Respect for the Rights of Others

January 5, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Good morning, all! “Respect for the rights of others” was searched for four times, and I wish to address that today. To look at how to do this, it is necessary to look at what I believe another’s rights actually are. So let’s discuss them.

Cultivation of Differences

First, the biggest thing we can do to respect another is to tolerate one’s differences. In fact, we can celebrate the differences of each other, encouraging others, and ourselves, to greatness. The differences of others is what brings richness to our lives.

The second thing we can do to respect another is to treat them with kindness and consideration, just like we would want to be treated. When I say “consideration,” I am referring to consideration of one’s beliefs and one’s feelings.

It is the right of another to be treated as a worthy being, simply because they are living on this earth. We each are inherently worthy and we can respect that of another.

Respect of Individuality

Acknowledging one’s individuality is another way to show respect for them. We spend lots of time trying to get others to be like us, to think like us, to act like us. Is that because we feel insecure about who we are ourselves?

If we respect someone’s individuality and cultivate their differences, think of the harmony that would be created among us. Similarly, if we respect OUR individuality and cultivate OUR differences, think how we would shine in the world.

So, armed with these things – tolerance, cultivation of differences, kindness, consideration, and encouragement of individuality – we will be showing respect for others’ rights.

What actions do you take which show respect for another? Leave a comment and let us know.

 

 

 

 

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The Purpose of Resentments

November 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Good morning! I hope today is a pleasant day for you. I was affected by three search terms this morning: why is it important to respect rights of others, what purpose do resentments serve, and how does compassion help. Wow. Three very important issue and I’d like to address all three today.

Let’s start with why is it important to respect rights of others? In a nutshell, my response to that question is because it is the considerate, kind, and appropriate way to treat others. We each, in my opinion, have the right as people to be treated as if we matter, to have our rights as people  treated with respect, to be respected for who and what we are. That is, unless we are harming others, and that I don’t respect.

But consider this, if we want our rights respected, we need to offer it to others first. Then it will come back to us. When we respect another’s rights, they thrive and grow, becoming all they can be. For example, my rights to have a safe and happy home, to be treated as a valuable being, were not respected while I was growing up. As a result, as an adult I had great difficulty being myself, let alone growing into my greatness. It was only after learning to respect myself that I overcame that early treatment and have been able to grow.

The rights we each have, in my opinion, are to be treated as valuable human beings, worthy of consideration and kindness. We have the right to be in safe environments, rather than ones in which physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional abuse are present. Consider that you want your rights to be respected and, therefore, you need to respect another’s rights for that respect to be returned to you.

Let’s look now at the purpose of resentments. In my case, my resentments served the purpose of keeping me a very closed and self-centered person, seeking attention in the form of pity. My resentments gave me something to spend my energy on. It gave me the free license to be critical and demeaning toward others.

Perhaps the most important role that resentments play for us is allowing us to avoid being responsible and accountable for ourselves. We place the blame for our woes or failures on another and that takes the attention and the heat off of us. After all, it is difficult to look at and own our own behavior, especially when it is poor behavior. This is the only benefit to keeping resentments and, in my experience, when cleared of them, I experienced great freedom and peace.

How does compassion help? Well, for me, compassion was the precursor to forgiveness. Compassion softens everything, allows us to see others as humans – fallible. Often, we can see our own behavior being played out by another, and that leads to compassion not only for the other, but for ourselves as well. Yes, compassion is a softening emotion, easily practiced when we look at our own foibles and bad behavior.

How does compassion help you? And do resentments serve a purpose for you? How about respecting the rights of others… what do you see as another’s rights? Leave a comment and let us know.

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The Right to be Respected and Respect Others

September 17, 2012 by Leave a Comment

The right to be respected and respect others… one of the search terms that led someone to my blog yesterday. I felt compelled to speak of this topic… respect of self and others…

What is it about respecting ourselves and others that has so many people stumped? I mean, they don’t do it easily. That is evidenced by all the fighting that occurs… between people, between nations, between our own ears. Why is it so difficult for us to respect ourselves and others? That’s what I want to know.

I suspect it is fear… fear of something and I’m not sure what. Usually, behind shunning or disrespect is the inability to live and let live, to accept the differences of others and delight in the differences that they present. You see, the differences that others present is the rich fabric of our lives. The more we engage in celebrating the differences of others, the more respect we can offer them.

Maybe people are unable to respect others because they feel insecure in themselves. Perhaps, they need someone to put down in order to build themselves up. That’s a sad commentary, isn’t it? The fact is that we are all different and unique and in that uniqueness, lies our beauty. “One is not more beautiful than another, if we will only look, if we will only see.”

These are the words from my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. The title of the verse and photo which are paired with these words is Cultivation of Differences. The photo shows the knobs of a gate and the knobs, three of them, are black, brown, and yellow. Clearly, I am making a statement about cultivating the differences between people of different color.

In my book, I go through a process of how to get to the point of respecting and tolerating not only others, but ourselves as well. I wonder whether we stumble in our self-respect and tolerance because we are feeling unworthy as a being. Feeling unworthy is not a fun place to be. It leads to all sorts of maladies, and lack of self-respect is just one of them.

