honesty • Creating Peace Through Forgiveness

How Sobriety Benefits Relationships

May 12, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Hello, all! Happy morning to each of you and I hope this is an excellent day for you! The search term I liked has to do with the effect that sobriety has on relationships, and I will address that today.

In sobriety, one of the biggest benefits is the ability to get honest with yourself and with others. In this case, honesty refers to letting others know who you really are by sharing your true feelings in a kind way. Yet, even more importantly, honesty refers to looking at your behavior and owning it when it is less than stellar, i.e., when it is negative.

The ability to own your negative behavior will take you far in relationships. Instead of blaming another for things that got uncomfortable or went bad, you will learn to see what role you played in the event, and will be able to apologize for anything you did that was unkind or mean-spirited.

This is where conducting a self-appraisal is crucial. When you are in a relationship, whether it is romanic or not, I invite you to learn to keep an eye on your behavior and when you start the ball rolling in an argument, for example, or you do something that hurts the other, then take the higher road. Accept responsibility for your behavior and apologize.

Sobriety allows you to apologize without groveling or getting defensive, but merely, to humbly admit to your less-than-positive deed and to apologize for it. I can’t tell you how freeing it is to admit to your negative behavior. It sounds like it would be horrible to do, yet, it is liberating. And it makes for many fewer arguments.

If you like what I say in this blog or others, I invite you to check out my coaching services under the “Services” tab here on my website. I offer free 30-minute discovery sessions for us to discuss what issues you are struggling with, and to relay how we could continue to work together. Simply call me at 415-883-8325.

Being honest as I have described it is the biggest benefit I see to how sobriety benefits relationships. What do you see as the biggest benefit that sobriety has on them? I invite you to leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: being honest, getting sober, honesty, living sober, relationships, Sober Living, sobriety

What Is Honesty?

May 2, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning and welcome to another wonderful day! Today’s three-time search term is “what is honesty?” and I will address that today.

In sobriety, I learned about honesty and it expanded my belief and understanding of it. Yes, it’s about not stealing, and it’s more than that for all of us. It includes how you show up in the world to others and to yourself.

For example, showing honesty also means being honest about your actions and behaviors. Many of us do not look honestly at our actions and behaviors, and we blame others for what is rightfully our issue. Especially when there is a controversy, we blame another for things that went wrong, when we refuse to look at what part we played in the altercation. It always takes two…

So, in this case, what is honesty? Well, it is owning your bad behavior. Honesty is admitting that you did a bad deed, or gossiped about someone, thereby smashing their spirit, for example. But again, the biggest offender of being honest is when you blame another before you look at what you brought to the disagreement. Let’s look at blaming others in more detail.

I spent 32 years blaming my parents for my emotional woes from my childhood wounds, but never once did I think of accepting responsibility for my feelings, being responsible for healing my own wounds. Once I learned that it was my job to heal myself, my life took off in a glorious direction.

Well, it wasn’t glorious at first; it was extremely painful. Yet, after looking squarely at my hurts, my wounds, it began to get glorious as I healed from one wound after another. It took learning to talk to myself in a positive light, learning that most of what I had been told was a lie, my parents’ own wounds talking to me. I began to realize I was not the person that they told me I was. This realization brought me much joy and happiness… as well as peace.

I invite you to stop blaming others for deeds done, and to look at yourself to determine how you can heal from what was told or done to you. That does not mean you ignore what was said or done… you are merely going through and past that to a place of higher “being” about it all. You are setting the stage for forgiveness.

I invite you to own your bad behavior and apologize when it’s appropriate. Be humble, not ashamed. Realize you are a human being who makes mistakes and admit to them. When you “come clean” with another person, their feelings for you will most likely soften. They will most always accept your apology and they also often then talk about what they brought to the incident, where they displayed bad behavior. Usually in these instances, showing up with honesty will lead to healing between you and the other person.

If you have difficulty going through this process, that’s where I can come in with my coaching services. These are the very type of situations I do well with… identifying how to get past blaming, how to own behavior, how to display honesty. If you are stuck at this point, feel free to contact me at 415-883-8325 and we can discuss how I might be of assistance to you, how we can work together to bring you relief.

I want you to have peace, you see, and this is one way to find it… by learning what is honesty…

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: being honest, forgiveness, honest, honesty, how to find peace, how to forgive, inner peace, peace, what is honesty

Honesty, Openness, and Willingness

March 28, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Well, good morning to each of you! I wish you all a wonderful day filled with light and joy. May you have peace. This morning I was able to get into my stats and I see three searches for honesty, openness, and willingness, so will speak about these today.

Honesty, openness, and willingness are the basis of all spiritual walks and the cornerstones of all recovery programs… the hallmarks, if you will. When you practice these three things, all sorts of other things fall into place for you. But what do they mean? Let’s take a look…

Welds of Honesty

Honesty, openness, and willingness are all in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. Let’s start by looking at honesty. Certainly, you want to practice being honest by not lying, stealing, cheating, etc., but this refers to much more.

Being honest also refers to your ability to see yourself as you truly are, with both your positive and your negative points, your strengths and your weaknesses, the things you do well and the things you messed up, the ways you were unkind, for example.

Many of you have not even heard of the concept of doing a self-appraisal and keeping a watch on yourself and your behavior. When performed on a regular basis, it is very powerful.

Being honest about who you are, even with all of your faults, is what is meant by being honest. Allowing others to see your soft and vulnerable side is being honest.

When you are honest, your being is as solid as the welds in the picture to the left, and it forms a strong base upon which to build your true Self.

Let’s continue on in our talk about honesty, openness, and willingness by moving on to openness. This refers to how you open your mind to new things, open your heart to feel, open your heart to allow grace in.

When you go around with a closed mind, thinking you know everything, not hearing what others are telling you about things and about yourself, then you are cutting off so much that is valuable. When you close your mind to what others say about you, you shut out an outside viewpoint, something you may wish to consider in your journey to wholeness and peace.

Beware of those, however, that would put your down, verbally abuse you, and try to not let their words affect you negatively. Realize that they are striking out, perhaps, in their own fear, their own woundedness, but don’t buy into what they are saying.

Key of Willingness

Having a closed heart blocks the way to peace and joy. You may stay behind the safety of a closed gate for fear of getting your heart hurt… again, yet when you open the gates of your heart, wondrous things start to happen. You are touched in ways you perhaps never have been before. It is very freeing, and it’s the way to peace.

Now we come to willingness and I cannot say enough about this except that it is the key to everything. When you are willing, it unlocks the gates of your heart, it allows the Universe to provide for you.

All it takes is willingness the size of a keyhole, and that is enough to unlock gates. The desire to grow takes willingness, the ability to listen to what another is saying takes willingness, the on-going practice of doing a self-apraisal takes willingness.

If you struggle with being willing for change to visit you in your life, ask the Universe for the willingness to be willing to have willingness.

And there we have the cornerstones… honesty, openness, and willingness. I wish you well in your search for and practice of these three things.

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: being honest, being wiling, honesty, how to become willing, how to find peace, inner peace, openness of mind, peace, Willingness

How to Practice Honesty

February 18, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Hello, all, and welcome to another day. May it hold peace and goodness for each of you. The search term I was drawn to is “practicing honesty.” There is a misconception about what it means to be honest, and I’d like to address that.

In fact, I have a very recent experience to illustrate my own lack of honesty in a situation that led to being the recipient of verbal abuse. I live in a mobile home park, and my neighbor is currently having her place resided. One evening, I came home, pulled into my carport, and found her 10-foot x 1-foot wooden planter box at the front of my carport.

I was upset that my property was being used as the storage and overflow for her belongings, and especially without even asking me first. Also, I happen to think the planter box is ugly, along with the scrubby plants it contains. So, I called my neighbor to ask why the box had appeared in my carport. She had been unaware of it.

