How Sobriety Benefits Relationships

May 12, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Hello, all! Happy morning to each of you and I hope this is an excellent day for you! The search term I liked has to do with the effect that sobriety has on relationships, and I will address that today.

In sobriety, one of the biggest benefits is the ability to get honest with yourself and with others. In this case, honesty refers to letting others know who you really are by sharing your true feelings in a kind way. Yet, even more importantly, honesty refers to looking at your behavior and owning it when it is less than stellar, i.e., when it is negative.

The ability to own your negative behavior will take you far in relationships. Instead of blaming another for things that got uncomfortable or went bad, you will learn to see what role you played in the event, and will be able to apologize for anything you did that was unkind or mean-spirited.

This is where conducting a self-appraisal is crucial. When you are in a relationship, whether it is romanic or not, I invite you to learn to keep an eye on your behavior and when you start the ball rolling in an argument, for example, or you do something that hurts the other, then take the higher road. Accept responsibility for your behavior and apologize.

Sobriety allows you to apologize without groveling or getting defensive, but merely, to humbly admit to your less-than-positive deed and to apologize for it. I can’t tell you how freeing it is to admit to your negative behavior. It sounds like it would be horrible to do, yet, it is liberating.  And it makes for many fewer arguments.

If you like what I say in this blog or others, I invite you to check out my coaching services under the “Services” tab here on my website. I offer free 30-minute discovery sessions for us to discuss what issues you are struggling with, and to relay how we could continue to work together. Simply call me at 415-883-8325.

Being honest as I have described it is the biggest benefit I see to how sobriety benefits relationships. What do you see as the biggest benefit that sobriety has on them? I invite you to leave a comment and let us know.

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Move Forward From the Past

April 19, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Hello rather late in the morning. In fact, good afternoon, as it is 12:30 pm where I am in Novato, California. I hope you are each having a great day. The search term “moving forward from the past” intrigued me, and I wish to say a few things about this.

There is no doubt that our past forms who we are in the moment, and that we cannot change our past. However, we can change how we view the past. For example, I had a rough childhood; it was abusive both physically and verbally. I spent my adult life until the age of 48 drinking heavily over it. The alcohol fueled my rage, self-pity, and blame of my parents. I learned quickly how to play the victim and I played that role very well.

Then, I met my match with alcohol and ended up seeking sobriety. During the course of that life-style, the sober one, I learned to look at myself and my behaviors. I learned how to forgive, and I have since forgiven my parents.

My point is, I learned to look at my past as something from which I can gain strength and healing, and which I can offer my recovery from to others so that they, too, can gain strength and healing.

I have found that it is important to visit the past as a way to move forward in the present. Once we revisit the past for our current growth, it is best thought of differently, as something which happened to us so we can grow and then, share that growth with others, in order to be of service to them.

When you move forward from the past, you will feel a peace and freedom like you have never felt. You will feel relief from the chains that bind you. If you are drinking to numb your pain, sobriety can help you in your growth. I know I could not hear those words when I was at the height of my drinking; perhaps you will be able to. I wish that for you, at any rate, so you can avoid years, possibly, of misery.

What do you do in your life to move forward from the past? I am hopeful for you that you use the past so you can move forward in the present. May it bring you peace when you move forward from the past.

 

 

 

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Easter – A Day of Rising Up by Finding Sobriety

March 31, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Good morning and Happy Easter to each of you! I wish for you a day of rising up, of being reborn in your life. For me, that rebirth happened after I found sobriety. By becoming sober, I became able to heal form past wounds, and to learn to forgive, to create forgiveness in my life.

Today, I want to address sobriety and then mention forgiveness…

Have you been beaten down so low in your life that you are in great despair, with little or no hope that things will get better? Are you drinking mass quantities to numb the pain and confusion you feel? There is a way out. It is one of sobriety.

Right now, today – a day of rising up – you can choose sobriety. You can choose another course for your life. It doesn’t have to be in shame that you do this – instead, you can be in great relief that you no longer have to drown your sorrows and feel miserable the next day. Ah yes, the hangovers. How I remember them well… getting up and not being able to function until the afternoon, going to get my hangover food – a burrito from Taco Bell or a thigh from Kentucky Fried Chicken – all so it would settle my queasy stomach and quell the sharp pain in my head.

Are you there yet? Wanting to give it all up? Then it is time for you to consider sobriety, to ask for help. There are many support groups around from which you can get assistance. All you have to do is look in your yellow pages, or google alcohol support groups. They are there to help you – right now. Follow that small voice in your heart that wants to be done, that small voice that urges you to ask for help. It will be the best thing you do for yourself in your life!

Once you find sobriety, after a while, you will learn how to create forgiveness in your life, of both others and yourself, and that is the most freeing and peaceful thing you can experience. It will make you glow, make you radiant. You do not want to miss this experience!

The thing about sobriety is, it allows you to heal from all the demons you chase away when you are drinking. Through sobriety, you create a life that is filled with freedom, with peace. But you have to start somewhere, so why not at the beginning and what better day than Easter?

 

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What Is It Like to Be Sober?

March 9, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Hello, and good morning to you each! The day has dawned clear and sunny here in the northern San Francisco Bay Area. My kind of day. : ) I hope your day is filled with peace and joy.

As a follow up to yesterday’s post, I began to wonder if I’d gone too far with it, if I’d gone over the top. I worried that I divulged too much about my process, my actions of follow through with the director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project. I considered taking that information out of the post and re-publishing it.

After my panic subsided, I elected to leave Fred’s name up there, and perhaps, if you google him and his project, you will learn more about forgiveness and about the project and him. That would be a wonderful thing. Perhaps I could have even linked to him to begin with!

At any rate, I would love some comments about how the post sat with you, what your reactions were…

Let’s turn our attention in an different direction, as I talk today about what it’s like to be sober. Ah, a topic near and dear to my heart and I am happy to write about it, as the more that join in, the merrier!

It was scary as crap to think about never drinking again, and it was that fear which, for many years, kept me from getting sober. Drinking had pervaded every aspect of my waking life, and I could not conceive of being without it. What in the world would I ever do, for example, if I went to a party and didn’t have a drink? How boring would THAT be?

As it turns out, not boring at all. In fact, it was more exciting because I was present for conversations with others. That’s not to say that right away I felt comfortable at a party without alcohol; it took a few months to work up to that point. But it came fairly quickly for me.

