Blaming Others for Your Sadness

Good morning, all! May this be a fabulous day for you!

I say that, and yet, from your search terms, I recognize that there are those of you who read this blog who are feeling sad, or worthless, or just plain down. Having a good day is far from your grasp… you think. Or is it?

In the search term for today, “blaming others for my sadness,” lies the clue to continued difficulty. You see, when you blame others for your sadness, you are looking in the wrong direction. You are looking outside of yourself, when it is far more productive and appropriate to be looking within.

You may avoid looking within, as it is painful to discover what it there… painful to see your hurts, your pains of life. And, yet, it is the only way to happiness. I’d like to say that once you deal with those pains, what lies on the other side is magnificent. Peace, happiness, and freedom lie on the other side of pain, sadness, and despair.

I invite you to consider that you have the task of being responsible only for yourself, no one else. It is your task in life to look within yourself for managing your feelings yourself, not blaming others for your woes.

For example, I spent 38 years blaming my parents and everyone else for my upset feelings, but when I started looking inside and taking responsibility for my own feelings, my own healing, the result was discovering how I was creating my own pain, my own sadness. When I stopped putting that on others and started healing myself by, for example, seeing a therapist, writing about my feelings, reading books about my wounds, I began to feel so much better about myself and feelings of peace and happiness started.

You can learn to manage your own feelings instead of blaming others for them. We each have the responsibility to make our own happiness through our thoughts, our action, our behaviors. Take as your challenge the task of doing that, of looking within for your happiness, focusing on yourself instead of another.

They don’t make you unhappy; you make yourself unhappy by your thoughts about what is going on. So, focus today on yourself, and take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings. Manage them by owning them, expressing them. Look within for your happiness instead of blaming others. When you stop blaming others, you will experience so much peace and freedom in your life. I invite you to own your feelings, and stop blaming others. Leave a comment and let us know how that is going.

 

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You Have Choices in Your Life

It is great fun for me to blog every day, turning the page in the book to see what today’s topic is, thinking about what I want to say and how to say it. I hope you are enjoying the daily blogs, too. I am late today and disappointed that I am…

Today we’re talking about choices. You have choices in your life about everything you do. I didn’t believe that when I began my healing journey, my journey into sobriety.

Celebration of Choices

Celebration of Choices

In fact, I was a mess with emotion, and saw no way out of the emotional snare, and couldn’t fake that everything was fine. Couldn’t “grin and bear it,” nor “get on with it,” like everyone was saying to me. But I knew if I did that, it would be just like numbing the feelings with alcohol and I trying to quit; I did not heed their advice. So, I felt I had no choice but to be in an emotional snarl.

To digress a minute… I think when we say those things – grin and bear it, get on with it – to someone trying to get through emotional turmoil, it does not have the interest of the person at heart; it does a disservice to that person. If they could get on with it, they would! There is something holding them back.

Maybe it’s simply that they don’t know any other way to be, don’t know that another way exists. Maybe they’re in the process of getting on with it, and need to go through the turmoil to reach the other side.

I believe there is danger in saying grin and bear it and get on with it, even if we say it to ourselves – ESPECIALLY if we say it to ourselves. Doing so requires that we repress our emotions, our feelings. In so doing, our hurts turn into angers and resentments; among other things, we excessively drink away our sorrows.

Then one day, we explode and a child or wife is battered, someone is killed or hurt in some way, physically and always emotionally…  But we have choice in this whole process. 

So, back to what I was saying about being stuck in the turmoil and thinking I had no choice in the matter, when, in fact, I did. Rather than stay in the victim role, blaming others, I had the choice to take responsibility for my healing and my life to avoid going to that place of “losing it.” 

What do I mean by having choice? I mean, we do whatever it takes to look at our wounds that are making us unhappy, and move ourselves forward. We go to support groups for substance abuse, we get counseling, perhaps medication for emotional problems identified, we read books that discuss the specific topic that is our issue.

We engage in identifying our feelings by journalling, we take brisk walks a couple times a day. These are all things we can do when we decide to choose something different for ourselves. The list goes on…

The point here is the choice. I didn’t know it at the time, but my decision to get sober was my exercising of choice. It was the first step in taking responsibility for my healing. It was a choice I made with far wider-reaching healing than I ever could have imagined.

You, too, have choice over everything you do. Look gently at yours. Are you happy with them?

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