After establishing that it must have been the workers who moved it there, she asked if I wanted it moved. Here is where I was dishonest. The truth was, I wanted it gone, but I was remembering all the times she has watched my cat when I travel, and so decided to cut some slack and allow it to remain.

What I told her was that I guessed it’d be okay to stay for a while while the work was being done. What I needed to have said to practice honesty was that I did mind and could she please have it moved the next day. Because I did not practice honesty… I was not honest… it led to a show-down when I asked her to move it a week-and-a-half later because I just could not look at it any longer every time I drove in. She pelted me with a barrage of verbal abuse, and now our relationship is less-than-ideal, to say the least.

My whole point here is, we often are not honest, don’t practice honesty, and mean one thing while we say another. We do this, perhaps, to avoid a scene or to avoid the wrath of another. In that process, we are not true to ourselves – not true to our beliefs and desires. And, in the end, the wrath may come anyway, as it did in my case.

Honesty can be passed along with gentleness; it doesn’t have to be brutal. We need to practice honesty by saying what we really are thinking or feeling. This keeps us in integrity.

In what way(s) can you practice honesty in your life, but don’t? Leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Principle of living Tagged With: being honest, having honesty, honest, honesty, practicing honesty

What Is Honesty?

February 7, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning, all, and may this be a day of great peace for you. The search term that I am going to write about today is honesty, what is honesty. When practiced, honesty brings peace and freedom to us.

Webster defines honesty as that which will not lie, cheat, or steal. That’s how I used to define honesty. Then, when I got sober, I learned an expanded version of it, which is included in Webster’s definition as free from deceit, being genuine and pure.

It is the latter that I wish to expound upon today. You see, we can be dishonest about who we are as a person, how we present ourselves to others. That’s what I did all my life… be deceitful in the sense that I pretended to be what I was not. I pretended that all was okay, for example, that I liked something, for example, when I didn’t.

Honesty pertains to portraying to people what we really are inside, letting people see our tender and vulnerable side. It also means looking with honesty at our actions, our behaviors. Let me talk a little more about this.

Most of us don’t like to admit our foibles, our faults, our poor behavior and actions. Yet, we all have these, all do these at one time or another because we are human and that’s just what we do. Honesty means admitting to ourselves and to others when we have poor or bad behavior, when we have done something to hurt another.

But when we admit to our wrong-doings, the freedom we feel is incredible, and then the peace comes. First we must admit to ourselves our poor behavior. I, for example, have a love of Haagen-Dazs chocolate and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

One day, as I was slowly savoring some chocolate, I remembered how my ex-husband used to also love it, the chocolate, and I refused for it to be in the house because it was too expensive, even though we could have afforded it. Wow, what a realization. I felt somewhat ashamed to have placed that restraint on him and his likes, how I curtained a simple joy of his. As I do not have contact with him anymore, I could not bring that up to him, acknowledge it, and apologize.

Instead, I began to see how my selfishness at the time kicked into play, how it curtailed him some joy in life. I shook my head in sadness for him, for me, for all the times my selfishness hurt another, and was glad I can realize my self-centeredness today, so I can keep it in check.

That is an example of practicing honesty with myself. I had to admit to myself something I was ashamed I had done, realized why, and now can resolve to watch for that in my further dealings with others. I am willing to admit it to him also, if I had contact with him. So, not only do we look with honesty at our actions and behavior, we want to admit it to the one upon whom we have displayed our not-so-hot behavior. That is where the freedom and peace lie.

How do you practice honesty in your life? Do you admit to yourself your poor and bad behavior, taking responsibility for it by first admitting it to yourself and then to the other involved person? This is a good question to answer in a writing exercise.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being honest, honesty, inner peace, peace, sober, sobriety, what is honesty

How to Open Your Heart More in Sobriety

November 25, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

“How to Open Your Heart More in Sobriety” was in the search terms four times this morning. Well, the term was really how to open our hearts more, and I changed it a little, embellished a bit to add sobriety. I like adding the angle of sobriety in, because sobriety is so often what allows you to live with your heart more open.

Often, people who have been through the hell of hitting bottom and then getting sober, find that they can open their heart more than someone who has not been through hell. It’s as if the person who got sober knows what the other side is, and is so grateful to be out of there, out of that space, that opening their heart becomes a joy.

Perhaps one of the most valuable tools to use to open our heart more is that of honesty about ourselves… our actions and words, our behaviors. When drinking, we tend to be mired deeply in ourselves, concerned about how what everyone is doing is damaging or hurting us. In reality, we are manufacturing our own misery, but most drinkers would become engaged if you said that to them.

Anyway, back to honesty. When we take a real, hard look at ourselves and see our errors, our weaknesses, our bad behavior, we realize we have done the very same things we are mad at others for. In one way or another, we have. Wow. That’s a sobering realization! And once we realize we do the same things others do, we become humble, taking ourselves off that pedestal we’ve put ourselves on, making ourselves right-sized.

There is no need for shame at this point, thinking we’re a bad person. It’s just our behavior that’s bad, and that can be changed. So, once you are honest and open your heart to yourself, you can open it to others more, seeing them with different eyes, realizing that perhaps they, too, have wounds behind their bravado, their bad behavior. When you realize this, you can see with compassion and compassion helps you in your sobriety to open your heart more and more.

I don’t think that we can get to this point of having a truly open heart unless we are in sobriety. In other words, sobriety is what allows us to open our hearts more in life, to life. When we are drinking, we are too wrapped up in ourselves and our little (and big) dramas which we have created in some way or another, that we cannot get out of ourselves enough to see the surrounding world with tenderness, with compassion. We are mired in what the other guy has done to hurt us.

I am watching this very situation occur in realtime with a friend of many years. She lives out-of-state and so, everything I get is from her point of view, or the report of other friends. I have gotten the most recent update from a friend, and the truth is somewhere in the middle, but the drinking friend is driving everyone away through her bad behaviors and actions, and then claiming everyone is deserting her.

In reality, if she looked honestly at her own behavior, her own actions, she would see this and how she is reaping the consequences of her behavior. In other words, she is creating her misery. Tragic situation I am observing from afar, as I watch lives being ruined by the actions of one who is choosing to reject sobriety.

It is with a heavy heart that I wrote about that situation because I know if she took the route of sobriety, she would be able to open her heart more to others, to herself.

At any rate, after honesty is used to help open your heart in sobriety, openness of heart and mind follows. It is crucial to be open to suggestions and new ways of thought once you get into sobriety. And, of course, willingness is the key after honesty and openness are achieved. Willingness turns the key in the lock of a closed heart. You can have all the honesty and openness you want, and until you have willingness, you cannot put your sobriety to work for you.

Once you have looked at yourself with honesty, openness, and willingness, once you have added compassion to the mix, your sobriety will be enhanced and you will be able to open your heart more.

How about you? Are you able to open your heart more now that you are sober? Leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being willing, honesty, honesty with self, living sober, open heart, open mind, Openness, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness

Practicing Honesty in Sobriety

November 7, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Today we’re going to talk about what it means to have honesty in sobriety, or to be honest any time, for that matter. When you thought of honesty, your thoughts went to stealing or telling lies, right? If you don’t steal and lie, you are honest, right? Possibly. Possibly not.

It depends. Are you practicing honesty in your sobriety about your feelings and about who you are? It is easy, even in sobriety, to not be honest, to not tell the truth about your feelings, to not speak up for yourself when needed. Honesty means owning your bad behavior… identifying and taking responsibility for it by apologizing if you hurt someone.

How can you know if you are being honest? Well, you can ask yourself these questions… “When I am feeling badly, do I say that, or do I say, in a huff, ‘I’m fine?’” If you say you’re fine when you’re not, you are not practicing honesty in sobriety because you are not saying what is true for you in that moment.

