finding peace • Creating Peace Through Forgiveness

See Your Dream with No Judgment

May 20, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Absence of Judgment

As you think about your dream, look at it with no judgment. Do not judge it as right or wrong, good or bad. See it in its barest element. Just see it as it is and accept it.

You may be spending a lot of time judging yourself, your dream – second guessing, doubting. At the same time, you may be experiencing a strong call to your dream.

Pay attention to the call, the pull. Consider, if you are judging it, that you are being too hard on yourself.

“Why do we judge ourselves so harshly for being who we are, if our actions and behaviors feed our spirit and are not harmful to ourselves or others?” Excerpt from my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.

When you stop the judgment of your dream, you will be left with the time and energy to pursue it. When you pursue it, you will find it brings you peace to do so.

The thing about judgment is that it sets you up for failure before you even start. It is a form of negative self-talk. It gives you an excuse not to try to follow it.

Today, consider your dream with no judgment of it. Let it permeate your being. Notice how doing that brings you more peace…

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: absence of judgment, finding peace, inner peace, judgment, peace

Acknowledge Your Dream

May 18, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Acknowledgment of Others

One of the things you need to do in the pursuit of your dream is to acknowledge yourself for that dream. When you acknowledge your dream, you are saying yes to the Universe.

The urgings of your heart are there for a reason…. Your soul wants you to pay attention to the messages it is sending in the form of a dream.

I know this image’s title is Acknowledgment of Others, yet in the verse that accompanies it in the book, it talks about acknowledging yourself also. So, consider that the title is Acknowledgment of Others and Yourself.

It is okay to acknowledge yourself, to give some consideration to your thoughts, your desires, and your dream. Again, once you acknowledge these things, the Universe steps up to match your acknowledgment.

We get our strength from others, as well as from within. That is what the little “beings” are doing in the photo… they are looking at each other to represent turning to others, and they have their “backs” to each other to represent the turning inward that is necessary for us each to regroup.

Acknowledge your dream not only to yourself, but to others as well. Speak of it to them so that it becomes firm in your mind and heart. Ferret out the details of the dream, until you are very familiar with it, until the details are second nature to you.

Today, recognize that you need to acknowledge your dream before the Universe can step in and help you out. Happily tell the world about your dream and your plans to follow it. That is all part of what it means to acknowledge it.

When you put your intention out there, all sorts of things start to happen to further your dream. As you follow it, you will start to know peace.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living Tagged With: acknowledge, acknowledgment, finding peace, inner peace, peace

Hope Quote – We Have Hope When We Follow Our Dream

May 14, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Ray of Hope

It is 5:30 am Sunday morning and I have been up since midnight. I just popped awake, and decided to get up. Finally, I have made some sense and order of my inbox.

I sit on the enclosed porch and watch the sky to the east. It has turned a shade of dark gray. The traffic noise from nearby Highway 101 is still… I hear two birds singing. It is a reverent time of the day for me, a time in which I connect to Source.

After accepting yourself fully, hope comes to you. “A ray of light across the bars of my being lights the way… instills hope in my heart.”

You have accepted your dream as a part of who you are, part of your soul, and you have committed to follow that dream. This fuels your hope that your life can be fulfilling.

***********

It is now Monday morning at 5 am; I have been up since three. And I am wondering how the day slipped away yesterday, such that I never finished the blog post! I am having hope that I can get back on a daily schedule and not forget to blog… lol

Being in a state of hopelessness is a devastating place to be. When I was there at that point, I prayed to God to let me die. I saw no point to life as I was experiencing it.

Then something happened that gave me hope. I discovered my purpose, that my life had a purpose. For me, it is to share with you the message of self-love and love of others, to share about how to forgive so you can make peace with your life.

Today, look for hope through your purpose in life. What are your talents and skills? Who can you serve? When you figure out who you can serve, you will most likely have discovered your dream. And when you do, you’re well on your way to peace.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: finding peace, hope, hope quote, hopelessness, inner peace, peace

Show Gentleness to Yourself as You Heal and Grow

May 1, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Bed of Gentleness

There is nothing quite like showing yourself gentleness to speed along your healing and growth processes.

It will go a long way toward helping you to overcome the desire to beat yourself up, or to criticize yourself, not only during the appraisal portion of your journey, but throughout your journey.

Cut yourself some slack. I’m not advocating you pat yourself on the back for unkind and uncaring behaviors, but I am saying to allow yourself to be human with failings.

