Books to Read When You Are in Despair

March 3, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Hello again today. I’d like to list out the books I found especially helpful in my quest and thirst for inner peace. I hope you, too, find them to be useful to lift your despair.

The Invitation and The Dance by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Yesterday I Cried and In the Meantime by Iyanla VanZant, plus the meditation book by her, Until Today

It Will Never Happen to Me and Changing Course by Claudia Black, PhD

Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck

These books were all especially useful to me in my journey to wholeness. I hope they are useful to you. And there are more. If you are interested, feel free to email me at carolyncjjones@yahoo.com to get more information about how you can receive my books. I have a library of them I am giving away, so if you are interested, email me.

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Why Physical Injury Heals Faster Than Emotional Pain

February 20, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Good afternoon, everyone! I am late in getting my post out and I am competing with construction workers not 4 feet away from my computer. :) I am getting a new window frame constructed and bay window replaced. The old one was leaking and dry-rotted. But, enough about me.

Yesterday, I spoke about emotional pain and how when we don’t address it, it festers, like an infected wound. Today, there was a search term for how physical pain heals faster than emotional pain, and that is what I’d like to address.

I believe that verbal onslaught is more difficult to heal from than a physical injury because the negative words or feelings get embedded in our psyche, in our soul. They, I have heard, get embedded in our very cells, and if we do not work to rid ourselves of our emotional pain, or at least allow orselves time to heal from it, it just stays there and cotinues to negatively impact our psyche.

Physical injury, on the other hand, heals more quickly as blood is brought to the injured area. With that blood comes oxygen and nutrients, and those help the area to heal. With our emotional pain, on the other hand, it sits and festers unless brought to light.

Unfortunately, it is frequently, if not always, painful to look at our hurting emotions and because of this, we avoid looking at it. We numb it with substances like alcohol or drugs, or engage in compulsive behaviors like cleaning, shopping, or gambling. We avoid looking at it at all costs. The thing is, the cost is high because it affects our ability to be truly happy and at peace.

To look at our emotional pain, I recommended yesterday writing, journaling, with your non-dominat hand. Printing is easier than writing script and that’s what I did. And, it worked miracles. Do not be surprised or dismayed if you find yourself crying or even sobbing when you start journaling. This is natural and is the body’s way of cleansing the soul. At least, that’s what I believe is happening.

Engaging in modalities like massage and deep tissue therapy helps to loosen the stuck feelings from our tissues, our cells, and this speeds up the healing process. It is wise to drink lots of water after undergoing massage, or even writing and releasing your emotions, as that further cleanses the cells.

I also believe emotional pain is harder to heal because we think over and over about things, often obsessing about them. That’s the fuel that feeds anger and resentment, keeping us from being happy and peaceful. And that’s what I specialize in… helping people past anger and resentment to find forgiveness.

So, I hope this article gives you some further idea of why emotional pain takes longer to heal than physical injury. Furthermore, I hope the suggestion of journaling with your non-dominat hand is one you will try. If you do and see some results, leave us a message about what that was like for you.

 

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You Have Choices in Your Life

December 13, 2011 by Leave a Comment

It is great fun for me to blog every day, turning the page in the book to see what today’s topic is, thinking about what I want to say and how to say it. I hope you are enjoying the daily blogs, too. I am late today and disappointed that I am…

Today we’re talking about choices. You have choices in your life about everything you do. I didn’t believe that when I began my healing journey, my journey into sobriety.

Celebration of Choices

Celebration of Choices

In fact, I was a mess with emotion, and saw no way out of the emotional snare, and couldn’t fake that everything was fine. Couldn’t “grin and bear it,” nor “get on with it,” like everyone was saying to me. But I knew if I did that, it would be just like numbing the feelings with alcohol and I trying to quit; I did not heed their advice. So, I felt I had no choice but to be in an emotional snarl.

To digress a minute… I think when we say those things – grin and bear it, get on with it – to someone trying to get through emotional turmoil, it does not have the interest of the person at heart; it does a disservice to that person. If they could get on with it, they would! There is something holding them back.

Maybe it’s simply that they don’t know any other way to be, don’t know that another way exists. Maybe they’re in the process of getting on with it, and need to go through the turmoil to reach the other side.

I believe there is danger in saying grin and bear it and get on with it, even if we say it to ourselves – ESPECIALLY if we say it to ourselves. Doing so requires that we repress our emotions, our feelings. In so doing, our hurts turn into angers and resentments; among other things, we excessively drink away our sorrows.