You can ask, “When I have intentionally, or even unintentionally, hurt someone else, am I apologizing for what I said or did… am I taking responsibility for my bad or hurtful behavior?” If you apologize in these situations, then you are showing honesty in sobriety because you are sharing your feelings of remorse, you are being honest about what you are feeling in the moment.

Honesty in sobriety is all about unveiling who you are at your core. It is about who and what you are in each moment. For example, I spent the majority of my life being dishonest. Oh, I didn’t cheat and only told a few lies here and there to protect others, but I considered myself honest. Then, I had to look differently when I got sober and I re-assessed my honesty in sobriety.

I discovered many things. First, when I was hurting or hurt, I did not relay that to the other person, thinking I it was better not to hurt the other person or to bother them. The thing is, the energy behind that deception came out in other ways, usually by being a bit standoffish in my approach to them, or making snide comments to them. Being passively aggressive. Whoa! It’s embarrassing to admit that, but it was true.

The fact is, I was not relaying my true feelings because of fear. I was afraid that if I displayed honesty in sobriety, then the person would get mad at me and harm me in some way because of that anger. Now, I find myself learning to tell others how I am feeling in the moment, and I say it especially gently if I think it will be difficult for the other person to hear.

That’s just one example of how to practice honesty in sobriety. I could go on, yet I’m sure you get the gist and my point. In case I didn’t make my point, it is that you can be ever-aware of your feelings and relay them to others when they occur. First, however, you need look at what is behind those feelings. If what you discover is something that will not harm the other to divulge, then be honest with them about what you are feelings.

If. on the other hand, you discover a personal problem or issue, then you will not want to tell the person your feelings. For example, someone said something that hurts your feelings and you, upon reflection, realize your old wound of feeling “less than” was triggered. You can consider that the hurtful comment was not said to harm you, and you were sensitive it to it because of your wound; you can consider not saying anything. You can also consider saying to them that an old wound was touched when they said what they said, and that you are having difficulty dealing with it.

By divulging that much about yourself, you open the way to share your honesty in sobriety, to share who you are at a deep level, and you further the relationship’s deepening with your action. That is practicing honesty in sobriety at its deepest level.

How do you display your honesty in sobriety? Leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being honest, honesty, honesty in sobriety, how to be honest, living sober, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Honesty, Openness, and Willingness – Keys for Sobriety

October 13, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Welds of Honesty

Honesty, Openness, and Willingness, the three things that are key for sobriety. Without these, sobriety is nearly impossible. With these, you have a chance for success.

It used to really irk me that people claimed I was not honest. After all, I did not steal from others, I report my taxes to the best of my ability and knowledge… I was an honest person. But what they were actually referring to was the way in which I presented myself to others. Was I showing to them who I really am, what I really think and feel? Or, was I taking on another’s opinions and beliefs, merely to “keep the peace?”

Hmmm. I was taking on my husband’s characteristics of impatience, self-righteousness, etc., because it kept the peace. I was not letting shine my abilities and beliefs of tolerance, respect, and love toward others. In the eyes of sobriety minded people, I was not being honest.

So, I took this new definition of honesty and began to assess my abilities in that area. Hmmm. I was not being myself, was not showing my true nature of kindness. It took me several years of healing work in sobriety before I was able to be honest with others about who I really and truly was and am. It was a beautiful awakening…

Openness of Heart

Being open, for me, refers to openness of mind as well as heart. One day, my heart just opened. It came after some time of being openminded. That open-mindedness came from a belief that everything that was being presented to me in the way of books to read, or opportunities, etc., was a gift from God. And I got that belief from reading the book Conversations With God, by Neale Donald Walsch.

Armed with the belief that gifts were being presented to me, I was able to be open to get help from others, to accept medication and EMDR, for example, for my panic disorder, major depression, and PTSD. When I was openminded toward these things, and they turned out successfully, bringing me more and more lightness, that feeling invaded my heart. I could not help but open it, too, to the blessings and gifts I was experiencing.

Wow. What a whole different way this was to look at tinges and to live. A world of difference from the bitter and angry person I had been for some 35 years, blaming my parents for my emotional difficulties. I liked it, and I continue to like it. It took an open mind and an open heart to be able to look at things differently, to be able to be responsible for my own emotions, to be able to take action on my behalf.

But there is nothing that could or would have happened had I not been willing to see things differently. That’s why I believe willingness is the key to sobriety, to a changed life. I believe willingness opens the gate to your heart. It did mine, and that was a miracle, given how angry a person I was.

Once I opened the door and allowed willingness to express my heart more authentically to play out, things began to flow more smoothly for me. I became willing, for example, to consider forgiveness for my parents. This, of course, came after a lot of healing and pre-forgiveness work, a lot of therapy. When I was in it, I could not see a way out, it was excruciating at times.

On the other side of it, I can see why events and learning situations happened as they did. I see why they, for example, were so painful, because I was clearing out years of pain and heartache. Years of shame and feelings of worthlessness. It was difficult to address my grief over the loss of trust I had in my parents, how badly that wounded me. With willingness, I became able to view things differently. It has made the entire difference in my life of sobriety.

How about you? How do you practice honesty, openness, and willingness in your life, in your sobriety? How does it manifest for you? Leave a comment and let me know.

Key of Willingness

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: honesty, honesty openness willingness, living sober, Openness, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness

Bring to the World the Gift of Being Honest

June 19, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Welds of Honesty

One of the most important practices we can use to get and stay sober is being honest. By this, I mean not only cash-register honest, but honesty about who we are.

Cash register honesty means we don’t lie, cheat, or steal. But above and beyond that, we want to be honest with ourselves and others about who we are inside.

We will need our honesty when we reach the exercise of doing a performance self-appraisal, where we will look at the both our positive and negative points, our strengths and things we have done well, and our weak areas. But for now, let’s focus on our positive traits.

There is a lot of talk about looking at our not-so-desireable traits, our dark side, if you will. But not much is said about considering and celebrating who we are on our positive side.

It is this that I urge us to do. We want to stop and take a deep breath. Then sit with, maybe write down, all the good things about ourselves. How were we kind to others in the recent past… tolerant, compassionate?

What are our strong qualities and traits that we want to consider? It is okay to acknowledge these to ourselves and others, as we become more honest about who we are.

We are each here for the special message we hold for others, and when we are not honest with others about our good points, we keep our value from them, thus denying them a valuable experience, maybe even a healing experience. And we deny ourselves the pleasure of being of service to another.

When we look at our positive points, we do so with humility, being neither boastful nor shame-filled. We just state the facts with no emotion attached. This may be difficult for us to do, having been trained not to brag about ourselves. Yet, with humility, we can avoid bragging.

Today, take the time to sit and reflect upon your good traits, the ones that make you unique, the ones that feed your soul when you are engaging in them. Once you have identified them, celebrate them. Congratulate yourself and know these are your gifts, the things that make you, you.

Know that those are your gifts that you are intended to bring to the world, and know that you cannot do that unless and until you are totally honest with others about who you are inside. It starts with being honest to yourself.

Once you are able to ferret out your positive traits and goodnesses, you will experience more peace about yourself. That’s what happened for me, at any rate. It was just a deep knowingness that I was okay as a person. It allowed me more ability to stay sober and to live sober. I hope you find that to be true also.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: honest, honesty, how to find peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, performance appraisal, self-honesty, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Open Your Heart and Mind to Your Dream

April 27, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Openness of Heart

One of the ways in which you can live your dream is to open you heart and mind to it.

When you have a mindset that you cannot have your dream for this, this, or that reason, you negate the Universe’s efforts to bring it to you.

You see, when you make the declaration that you have a dream you are going to pursue, the Universe steps up to bring you what you need to fulfill it.

Open your heart and mind to yourself, to your capabilities, your talents… the things that are stupendous about you, the things that will make you successful at your dream.