So, if you are one who feels unworthy about yourself, showing no self-respect, then what can you do? How can you move through that? One thing you can do is a performance appraisal, a self-appraisal. Specifically, do the part of the appraisal where you identify all your good points, all of the positive things about yourself.

From that,  determine what you do in your daily life to honor those positive points about yourself. Is not respect for who you are warranted? I suspect it is. In fact, I know it is, for we are each worthy, valuable, and to be respected. Look at how you treat yourself. Is it with respect or do you speak of yourself, treat yourself, poorly, with condemnation?

This is not advisable, for it erodes your spirit, your soul. It erodes the essence of who you are at your core. At your core is beauty, uniqueness, worthiness. Are these not issues to be respected for? I think they are.

Look at yourself. Take a hard and deep look within and see what you are doing in your life to respect yourself and others. Once you can show respect for all, you will know a new kind of peace. Sobriety is easier to maintain when you begin to respect yourself and others.

Just remember one thing… someone else’s importance or traits does not detract from your own greatness. The world is big enough to hold all of us in our greatness and this is worthy of respect.

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The Right to be Respected and Respect Others

September 17, 2012 by Leave a Comment

The right to be respected and respect others… one of the search terms that led someone to my blog yesterday. I felt compelled to speak of this topic… respect of self and others…

What is it about respecting ourselves and others that has so many people stumped? I mean, they don’t do it easily. That is evidenced by all the fighting that occurs… between people, between nations, between our own ears. Why is it so difficult for us to respect ourselves and others? That’s what I want to know.

I suspect it is fear… fear of something and I’m not sure what. Usually, behind shunning or disrespect is the inability to live and let live, to accept the differences of others and delight in the differences that they present. You see, the differences that others present is the rich fabric of our lives. The more we engage in celebrating the differences of others, the more respect we can offer them.

Maybe people are unable to respect others because they feel insecure in themselves. Perhaps, they need someone to put down in order to build themselves up. That’s a sad commentary, isn’t it? The fact is that we are all different and unique and in that uniqueness, lies our beauty. “One is not more beautiful than another, if we will only look, if we will only see.”

These are the words from my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. The title of the verse and photo which are paired with these words is Cultivation of Differences. The photo shows the knobs of a gate and the knobs, three of them, are black, brown, and yellow. Clearly, I am making a statement about cultivating the differences between people of different color.

In my book, I go through a process of how to get to the point of respecting and tolerating not only others, but ourselves as well. I wonder whether we stumble in our self-respect and tolerance because we are feeling unworthy as a being. Feeling unworthy is not a fun place to be. It leads to all sorts of maladies, and lack of self-respect is just one of them.

So, if you are one who feels unworthy about yourself, showing no self-respect, then what can you do? How can you move through that? One thing you can do is a performance appraisal, a self-appraisal. Specifically, do the part of the appraisal where you identify all your good points, all of the positive things about yourself.

From that,  determine what you do in your daily life to honor those positive points about yourself. Is not respect for who you are warranted? I suspect it is. In fact, I know it is, for we are each worthy, valuable, and to be respected. Look at how you treat yourself. Is it with respect or do you speak of yourself, treat yourself, poorly, with condemnation?

This is not advisable, for it erodes your spirit, your soul. It erodes the essence of who you are at your core. At your core is beauty, uniqueness, worthiness. Are these not issues to be respected for? I think they are.

Look at yourself. Take a hard and deep look within and see what you are doing in your life to respect yourself and others. Once you can show respect for all, you will know a new kind of peace. Sobriety is easier to maintain when you begin to respect yourself and others.

Just remember one thing… someone else’s importance or traits does not detract from your own greatness. The world is big enough to hold all of us in our greatness and this is worthy of respect.

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Cultivate the Differences We Find In Others

March 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Cultivation of Differences

One of the more exciting behaviors we can adopt to maintain our sobriety and bring us peace, is to cultivate the differences we find in others around us. It is exciting because we are always in a state of wonder about others when we decide to live this way. 

Just like we would with a garden, we tend to the differences we discover. We go out into the world looking for those differences, and we celebrate them when we find them. We honor others when we do this.

We start with the obvious differences… sex and color. We adopt the philosophy of “live and let live,” and we realize that “One is not more beautiful than another. Each has beauty in its own right, if we will only look… if we will only see.”

Once we discover and cultivate the differences we find in others, we can apply all the behaviors we have learned up to this point, like tolerance, respect, compassion, and kindness. We practice these principles freely.

When we do this, we will know a solidarity to our sobriety, and we will know peace. 

Today, look at the people around you and celebrate their differences. Know that their value does not detract from your own. Like the gates, “what thrives in one spot does not grow in another.” Remember that we want to cultivate the differences we find in others. Celebrate when you find these differences, as they add to the fabric of your life. 

 

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Dialogue with Others

January 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment
Invitation of Dialogue

Invitation of Dialogue

“If we as individuals cannot speak to each other, how, then, can we as nations achieve peace?”