The reality is, to be sober, to live without alcohol and drugs in your life, is cleaner, more simple, easier, more enjoyable and exhilarating, more freeing. It’s just the way I love living my life now. I don’t miss alcohol because I know where it takes me, and I don’t want to go there… to the being looped and not able to think or talk clearly. So, I elect to stay sober.

For those of you wondering what it’s like to be sober, try it out a bit, but don’t just try being without the liquor. Being sober involves a shift of perspective in how you view life and yourself. It involves seeing the world and yourself with new eyes. To get to that point, get involved with a local support group that deals with alcohol recovery. One of these can be found in your yellow pages, or online under local alcohol support groups.

If you want to experience freedom, peace like you’ve never felt before, and joy over the simplest things in life, I invite you to try getting and staying sober. You will not regret it once you clear out all the old baggage, the old “stuff.”

Being sober and the feeling it generates is the feeling I was looking for all those years that I drank. Isn’t it ironic that I finally found that feeling I so desperately sought, by being sober?

What are your concerns about getting sober? Leave a comment and let us know.

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The Power of Gratitude

October 21, 2012 by 2 Comments

When put to use, gratitude is very powerful. Even more so, it is magical.

I will move into gratitude today for two reasons – 1) it was a search term and 2) it enhances everything you do in life, and it can help you maintain sobriety. Gratitude assists in the forgiveness process, too.

What is gratitude? According to Webster, it is a feeling of thankful appreciation for favors or benefits. To me, gratitude is pleasing and I am thankful for what I have received, whether I have asked for it or not. I am thanking a higher being, or source, showing and sharing my gratitude.

There was a long period in sobriety during which I could not be grateful for anything. In fact, my roommate and I used to meet each other while one was on the way from a meeting and one was on her way to a meeting. The question would always be, “What was the topic?” The answer invariably was “Gratitude,” to which the other would exclaim, “Gratitude AGAIN??”

The thing is, I could not get past the hurt and pain of my past enough to be grateful for anything. It took me several years sober before I seemingly overnight, began to have extreme gratitude. Oh, but I remember the incident vividly. It is the same day that I realized my life’s purpose and my calling.

Once I did, the whole world changed for me in my ability to be grateful for all the gifts I was receiving. In fact, I began to look at my experiences as gifts from which to learn and grow, to heal and thrive.

I still do today… look at experiences as gifts for my learning, healing, and growing, and I see them with gratitude. Sometimes, when I am in the middle of it, I don’t see it as a gift, though. But it works its way through, and I begin to see the gift. Staying sober helps a great deal with that, and that’s the topic of another blog.

If you’re having difficulty being grateful, expressing gratitude, then try this. Every morning when you wake up, whether you lie awake for awhile, or bound right out of bed, feel gratitude for waking up. That’s it, just for waking up.

Even if you would rather not continue with life and not waking up sounds like the solution for you, set that aside for a bit if you can, and just be grateful you woke up on this day, that you have one more day to hope that things will turn around today, or one more day to stay sober. Whatever your difficulty, think of it as one more day to have things change.

It takes courage, and a lot of willingness. And if you’re beat down so low, perhaps those are the only games in town. You have a choice to grab hold of willingness and courage, or keep with the status quo.

Back to our daily exercise. Practice greeting the day with gratitude for two weeks. For the following two weeks, keep doing that and add this: throughout each day, remember back to waking up and being grateful that morning. When you can remember what that  felt like for you, be grateful you were able to experience gratitude, able to be grateful. Be grateful for the courage and willingness you used.

After a while, you will find yourself showing gratitude for getting great parking spaces. It works to elevate your mood, and it’s easier to be around others, and they around you. Remember, gratitude begets gratitude.

How does gratitude manifest for you? Are you able to express it already? If not, was the exercise helpful? Leave a comment and let us know.

 

Are you resistant to this or even to the exercise?

 

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Curls of Kindness

October 14, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Yesterday and Friday I had the distinct honor of being in a holiday craft show at the park where I live. I offered my book and some of my framed images of gates. Everything was well received… many said my work was lovely… and few bought. Still, I had some great conversations with people… a few were very spiritual in nature.

The interesting thing was, I had the opportunity to relay to many people the story of how the book was born. You see, I did not write the verses to go with the pictures. It happened the other way around. I was photographing these gates, and then was titling them so I could sell them to galleries.

Separate and independent of my photo-taking was my journaling – daily writings to try and deal with feelings associated with my sobriety, my recovery. I wrote much about my thoughts and feelings in an effort to work through my emotional difficulties.

One morning, I wrote in my journal a phrase, a verse, that described a gate I had just titled Webs of Fear. I was quite taken-aback, and was prompted to search my journals for other writings that matched or described my titled gate photos. I found around 25 or 30 writings that matched up with images!

Imagine, having written these things before I even photographed the gates! It was all pretty amazing to me and I think, as a result, that the book was divinely inspired, divinely guided. That was in late November of 2004 when I discovered the prose and it was at that point that I realized I had a book I had written and could continue to write. I started working on coordinating verses with photos.

By 2008, I had the book pretty much pulled together, wanted to publish it, and I was terrified for people to read it. I felt very exposed, very raw and vulnerable. I was afraid to expose my story. It took me two more years before I could get up the courage to actually put the book in the hands of a publisher. They, however, rejected it and so I decided to publish it myself.

Curls of Kindness

I felt its message was too important to wait until such time as a publisher accepted it, so I went through the process of publishing it. One of the images from my book is Curls of Kindness. I’d like to share it and its verse with you.

 ”If now is not the time to be kinder and gentler to each other and to ourselves,

when will it be?”

This is just one of many verses that ponders the question of how we treat each other and ourselves. There are additional ones that invite us to act with more tolerance and respect, more compassion and gentleness. As a result of acting in such a manner, the book promises the experience of grace and hope, serenity and joy… and peace.

Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing is an accounting of my own journey into and through sobriety. It takes you along on the path from great angst, through self-awareness and into discovery of so many things which have allowed me to live with joy and peace in my life.

I invite you to check it out in more detail by clicking on the “About” button, and scrolling down to “The Book.” Order your copy today and I will send you a signed copy. Read it in its entirety as a pathway to peace or use it as a daily meditation book when each verse is read individually. May it bring you hope and peace.