The thing about your failings, your short-comings is that you can choose to change them into victories, lessons to learn.

I am advocating you take a long, hard, honest look at yourself, using humility to do so. And I am advocating that you show yourself gentleness as you do that looking. Beating yourself up is counter-productive.

Feeling regret or remorse over some action, words, or behavior? Be gentle; recognize that you did the best you could at the time. If you’d have known better, you would have done better.

Now you have the opportunity to change anything you did that you don’t like, or, at the very least, to get some peace from your regrets. Be gentle with yourself as you go about making those changes.

Allow yourself to slowly and gently reveal yourself to yourself and others. Showing gentleness to yourself and others is paramount as you continue on your journey to living your dream and finding peace.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, finding peace, gentle, Gentleness, inner peace, peace, show gentleness to yourself

Open Your Heart and Mind to Your Dream

April 27, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Openness of Heart

One of the ways in which you can live your dream is to open you heart and mind to it.

When you have a mindset that you cannot have your dream for this, this, or that reason, you negate the Universe’s efforts to bring it to you.

You see, when you make the declaration that you have a dream you are going to pursue, the Universe steps up to bring you what you need to fulfill it.

Open your heart and mind to yourself, to your capabilities, your talents… the things that are stupendous about you, the things that will make you successful at your dream.

Practice being honest about your dream… humble, yet courageous. Yes, you may have your doubts and this is the other side of sanity talking to you, getting you to look at things realistically.

However, there comes a time when looking realistically at your dream crosses the line and becomes negative self-talk, a series of put-downs. Be aware of when you start to do this. Ultimately, practice trust in the Universe, that your dream is your way to peace.

You cannot do these things when your heart and mind are closed to new possibilities, new wonders and gifts. Today, become aware of how open your heart and mind are to your dream. I invite you to fling wide open any gates to your heart that prevent you from doing this.

By now, your dream has become more than just an idea, perhaps. My heart is off to you… carry on. If you are not moving forward to realize your dream, I invite you to open your heart and mind to it, and to take action.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living Tagged With: finding peace, following your dream, honesty, humble, humility, inner peace, open your heart, peace, what is honesty

Living Your Dream with Honesty

April 26, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Welds of Honesty

Honesty is one of the things that holds your dream up; it cements it, just like a weld of two pieces of metal.

How do you apply honesty to your dream? Well, you consider the divine plan for yourself, and if you feel strongly in your heart that you are following that plan, then you are being honest about your true nature. You are practicing honesty.

If, on the other hand, you are having urgings to follow a dream and are not doing so, you are not practicing being honest with yourself or your divine Source.

It is dishonest not to be true to ourselves, and if that includes needing to follow a dream which is divinely supported, so be it.

How can you switch from dishonesty to honesty? You can admit to your heart’s urgings, admit to your dream. Then, start taking action to follow it. You do the next indicated thing that is in your path to do. Over time, you will be experiencing your dream.

When you keep doing the action, you get closer and closer to fulfilling your needs. You will experience peace when you are engaging in your dream, because you are in sync with your soul.

So, go forth and demonstrate honesty about your dream. Admit it to yourself, speak up about it and then follow through to get there. You can do it, you’ll be amazed!

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living Tagged With: being honest, finding peace, honest, honestly, honesty, inner peace, peace

Shed Worthlessness and Share Your Dream with the World

April 3, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Cornet of Worthlessness

Good morning. Today, we will continue through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. The next topic we come to is worthlessness.

Now that we have identified and acknowledged our fear, we can begin to look at other feelings that are keeping us from following our dream.

Perhaps, somewhere in our past lies the secret to any feelings of worthlessness we may hold. Perhaps, at one point, we were told by another that we were useless, that we had no value. Or, we have deduced that on our own.

If you were told you were worthless, let me just say, it was a lie. It is possible that whomever told you that was actually feeling it about themselves. They were feeling worthless themselves, and in their pain, lashed out in agony and frustration, spouting it to you.

The fact is, we each have importance and merit, simply because we exist on this planet. We each have value. Let me say that another way. You have value.

Everything about you has value because everything about you helps others in some way or another. When you are on top of your game and in a positive space, being of use to others, you are helping them to grow their sense of worth and value. That is being of service.

Even when you are being negative and/or hurtful to others, it can be a learning experience for the other person. They can look at your behavior as an example of how they do not wish to be in the world. This can act as a motivator to some, as they then strive to act in kindness and love to others.