This is the verse that accompanies the next image in the book. We are walking through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, one topic at a time. Our goals are sobriety and peace.

I was struck with awe when I saw this gate, as the little men seemed to be not only talking to each other, but listening as well. They seemed to be engaged in dialogue.

We as humans need to get ourselves together on the inside, and when we do, we then need to be able to communicate and interact with others in a meaningful way. When I say “meaningful,” I am referring to talking in a kind and respectful manner.

I listen to those around me when I am in public places, like the grocery store, and I am struck with how many people speak to each other in a mean or sarcastic way. I cringe when I hear this, thinking to myself that there is no kindness shown… no respect. And my heart is sad, believing that there is another way to talk with each other that is less hurtful.

As we engage in talking with another, we can, as I said, show kindness and respect. We can also show tolerance. There is no need to be sarcastic or defensive. And, one of the biggest things we can do when engaged with another is to listen to what they are saying, to have an interest in them.

Don’t worry. We will each get our chance to talk about ourselves and, if we don’t, then it was not meant to be. The other had something to get off their chest and we were the sounding board.

Yet, in a perfect world of dialogue with others,  it is a give and take of conversation, an ebb and flow of ideas, thoughts, and feelings. This makes for a rich and satisfying exchange for both parties.

In your conversations, are you kind, respectful, and tolerant to the other? Do you listen to what they are really saying, taking the time to not worry what you will say when it’s your turn to talk? Do you dialogue with others, talk with them, or do you talk to them? Today, be conscious of your dialogue with others and see if that feels different for you.

 

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How to Respect Another’s Individuality

January 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment
Respect of Individuality

Respect of Individuality

“We ask of others to follow our dreams, to be like us. Why?” 

Why, indeed! “Why can we not celebrate the talents and skills and differences of each other, encouraging others and ourselves to greatness, daring to stand out, to be unique, to be individual?”

Such is the verse that accompanies the image to the right in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. We are continuing on through the book in our search and quest for sobriety and inner peace, and today we are looking at individuality.

This verse was prompted by my experience of always being compared to others and being found deficient, almost every time. My dreams and talents and skills were rarely applauded for the fist 16 years of life; instead, I and my interests were compared to my sisters and found to be stupid, a waste of time. 

As a result, I have struggled with daring to stand out with my uniqueness, my talents and skills, until I became sober, did some healing work, and found inner peace.

We do great disservice to others when we compare them to ourselves or another, rather than accepting and applauding them as they express who they are in their soul. We are negating their Spirit-given talents and abilities, who they are at their very core.

Perhaps, the number one thing we can do to encourage individuality in others is to have a firm belief in and appreciation of who we are ourselves. We can work on ourselves to discover these things. When we do, we can go outside of ourselves and truly appreciate another who is different than us.

We no longer see the other as a threat, needing to be cut down, when we feel secure about who we are. Rather, we rejoice in all the different people that exist in the world, confident in the knowledge that the differences lend texture and richness to our lives.  

It is this single action that will bring us respect of individuality in others. Ask yourself today if you can truly see yourself with respect for your own individuality, and then observe how free you are to appreciate the individuality of those around you. 

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Improving Your Communication Skills

December 7, 2011 by Leave a Comment
Invitation of Dialogue

Invitation of Dialogue

“If we as individuals cannot speak to each other, how, then, can we as nations achieve peace?”

Such is the verse for our topic today, improving your communication skills.

Let me be clear about the fact that I am not a communications expert, but I do observe people and their communication, and I do know what prevents me from communicating with others.

What I observe is a lot of bickering, bullying, and putting others down. Why do we do that to each other? Why can we not speak with gentleness and kindness to others?

I think of the reasons that I do not communicate well to another and it is usually when I am feeling low, or “less than” about myself, or when I am very shy. I retreat inside, unable to come out and participate in dialogue.

I am talking about the kind of dialogue where each party is free to express their feelings or thoughts without fear of ridicule or belittlement. How can we, as listeners, be active participants?

First of all, we can show respect for another as they are talking to us, remembering that each person is unique and worthy of our respect. Remember, we are focusing on cultivating differences between us and others.

Secondly, we can show tolerance for that person, allowing them to have their own opinion, even if it differs from ours. Remember, just because they say something of worth, it does not detract from our value.

Third, we can show kindness and gentleness as we set about talking to others. Remember, we each just want to be acknowledged for who and what we are, so we can pay attention to those around us.

Fourth, have compassion for another as they trudge with purpose through their life. Remember, show ourselves compassion also, for the frightened people we may be when it comes to approaching others and talking.

With respect, tolerance, kindness, gentleness, and compassion, we can engage in dialogue with others, allowing ourselves to show that tender side of ourselves. When we practice these things, we can also listen well, which is the other part of communication. Remember, listen to what others are saying and hear with your heart.

How do you engage in communication with others? Do you need a brush-up on your communication skills? Do you do all the talking, or do you allow room for others to talk? Leave a comment and let us know what you think.

 

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Growth of Character

December 3, 2011 by Leave a Comment

I was drawn to the beautiful sweeping staircase behind this gate, and the interesting growth on the wall made me think of our lovely growth of character that develops as we follow the principles of living.

