Getting Past Feelings of Worthlessness

Corner of Worthlessness

The beginning of the book deals with four difficult emotions, the next one being worthlessness. For me, this was a feeling that I was about as good as a pile of debris in a corner, just like in the photo to the left.

It was one of the things I drank over, heavily, not only because of the bad feelings, but because of my resentment at the person who called me worthless so frequently. I was looking to drown or numb the sting of the feelings of worthlessness – the pain of hearing it, thinking it, living it. 

I did not know how to rid myself of these feelings, so I drank. It was a vicious circle… I drank cause I felt worthless and wanted to feel better, and then I felt not only worse, but depressed, as well.  It wasn’t until I discovered my life’s purpose that this all changed.

It also wasn’t until I had been sober for a few years that my feelings of worthlessness diminished. I won’t pretend to tell you the feelings disappeared overnight… they didn’t. Rather, it was 5 years into sobriety and I was still having difficulty with these feelings. Then, a miracle happened. Here’s how it played out…

I felt worthless and great despair over the fact that the pain of my upbringing was for no good purpose except to bring me down, to lead me to failure. I saw no purpose to my life and prayed to God to let me die because I was too afraid of committing suicide.

Then, one day I was at a support group and I listened to a man share about his pain, which was very similar to the pain of things I had dealt with and healed from. So I went to talk to him, and was able to relay books to read and even gave him my therapist’s name and number.

He was so grateful, he cried. As I walked to my car, I realized that my history had been of use to this guy. If I had not experienced it and suffered as I had, I wouldn’t have done healing work, and I wouldn’t have known resources to give to this man. Suddenly, I saw my difficult and painful childhood as a benefit, a plus.

In that instant, I realized my life’s purpose was to relay to others in emotional pain the information I have gained along the way in my healing process. I had a purpose, my life had a purpose! The feelings of worthlessness and despair lifted and were resolved right then and there! Yes, worthlessness creeps in there occasionally, but I am able to dispel it quickly, and to regain my sense of worth.

Do you have feelings of worthlessness over which you drink? Have you thought that your worth lies in the help and service you can give and be to others? Think about it, for there is a lot of merit in the thought that your life has had a specific purpose all along… that of healing from your wounds so you can help others heal from similar ones. Does that help with your feelings of worthlessness? I hope so…

 

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Living with Serenity

Living with Serenity

Balance of Serenity

“I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am help in balance with great beauty and strength.”

This is how it feels when I am experiencing serenity. It feels very balanced, and I feel beauty and strength both within and without.

The act of being serene is how Webster defines serenity. And serene is defined as not disturbed or troubled, calm, peaceful, tranquil. Do you feel that in your life?

It seems when I am living my life and not forcing it to go anywhere, but merely taking action on the things that have been put right in front of me to do, my life is in balance. It’s like the spires, wrought-iron piece, and the tree branches which are all in balance in the photograph above.

And it’s an incredible gift I am given, that of serenity. For it allows me to go through the day without “wigging out,” which is my tendency, and instead, calmly approaching the tasks of the day.

The gift is as a result of my sobriety, which led to my ability to heal. I went through the process that is described in the book and of which I have been blogging.

Sobriety is a process at which I worked hard, and now I am gifted to be to reaping the reward. Living with serenity allows me to experience calamity and meet it with calm. I’m sort of dealing with a calamity now, actually. Being serene is allowing me to think of all the possible results that could happen, and deciding what my next step is to be, where I will take action and how I will be be responsible for myself.

I couldn’t go through this thought process when I was drinking. I just got angry and withdrew in face of the fear of saying something, or doing something. When I met a calamity, I was filled with inner, and outer, turmoil. 

I cannot express to you how nice the change is. All I can say is it’s due to my sobriety and the process through which I went. I thank you for allowiing me to share that process with you through this blog.

Are you living with serenity in your life? Could you follow the process that I’ve been discussing and make some changes within yourself?

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Do Your Resentments Serve A Positive Purpose?

Guest Post By: Sherry Gaba, Recovery Coach & Author

Please welcome Sherry Gaba, who has written the dynamite book, The Law of Sobriety.

Revenge, negativity, hatred, scorn are just a few of the emotions that an individual can be carrying around with them without even being aware of the impact they have on their day-to-day lives. Every person on the planet has had experiences that are less than pleasant, some experiences that could even be described as horrific and traumatic. A question that you need to ask yourself is what are you doing with these emotions that you are carrying around like chronic baggage?

Have You Faced Your Resentments?

When facing your resentments, have you ever taken the time to evaluate the exact purpose those resentments have in your life? Are your resentments living in your head rent-free? This is a popular saying in the program and it makes a great deal of sense. Every human being is given 24 hours in each day, no more and no less. Time is the one resource that we cannot get more of.  Are you investing emotional energy in things that will benefit you or are you investing emotional energy by carrying around negative resentments? When you take the time to evaluate your resentments you may see how your choices aided in the outcome of situations that resulted with resentments.

Take Responsibility

The Law of Sobriety tells us that we need to take responsibility for the choices that we made in the past and the choices we will make in the future. When examining specific resentments, maybe towards a past romantic partner, a parent, an old friend, you will see where choices you made create a level of accountability. This is not to say that horrific things that happened to you are your fault, but it does reinforce that you no longer need to live in the land of victim. There are tools that you can use to help examine specific resentments with the desire of moving past that negative emotion that doesn’t serve you.

A Tool For Healing

Journaling is a great way to document your journey of recovery and can be used to let go of resentments. In your journal write a letter to the individual that caused you to have resentment. In this letter write down how you experienced the situation, what you felt and how this experience affected you. Use as many specific and detailed descriptions as possible to paint a very clear picture. While writing this letter try to express your accountability for your actions during this experience. Close the letter with a sentiment of forgiveness, even if you don’t believe it at the time.

The act of writing this letter and reading it out loud if desired begins the process of letting that negative energy go, releasing it into the universe. Continue to read the letter over time and you will find that you begin to believe the words of forgiveness and it is at this point when the universe knows that you have finally released that negative resentment that was taking up space in your mind and in your heart. Remember that if you are experiencing emotions that are negative, these emotions don’t serve you in a positive way. If something doesn’t serve you in a positive manner, you must learn to release those negative emotions to make room for emotions that will serve you.

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Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a Life and Recovery Coach on Celebrity Rehab on VH1 and author of The Law of Sobriety which uses the law of attraction to recover from any addictions. Sherry can be reached at sherry@sgabatherapy.com for coaching packages, therapy, teleseminars, workshops, or speaking engagements. www.thelawofsobriety.com or www.sgabatherapy.com.

 

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