Practice being honest about your dream… humble, yet courageous. Yes, you may have your doubts and this is the other side of sanity talking to you, getting you to look at things realistically.

However, there comes a time when looking realistically at your dream crosses the line and becomes negative self-talk, a series of put-downs. Be aware of when you start to do this. Ultimately, practice trust in the Universe, that your dream is your way to peace.

You cannot do these things when your heart and mind are closed to new possibilities, new wonders and gifts. Today, become aware of how open your heart and mind are to your dream. I invite you to fling wide open any gates to your heart that prevent you from doing this.

By now, your dream has become more than just an idea, perhaps. My heart is off to you… carry on. If you are not moving forward to realize your dream, I invite you to open your heart and mind to it, and to take action.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living Tagged With: finding peace, following your dream, honesty, humble, humility, inner peace, open your heart, peace, what is honesty

Living Your Dream with Honesty

April 26, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Welds of Honesty

Honesty is one of the things that holds your dream up; it cements it, just like a weld of two pieces of metal.

How do you apply honesty to your dream? Well, you consider the divine plan for yourself, and if you feel strongly in your heart that you are following that plan, then you are being honest about your true nature. You are practicing honesty.

If, on the other hand, you are having urgings to follow a dream and are not doing so, you are not practicing being honest with yourself or your divine Source.

It is dishonest not to be true to ourselves, and if that includes needing to follow a dream which is divinely supported, so be it.

How can you switch from dishonesty to honesty? You can admit to your heart’s urgings, admit to your dream. Then, start taking action to follow it. You do the next indicated thing that is in your path to do. Over time, you will be experiencing your dream.

When you keep doing the action, you get closer and closer to fulfilling your needs. You will experience peace when you are engaging in your dream, because you are in sync with your soul.

So, go forth and demonstrate honesty about your dream. Admit it to yourself, speak up about it and then follow through to get there. You can do it, you’ll be amazed!

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living Tagged With: being honest, finding peace, honest, honestly, honesty, inner peace, peace

Staying Sober Using a Performance Appraisal

February 25, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Search of Self

One of the most powerful tools we can use to get and stay sober is a performance appraisal. This is something we want to learn to do on an on-going, daily basis. Performing a self-appraisal will lead us to peace.

We are looking at all our curls, our shades of tan and rust, so-to-speak, as well as our shadows, our dark side. Right in the middle of it all, we will find our heart, shining brightly.

How do we do a performance appraisal? We begin by listing out our positive points, the ways in which we treat ourselves and others with kindness, tolerance, and respect.

We add to that list the things that we do well. We do this objectively and honestly, knowing that we are not bragging or flaunting our positiveness; rather, we are getting to the bottom of who we are at our core.

Next, we write down all the ways in which we have hurt others, ways we have been intolerant, unkind, disrespectful, ways we have hurt them spiritually. It takes courage to admit to these things, yet, it is necessary to illuminate our being.

Remember, we are looking for our heart that shines, like the knob in the picture above. Once we have listed out our positive and negative aspects, we want to next list out people with which we are angry or resentful, and why. Look at this list carefully. This is the key to the performance appraisal. This is the key to peace.

We look at the third list and notice what has angered us about others’ actions. Now, consider all the times we did the very same things for which we are angry. If we are honest with ourselves, I believe we will find that we have, in fact, done most or all of these things ourselves.

Once we discover this, we allow it to sink in to a very deep level. Recognize that we, as well as the other person with whom we are angry, is human, that we are displaying our humanness. We take this information and “be” with it for a while, not to beat ourselves up, but to realize that we, too, do things which are not kind, not tolerant, not respectful. We don’t like to look at these things about ourselves, yet, they are key to finding sobriety and peace.

Given this realization, we can feel our “aha!” moment. Once we realize that we do the very things we are angry at another for, we can let go of our anger with compassion for both the other person and ourselves.

There will be things for which we are angry that we have not done ourselves, such as abuse. For these, there is a way to get to forgiveness, and we will discuss that when we come to forgiveness.

With our lists, we have a good idea of who we are at a soul level. We can celebrate our positive points and resolve to do things differently to manage our negative side. To do that, we ask for help from our Source. We also talk to someone that we trust to relay what we have found so we don’t keep it bottled up inside to “stew” on.

Today, look at yourself in a new light. Take the time to conduct a performance appraisal and discover the delightful and not-so-delightful things about yourself. Use this list objectively, to improve yourself. Know that once you have looked at yourself in this new light, it is something you want to do daily to keep yourself on track.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, honest, honesty, inner peace, living sober, peace, performance appraisal, self-appraisal, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Are You Honest About Who You Are?

February 19, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones 2 Comments

Welds of Honesty

One of the most important practices we can use to get and stay sober is being honest. By this, I mean not only cash-register honest, but honesty about who we are.

Cash register honesty means we don’t lie, cheat, or steal. But above and beyond that, we want to be honest with ourselves and others about who we are inside.

We will need our honesty when we reach the exercise of doing a performance self-appraisal, where we will look at the things we have done to harm others, as well as consider the things we are mad at others for. But for now, let’s focus on our positive traits.

There is a lot that is talked about regarding looking at our not-so-desireable traits, our dark side, if you will. But not much is said about considering and celebrating who we are on our positive side.

What are our strong qualities and traits that we want to consider? It is okay to acknowledge these to ourselves and others, as we become more honest about who we are.

We are each here for the special message we hold for others, and when we are not honest with others about our good points, we keep our value from them, thus denying them a valuable experience, maybe even a healing experience. We deny ourselves the pleasure of being of service to another.

When we look at out positive points, we do so with humility, being neither boastful nor shame-filled. We just state the facts with no emotion attached. This may be difficult for us to do, having been trained not to brag about oneself. Yet, with humility, we can avoid bragging.

Know that those are your gifts that you are intended to bring to the world, and know that you cannot do that unless and until you are totally honest with others about who you are inside.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being honest, compassionate, having honesty, honest, honesty, keeping sober, kind, sober, sobriety, staying sober, tolerant

How to Conduct a Self Performance Appraisal

January 4, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Performing a self performance appraisal is nothing more than looking at yourself with new eyes and heart. It is more of what we discussed when we talked about honesty. It is the most important thing we must do in order to stay sober and to find inner peace.

Such is our topic-of-the-day as we continue to move through my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. How do we do this? What are we looking to find? Our intention is to look at our behaviors and actions with others, as well as ways in which we treat and think about ourselves.

To do this, we start with a pad of paper and a pen/pencil, and we sit in a comfortable place, free of distractions. We begin with present day, or we start with our earliest memories. Either way, we slowly recall our interactions with others that were destructive and hurtful to them, and we write those down.

Then, we look at our positive interactions and write down our loving and kind actions. When this is complete, we do the same thing with ourselves, meaning, we look at ways in which we treated ourselves poorly and positively, again writing down what we discover. This is a lengthy process and often is done over a span of time.

Search of Self

Do not be discouraged with what you find. We all have our light and our dark side, our sunlight and our shadows. But we are looking for that shining knob, deep within, that is our inner-most self. It exists for all of us; it’s just a matter of finding it.

When we are done, we will have four lists – one each of our kind and loving thoughts and actions for ourselves and others, and one each of our unkind and negative treatment of ourselves and others.

With these, we take the list of negative actions toward others and we examine it. We determine to whom we owe an apology, and we set about doing just that. Furthermore, we vow to try and not repeat those behaviors which hurt others.

Then, we look at our list of the loving and kind things we have done for others, and then the same list for ourselves. We recognize in our heart the good side of ourselves, and we acknowledge that side.

Recognizing our positive side, we next look at the list of negative things we tell ourselves about ourselves, and we apologize to ourselves, again vowing to not repeat those behaviors in the future.