Growth of Character

Growth of Character

The verse asks, “Do we notice the character of another, grown over time on the wall of one’s being?” Then it asks if we notice our own character, evolved over time on our own wall. “Do we groom the moss and mold, encouraging new growth to flourish?”

One of the kindest things we can do for others and ourselves is to notice one’s character, and to recognize its growth over the years. It is a form of acknowledgment, of respect.

We each are interesting beings, with a character that has developed over time because of our unique experiences in life. This is to be honored – in others and in ourselves. 

When I titled this photo, I was thinking of Joe, an elder gentleman I met on a bus on the way from the parking lot to the Wooden Boat Show in Port Townsend, Washington. It was September of 2004.

He was hampered by a disability, and, yet, he was filled with enthusiasm and life. We struck up a conversation and I could not help but notice he was full of character. A nice friendship developed from that and the lunch we later shared.

We each have a character, grown over time on the wall of our being. We can continue to cultivate it as we age, lending grace to that process, as with Joe. Just as we notice that growth of character in another, we can notice it in ourselves. And, through living good principles of living such as we have been discussing, we can groom it, such that it flourishes.

Just for today, notice the character of another and offer it acknowledgment and respect. Just for today, notice your character and do something to encourage new growth. Then stand back and admire the beauty you find.   

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A Promise of Peace

October 31, 2011 by Leave a Comment
Peace at Dusk

Promise of Peace

And, so, we are brought to the last topic in my book “Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.” It is peace. The verse in the book is: “When I practice the principles of love for myself and others, the gates of my heart melt into the glow of dusk and peace rises to greet me.”

Even as I type that and read it aloud to assure it’s correct, I feel a deep, calm and settled  feeling in my heart. Knowing what path my life took to get me to this peace, it feels like a miracle and makes it all the more special.

Has it really been ten years ago that I was in deep depression and in the depths of despair, only able to drink and cry over an unrequited love for which I left my 20 year marriage? At the time, I thought I wanted to die, and stopped feeding myself to that end. Later, I would realize that the unrequited love got me out of my highly dysfunctional marriage. So, it was a gift for me.

But I couldn’t see that at the time and, so, proceeded to drink myself into oblivion every day for months. Finally, I got the spark of a will to live, and during that moment of clarity, I realized I needed to stop drinkiing. So, I set off to San Diego from the San Francisco Bay Area, to live with a girlfriend and get sober.

Now it is ten years later and life has become a gift and a blessing, filled with great joy and inner peace. In the interim, I have been through hell and back as I have had to feel my feelings and pain without numbing them with alcohol and drugs. In the process, I have developed a whole new awareness of myself and the world around me.

I have been reconfigured into a different person. I have learned to love myself and then others. Compassion, tolerance, and respect have filled my life and heart. I have found the peace for which I searched in my marriage and my drinking. Funny how I had to leave both behind to find it…

The journey I took is what is reflected in my book. It uses photographs of wrought-iron gates I took and verses with inspirational quotes about life that I wrote, to show the path I took in my travels to wholeness. It’s not a how-to book, yet if you purchased it and followed the steps I took along the way, perhaps you would find peace, also. And if you’ve found peace within, then join me in to book for a quiet , yet, triumphant celebration.

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Learning to Cultivate Differences Can Lead to Healing Emotional Pain

September 2, 2011 by 1 Comment

Cultivation of Differences

Perhaps the most notable difference you can cultivate is that with people of different color. In this photo, I make a strong statement about that difference. You can learn that people are just people, with the same fears, insecurities, and desires to be liked that you experience. We all bleed the same color of blood, have the same internal organs; the skin is just a covering of that which is similar in nature.

Along with differences in color, you will find people with differences in customs. Learning and celebrating these differences provides a delightful tapestry in your life, adding richly to your own customs.

Then there are differences in beliefs. I am not advocating that you cultivate differences when they are harmful to yourself or others, but, rather, when they enhance your sphere of belief. For example, people who pray to a different source than you can be considered fascinating. Just because they are different than you does not mean you must be defensive about what you believe. Your beliefs are just as valid.

When you cultivate differences with those that are different than you, a whole other world opens up. For example, I used to frown upon, and yes, even look down upon, people with tattoos. Then I got into sobriety and started learning to accept others as they are. What I discovered was that the most beautiful words came out of the mouths of people with tattoos, just like those that came out of the mouths of people without them. My whole outlook changed and I relaxed around them, letting them be, enjoying their words.

As you cultivate the differences you find in the world, it lends to your healing emotional pain, as you will find that you are more tolerant and respectful of your differences. It leads you to accept yourself more, celebrating your uniqueness. This helps heal a wounded psyche. What are the differences you can start cultivating today in your life?

 

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Life Is A Journey – Join The Journey of Life

February 22, 2011 by 1 Comment

What does it mean to join the journey of life? What is the journey anyway? I use that term to include the series of events and experiences that occur in our life as we go about living it, from day to day. In that definition is the inclusion of living a spiritually-based life, believing in some force greater than yourself that keeps the “ball” rolling.