There are those, however, who, when exposed to negative behavior from others, begin to believe they are useless and worthless. If that describes you, use even this as a learning experience. Look at yourself and ponder what is leading you to that conclusion. Ferret out what it is that you believe about yourself that makes you feel that worthlessness.

Then try this exercise. Think of one thing that you love to do, the one thing that makes your heart sing when you are doing it. You may or may not do it well, but time may slip away when you do it.

Consider that this one thing is your gift, something you were gifted, something you were intended to have or to be like in order to share with the world. This is your light that Spirit intends for you to gift to others, simply by doing it or being a certain way.

Now, wear humbly that thing which you love to do, your gift, and go be of service to another. Shed your feelings of worthlessness and stop playing small. Instead, play big, as there is someone out there waiting to receive your gift. They are waiting to receive you in all of your glory and goodness.

The choice is yours. Playing big is the way to peace and playing small will keep you in misery. Which way do you choose?

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: feeling worthless, finding peace, I feel worthless, inner peace, peace, worthless, worthlessness

Healing Through Nutrition and Gratitude

April 1, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Today I have a special treat – guest blogger Tom Corson-Knowles. He presents to us a wonderful blog about nutrition and gratitude. Enjoy.

A mentor of mine once told me,

“Tom, you’d be amazed at how much you could achieve in life if you would just stop actively sabotaging yourself.”

I can tell you that this message hit home for me personally in a big way. And I’ve since shared that message with many of my health and nutrition coaching clients and podcast listeners. Why?

Because one of the biggest reasons people have trouble healing is their nutrition – and their self-sabotage. You see, “emotional eating” has become a common phrase these days and an even more common daily occurrence for hundreds of millions of people. But what is “emotional eating” really?

Emotional eating is, in essence, self-sabotage at its finest. We eat unhealthy foods (junk food, ice cream, whatever it is that makes us feel better in that moment) and we don’t eat that food because we’re hungry! No, we don’t even eat that food because it’s good for us. Just the opposite – we at that food emotionally because we know it will hurt us.

Why do we sabotage ourselve this way?

There are many reasons for emotional eating. Oftentimes, in my personal experience, it’s because deep down we don’t feel like we deserve to be healthy, or skinny, or beautiful, or happy or whatever it is. We feel like we’re just not good enough to have those great things in life so just when we’re about to have a breakthrough in our health or in our happiness, we resort to emotional eating to bring us back down.

This whole cycle is part of a big oscillation between two emotional extremes – being overly “happy” and being overly “sad.” I say these words in quotations because it’s probably not exactly those words, it’s different for each of us but it’s in essence a large emotional swing to one side or another (positive and negative).

You see, the secret to healing and the secret to inner peace is to walk the middle path. Being neither too excited when we have a great success in life nor too depressed when we face a setback in life is truly the key to healing and peace.

When we are in this middle bath, we realize that all things in life have a balance, have a duality. Good and bad, happy and sad, excited and afraid, love and hate, life and death, health and illness… this is just a fact of life. And should we fail to accept life the way it is, should we try only to have happiness and no sadness, I guarantee life will throw more sadness your way just to make sure your life is in balance!

That’s not to say that we can’t be more happy in life or have more peace – I believe we can truly live a much happier, more peaceful, more fulfilling life when we come to accept life for what it is – a mixture of both pain and pleasure, opportunity and difficulty. That’s what life is made of.

And when we truly accept life for what it is and have gratitude for the good AND the bad in life – that’s when true healing comes. That’s when we can be grateful for the emotional eating in the past. We can be grateful for the lessons we learned. And we can be grateful for the opportunity to heal and to make positive changes in our life.

Are you grateful for your life today?

This article written by Tom Corson-Knowles, founder of Authentic Health Coaching. You can learn more about Tom and his healthy weight loss tips on his blog.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: emotional healing, finding peace, gratitude, inner peace, peace

Living with the Glass Half Full

March 29, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

We have completed the journey through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. Before I start over with the book’s topics, I wanted to share an old post. It deals with the way in which we view the world. Is our glass half empty of half full?

I was reflecting upon a blogging class I took a while back. Specifically, I was thinking about how I rated the class with a thumbs-up of 8, instead of a full thumbs-up of 10. When asked by the presenters why that rating and not a 10, I replied that I already knew much of the information that was presented.