When we are done with this process, we have a clean slate, so-to-speak, from which to live. This process will help immensely in our efforts to stay sober and it will definitely pave the way for inner peace.

Now that we know how to complete a self performance appraisal, we do it on an ongoing basis, correcting our behaviors and thoughts when indicated. I hope you enjoy the newly-felt peace you feel when you have completed this!

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: honesty, performance appraisal, self-performance appraisal, Sober Living, sobriety

Commitment to the Journey

January 3, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Today’s topic as we continue through the book Opening the Gates of the Heart : A Journey of Healing is commitment to the journey.

Commitment of Journey

We see the stairs in the image, ascending, beckoning us to climb. The verse that accompanies this photograph is “Each step leads further in my journey, offering repeated opportunity to examine myself, my life – the leaves that have fallen, the leaves that will fall, and the buds yet to form.”

This portion of the verse suggests that we show commitment to the journey by continually looking at ourselves and our life, noting past and present circumstances and events, while remaining open to future situations that we can examine as they occur.

We just notice; we do not judge. Instead, we assess our behavior and actions, our thoughts and beliefs. Are they kind and loving, compassionate and tolerant? We look with honesty and an open heart and mind, both of which we have previously elected to practice in order to keep us sober.

Then, we commit to the journey despite hard times that may come, for they shall come. That is just how life is. It presents us with difficulties from which we can learn and grow.

“Once begun, I commit to the climb, for despite rocky and smooth times that I will encounter, the journey’s reward is in each blossom and each leaf along the way.”

What do I mean by the second stanza of the verse, that the journey’s reward is in each blossom and leaf along the way? I mean that it is the simple things that occur in our lives that are the rewards as we travel through life. We will find great pleasure in noticing the blossoms and leaves as we journey.

There is no “destination,” no end point to which we travel, other than death. Rather, if we notice the small and simple things that occur in our lives on a continual basis, we will gain fulfillment. We just have to make a commitment to the journey.

How do you demonstrate commitment to the journey? Do you notice the leaves and blossoms along the way, or are you hurrying too fast, on your way to a destination that when you get there, leaves you feeling empty and incomplete? I would suggest you slow down and notice the little things that abound all around you. That will further your goal of reaching peace of mind. That will help to keep you sober.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Commitment, commitment to the journey, compassionate, honesty, inner peace, journey, openness of heart, openness of mind, peace, peace of mind, tolerant

Honesty With Ourselves and Others

December 30, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

If you didn’t get a chance to read Stan Stewart’s great guest posts, you may wish to take the opportunity to do so. Day one was about “Feelings Are Energy in Motion” and day two was “Shame and Humility.” They are well worth reading.

As we move on through the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, we come to honesty. I used to think I was an honest person; I didn’t steal from or cheat others. But in sobriety, I learned that honesty has to do with what I tell the world about myself, as well as how I treat others.

Welds of Honesty

“I look at the ways in which I treat myself and others. Can I allow myself and others to see what I find, to see who I truly am?

“Perhaps, if I let go of the parts that do not serve me, I can weld my being with honesty. I can weld a secure and solid structure of great strength on which I can build my Self.”

That is the verse which accompanies this image. It suggests that we look at ourselves closely, examining how we treat others and ourselves, and we allow others to see what we find. In addition, we allow ourselves to see what we discover about us.

It also suggests that we become stronger when we drop those things about ourselves that are not honest, that do not serve us.

The part I’d like to note is how we allow the world to see who we are. We often hide that, hide behind a facade of politeness, or gruffness. This verse asks that we stop doing that, that we allow those around us to see ourselves as we truly are, with all our warts and beauty alike.

This can be very difficult, especially if we are trying to protect ourselves form hurt which we may have experienced in the past. We often feel vulnerable when we are honest about our feelings, our thoughts, and it IS a frightening place to be.

But with practice and venturing forth in sobriety, we learn to show more honesty about who we are at our deepest level. In this process, however, we use discernment about who is safe to say things to. For example, if we are around someone who is verbally abusive, bullying, intimidating, or belittling, it is not in our best interest to relay some of our thoughts. In these cases, we keep our thoughts to ourselves and we try to remove ourselves from this destructive situation.

Most people will receive what we have to say. It may be uncomfortable at first, but we keep practicing honesty with others about who we are.

We also look with honesty at how we treat others and we swallow our pride while we do this, as we may not treat them very well. But we need to look at this also, in order to develop honesty.

How do you practice honesty with yourself and others? Do you allow them to see the delightful parts of yourself. or do you remain closed, keeping that delightful being to yourself?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: honesty, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Being Yourself and Standing Strong in Who You Are

November 20, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

“Perhaps, rather than thinking I must make my morals, truth, and integrity match another’s, I can determine what resonates with my own heart. When it does, I have the strength of a pillar.”

Pillar of Strength

This is the verse that accompanies today’s image and topic, being an individual, being yourself and standing strong in who you are. First, however, you need to determine who you really are at your core.

This can be a challenging task, especially if you live in an environment where who you are is not valued and, in fact, is criticized or demeaned.

I lived in such an environment in my marriage, after leaving a home where I was criticized and demeaned during childhood, so for me, it was a lifetime. I learned to be whatever and whomever the other person wanted me to be. I was very good at it.

Therefore, it was very difficult, after I left my 20 year marriage, to determine what my own values and truths were. I was only able to figure this out by staying sober and sticking through the often excruciating emotional times, until I came out on the other side. So have faith; you will come out on the other side

I recommend journalling to ferret out your strengths, your morals, your truths. That worked well for me, anyway. It allows you to write anything you think or feel without the fear of having it criticized or demeaned, thus devaluing you.

This is a time when you want to be totally honest about what you see. If you are confused about your morals, your truths, set the intention to discover them, and go about your day with them in your mind and heart. When you have an idea, jot it down in your journal. Expand upon it later.

Once you discover your truths and integrity, try to gently express yourself to those around you, sticking up for yourself and your opinions. I recognize that this can lead to arguments with a spouse.

I also recognize that sometimes it is not safe to do this, and in that situation, perhaps it is best to keep your thoughts in your journals, but know in your heart what they are. Then, when you have gotten out of the dangerous situation, you can express yourself to others. Do the best you can in a given situation, and keep yourself safe.

Be fair to yourself when you are doing a self-appraisal. This is where honesty, willingness, and openness come in to play. Be willing to look at yourself with an open mind and heart, thus discovering what your strengths, morals, and truths are. Be honest by not downplaying who you are. It is not bragging or arrogant to honestly admit to your strengths. Rather, here is an opportunity to practice humility.

Do you know your strengths and morals, your truths and integrity? Do you project them into the world? Do you feel the inner strength that produces when you do so? Does it help you find peace? I truly hope it does. I hope for you to resonate with your truths, morals, and integrities so that you are being yourself and standing strong in who you are..

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: honesty, humility, integrity, morals, Openness, self-appraisal, truth, Willingness

What is Honesty

November 13, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

The next, most important, tool you can use in the pursuit of discovering the resiliency and beauty of your spirit is honesty. So, what is honesty? To what am I referring when I use that term?

I’m talking about the ability to look at yourself and admit to everything that you find – the way you treat others and yourself, what you think about yourself and others, your talents and strong points, and your weak points that need improvement.

In the book, the verse begins “I look at the ways in which I treat myself and others. Can I allow myself and others to see what I find, to see who I truly am?” So you see, being honest also includes letting others see who you truly are.

Welds of Honesty

It ends, “Perhaps if I let go of the parts that do not serve me, I can weld my being with honesty. I can weld a secure and solid structure of great strength on which I can build my Self.”

As you can see. we’re trying to build a base upon which everything else about you is built. It begins with doing a self-appraisal to ferret out, first, how you treat others in your actions. List those points out. Are you kind, offensive, bullying, compassionate? List the positive and the not-so-kind.