Then one day, we explode and a child or wife is battered, someone is killed or hurt in some way, physically and always emotionally…  But we have choice in this whole process. 

So, back to what I was saying about being stuck in the turmoil and thinking I had no choice in the matter, when, in fact, I did. Rather than stay in the victim role, blaming others, I had the choice to take responsibility for my healing and my life to avoid going to that place of “losing it.” 

What do I mean by having choice? I mean, we do whatever it takes to look at our wounds that are making us unhappy, and move ourselves forward. We go to support groups for substance abuse, we get counseling, perhaps medication for emotional problems identified, we read books that discuss the specific topic that is our issue.

We engage in identifying our feelings by journalling, we take brisk walks a couple times a day. These are all things we can do when we decide to choose something different for ourselves. The list goes on…

The point here is the choice. I didn’t know it at the time, but my decision to get sober was my exercising of choice. It was the first step in taking responsibility for my healing. It was a choice I made with far wider-reaching healing than I ever could have imagined.

You, too, have choice over everything you do. Look gently at yours. Are you happy with them?

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Learning to Cultivate Differences Can Lead to Healing Emotional Pain

September 2, 2011 by 1 Comment

Cultivation of Differences

Perhaps the most notable difference you can cultivate is that with people of different color. In this photo, I make a strong statement about that difference. You can learn that people are just people, with the same fears, insecurities, and desires to be liked that you experience. We all bleed the same color of blood, have the same internal organs; the skin is just a covering of that which is similar in nature.

Along with differences in color, you will find people with differences in customs. Learning and celebrating these differences provides a delightful tapestry in your life, adding richly to your own customs.

Then there are differences in beliefs. I am not advocating that you cultivate differences when they are harmful to yourself or others, but, rather, when they enhance your sphere of belief. For example, people who pray to a different source than you can be considered fascinating. Just because they are different than you does not mean you must be defensive about what you believe. Your beliefs are just as valid.

When you cultivate differences with those that are different than you, a whole other world opens up. For example, I used to frown upon, and yes, even look down upon, people with tattoos. Then I got into sobriety and started learning to accept others as they are. What I discovered was that the most beautiful words came out of the mouths of people with tattoos, just like those that came out of the mouths of people without them. My whole outlook changed and I relaxed around them, letting them be, enjoying their words.

As you cultivate the differences you find in the world, it lends to your healing emotional pain, as you will find that you are more tolerant and respectful of your differences. It leads you to accept yourself more, celebrating your uniqueness. This helps heal a wounded psyche. What are the differences you can start cultivating today in your life?

 

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Living With Grace After Healing Emotional Pain

August 27, 2011 by 2 Comments

 

Grace is a beautiful benefit that comes after healing emotional pain. Gently, quietly, an unearned favor of great beauty and pleasure is bestowed upon you. It is as if a cloak of goodness has slowly descended to shroud you.

Sweep of Grace

Grace is defined as beauty or charm of form, composition, movement, or expression. It’s an attractive feature. When you feel it, it manifests as thoughtfulness for others, and for what is right and proper all around you.

When you feel grace, a feeling of tenderness flows forth from you. It’s as if you want to gather close all the world, tenderly embracing everything. To get to this place, one must have experienced forgiveness for the transgressions of another and learned to show loving-kindness.

How do you know when you are feeling grace? You will know because everything will look rosy and will flow easily. A smile of knowingness will be present. Everything just feels right.

How have you experienced grace and how does it feel for you?

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Healing Emotional Pain By Noticing Your Growth of Character

August 23, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Healing emotional pain can occur when you look at your character, the parts of you that make up your morals, your beliefs, thoughts, and actions. Where and how has your character grown over the years? What is the progress you’ve made in becoming a more compassionate, tolerant , and kind person?

If you look at yourself from that light, you will most likely see growth that has occurred over the years, especially if you have been working consciously to improve yourself. You need to consider that growth as you continue healing emotional pain.

Growth of Character

Just as you look at your own growth of character, it is necessary to consider the growth of another’s character. Look at how they have grown over the years, the strides and changes they have made in themselves. Once you identify these changes, it is easier to get to compassion and forgiveness of another.

Try looking at all the moss and lichen that has grown over the years. Consider it beautiful, for both yourself and others. Perhaps you will gain some healing of your emotional pain.

 

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