 

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Combatting Feelings of Worthlessness, No Value

October 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Good morning. I wanted to pick up where we left off yesterday… after the point of worthlessness, at that place where you are feeling in your deepest recesses that you have done or said some good things – even just one. I hope you did the exercise from yesterday and come armed with the results, the feeling of personal goodness in at least one area.

Take that feeling into the next part of the process, which is seeing the wounds that have led to the feelings that you have no value, the wounds that reinforce your worthlessness. What you want to do here is to start writing about the earliest time you can remember when you were criticized or denigrated. Remember who said or did what… write it down and take a deep breath…

Allow yourself to feel those feelings, just noticing the emotional charge they have for you. Then, decide to look at things from a different viewpoint, with new eyes. Become willing to choose to believe that what was told to you was a lie, told by a wounded person themself. Feel that all the way to your toes… that what they said was wrong. Replace the language that was used against you then, and now replace it with a positive statement about yourself.

It bears repeating here that what was told to you was a lie, incorrect information, based on someone else’s woundedness. It may take some time to incorporate that into your heart, for when you take that belief into your heart, you have years of blaming that needs to fall away, years of negative self-talk to combat and reverse.

This is no easy task, but then, what you are currently dealing with is not easy either. And, no doubt you feel miserable about yourself… that’s why you’re reading this. If you stick with it and commit to sticking with it through all that comes up, you will reap the most awesome beliefs and feelings about yourself on the other side.

You will feel more alive than you have felt for some time. That aliveness is self-perpetuating and cumulative, and it only firms up your new belief that you are good at that one thing, just that one thing… It becomes easier to believe in your light, your goodness, as you go through this process.

What do you wish to be in your heart? Whom do you wish to be? Look at that dream, that desire, and envision yourself living it. What is your “wow?” What does that look like for you? How does it feel? Write your answers…

You are now headed on the course of discovering what makes you shine. It is a discovery of your “wow,” of your light in the world. Follow this process again and again to clear out old messages and beliefs. Be gentle with yourself, and don’t beat yourself up. Allow those gremlins to stay away. When you meet resistance, write about it, even if it is only to simply notice its presence. After you have had a chance to get to your deeper self, let me know what that was like for you by leaving a comment. I wish for you many blessings on your journey.

Oh, and one last thing. I forgot to mention numbing-out during this process. If you stay straight, you go through the process more quickly than if you numb out. You get to the other side more quickly when you’re sober. I invite you to practice sobriety during this process of healing.

And finally, I will be going to my nephew’s wedding in Tampa over the weekend, leaving at 3:30 am tomorrow, so I most likely will not blog tomorrow. I definitely won’t be blogging Saturday or Sunday either, cause I’m not taking my computer. Wow! A true vacation!! Enjoy the weekend and see you on Monday.

 

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How to Conquer Fear by Getting Sober

October 2, 2012 by 2 Comments

There were three searches about fear yesterday… conquering it, conclusions about it, and overcoming it. I’m going to take fear one more step and apply it to becoming sober. It has been my experience that I was only able to conquer fear when sober, so that’s what I’ll speak to.

It wasn’t until many years sober that I realized how much fear had ruled my life as a child and then during my drinking days. Basically, everything I did was dictated by fear of some sort… fear of not being good enough, that you wouldn’t like me,  that  I would make you mad or bother you… and the list goes on.

Let’s turn our attention now to the days I have been sober, my days in sobriety. It has taken me many years as a sober person to drop my fears that I am not good enough, although I sometimes return there, even today. What I have found in sobriety is that I experience the fear, but then I use faith to gain the courage to move forward, despite the fear. I always feel a sense of accomplishment when I do that.

I’m talking about little things that don’t scare many people… like calling or introducing myself to people to let them know who I am, what I do, and to inform them of my services. I get all fearful, and yet, I need to just do it, like Nike says. So I do, and everything turns out well, just as it was intended to be.

The fear which keeps you from getting sober warrants discussion. What about getting sober scares you? Define that for yourself, in all the possible ways. For me, it was not knowing how I would exist without alcohol in my life… how would I spend my time? It was fear of the unknown. Loss of a lifestyle, even though my current life was detrimental to my spirit and well-being, it was still familiar and, in a sick way, comforting.

At a deeper level, I resisted getting sober because a piece of my heart knew I had to drag out all the heartaches of my life and look at them. I didn’t want to do that and I avoided it. Heck! I drank to escape those feelings!! It took me many years of sobriety to realize that in the end, “those feelings” I was escaping were joy and peace.

So, how can you move forward past your fears? Consider the action or result that your fear is preventing. Define a task that will accomplish your desired action/result. Break the task down into smaller parts or sub-tasks, and do one piece at a time, one phone call at a time, one day at a time. The key here is perseverance. When you accomplish a sub-task, praise yourself with positive self-talk.

Getting and staying sober has allowed me to persevere in countless situations, numerous times. It has allowed me to move forward with courage rather than being stuck in my fear. Heck, I just sent a letter, two actually, to Michelle Obama, inviting her to open a dialogue about her activities with the Vietnam vets. Talk about getting past fears! I needed information and our differences in roles in the world made no matter, as I was reaching out person-to-person, one human to the next.

The thing about getting sober is that, if you stick with it and persevere, you will reap so many emotional benefits in addition to conquering your fears. To conquer your fears, first list them out. Then write out what you think will happen in each given situation. Then write about what you want to be different and how that looks for you. See if the fears have lessened…

The thing about conquering fear is that, if you look it in the eye, acknowledge it, and then befriend it, just notice it, it lessens. How can you move forward in your life, despite fear? What is the one major thing you have been putting off, procrastinating, due to fear? I invite you to leave a comment.

 

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More Positive Effects From Sobriety

September 30, 2012 by 1 Comment

To echo yesterday’s topic, is sobriety worth it, let me tell you another story.

I spent a large number of years in great anger and bitterness over my upbringing. I was filled with self-pity over the shame and degradation that was done to my soul, my spirit. I lived as a victim, always justified in my victimhood.

And I was a victim. But what I learned in sobriety was to heal from the shame, the feelings of worthlessness, the anger and rage. In sobriety, I became willing to seek professional help for my mental difficulties, which led to the realization that I’d had PTSD all those years. That was one reason for the explosive anger. With EMDR treatment, it has lessened a great deal.