Then, list how you treat yourself in your mind. Are you judgmental, always putting yourself down? Get it all down on paper. List first what you think about others, and then about yourself.

Finally, list all your positive points. Sometimes, this is the most difficult to do because we were taught not to “dote” on ourselves, that it is conceited. It’s not conceited to have a good feeling about yourself; it is self-love and the basis for all that you do and how you approach the world. Of course, you are going to want to be humble about what you find.

Once you have your lists, now what? Well, part of the answer to what is honesty is the ability to let others see you as you really are. Certainly, you are not going to display your negative ways of treating and thinking of others to them; that would be hurtful. But you will want to show who you are with your positive points.

You are going to want to let yourself shine, to share those parts of you that are sincerely who you are at your deepest, most gentle place. This is difficult for most, as it opens the door and makes you vulnerable. It is assumed it is an unsafe place to be. And sometimes it ios. You will have to assess that and only open up if it is safe to do so.

But I contend it is not an unsafe place, usually. In fact, I contend that by making yourself vulnerable, you show your human side and others can connect with you at a deep level. It takes courage and trust to do this. Ask for help from that power greater than yourself. See how each topic is beginning to build upon the preceding one?

Once you list out who you are, and begin to let that person shine, you will begin to feel a great freedom, as if a huge weight has been listed from your heart. It is the pathway to peace, to discovering the beauty of your spirit.

What are the ways in which you can be honest to yourself and others? Can you show people who you honestly are at your core? Is it a place of kindness or do you need some inner work? Let us see who you are by leaving a comment to share with us.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: honesty, self-appraisal, what is honesty

What Is Communication That Promotes Peace?

September 7, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Invitation of Dialogue

“If we as individuals cannot speak to each other, how, then, can we as nations achieve peace?”

Perhaps the one thing that furthers peace in your world is the way in which you speak to people. So, what is communication? Sometimes, you are friendly and cheery, while other times, you are gruff and impatient, maybe even defensive.

What is going on inside you when you are cheery in your communication? Most likely, you are feeling good about yourself. But when you are feeling “less than,” fearful, or not good about yourself, do you communicate gruffly, with impatience, perhaps even lashing out at another and putting them down?

When I say what is communication, what I’m talking about is your ability to be honest and let another know when you are feeling afraid, or badly about yourself, instead of lashing out. So many times, I hear one person berating or criticizing another, and wonder how badly they must be feeling inside. That doesn’t excuse the berating and criticism, but it is a good chance to practice compassion for them.

So, how can you speak with respect and caring to another when you are angry or feeling poorly inside? Perhaps, just honestly letting the other know what you are feeling, stating simply, “I am angry,” “I am afraid of xyz right now,” or “I feel awful about myself.” The important thing is to own your feelings, rather than saying “You make me feel…”

These things are challenging to say to another, I know. It takes commitment and practice. Above all, it takes being in touch with your feelings in the moment. Perhaps you can make an agreement with a close person in your life whom you trust to practice speaking in this manner. Set the ground rules up front, getting an agreement from the other to not criticize you for what you are about to say.

Infusing your talk with positive and honest words gets you a long way to peace… Practice being candid with someone about your feelings and see what happens. Did it avoid an argument? Did you feel better about yourself? Did it preserve peace?

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, Gate Lady Publishing, honesty, open communication, Opening the Gates of the Heart, talking with respect, what is communication

The Key of Willingness

February 17, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Key of Willingness

Willingness. The key of willingness. It is the key to all else. It allows us to practice humility, openness of heart and mind, as well as honesty. It is how one gives themselves the permission to open up to all that is around and in them.

When I feel willing, I feel it in my body. There is a light, airy feeling at my core. Emotionally, I am excited to hear what another will say. I feel relief at being honest with myself and others around me, so I don’t spend the energy hiding who I am. I feel at home, as my heart opens. All I have to do is make the decision to be willing.

Once I make the decision to be willing, the other things just seem to fall into place. I learned to be willing during the course of becoming sober. Initially, I had to be willing to go to any length to get sober. I was so beaten down, that was not hard to decide to do. After making the decision, I seemed to be graced with the ability to become humble, honest and open. A whole new world of beauty and peace unfolded.

Make the decision to become willing to open your mind and heart to one new thing today. What did you experience when you did this?

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Carolyn CJ Jones is the author and photographer of the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. More about the book can be seen above under “The Book,” or in the videos on the sidebar. “About Me and My Work” above reveals more about her. Carolyn is now offering limited edition professional prints, either as prints, matted, or framed which can be viewed above. February’s limited edition print isVisions of Gratitude.

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being humble, Carolyn CJ Jones, Gate Lady, gates of the heart, honesty, humility, living sober, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Sober Living, sobriety

A Sacred Event – A Book Launch

October 12, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

How do I describe how a book launch was a sacred event? Maybe a better way to say it, is that it was spiritual, reverent.

I only know that standing in front of the room with all eyes turned on me was humbling. I felt called to speak to these people and, as such, was not too nervous. It seemed like the right thing to be doing, the next indicated thing.

A hush came over the crowd, as my publicist introduced me. I gulped, and it was show time! After acknowledgments, the talk quickly turned to reading of verses from the book, while projecting its paired image. Starting with worthlessness, I worked my way through honesty, openness, and willingness, past tolerance, to rest on peace. I was unprepared for the clapping which came when I was done. I felt like an author! That I was being recognized as an author, and a photographer! A special moment in my psyche.

We moved on and I told my story – of brokenness, heart-ache, and disappointment beyond my ability to cope, and that to manage my feelings, I drank. A lot. Before long, the talk turned to my recovery, my becoming sober, entering sobriety… how my brokenness became wholeness.

Faces all turned to me were attentive, awaiting my next words… some smiles, some nods, but rapt, serious attention. It was a gentle atmosphere, one of reverence… there’s just no other word. Spirit was felt and radiated on the upturned faces. I was in wonder, in gratitude for everyone’s reaction to my words, for everyone’s participation.

When I finished, I read a quote about needing to be our authentic selves first before we can find that safe environment for which we search, one in which we can trust others and open up to them. My closing statement and question was, You are either a victim of your circumstances or you are a powerful, conscious creator. Which do you choose for your life? I pose this question to you…

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, honesty, living sober, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Openness, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness

Self-Appraisal-The Start of Responsibility

August 5, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Search of Self

Why is self-appraisal, self-inventory, the start of responsibility? Because we become aware of the ways in which we have affected ourselves and others, both adversely and for the betterment. It’s a major undertaking and the basis of taking action in the process of recovery from addiction of any sort. It scares us. We wonder if, once we look, there will be anything left of ourselves about which to feel good.

The miracle of an inventory is that we get to see the things we did wrong or the things we did to harm others, even spiritually, and we can begin to hold ourselves accountable for our bad behavior. We begin to see how we do some of the very things that another has done for which we hold a grudge. We begin to feel compassion for another, for ourself.

The more we feel we are being accountable, the more our confidence, and hence, our self-esteem grows. As our esteem improves, we have less need to prove ourselves to others, and, thus, we become more authentic, more able to show our positive side, more able to risk sharing who we are with those around us. We become freer and gain more serenity and peace.

The verse that goes with this image asks the question, will we discover our clear heart, sining brightly and truthfully, right in the middle of our swirls and curls of darkness, shadows, and light? The point being made is that often when we look at ourselves, we are not honest. We do not acknowledge ourselves for our good points. A self-appraisal is not honest, not complete, until we do that.

When we look at our positive traits and characteristics, we feel good about ourselves, and we want to continue with, or share with the world, these goodnesses. We shine to those around us and in so doing, give permission to those others to shine also. More love, more dialogue, is generated. Peace occurs. We are each responsible for creating peace in our world…

How do you accept the responsibility for creating peace in your world?