For me, it also includes committing to a journey of sobriety, of living life according to principles of living without drinking, living a better life in my head, being a better person in the world. It involves adopting ways of treating myself and others, such as with tolerance, respect, and love. It embraces a life filled with behaviors such as forgiveness and compassion.

When I say join the journey of life, I refer to taking on the challenge to be involved in our lives… the leaves that have fallen, the leaves that are grown, and the buds yet to form. Life is a journey – climb the stairs and join it.

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Carolyn CJ Jones is the author and photographer of the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. More about the book can be seen above under “The Book,” or in the videos on the sidebar. “About Me and My Work” above reveals more about her. Carolyn is now offering limited edition professional prints, either as prints, matted, or framed which can be viewed above. February’s limited edition print is Visions of Gratitude.

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Inner Peace Leads To World Peace

December 7, 2010 by 2 Comments

Promise of Peace

When I practice the principles of love for myself and others,

the gates of my heart melt into the glow of dusk,

and peace rises to greet me.

So it is when we practice kindness, tolerance, respect, compassion, forgiveness, etc.- the principles of living. If we start by providing these things to ourselves, it leads to inner peace. We allow ourselves to be human, while learning to assess our thoughts and behaviors, constantly loving ourselves and others.

Fueled by a full and overflowing heart, we can them be at peace with those in our immediate surroundings, which, in turn, leads to those people gaining inner peace and so forth. There is no end result. The cycle repeats itself endlessly, furthering world peace.

It is a nice scenario I weave, is it not? Yet, it was possible and happened that way for me. Once I was able to love, value, and repsect myself, I was able to truly love, value, and respect others. I gained peace I never thought I would find, both within and with those in my world.

It works. It really does!

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Share the words of inspiration and hope in my book. Give a copy to a friend, or to yourself. Share in the process I went through to reach inner, and then outer, peace. I am having a holiday celebration and am selling the book for $25.00, including shipping and tax for California residents. This is a reduction from $29.95 plus shipping and applicable tax.

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Pursuit of Serenity

December 2, 2010 by 3 Comments

Balance of Serenity

I am serene,

carried to places where

I am held in balance

with great beauty and strength.

In the pursuit of serenity. do we try too hard? Is it something we do not need to actively pursue because it is a feeling with which we are graced?

The definition of serene is a state of being calm, tranquil – without agitation, free from disturbance. Ah, can’t you just feel being in that state? Don’t you wish to live there most of the time?

Perhaps the way to get there is to take certain steps that have been discussed throughout this blog… such as starting with searching ourselves, identifying our fears and the cause of them, assessing our behavior with others and ourselves. Is it kind, loving?

Then we can choose to adopt principles of living that are loving, such as kindness, tolerance, respect. We learn to live with compassion and forgiveness. The result is living in love, and serenity is a by-product of that. It’s a lovely place to live.

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Our book topics draw to an end, just as the holiday season begins. I’d like to let it be known that I will be offering a special holiday rate of $25 for my book, including shipping and tax for CA residents. This is a holiday special you don’t wish to miss! Whether for yourself or another, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing makes an excellent gift! What a wonderful way to start the new year!

This special rate will run from approximately Dec 6th (I have to check with my webmaster), through December 31st. I will keep you posted of the start date. And remember, I will sign each book.

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Do You Encourage Another’s Differences?

September 6, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Cultivation of Differences

We ask, require, and demand that those around us be like us, share our attributes and our beliefs. In so doing, we compare… one to another. In that process, do we not squash the spirit of one who is different from us?

One is not more beautiful than another. Each has beauty in his/her own right… if we will only look, if we will only see.

Such are some of the words from the verse for this image. In writing these words, I was struck with the memory of how I was compared to my siblings from an early age, and the effect that has had on me during my life. The result has been the belief that what I do is never good enough. I am always pushing myself to do better, to do differently.

I believe that to compare one to another is detrimental. Let’s, instead, look at the differences of others and celebrate the differences that we see, that we find when we allow ourselves to look with awe at another. Let’s cultivate our uniqueness, thus allowing the other to flourish in their garden of life.

To do this is to show love, respect, and kindness to another. How do you cultivate the differences of another? Do you encourage one’s differences? Do you celebrate their uniqueness? Does it give you a good feeling inside to do these things?

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Experience Grace

August 31, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Sweep of Grace

Grace is a state of being that sweeps down upon us. It is an unearned favor of great beauty and pleasure that gently and quietly is bestowed upon us.

When do we know we’re in grace? Perhaps it is having that great sense of knowingness inside that lets us know we are experiencing grace. There is a quietness to that feeling, where everything else tunes itself out and we are left with a deep smile in our soul. Everything falls nicely and easily into place, without needing to push on our part; it only requires us to take action. Then we let go of the results and more to the next thing which needs our attention.

How do we reach grace? We practice the principles of living which we have discussed… such as tolerance, respect, gentleness, kindness, compassion… We show these things for others, as well as for ourselves. To get to the place where we are able to do that, we look at ourselves – our actions, behaviors, thoughts, beliefs – and we do a self-appraisal of these things, looking at the things which block us from being a more loving person… to others and to ourselves.