The other reason for my anger was just generalized rage against the folks. After several years of healing work, I stumbled across forgiveness. It came to me over time, little bit by little bit. The end result has been full forgiveness of my past, and even being able to see the purpose for my past. I discovered how to put it to good use.

I discovered that my life’s purpose is to help others learn to forgive, so that they, too, can experience the wonderful freedom that exists on the other side of forgiveness. Without the abuse in childhood, I would never have had to struggle with my anger and rage, and I would never have stumbled across forgiveness, which is something I can help others to find.

All of this is possible because of sobriety. I didn’t have a fighting chance to heal while I was still drinking because I was stuck in the victim role. I couldn’t see past my anger, my pity. Only in sobriety have I been able to do that.

You, too, can find healing and freedom from anger and rage, heartache and pity. It starts with your sobriety. Are you willing to take that journey? Let me know in the comments section…

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Not Sure Sobriety Is Worth It…

September 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

“not sure sobriety is worth it”  was the search term from yesterday that caught my eye. So, I wanted to share with you a story about that, about B… a delightful 91 year old gentleman for whom I have the honor of being his caregiver. Wait till you hear about this amazing elderly man. He has so much spirit.

B… is this slight guy, stooped, about 5’5″ because of that stoop. Thin, with huge veins in his arms. I notice this because I used to be a nurse and did lab draws… drawing blood. I notice everyone’s veins in their arms… Anyway, B… lives alone in a 3 bedroom house with lots of plants throughout. Ah, a man of my own heart. I also have lots of plants in my home.

He spends a fair amount of his time looking for his cane, so he can take the food out to the deer family he feeds… a doe and her two growing fawns. They like lettuce and red cabbage, so we always make an extra trip to the grocery store that carries red cabbage. I drive his car and he doesn’t complain about my driving! What a bonus. In fact, he agrees with me that I’m a fairly good driver. No, a good driver.

Yesterday was my day to prepare meals for him, so I was cooking away while he was trying to fix the screen door on the door between the gagare and the kitchen. The little arm at the top of the door that holds it open was slipping and wouldn’t keep the screen door ajar. He tried for about an hour to get that to work, but to no avail.

The thing is, I was a witness to this elderly man, trying again and again and again. I was touched by his tenacity, his patience. It fits with his soft-spoken nature.

You may be wondering what B… and his kitchen door have to do with sobriety? Here it is. Unless I was sober, I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate B… and his door, or his deer. If I was still drinking, although not on the job, I would still be hung over for my shift from 1-4 pm. I would have been irritated to have to go to the extra grocery store… such a pain. Out of my way…

And I wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate this gentleman’s love of nature and the deer. I would have found it irritating to have to keep track of him while he was out there, on my watch. And I would have intervened yesterday with the door… wanting to get it fixed so he would stop fiddling on a lost cause.

Because I’m sober, I see everything differently, however. Instead of being irritated, I feel honored to be able to drive this man to the extra grocery store to support his efforts with the deer. I am able to be grateful for my job, for the honor, the delight, of witnessing this man and the actions of his heart.

I am able, as a sober person, to allow this 91-year-old to be as independent as possible, knowing he may fall, which he has outside while feeding them, cutting his elbow badly… twice. But I can offer him respect and trust in him as a person. Letting him maintain as much independence as possible.

Same for the door. I was able to respect his perseverance instead of getting irritated with it, taking delight in watching him continue to try and solve the problem. I didn’t have to step in and do it for him cause I was feeling insecure in myself. My self-confidence allowed me to have respect for him and his need to be active.

Not Sure Sobriety Is Worth It… well, for me, if I wasn’t sober I wouldn’t be experiencing these fabulous things with this elderly gentleman. I would have gathered myself into a huff, a snit, feeling put-upon. From my perspective, sobriety is absolutely worth it, if you wish to live a life of peace and happiness, awareness and caring for another… free from anger and bitterness. Sobriety is the first step to getting there…

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Inspiration For Hopeless Despair Over PTSD

September 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

It has been a heavy past couple-of-days posting… difficult topic, and you may need some inspiration for hopeless despair about your PTSD that you may be feeling after the discussion. I can do that. I can provide inspiration about PTSD from my own experience with it.

As I have said, I was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 54 or 55, so lived from the age of childhood with it. It went undiagnosed all those years, with me confused about my anger at everything, my rage. It was like a switch that went on when I was triggered by others’ words or behaviors toward me.

At the time that I was diagnosed, I happened to meet an EMDR therapist. (Eye Movement Desensitization and Retraining) We had a discussion, a deep one about my abusive childhood, about the difficulties I was experiencing with rage, hyper-vigilance, flashbacks, etc. She relayed to me I had PTSD, which a physician then confirmed, and that EMDR was a treatment being widely used with documented success.

It was roughly $100 per session of about an hour, and having no medical coverage, that was a lot of money for me. Still, when I heard it was being used with Vietnam vets with success, I scraped up the money. I think I had 3 sessions.

They were tremendously helpful and through the success of the treatments, I was able to see my parents with compassion and to grow to forgive them. What it did with my PTSD is this: it tamed the symptoms. I had less flashbacks and when they did occur, they did not cause extreme memories. The memory was softened, not intense. Instead, I saw two people with compassion and sadness.

My hyper-vigilance has also decreased and, in fact, I must say it has almost disappeared. I still, however, do not like to sit with my back to anyone at a meeting or what-have-you. But I do it when I go to seminars and sit in the front row so I can hear and pay better attention. I don’t feel nervous or panicked like I used to with my PTSD in full force.

The point I am trying to make is there is hope for you if you are experiencing hopeless despair about your own PTSD.

Another up-and-coming treatment for PTSD is called Emotional Freedom Tapping, or EFT. EFT uses accupressure and tapping along the body’s meridians, lessening the charge of the memories that trigger your PTSD. I am not clear on why it works, but apparently they are having good results with it.

I had to accept anti-depressants to treat my major depression which accompanied the PTSD. It took me a long time to be willing to do this because I thought that to take them would be a sign of weakness, and I was a JONES, damn it! And that meant I, we, could rise to any occasion without help of any sort. I felt it was “cheating” to take meds, that I was masking my emotions.

How wrong I was. What has happened is, the antidepressants correct my screwed up brain chemistry so I have a fighting chance to live a peaceful and calm life, unruled by my depression. It puts me on the same level as others in my ability to cope with life. I do not feel any mind alteration. I am able to function without the hopeless despair I felt all the time before that, even in, especially in, sobriety.