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As the author and photographer of her book of wrought-iron gates and accompanying prose, it is said by others that Carolyn CJ Jones’ book offers inspiration and empowerment to those in transition, to those souls in the corner who struggle. View the video about the book, which is located to the right of this blog. Buy the book from Carolyn’s website and receive free shipping and your personally autographed copy.

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: addiction recovery, Carolyn CJ Jones, compassion, honesty, Opening the Gates of the Heart, peace, recovery centers, self-appraisal, serenity, Sober Living, sobriety

Are You Being Honest With Others?

August 1, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 11 Comments

Welds of Honesty

Oh, my goodness. I have not written since July 19th! I apologize for the delay. I was out-of-town at my 40th high school reunion and have been debriefing since my return late on the 27th. Going back to my reunion reminded me of how closed I was in earlier days, how I was not honest with others about who I was inside, how I didn’t even KNOW who I was. This thought leads me into today’s topic from the book, which is about being honest with others about who you are.

The verse in the book that goes with this image talks about looking inside to see who one is, then deciding to honestly show others what is found. When doing a self-appraisal, however, perhaps we dwell on the negative and are not able to identify our positive points. We are linked to a negative perception of ourselves.

When we can identify the delightful things about ourselves that make us the unique contribution to the fabric of our world that we are, can we then let people see that side of us, see our strengths and skills, our joys and sorrows? Identifying these things about ourselves may be difficult for some; yet, we each have positive and delightful traits and characteristics, we each slide along the continuum of feelings.

Perhaps, once in touch with who we are, we can share such things as joy, gratitude, sorrow, and despair. There is a closeness with others when one begins to share of themself in this way. The others, in turn, reveal more of themselves and these people connect on a deeper level.

It is important to trust the persons to whom we open up. It would be easier to convey the exhilarating emotions than the grieving ones. Yet, when we act beyond our fear of exposing ourselves and our truths, beyond the fear of being vulnerable, we experience that closeness with others. It generates more joy and more gratitude, as well as more love , kindness, tolerance, and respect.

This is not to say that all persons are trustworthy of our revealings. One must discern that another is safe to talk with. It would not be advisable, for example, to share with one who treats our thoughts and feelings with disregard and abuse, as that wounds our soul.

Do you experience this type of honesty with others? What is that like for you?

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As the author and photographer of her book of wrought-iron gates and accompanying prose, it is said by others that Carolyn CJ Jones’ book offers hope to the soul in the corner who struggles. Perhaps there is a bit of a struggling soul in each of us. Perhaps we each could benefit from the journey she shares. View the additional information about the book to the right of this blog. Buy the book from her website and receive free shipping.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: being honest, Carolyn CJ Jones, despair, gratitude, honest, honesty, joy, kindness, love, Opening the Gates of the Heart, respect, Sorrow, tolerance

How to Access the Possibilities of Life

May 12, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 1 Comment

Realm of Possibilities

“If I climb the steps, anything is possible. Anything.”

This gate caught my attention because it was flung open as far as it could go. The stairs welcomed me, beckoned me to climb amidst the intricate and pleasing stone work. I marveled at the retaining ability of the wall. I wondered what was at the top of the stairs, wondered what I would find if I climbed…

Interesting how, for me, this gate and those thoughts relate to life. The Universe welcomes me to join in and participate. There are pleasing sights everywhere I look. There are amazing examples of engineering and artwork, merged in purpose and design.

I wonder what is going to happen in my life… this summer, next week, tomorrow, this afternoon. I cannot see where the path will lead, and still, I am asked to trust. Isn’t that a lot like life?

Once I trust, once I become committed to the journey, committed to really observing what is around me, I see that the possibilities for action are endless. Whether it’s a change in attitude, a belief about myself or another, or taking action to further a goal, I find the day is filled with steps of action. If I climb those steps, I reach the horizon and all that the world has to offer. There is a realm of possibilities. Anything can happen. Anything. We never know. It may not happen today, but it may happen.

All I need to do is take action and leave the results up to the Universe. Sounds easy but at times it’s not. Taking action, for me, involves looking at myself and my actions/behaviors with honesty, choosing to be open-minded, open-hearted, and practicing willingness. It takes adding humility to the mix, as well as kindness and compassion for others AND for myself.

I must be willing to take these steps if I want to experience all that the Universe has to offer. I have learned how to do that in my healing journey, in my sobriety. I have discovered that when I do, there is a wide world of possibilities that exists. I wish for you to experience that in your life, also.

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, compassion, despair, honesty, humility, kindness, living sober, open-mindedness, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Sober Living, sobriety, Willingness, worthlessness

An Attitude of Gratitude

May 7, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Visions of Gratitude

“When seen with eyes and heart that appreciate, everything around and within me becomes more pleasing, more beautiful.”

How can such a thing which is second nature to me today have been something with which I struggled in the past? I resented people who spoke of gratitude, being grateful for this or that in their lives. Then, I felt guilty and ashamed because I could not get to that place myself.

I was still hurting too much from past experiences, their betrayals. I carried great fear to speak up about my feelings. I could barely acknowledge them to myself, they were so painful. I needed to go through a grieving process, to deal with my sorrow, my worthlessness, before I could get to a place of healing.

Over time, this is exactly what I was led through… a healing process. The creation of the book helped me through my growth and change, and my growth and change led to the creation of the book. The order of the images and their titles reflect my process of healing and my process in sobriety.

Today, I am able to look at events as opportunities to learn and grow and I am grateful for those experiences. I am grateful for the ability and grace to feel gratitude. It is an attitude that, for me, has become pervasive. It floods and colors everything I do. It brings me peace and joy, softens and opens my heart.

Do I sound like Pollyanna? lol Most likely. I used to have a Pollyanna doll. I got it for Christmas one year because I loved the movie with Haley Mills. So what’s so bad about sounding like Pollyanna, as long as I give acknowledgment to my emotions that arise from events and situations?

In other words, as long as I don’t gloss over the difficult parts of a situation, pretend they don’t exist, go on cheerily without dealing with them, I am able to get to gratitude with honesty.

Gratitude finds me now, if I am humble, as well as open and willing to receive it. It has been a process of healing over many years. It is joyfully peaceful when I realize I am feeling grateful about something. How about you? Do you experience gratitude often?

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being grateful, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, feeling worthless, honesty, living sober, open-mindedness, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, Willingness, worthlessness

Choosing to Look at the World With Wonder

May 2, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Moments of Wonder

“A beam of light falls upon the metal. I look with awe and wonder at the star that appears… out of nowhere.

Do you suppose there has always been such richness, such wonder, such beauty in the world? Perhaps it has been there all along, waiting to be noticed, to be seen with the eyes of the heart.”

I find that when I choose to look with wonder at the world, I see amazing and wondrous things around me. When I choose to slow down, to stop and look right next to me, beauty is there, just waiting patiently to be seen.

I find it in my physical surroundings… the moss by my feet, with its delicate shoots. It doesn’t have to be as spectacular as the rainbow in the distant sky; I see wonder in the simple things… the spider in his intricately woven web, the bloom of a rose.

I find it in the people around me… the child in the grocery cart in front of me in line, excitedly discovering the world around him, the elderly couple walking hand-in-hand, the woman quietly at rest, watching the sunset.

Wonder is everywhere, if I choose to look, if I choose to see. For me, it is a choice I learned once I became sober. It didn’t happen overnight. I had to get past my fears that I was unsafe in the world, past the feelings of worthlessness enough to be interested in the world around me. I had to learn to get out of myself, to let go of operating from that place of self-centered fear.

It took conducting a self-appraisal, looking at myself with honesty, identifying how unconscious I was to the world and its gifts, identifying how inside of myself I stayed, not venturing out to open myself to others.. not fully anyway.