We look honestly, even if it hurts, even if it is embarrassing. And when we do, we take action to correct those thoughts and actions to be a kindlier person; by doing this, we experience grace. What does grace look  in your life when you experience it?

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Author statement: It is my intent in bringing you this blog, to acquaint you with the topics in my book. I present them in the blog in the same order in which they appear in the book. The sequence of topics reflects my own healing journey in sobriety, from deep despair and feeling worthless, to joy and peace. I hope you find in these pages that which you seek.

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Examine Your Character

August 29, 2010 by 3 Comments

Growth of Character

Do you look, over time, at the wall of your being? Do you examine your character which has grown over the years? If you are living a sober life, then you do a self-appraisal daily, keeping track of your behaviors, your actions, and you adjust them when necessary.

You learn to practice the things about which we have talked… tolerance, respect, acknowledgment. And, in so doing, you are lending to the improvement and growth of your character.

What is meant by “character”? In the image, it is the growth of moss on the concrete wall, it is that which lends distinction. So is it with us. Our character is what makes us unique; it’s our distinctive mark. It is the sum of how we treat each other… and ourselves.

You have the chance to examine your character on an on-going basis, every day. Perhaps all it takes is honesty, openness, and willingness. Perhaps it involves fortitude – the courage to patiently endure pain and misfortune. This leads to a growth in your character, in that which makes you, you.

What are the rewards of growing our character? It raises our self-esteem; we like ourselves better and, in turn, we can like others better also. Pretty nice reward for learning to examine your character, don’t you think?

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Author statement: It is my intent in bringing you this blog, to acquaint you with the topics in my book. I present them in the blog in the same order in which they appear in the book. The sequence of topics reflects my own healing journey in sobriety, from deep despair and feeling worthless, to joy and peace. I hope you find in these pages that which you seek.

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Commit To Your Journey

August 4, 2010 by 5 Comments

Commitment of Journey

“Each step leads me further in my journey, offering repeated opportunity to examine myself, my life – the leaves that have fallen, the leaves that will fall, and the buds yet to form.”

This is a portion of the verse that accompanies the image of this gate. The verse goes on to say that, despite the rocky or smooth times, one commits to the journey, which is in each blossom and each leaf along the way.

In other words, it is in what we discover along that way that holds the journey, not the destination. The destination is not the journey. If we choose to look at the journey itself as the be-all and end-all, life takes on a different tone, a different flavor. Suddenly, we are able to see things in our environment with great wonder and awe. We become more aware of the buds forming in our life as we focus on our journey.

It becomes a commitment, a choice, to look at and live in the moment, soaking in what is around us right now. It continues, for we have liked it so well, we thirst for more.

We become accustomed to examining ourselves… our actions, behaviors, the ways we have treated people, and the things said to them. This is an on-going and never-ending action that one learns to do in sobriety. It keeps us abreast of how we treat ourselves and others. Armed with that knowledge, we make the choice to  set things right, perhaps adjust our behavior and thoughts. It leads to greater harmony, respect, and tolerance. It leads to peace.

We commit to this as a way of life, along with seeing the buds and leaves along the way, along with living in the moment, living in this 24 hours. We look at the leaves that have fallen… the past… as it relates to moving us forward. We revisit the past to reflect, to heal, to grow. We use it to keep ourselves moving forward, in the moment.

How does the commitment to your journey manifest? Do you commit to living in the moment, to performing a daily self-inventory? How does this work for you?

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As the author and photographer of her book of wrought-iron gates and accompanying prose, it is said by others that Carolyn CJ Jones’ book offers inspiration and empowerment to those in transition, to those souls in the corner who struggle. View the video about the book, which is located to the right of this blog. Buy the book from Carolyn’s website -receive free shipping and your personally autographed copy.

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Are You Being Honest With Others?

August 1, 2010 by 11 Comments

Welds of Honesty

Oh, my goodness. I have not written since July 19th! I apologize for the delay. I was out-of-town at my 40th high school reunion and have been debriefing since my return late on the 27th. Going back to my reunion reminded me of how closed I was in earlier days, how I was not honest with others about who I was inside, how I didn’t even KNOW who I was. This thought leads me into today’s topic from the book, which is about being honest with others about who you are.

The verse in the book that goes with this image talks about looking inside to see who one is, then deciding to honestly show others what is found. When doing a self-appraisal, however, perhaps we dwell on the negative and are not able to identify our positive points. We are linked to a negative perception of ourselves.

When we can identify the delightful things about ourselves that make us the unique contribution to the fabric of our world that we are, can we then let people see that side of us, see our strengths and skills, our joys and sorrows? Identifying these things about ourselves may be difficult for some; yet, we each have positive and delightful traits and characteristics, we each slide along the continuum of feelings.

Perhaps, once in touch with who we are, we can share such things as joy, gratitude, sorrow, and despair. There is a closeness with others when one begins to share of themself in this way. The others, in turn, reveal more of themselves and these people connect on a deeper level.