Speaking of sobriety, none of this recovery and decrease of my PTSD would have been possible if I had not been sober. Consider, if you are a drinker and drugger, that those substances affect PTSD a great deal, and worsen the effects of it. If you are drinking to numb the pain, the hurt, the symptoms of PTSD, then think again about your actions. What exists on the other side of some rocky times is so well-worth getting sober. On the other side is peace like you’ve never experienced. I kid you not.

Today, look at your options for treatment and management of your PTSD and then take action to follow up on receiving it. Take responsibility and reach out. I believe the VA Hospitals have programs for people with PTSD. The relief you will feel is immense, at least it was, has been, for me. There are groups out there to help you with any substance abuse. I recommend using one of them. I wish you well in your healing.

 

 

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How to Live In Serenity

September 23, 2012 by 2 Comments

Balance of Serenity

Good morning. How to live in serenity was one of the search terms from yesterday and I thought it would be a great topic to blog about, given that that we just finished posts about getting sober.

The picture to the right suggests that when we are in serenity, life is balanced. Webster defines serenity as the state of being serene and serene is defined as not disturbed or troubled, the state of being calm, peaceful, tranquil.

Living a life of sobriety can lead you to serenity. In fact, being sober leads directly to the ability to have serenity. Once you work through all the muck that you drank over, or that you fret about if you don’t drink a lot, then what is left is an abiding calmness, tranquility… serenity.

I think the forgiveness of my parents led in large part to my ability to experience serenity. I was no longer angry at them and I became able to look at the past with calmness, with softer eyes and heart.

You, too, can find serenity, if that is what you seek. The steps to get there include letting go of the need to be right all the time, or to get your own way. It involves learning how to forgive, and my article on forgiveness may be helpful to you. To receive the article, sign up to the right of this post and you’ll receive step-by-step instructions to gain forgiveness.

I stress forgiveness because we all hold grudges and angers/hurts against others at one time or another. In my own life, when I forgave, life became much sweeter, much more easy. It’s like I just glided along from one moment to the next.

Living by the principle of live and let live is another thing you can adopt in your life that will assist you to find serenity. Live your own life as you wish, as long as you are not harming yourself or others, and let others be free to live their life as they wish, as long as they are not being harmful to themselves or others.

Practicing acceptance is another thing you can do to gain serenity. Learn to live with the realization that things are as they are, and unless they need changing, accept them as they are. Accept the fact that your life is not serene, and with that realization, you open the door to allowing serenity in.

Often, simply acknowledging a feeling will get the energy flowing and will allow you to get unstuck from that feeling. It’s like, once the light is shined on a feeling and exposes it, the Universe has the opportunity to step in and dispel the feeling.

Practice a few of these techniques and you, too, will soon be experiencing serenity in your life. It is truly a pleasant place to be.

Today, allow yourself to live and let live. Learn how to forgive others and yourself. That’s a biggie… Practice accepting life exactly as it is and see how much you gain serenity.

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What It Was Like Getting Sober – Part 3

September 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment

My van

To continue… I must say, I hope you stick with this post. It’s long and I really hated to do a part 4.

The first year and a half of getting sober was difficult, as my feelings were extremely raw and I had nothing with which to numb them. I did a LOT of writing. I took several brisk walks a day.

After several months of doing these things as well as going to 4-5 meetings a day, God brought me the old van I ws telling you about earlier, and I dove in, gutting it, redoing the plumbing and electrical systems in addition to all the woodworking. I designed the interior bulkhead walls and the bookshelves. This project was a life-saver. It eased the difficulty of getting sober and feeling all my emotions.

I left San Diego in the spring of 2002, and headed back to the Bay Area, where I got a job. Soon after, I fell and injured my right, dominant wrist, so much so that I could not write with that hand and started journaling with my non-dominant, left hand. All sorts of deep feelings welled up, out of nowhere.

In fact, some of what I wrote now appears in the book I wrote and photographed, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. In 2004, I discovered that the writings matched perfectly with some gate photos I had taken earlier in the year, describing their physical characteristics perfectly. I did not plan this; it just happened, which is why I believe my book was divinely created, guided.

Anyway, after returning to Marin and injuring myself in 2002, I could not deal with the weather that winter; the rain was blowing sideways and the van was leaking, getting my journals and books wet. I lost it and became suicidal. After reaching out to the crisis line and getting stabilized, I returned to San Diego and proceeded to receive treatment for my wrist injury.

Surgery was necessary, and I spent the next 3 years trying to find a place to live where I could be and not use my hand for a month following the surgery. It was going to be pretty extensive… First I went to Colorado and then to a friend’s home in Washington state, but these places did not work out and I found myself back in Marin in 2005, having surgery.

My emotional recovery continued, as I delved deeper into my psyche. I got assistance from a therapist. But I still was experiencing great, deep despair over my childhood. I felt the pain I had endured was for no purpose in my life, other than to make me miserable. That despair continued until one day, I discovered my purpose in life.

What I discovered was that my story, my abusive history, was of help to another when I talked about it and relayed how I had begun to heal from it. Suddenly, I saw the reason for the abuse. It was to help others by talking about my experience of healing so that they, too, could begin to recover from their abuse, their pain that they had endured. Suddenly I had purpose, my life had purpose.

After realizing my life’s purpose, my whole attitude and belief in myself changed, and I have not felt despair since that discovery, that day. In fact, my recovery has progressed to the point that I am stable and flourishing. Initially after surgery and for 2 years, I pulled together my book. Then I spent the next 2 years publishing and marketing it. It didn’t really take off, despite the fact that everyone who reads it, raves about it.

In 2008, I bought my humble little home in Marin, so now I am a long-term resident in a place that I love. An opportunity and calling came about, working with the Vietnam vets to help them through the suffering they still experience. What I have to offer today that I didn’t have 38 years ago is a way through grief, as well as how to get past anger and bitterness that is long-standing.

You see, I was finally able to forgive my parents for my upbringing. I carried that deep resentment around for 33 years, and am well-versed in how to forgive a long-time hurt. This is one of the major things I talk about when I work with the vets.

