Developing Tolerance For Ourselves and Others


Good morning. I find it interesting that, having blogged about judgment, other experiences happened that got me to look at the way I judge things. It’s as if it shows up everywhere as a means to look at my thoughts and judgments, and to heal from them, to ask for help to correct them.

For example, after my last blog, I was on hold on the phone for a long time and there was music playing. I noticed that I was judging it… “this is too chaotic and irritating,” or, “this is mellow and soothing.” It was that continual litany of judgments I referred to in my last post. I do this when I am around people, also. A continual assessment of what I like or dislike. Do you do this?

Practice of Tolerance

At first I was appalled, and then I had to smile, realizing that I can just notice my thoughts and say to myself that I don’t wish to be so judgmental. I have to, actually choose to, look at myself with tolerance. And that is today’s topic… tolerance. Certainly, I am a supporter of being tolerant of others, and especially of their differences, but I wish to focus on tolerance for ourselves.

There has to be a distinction between tolerance for bad behavior, i.e. hurting another or ourselves, and I don’t think we should tolerate that. But we can still look at bad behavior and say to ourselves we no longer wish to do that, and then ask for help from Source to dispel it.

I’m referring to just sitting with our thoughts and tolerating them, bringing ourselves to awareness for having negative thoughts, rather than beating ourselves up. I don’t think that solves anything other than making us feel badly about ourselves.

So the next time you find you are having thoughts or acting in a manner that disturbs you, take a minute to just reflect upon it, and offer yourself tolerance. Not excuses… just tolerance. Then ask for help to change that from the source that guides you, and see what happens.



Why Do We Judge Others So Harshly?

Absence of Judgment

Why so we judge others so harshly for being who they are, if their actions and behaviors feed their spirit and are not harmful to themselves or others?

Why so we judge ourselves so harshly for being who we are, if our actions and behaviors feed our spirit and are not harmful to ourselves or others?

This thought occurred to me one day as I was thinking about my neighbor, who is a little odd in his habits. After a minute, I admitted to myself that if someone were to look in at my life, I, too, am  odd. I drew myself up short as I realized how I was judging, rather than seeing each of us as just how we are.

From that grew the inclusion of all of us as a people and how we spend a lot of time judging. While it is necessary to assess others – their behaviors, thoughts, actions – as they relate to our personal safety and well-being, we tend to not stop there. We, instead, continue and find fault with what we discover.

Instead of appreciating the individuality of another, we stand in judgment, assigning positive and negative thoughts or even statements to people, about the other’s “flaws.” This amounts to character assignation. Where is the cultivation of the differences of another?

Perhaps, it is a choice we make – to not assign positive or negative, good versus bad, right versus wrong,  to our assessment of another. Perhaps, we are not even aware we are judging; we would see whether we are or are not, upon closer self-examination or self-appraisal.

Once having looked at ourselves and found we are judging, we can make the choice to stop that behavior, for to do so leads to peace, both within and in our world.


Carolyn CJ jones is the author and photographer of the book, “Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.” This is a book of wrought-iron gate photographs and inspirational prose that reflects her healing journey through deep and utter despair to joy and peace. This blog is the discussion of each topic as it appears in the book. Photos and/or the prose from the book begin each post. Further information about Carolyn and her book can be found in “About Carolyn” and “About the book” above.