It is important to trust the persons to whom we open up. It would be easier to convey the exhilarating emotions than the grieving ones. Yet, when we act beyond our fear of exposing ourselves and our truths, beyond the fear of being vulnerable, we experience that closeness with others. It generates more joy and more gratitude, as well as more love , kindness, tolerance, and respect.

This is not to say that all persons are trustworthy of our revealings. One must discern that another is safe to talk with. It would not be advisable, for example, to share with one who treats our thoughts and feelings with disregard and abuse, as that wounds our soul.

Do you experience this type of honesty with others?  What is that like for you?

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As the author and photographer of her book of wrought-iron gates and accompanying prose, it is said by others that Carolyn CJ Jones’ book offers hope to the soul in the corner who struggles. Perhaps there is a bit of a struggling soul in each of us. Perhaps we each could benefit from the journey she shares. View the additional information about the book to the right of this blog. Buy the book from her website and receive free shipping.

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How to Develop Awareness

June 26, 2010 by 2 Comments

Birth of Awareness

I tap into my ability to persevere, to walk through the gates of my despair to reach my passions and desires… the things about myself and the world around me in which I delight, to which I connect.

I allow myself my grief and sorrow, my sadness and anger. Then I turn my attention to the lushness I see beyond the opening…

I decide to walk through the gate.

What is meant by awareness? In this case, it is first and foremost the awakening to one’s feelings and emotions – recognizing them, acknowledging them, experiencing them, and then moving on to all that surrounds us.  It is a process that occurs over time, and it can be painful as one deeply feels one’s feelings.

After this, awakening refers to becoming acutely aware of one’s surroundings – the dew on the grass, the luscious smell of a rose, the beauty of a redwood tree, reaching majestically to the sky.  And it is not just nature where awakening is found. It also occurs by observing the design of a building, the beautiful lines of an old automobile, the gentle light thrown by a lantern or candle. It encompasses everything around us.

In the final stages of awareness, one looks at others with the eyes of the heart. From this attitude springs the ability to be compassionate and kind to others, tolerant and respectful – all in a very authentic way.  Awareness of another’s humanness can lead to better understanding and acceptance of that person.

Once these things develop – when one become acutely aware of others – and all of these things develop, one begins to see one’s self with kindness, compassion, tolerance and respect.  That’s right – we are brought back to the beginning of the cycle, and the process repeats itself, endlessly, if we allow it.

It is helpful to slow down, to just stop and do a sweeping assessment of all that surrounds us, considering what we see with love in our heart. And this is how awareness is born – by repeating this cycle over and over and over again.

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Tips For Improving Your Character

April 13, 2010 by 3 Comments

Growth of Character

“Do we notice the character of another? Do we recognize the traits and qualities of another, grown, over time, on the wall of one’s being?

Do we notice our own character, evolved, over time, on our own beautiful wall? Do we groom the moss and mold, encouraging new growth to flourish?”

growth of characterToday, because of my journey in sobriety, I am able, even excited, to discover things about others. For me, that brings us closer as we recognize ourselves in each other. And still, each has one’s own unique character and that’s where the fun of discovery come in.

To look at one’s character traits is to look at wisdom, I have found. Once past my fear of others and my self-doubt, I became able to open my heart and consider the other with respect and compassion, cultivating the differences between us. What a joyful experience this has been!

It is interesting that when I wrote the above prose, only the first stanza existed. Then, one of the book’s advance readers asked, “What about our own character, improving it?” She was right. The second stanza was born. I have learned to take responsibility for grooming my own mold and moss, if you will, to strengthen and grow my character. Again, I learned how to do this because of my healing journey and my  journey through sobriety.

It took me willingness to do things differently, to listen to others, to ask for help. It took soul-searching and looking honestly at how I treated myself and others. It took forgiveness of others first, and then of myself. It has been a process over time… years, in my case. And the pruning has been worth it.

How did you learn to groom and grow your own beautiful wall?

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Respect the Rights of Others

April 1, 2010 by 4 Comments

Respect of Individuality

Individuality“We ask of others to follow our dreams, to be like us. Why?

Why can we not celebrate the talents and skills and differences of each other, encouraging others and ourselves to greatness, daring to stand out, to be unique, to be individual?”

To those of you new to my blog, allow me to explain what I am doing. I am working my way through my book, one titled photograph at a time. The photos are sequentially ordered to reflect my journey through the gates of despair to peace and joy.

We started with fear and despair, moved into awareness and through search of self. Today, as will be the next few images, we are dealing with ways in which we can treat ourselves and others better, with acknowledgment and respect; we’ll get to judgment and tolerance next.

The prose which is paired with this image was written early in my sobriety when I was dealing with my feelings associated with having been compared to my sisters all the years I was growing up. My accomplishments were never as good as theirs, never enough when compared to another. It was a major source of my low self-esteem and self-confidence.

I think that we could do a better job of respecting each other and the delightful parts that make us each who we are. It is these differences that weave the fabric of our lives, rich with texture.