I conduct workshops now, as well as coach others. The topics are as I’ve discussed… grief recovery and forgiveness. I love my life and most of all, I love it when, after talking with someone, I see their eyes light up with hope after being sad and listless, void of all hope. That wonderful peace that I have found is something which I love to pass on… how to get there, how to look at the world and oneself with new eyes, 180 degrees from what one saw before.

You, too, can have a healing journey through all of your grief, your anger and bitterness, through all of your despair and hopelessness. It all starts by getting sober, giving up the drink for a kinder and softer way. Come join me. It is a wonderful life. Learn how to start on that path by coming to my workshop Finding Freedom In Forgiveness on National Forgiveness Day, October 27th. For more information and to register, go to http://findforgiveness.eventbrite.com.

If you are hurting enough, and you want something different in your life, then you are ready, perhaps, to embark upon a new journey. Reach out. Get help. You were not intended to do life alone in a vacuum, by yourself. It is a sign of strength and courage to reach out for a hand. There is love out there, brought to you by God’s countless angels. I wish for you to discover it.

 

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What It Was Like Getting Sober – Part 2

September 21, 2012 by Leave a Comment

To continue… So, Brad and I were friends and palled around for about a month. During that time, the thought to go on a road trip to “find myself” came to me, so I began preparing my little Audi Quattro (a 1985 runnin’ strong with 350,000 on it) for the trip. My first stop was San Diego where my old Sausalito bar tender was now living, getting sober herself. I packed up the car, made drawers and shelves in the back seat for clothes, pots and pans, and finally left Marin County, planning never to return. I had had it with Marin!

The ironic thing is that I am back, have been since 2005, and now own property in Marin. lol Just goes to show you that you never know where life is going to take you! My trip to San Diego was leisurely, as I stopped at several camp grounds along the way. I would drink my six-pack and go roller blading around the camp grounds, a hobby I had taken up at Brad’s encouragement. (He was a roller blader).

I spent my evenings reading Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. And drinking, of course. From the book, I formed the belief that there could be a God and that He was constantly sending help and messages my way through other people, songs, ads, etc. I became very open to suggestions by others, seeing that it might be God at work for me.

When I got to San Diego on March 5th, 2001, and spent the night in a Motel 6 in Chula Vista, south of San Diego, I had my last six-pack as I wrote a letter to the man who did not reciprocate my feelings of love. It was a letter explaining the events that occurred that had made me believe he cared, in an attempt to get clarification from him. I became a sloppy and teary-eyed drunk that night, and awoke with a bad hangover, as usual.

I headed to my friend’s on March 6, 2001, and we proceeded getting sober for the next seven days, at which point she claimed she was going to a support group and did I want to join her? As I was taking everything that came along as a sign from God, I said yes. I will never forget that first group meeting I went to. Everyone was going around the circle, claiming to be an alcoholic and giving their name. What would I say when it came my turn!!?? I was terrified to speak.

Miraculously, when my turn came, the words “Hi, I’m Carolyn and I’m an alcoholic,” rolled out of my mouth with no effort or hesitation at all. I cannot tell you what relief that I felt, what weight was lifted form my shoulders. No more hiding. There. Everyone knew, or would know. That meeting was the start of my recovery to a much better place. First though, I had to go through a lot of healing.

It started with looking at my resentments and examining them. After my parents and my ex-husband, came the “white man” for his treatment of and crimes against the Native Americans, and then came the American public for how they treated the Nam vets when they returned home. I was tremendously upset and angry about those things. They were some of the things I drank over.

Speaking of the Vietnam vets, what was my interest in them? Well, I vowed 38 years ago that I would give back to them even a little of what they lost when they returned home. Back then, I had nothing to offer. At this point in my sobriety, I still had nothing, but that changed, and I’ll explain how, tomorrow.  Hope to see you then

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What It Was Like Getting Sober – Part 1

September 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Good morning and welcome back. I am hoping that the last two days of blogging about getting sober have been helpful and useful to you. It’s quite a low point when one realizes it’s time to stop drinking or actually die. At least it was for me. The thing that’s needed  is, being convinced that it’s worth living.

Ah, yes. I remember being in this space for several months, drinking more and more, seeking relief from my grief, my confusion over the unrequited love. Finally realizing I would die if I continued, it was with desperation that I prayed to a God I didn’t even believe in, asking for help. God answered. He sent Brad. Today I know that Brad’s coming into my life was a God-thing; back then I didn’t have a clue. Brad was my angel sent from God.

It got to the point when I was drinking that I’d start my afternoon at about 3 pm, at the local bar. I was there for margueritas… two of them. Then I walked to the grocery store across the street for a six-pack of beer, and then back to the boat I was living aboard at the time. It was an anchor-out, meaning it wasn’t attached to the docks, meaning I had to row back and forth to get to and from it.

I had to transport fresh water to the boat, had to monitor the electrical system and charge the batteries every 2 days, and other such tasks for survival, like watching the anchor in a storm to be sure it didn’t drag, allowing the boat to drift. Thankfully, I never had to reset the anchor in a storm; it always held fast..

I lived aboard from November 2000 to February 2001, through the winter months in Sausalito, California. Winters are pretty rainy and really nasty windy in Sausalito that time of year. I clocked some storms with 80 knot winds. Nighttime most often found me out of beer by about 7 or 8 pm, so I’d row in and go to the liquor store for one more six-pack. Miller Lite. Someone once told me that that was not beer! Well, it did the trick for me quite nicely… Anyway, my rowing in and out during the storms was suicidal.

Back to Brad. He was this young guy, in his early 30′s (I was 48 at the time), who rode his bike past the bar where I sat on the deck every afternoon. We’d wave to each other. One day, soon after I begged to God, Brad stopped and asked how I was. It was when I responded “Just fine,” and he replied gently “No you’re not,” that I began to cry.

We became friends and his friendship helped me start the long journey back from deep, debilitating despair. He helped me gain back a sense of reality, of what was real about my thoughts, my feelings. And I continued to drink, just not with such desperation. I contemplated getting sober many times and was terrified to let go of what was familiar in my life.

Miserable as I was with my drinking and the results of it (severe hangovers every morning), I knew what to expect in life. I didn’t think I could feel my feelings any more than I was already doing when I was drunk, and I was terrified of having to deal with more pain in my heart if I quit drinking. I didn’t know if I could stand it.