Once I became willing to slow down and really look with my heart at those around me, my surroundings, I began to see it all with such wonder, such awe. It’s the simple things that I find I notice now, that touch my heart, bring a smile to my face, a tear of joy to my eye. It is that joy which keeps me returning to the choice to see with the eyes of my heart… to see with wonder.

What are the things in your life which bring you to wonder and awe?

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: awe, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, honesty, joy, self-appraisal, Sober Living, sobriety, worthlessness

Tips For Improving Your Character

April 13, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Growth of Character

“Do we notice the character of another? Do we recognize the traits and qualities of another, grown, over time, on the wall of one’s being?

Do we notice our own character, evolved, over time, on our own beautiful wall? Do we groom the moss and mold, encouraging new growth to flourish?”

growth of character Today, because of my journey in sobriety, I am able, even excited, to discover things about others. For me, that brings us closer as we recognize ourselves in each other. And still, each has one’s own unique character and that’s where the fun of discovery come in.

To look at one’s character traits is to look at wisdom, I have found. Once past my fear of others and my self-doubt, I became able to open my heart and consider the other with respect and compassion, cultivating the differences between us. What a joyful experience this has been!

It is interesting that when I wrote the above prose, only the first stanza existed. Then, one of the book’s advance readers asked, “What about our own character, improving it?” She was right. The second stanza was born. I have learned to take responsibility for grooming my own mold and moss, if you will, to strengthen and grow my character. Again, I learned how to do this because of my healing journey and my journey through sobriety.

It took me willingness to do things differently, to listen to others, to ask for help. It took soul-searching and looking honestly at how I treated myself and others. It took forgiveness of others first, and then of myself. It has been a process over time… years, in my case. And the pruning has been worth it.

How did you learn to groom and grow your own beautiful wall?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, Carolyn Jones, compassion, doubt, fear, forgiveness, gates of the heart, honesty, living sober, respect, Sober Living, sobriety, soul searching, Willingness

Ways to Persevere

March 19, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 2 Comments

Rolls of Perseverance

“I struggle to not become discouraged, or to think I am a failure because I have not achieved, in my first few attempts, the vision of myself as I wish to be.

Instead, I try to hold tightly to that vision, awaiting my efforts to catch up with the way I am seen by my heart.

Through practice and perseverance, I am learning and growing.”

Perhaps you have experienced being discouraged and feeling as though you failed, because repeated attempts to improve yourself or become a happier person, were unsuccessful. Sometimes, it gets harder and harder to keep trying.

I was one of those people who would beat themselves senseless for perceived failings. I say perceived, because I have learned that nothing in life is a failure. Looked at with a sense of gratitude, failings are actually lessons, opportunities for growth.

It took me a while to get to this point, and many floggings. It seems that when I learned to do a self-appraisal, over time I began to look honestly at what I was doing, what I was believing about myself. I mean looking deeply. What I believed about myself was not true. It was other people’s words and judgments that I was believing.

Once I saw this, really saw and felt this deeply, things began to change for me. I had to search my soul and learn who I really was, not what I had become in response to others. A humbling and difficult experience…

Another thing that has allowed me to persevere with joy is the development of gratitude. With much practice, showing I am grateful for any situation as it happens eases the sting of disappointment or feelings of failure. For me, everything is seen as something for which to be grateful. There can be no failure when there is gratitude.

How do you persevere in the face of discouragement?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: being grateful, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, Gate Ladt Publishing, gratitude, honesty, self-inventory, soul searching

Search of Self

February 7, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 5 Comments

Search of self, personal inventory, looking at my part in affairs… all the same thing, perhaps. For me it is. When I became sober and first did an inventory, really looked at myself with honesty, I was scared to death that all I would see was a failure, a selfish and bad person with nothing worth mentioning.

What I have learned over the years is that we all have redeeming qualities, even me. Like the image, our minds are a swirl of ideas and thoughts and we even have our shadows… and right in the middle of it all is our heart, shining brightly, leading the way when we let it. Don’t forget to look for those positive things about yourself that are in your heart.

I talk of looking at my part in affairs… what do I mean? For me, it is looking without fear at actions or thoughts I have in response to any given situation. My part in the affair may be that I had self-serving motives, or I was fearful to speak my truth and be honest with someone. It could also be that I had a positive thought of myself instead of beating up on myself or putting myself down.

Doing a self-appraisal was a good way to simply locate myself, to define what I was feeling. It became the vehicle of my inner freedom and peace. A regular habit of looking at my part in the affairs of my life taught me how to value, respect and love myself.

The beautiful thing is that once I can value, respect and love myself, I can value, respect and love others… you! It is a joyful and peaceful place to live and I am so grateful to have found it, one step at a time.

How are you doing with valuing, respecting and loving yourself? How about others?

Thank you for joining my blog today. As you may or may not know, this blog is about my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. Each blog, I talk about the next emotion or action or principle presented in the book, determined by the title of each gate. It will be a while before we get to Moments of Wonder, where I talk about that awesome emotion. Meanwhile, if you’d like to jump ahead, I have guest blogged for Our Little Books, a little book with a big message and you can read my thoughts on moments of wonder. It’d be fun to have you visit. Our Little Books is a great line of little, teeny books… very inspirational. Hope you can check them out…

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, Carolyn Jones, Carolyn Jones Photographs, fear, Gate Lady, honesty, living sober, love, self-inventory, Self-searching, Sober Living, sobriety, wonder

Welds of Honesty

January 7, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 5 Comments

Welds of Honesty “I look at the ways in which I treat myself and others. Can I allow myself and others to see what I find, to see who I truly am?

Perhaps, if I let go of the parts that do not serve me, I can weld my being with honesty. I can weld a secure and solid structure of great strength, on which I can build my Self.”

This is the prose which appears in the book with this image, Welds of Honesty. I wrote these words in my journal a few years before I saw this gate in Taos, New Mexico. I took the picture, only because I thought it had great character. It wasn’t like I was searching for a gate with welds… Later, the words and image just came together.

In my life, I have learned to be honest, to not steal, to own up to a mistake I’ve made. I have prided myself on my level of honesty. It was not until I entered recovery, however, that other forms of honesty were presented to me…. being honest with myself about who I am and being honest with others about who I am.

Boy, these concepts of honesty were foreign to me. The thought of looking at who I am was intimidating and scary, made me uncomfortable. I had spent the better part of my life trying to hide who I was, to be invisible. I certainly didn’t let you see who was inside, for fear of rejection or ridicule. I would please you at all cost to myself and, perhaps, even to you. Now I was being asked to look at honesty from a new perspective. I had to become willing…

What I have found on my journey, is that being honest about who I am is difficult. It has meant getting in touch with all the negative things I say to myself about myself. That evoked a lot of feelings I needed to examine. Then, it involved giving up those negative self-comments, the beliefs that I was a failure, not worthy. These thoughts are not honest about who I am.

Yet, even though detrimental to me, I have continued over the years with this thought process because it was familiar. Again, it has taken willingness to change my behavior, my thoughts. And it has involved a great deal of prayer. The reward is a sense of peace inside, an acceptance of myself and all my points, including the good ones, as well as the bad.

Once comfortable with who I am, I can be open with you about who I am. It’s been magic for me the way that works…

In what ways are you dishonest about who you are? How do you achieve a level of honesty?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, Carolyn Jones Photographs, honesty, journey, living sober, recovery, Sober Living, sobriety

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Practicing Honesty in Sobriety

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Are You Honest About Who You Are?

How to Conduct a Self Performance Appraisal

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The Key of Willingness

A Sacred Event – A Book Launch

Self-Appraisal-The Start of Responsibility

Are You Being Honest With Others?

How to Access the Possibilities of Life

An Attitude of Gratitude

Choosing to Look at the World With Wonder

Tips For Improving Your Character

Ways to Persevere

Search of Self

Welds of Honesty

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