I find that when I am open and respecting another, I learn, I grow, and the other person is encouraged to be themselves, to let their light shine. I think that to show respect for another is to show love for that person. I think we could do better at this.

I think the elder is worthy of respect for wisdom gained through years of experiencing life. I think people are deserving of respect for their cultural beliefs and practices. The young adult is worthy of respect for embarking on their journey. I think the child is worthy of respect for the new discoveries made of themselves and the world around them. I think all are worthy to have basic rights respected. What do you think?


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Acknowledgement of Others

March 26, 2010 by 3 Comments

Acknowledgement of Others

“We go within so we can reach out to others and we reach out to others so we can go within. It is a never-ending circle of acknowledgment – of each other, and of ourselves. We just want to be seen, to be noticed by those around us. We need to matter to each other, and to ourselves. We do not need to do this alone. We need to help each other. “
OthersI believe acknowledgment is the simplest form of showing respect and kindness to another simply because they, too, are a human being. When acknowledged by another, do you not feel a renewed sense of energy. feel better about yourself and the world around you?

Have you ever noticed the eyes of another light up when you acknowledge them? When I experience this, it softens my heart toward the other person, knowing that I, too, would respond in like fashion if someone were to connect with me. It makes me feel good about myself for having done something kind for another, for having done something to further practices such as harmony and respect and love. So I, too, walk away feeling good. It’s a win-win.

We all just want to be noticed by those around us, by those that are important to us… even by those we don’t know. A nod, a smile… eye contact. A soft hello. It doesn’t take much. My heart can soar sometimes, just by having had a passerby smile at me. Hmm. If I felt that way, wouldn’t it be nice to pass it on to another?

And what of acknowledging ourselves? For me, I have learned that showing myself the same kindness and respect I would show a stranger is crucial for my ability to acknowledge another. When I go within, I feel myself a person worthy to open myself up to you. By paying attention to my needs, by nurturing myself, I gain the energy and confidence in myself to approach you. I go within so I can go without.

And I go without so I can go within, as I discussed above. Imagine this beautiful circle of energy that is created just by acknowledging another, by acknowledging ourselves. What would that be like?

We cannot do it alone. We need to help each other as we each learn, heal, and grow.

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Part 2 – Practicing Patience While Driving

March 24, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Patina of Patience

patienceYesterday, I cited the prose that is paired with this image in the book. It talked about learning to slow down after a lifetime of running so fast. One of the areas in which I have learned to slow down is my driving.

I am not one of those drivers that whizzes in and out of lanes, and I try to be considerate of the other driver. Yet, of late, I find myself quite impatient when behind someone who is not going the speed limit and I am boxed in, unable to pass them.

The muttering that occurs when this happens has grown past my comfort level. No one can hear me, of course, and I’m not honking at the other driver, but it is the angst, the tension that I feel that is detrimental to me and the other driver, and it takes away the enjoyment I get from driving. If anyone has a trick for maintaining patience when behind someone not going the speed limit and they could be, I would appreciate hearing how you do it, what your thought process is…

Other then the speed limit issue, I learned to slow down and stop grumbling at the other “incompetent” drivers when I started driving a full sized van. Frequent lane changes and speeding became things of the past. Instead, I learned to lope along, going with the flow of the traffic. I was one of those that sometimes did not go the speed limit.

That experience taught me to have respect and patience for the RV drivers especially. I learned that sometimes it is necessary to drive slower than the traffic to maintain control of your vehicle. Stopping distance increases a great deal. Lane changes are more cautiously executed. Knowing these things, I have little difficulty having patience with these drivers.

I am grateful for the years of driving my van and the patience it taught me. As in life, going with the flow is the path of least resistance and brings the most pleasure.

What of those drivers that do not have that experience, those who are impatient and drive recklessly, those who exhibit road rage? I suppose we learn to give way in order to avoid an accident. Yet, is that what it takes to gain patience while driving… an accident? Lives changed or lost? It is not worth it.

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Discover the Magic of the Gates

September 6, 2009 by 3 Comments

I returned to that community in February 2004, at the end of the rainy season. joyful hearts-smWalking for hours and hours, from gate to gate, I became lost in time capturing crafted metal, puzzles of brick and stone, and lush, vibrant foliage.

Once I shot  two or three rolls of slides, I took them to be developed, reviewed them, decided there were improvements to be made, returned and shot more, and so it went for days.

I had no idea why I could not stop photographing these gates.

Drawn initially to their beauty, I eventually came to realize that they held great spiritual significance for me. They began to represent the ways in which I had erected barriers in my heart in response to hurts and pains I had experienced in my life. Those barriers prevented me from seeing the beauty that abounded all around me … in others, in myself, and in my surroundings.

They exemplified the beauty and light I wished to experience in my life, yet, could not seem to reach.

Soon, I began to wonder if others felt the same way, if their hearts were closed to themselves and others in response to hurts they’d experienced. Were we all experiencing gates of the heart, preventing us from treating ourselves and others with respect, value and love?

I didn’t know, but in response, I began to journal about the ways in which we, as humans, do not always treat each other well. Return and learn about how my journaling led to the book…

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