without fear at actions or thoughts I have in response to any given situation. My part in the affair may be that I had self-serving motives, or I was fearful to speak my truth and be honest with someone. It could also be that I had a positive thought of myself instead of beating up on myself or putting myself down.

Doing a self-appraisal was a good way to simply locate myself, to define what I was feeling. It became the vehicle of my inner freedom and peace. A regular habit of looking at my part in the affairs of my life taught me how to value, respect and love myself.

The beautiful thing is that once I can value, respect and love myself, I can value, respect and love others… you! It is a joyful and peaceful place to live and I am so grateful to have found it, one step at a time.

How are you doing with valuing, respecting and loving yourself? How about others?

Thank you for joining my blog today. As you may or may not know, this blog is about my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. Each blog, I talk about the next emotion or action or principle presented in the book, determined by the title of each gate. It will be a while before we get to Moments of Wonder, where I talk about that awesome emotion. Meanwhile, if you’d like to jump ahead, I have guest blogged for Our Little Books, a little book with a big message and  you can read my thoughts on moments of wonder. It’d be fun to have you visit. Our Little Books is a great line of little, teeny books… very inspirational. Hope you can check them out…

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