It’s interesting I responded in that way, as a lot of what I DID learn was new to me, and very valuable. I was rudely awakened to the fact that I looked at the experience as my glass half empty, instead of half full. Embarrassing to admit, but a valuable lesson for me to examine further, so I thought it beneficial to share it with you.

I was modeled the attitude of judgment about everything and everyone when I was growing up, and the judgment was always negative. I don’t say this to give an excuse, but to allow you to see where my default mode came from. It’s simply a fact.

So, when asked about my thoughts about the class, they automatically went to my glass being half empty, rather then half full. Darn! And I thought I had outgrown that! I certainly have worked on changing that perception over the years.

I believe this experience came up to show me how I still need to work on this issue of the glass half empty or half full. It gives me an opportunity to treat myself with gentleness and tolerance, rather than beat myself up about where I initially went… to the glass half empty.

Additionally, I get the chance to practice perseverance in changing my default to the glass half full. Life is all about practice, after all… We can turn the other way and become defensive or intimidating about the way in which we see the world as half empty, or we can gently examine ourselves, ferreting out our negative responses when a positive one is just as easy to do.

When we look at the glass as half full, we stay in that zone of serenity and peace. Such a perspective is all it takes to help us stay in that space. It helps us to stay sober.

How do you view the world? Is your glass half empty or half full? Do you have to remind yourself of this, or is your glass always half full? Do you view the world with a positive outlook?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, positive view of life, serenity, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

We Will Know Peace

March 28, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Promise of Peace

Ah, we have finally made it to what we have been searching for. We have made it to peace.

“When I practice the principles of love for myself and others, the gates of my heart melt into the glow of dusk and peace rises to greet me.”

As the verse says, all we have to do is practice the principles of love for ourselves and for others. If we are kind, tolerant, gentle, compassionate, and respectful toward all beings, including ourselves, peace will flow in.

There is a stilling of the mind and heart when we reach peace. It’s like the calm of a lake as we look out across the waters.

In order to get to peace, we have had to remain sober. We have had to work at our sobriety, learning and practicing the principles of love.

Forgiveness plays a huge role in achieving peace, for when we forgive, we free ourselves… our mind and our heart. We feel washed clean.

Do you feel more peace in your life? Like the pink glow in the sky, has peace gradually descended upon you, catching you unaware? If so, revel in this feeling. Know that it is a place to which you can return when you practice the principles of love.

Today, enjoy the feeling deep in your heart. Enjoy that quietness and stillness of spirit. My hope for you is that you know peace.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, serenity, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Serenity Can Be Yours

March 27, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Balance of Serenity

“I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am held in balance with great beauty and strength.” This is the verse that accompanies this image in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart A Journey of Healing.

Serenity is defined as the art or state of being serene, which is defined as un-troubled, calm, and tranquil. It is a space we find ourselves living in when we go through the process which has been presented in this blog.

When living a life of serenity, we find ourselves unruffled by calamity; instead, we are able to take things in stride. We do not become freaked out, or “wigged out” about things in our life when they go awry.

We are able to calmly assess situations and react with assuredness and certainty. Certainly, we are still concerned about difficult things that arise, but they no longer throw us off-kilter.

To get to this place of serenity, we have looked at ourselves and have begun to heal old wounds through the practice of acceptance and forgiveness.

We no longer attract to our lives the drama that we were involved in before, thus allowing us to remain serene through difficult times. Our ability to be in that space of serenity strengthens our sobriety, and the more we stay sober, the more serenity we experience.

All of this is achieved through using the process that has been described in this blog, from the development of trust in a power greater than ourselves, to courage. Then we throw in honesty, openness, willingness, and humility, and we are able to look at ourselves through a self-appraisal, in order to discover things that need to be corrected, righted, or changed.

Once this occurs, we are able to offer kindness, gentleness, tolerance, and respect to others and to ourselves. We learn the art of forgiveness and we are set free to live our lives, fulfill our dreams.

Today, look at how far you have come on your journey to serenity and peace. Be humble, yet commending of the actions you have taken to get to this point. Notice how your sobriety is strengthened. Enjoy your serenity today.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: finding inner peace, finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, serene, serenity, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

How Sobriety Leads to Joy

March 26, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

If we’ve stuck together through all of the stages and changes in thinking that have occurred along the way in these blogs, we have begun to see how sobriety leads to joy. We have begun to see that, if we have stayed sober, we are experiencing joy.

Joy is defined as a very good feeling, happiness, a great pleasure, delight, and anything causing such a feeling.