What I didn’t know at the time was that, once I asked for help from God, that included helping me through those feelings, giving me relief when they became unbearable, when I wanted to drink again. He brought me a major project to do, to occupy myself in a healthy manner… renovation of a 1982 Dodge full-sized van that I gutted and rebuilt in cherrywood. That became my pride and joy, my masterpiece, my business card when I tried to get varnishing jobs. That all happened in early sobriety… and I have jumped a bit ahead of myself.

This post is getting long and there’s still more to come. So, I shall continue tomorrow. Come back and find out how this relates to the soft spot I have in my heart for the Vietnam Veterans.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Forgiveness of Others

August 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Tiers of Forgiveness

Good morning. I hope the day is dawning brightly for you, wherever that might be.

I saw a twitter post this morning from someone who said they did not have the guts to forgive someone. It prompted me to tweet and let them know of my forgiveness article that they can receive if they opt-in to my site. Having tweeted about that, I was led to thoughts about forgiveness.

The thing about forgiveness is we always do it for ourselves, never the other person. Nelson Mandella said once that resentment is like drinking poison thinking it will kill your enemy. Truer words could not be spoken. Your enemy usually has no clue you are resentful, and it is you who is tied up in knots over some issue.

That’s why you never forgive for the other person; you forgive for yourself, to clear the chains that bind your heart. By offering forgiveness, you are not saying you condone what was done, not in any way. The event(s) that happened were wrong, you were wronged, and it will always be a part of who you are.

But there is a way to look at a situation that takes the sting out, that allows you to find forgiveness.  It is a process. This process of forgiveness takes place over time, in tiers, of you will.

I experienced physical, verbal, and emotional trauma in my early years, and I grew up angry/livid and bitter about it. I refused to even consider forgiveness; I lived my life as a victim, filled with self-pity. To numb the sting of my feelings, I drank for 26 years. When I finally was an absolute emotional mess, I gave up the fight and became sober.

Through my sobriety, I became, after about two years, to look at forgiving. Actually, this is how it happened…

Soon after I became sober, I was doing a self-appraisal, looking at the relationships I had had with men over the years. What I remembered was getting drunk and yelling at them that they were worthless, would never amount to anything.

I was horrified to recall this, and felt badly that I denigrated their spirit, their soul, in such a way. Then I realized I did not mean that of them; I said it because I was lashing out in desperation with thoughts I had for myself. i.e., I thought I was worthless.

Then a while later, I began to wonder if the person who told me I was worthless actually meant these words about himself, and perhaps he, too, was lashing out at me in desperation. A light bulb went off as I began to consider this. It opened the door ever-so-much to be able to consider this person as a wounded soul.

When I was able to see him in this manner, I felt badly for him because I knew how horrible it felt to feel worthless about myself, and I assumed he felt the same way about himself at the time he said it to me. I began to have compassion for this wounded soul.

Over time, I was able to see his behaviors and treatment of me as merely an expression of how badly he felt about himself. Over a period of a couple of years, I was able to offer forgiveness to him.

This is how forgiveness came about for me. For you, I invite you to consider the following as a method of forgiveness:

  • consider whether you have ever done the same thing that was done to you that you cannot forgive for;
  • if you have, own your behavior, An apology may be in order;
  • if you haven’t, then look at the other person as a wounded person, unable to help themselves for what they did;
  • have compassion for this wounded individual, knowing how fallible and fragile they were;
  • allow the chains that bind your heart to slip away over time, as you continue to apply more compassion for a fellow human who is themselves scarred.

Try this out and let me know if you were able to find forgiveness by leaving a comment.

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Being Urged by Friend to Get Sober

June 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Annie O

Good morning. Today I am going to interject a personal blog, a deviation from the book’s topics. And today, that will be a piece about my dear friend of 45 years who is visiting me. She gave me permission to post her picture… :)

As I think back upon our relationship and the times we shared when alcohol and drugs were involved, I recall many, many vacations we have been on… to Lake Powell on a houseboat, to a lake in SW Nebraska, and others, where the focus of the space we shared was on the partying.

And I have many fond memories. But from the point at which I turned the corner and began to get drunk all the time, Ann tried to get me to quit drinking. Of course, her pleas fell on deaf ears.

One day, we had been out with our mates somewhere, drinking, and we were all crossing a major street at the crosswalk to get to the liquor store on the other side of the street. We were buying more beer and were already drunk. I was, anyway.

All but Ann, that is. In her frustration of me going to get more beer, she tackled me in the intersection as we were crossing the street. The scuffle tied up the intersection. The police came. It was a humiliating experience for me.

My response to the situation was to move to California shortly thereafter, where I continued to drink myself into oblivion every night. It wasn’t until I had left my marriage because I thought another man was in love with me, found out he didn’t have feelings, that I became devastated and hit my drinking bottom. It is from that deep hole that I climbed to get sober on March 6, 2001.

My whole point in bringing up the tackling incident is to let you know that Ann and I have been through our trying times during the course of our 45-year history, and our friendship has prevailed. It is recommended by some recovery circles that when you get sober, you need to stop seeing the old friends, the drinkers.

I have found that my old drinking buddies are the strongest support of my sobriety, and want more than anything for me to remain sober. It has been that undying love over the years that has allowed me to remain friends with them, even in sobriety. When I am around them, I have no desire to drink, so that’s nice.

I digress. Today, in celebration of our birthdays, Annie O and I are going sailing for four hours. I am so excited! It has been years since I have been on a boat! We are packing the box of food we are taking aboard for the two dear former dock mates who are hosting Ann and I today.

You see, I lived aboard a sailboat for three years when I first moved to California in ’97. There were 5 of us live-aboards all in a row at the dock, and we did many things together. One of the couples and I have remained in touch over the years, and it is they who are taking us out.

I plan to get some nice shots and post about the trip tomorrow… Come on back and I’ll let you know how a mimosa was with sparkling cider instead of champagne. :)

 

 

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Fear of Sobriety – Part 3 of 3

June 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What will life look like once I am sober? That is the question we will address today in Fear of Sobriety – Part 3. This was my second concern after “how will I ever live without alcohol in my life…”

The thing is, I didn’t know what life was going to look like but I took that leap into sobriety anyway. I had to, or die. What started happening was that situations and opportunities came into my life, and I took action on those things. 

For example, after my emotional meltdown for two months, the idea came to me to go on a road trip and to start with San Diego, where a girlfriend was living and trying to get sober. I quit my nursing job so I was available to leave, and I constructed my car with drawers and shelves in the back seat, readying it for my road trip.

When I got to San Diego, the opportunity presented itself to start going to a support group to deal with quitting drinking, and I followed up on that opportunity. That decision was to be the formation of my ability to live as a sober person, heal, and find peace.

Home for Three Years

When I had the thought to buy a full-sized camper van, gut it, and rebuild it with cherrywood, I followed up on that thought, using my God-given skills to do so. That van became my home for the next three years, as I walked through sobriety and the healing process. It was a safe haven in which to do the emotional work I needed to do.

The point is, we never know in what direction we will be pointed.I found I was always pointed in the direction of an interest of mine or a skill I had. I was steered away from nursing, and I believed resuming my nursing career would jeopardize my sobriety too much.

In the end, I was guided to a small mobile home, for which I was able to borrow funds to purchase, and I currently am working to build my speaking and coaching careers. All of this, after publishing the book I wrote over a time period of about eight years.

And I love my life, even though I had no idea it would turn in the direction it has. I just trusted the Universe and where I was being guided, and I took action on what came across my path that resonated with my heart. 

We don’t know what our lives will look like when we get sober. We just trust and we become willing to follow where we are being guided. As far as living without a drink, that has been glorious and I have been graced with the lack of desire for alcohol in my life.

You, too, can take that leap into the unknown, and can consider what results as a series of exciting opportunities which present themselves, upon which you can act. Hopefully, this takes the fear of out wondering what your life will look like if you quit drinking.

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The Power of Willingness

January 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment
Key of Willingness

Key of Willingness

The power of willingness is quite strong. All it takes is enough willingness to open the door a little bit, so that the power of the Universe, our higher power, can go to work on our behalf.  It is the size of a keyhole, willingness is.

And what is our willingness for? About what are we showing willingness?

We are demonstrating willingness to be honest, to act with an open heart and mind. We need willingness to be humble, to act with courage. Willingness to examine our emotions and feelings can help us heal and find peace.

In sobriety, it is most crucial that we have willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves. That power will help us out, will act on our behalf to keep us sober.

We have already demonstrated that we cannot will ourselves to stay sober; the force of wanting to drink is too strong for us alone. So, we invite in that sacred force to help us, to do things in our life that we have been unable to do.

How do we develop willingness? Well, we make our mind up to be willing. It’s just as simple as making up our mind to be so. Once we open that door a crack, it is flung wide by that power greater than ourselves. Or the door inches its way open. Either way, more willingness will develop from our meager attempts to be willing.

The bottom line is, it takes just a little willingness to get the ball rolling. So go ahead, be willing. See all the ways in which you can be willing in your life. I can almost guarantee you’ll be pleased with the results!

 

 

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Warmth of Humility

January 4, 2010 by 7 Comments

warmth of humilityGood morning and welcome to the new year. May it be filled with peace and joy for each of you. And welcome to my blog as our journey through the book continues.

Today’s topic is humility. For me, humility produces a warm glow. Hence, the naming of today’s image, Warmth of Humility. Although difficult to see in this reproduction, the late afternoon sun on the bronze of this gate is reflecting a glow of great warmth.

Webster defines humility as the act of being humble, which is to be modest, not proud or self-assertive, to have or to show one’s consciousness of his/her shortcomings.

For me, humility was something which found me in sobriety after I did a lot of work uncovering and acknowledging my shortcomings. I was cut down to size, was made to realize I was not the hot shot I thought I was. Of course, at the same time I felt inflated about myself, I felt so poorly about myself, so humility also became a place of recognizing that I was not a speck of dirt on the floor.

Humility is the recognition that the success I enjoy, or who I am and what I believe about myself, is by the grace of a higher power, not by my own works or actions.

My heart is softened by humility. When I feel humble, I am lead to compassion for myself and others, as I have a tender understanding of our common flaws and foibles. It is that warm glow to which I referred earlier.

I am relieved of the need to control when I am humble, as I am confident in the belief that if I just take action, do what is right in front of me to do, do the footwork and let go of the outcome, a higher force will guide me in the direction in which I need to go. It is a flow; again, that warmth…

How do you experience humility in your life? I welcome your feedback…

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Shadows of Doubt – The Plague of Self Doubt

December 14, 2009 by 3 Comments

doubt72

Isn’t it interesting that, on the verge of writing the portion of Shadows of Doubt on self-doubt, I am struck with a major case of self-doubt?! It occurs to me that this is a perfect opportunity to describe what the process looks like for me, for self-doubt is something I continue to deal with, even after some time as a sober person.


A friend wrote his thoughts about doubt. I compared myself to him… my words to his words, my thoughts to his thoughts, and judged mine as less than his. I became paralyzed to write the blog. My confidence slipped, which led to a lowered self-esteem. Then, I doubted myself even more, and the spiral continued.


While in the throes of musing about my words for the blog, I came to a realization. I realized that while I bemoan the fact that I compare myself to others because my father always did that to me, I don’t need him any more. I compare myself quite nicely, thank you, without his help. So, the one more appropriate to bemoan is myself.


I have learned to realize that I am powerless over the ability to stop comparing and judging myself, that only God can restore me to sanity. I make the conscious decision to let God help me. Then, I am asked to look at what is behind my habit of comparing myself. Is it fear that I am not good enough? Probably some of that, a lot of that, perhaps.


So I talk with someone about my feelings, my realization. Then I need to become willing to have God remove that habit of comparing myself to others, which involves becoming humble. Once humble, I can ask God to remove my compulsion of comparing myself. I realize I have hurt myself by doing this and I apologize to any I have hurt, including myself, and try to change my behavior.


Changing my behavior involves spot checking myself during the day to identify those times when the compulsion to compare myself crops up and I ask God to remove it at once. Over time, if I do this, God may remove this character flaw. But He removes things in His own time and it may not go away right away if, by sharing about my struggle, it may be of use to others.


Then, I continue to build my relationship with God, and I go help another. And this is how I have learned to live my life… with everything. It gets tiring at times. Yet, there are rewards to this process that are indescribable. And, I have had many compulsions lifted.


I came to the realization last night that my friend and I are writing about two different things. He is writing more generally about the topic, where it takes you, etc., while I am writing because I am telling the story of my book, which is my story. To compare is to compare apples and oranges. Suddenly, I feel free, and able to write my own darn blog!

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Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,