If joy is not happening for us, perhaps we want to examine our willingness level. Perhaps we’re stuck on a self-appraisal, or are having trouble forgiving. If so, we need to return to those topics and look again.

(I tried to supply links back to those topics, but I was not able to do it due to an uncooperative computer. Just like I am unable today to upload the image that goes with joy. Too bad, as it’s one of the best photos.)

“I never thought this could happen. My heart BURSTS with joy!” This is the verse that accompanies the photograph of a gate’s center section, which is a diamond with rays, or bursts, of metal coming from the center, reaching upward and outward.

I never DID think I could feel this level of happiness. All my life, I had looked to others to supply it for me. Suddenly at one point in my recovery, it dawned on me that my happiness comes from inside and it is what I choose to make it. Soon after realizing this, I started experiencing joy.

Happiness and joy were the effects, the feelings that I sought from alcohol and drugs, yet, I never could find them there. So to have found them in sobriety, in much bigger levels than I ever dreamed possible, is something for which I am grateful every day.

You, too, can find this incredible joy. It come from within your being. It is a choice you make. If you are grateful for every little thing that occurs and surrounds you in your life, you cannot help but look at the world in great wonder, great awe, and from that grows joy.

I hope for you to stay the course, to stay sober through all the rough times. It is so worth it on the other side. Once you find joy, you will know serenity and peace.

Filed Under: Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, joy, living sober, peace, serenity, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

You Can Live Your Dream

March 25, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Fulfillment of Dreams

From my experience, I have determined that, in sobriety, it is possible to live your dream that you have held in your heart forever.

Even when not in sobriety, our dreams can come true, although we may not be grateful for them at that time. Instead, we want more than is given.

But, if we remain sober, do our healing work, and take action in the direction of our dreams, one day we just find ourselves in the middle of them.

The key is taking action in the direction of our dream, saying yes to ourselves, and acting upon those things that come across our path to align us with that dream.

It takes courage, despite the fear we feel. It takes being self-responsible and holding ourselves accountable for our stumbles. It takes surrender to and acceptance of where we are being led.

We each, after all, have our own unique gift that we are intended to share with the world and when we align ourselves with our unique gift and stay sober, opportunities will arise for our taking.

When we begin to see our dream coming true, our sobriety allows us to express constant gratitude, which results in abundance that further leads us on our path. You may not be sober and your dream still comes true. It will have a different feeling than if you were sober.

For example, while I was in the middle of my drinking heyday in 1995, I moved from Colorado to California to live aboard a sailboat and to go cruising one day. I did live aboard for three years, at which time I left my troubled marriage and the boat.

I had held in my heart the dream to sail since the mid-eighties. Suddenly, here I was, about to live my dream to cruise and enjoying the boating lifestyle in the meantime.

Instead of spending each day in gratitude and wonder that my dream was a reality, I was always finding fault and wanting more. More things, a nicer boat, more happiness… I could go on, but you get the idea, I’m sure.

This picture is in such sharp contrast to what I am experiencing today in sobriety. As a result of God’s grace and keeping sober, my childhood dream to become a photographer has been fulfilled. I photographed and published the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.

Now, I am living my 1980s dream of being a speaker, empowering others to gain the serenity and peace I have found. All I am doing is taking the next indicated step that comes along my way that moves me toward my dream.

Today, get or maintain your sobriety. Reach in your heart and find your dream that is held there. Make the decision to live your dream. Gain the courage to stay sober and to take action on those things that will further your dream.

Don’t push, just let things evolve naturally. Do the things in front of you to do, day in and day out. One day, you may be surprised to find yourself living that dream.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, live your dream, living sober, living your dream, peace, serenity, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

You Can Live Your Dream

March 25, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Fulfillment of Dreams

From my experience, I have determined that, in sobriety, it is possible to live your dream that you have held in your heart forever.

Even when not in sobriety, our dreams can come true, although we may not be grateful for them at that time. Instead, we want more than is given.

But, if we remain sober, do our healing work, and take action in the direction of our dreams, one day we just find ourselves in the middle of them.

The key is taking action in the direction of our dream, saying yes to ourselves, and acting upon those things that come across our path to align us with that dream.

It takes courage, despite the fear we feel. It takes being self-responsible and holding ourselves accountable for our stumbles. It takes surrender to and acceptance of where we are being led.

We each, after all, have our own unique gift that we are intended to share with the world and when we align ourselves with our unique gift and stay sober, opportunities will arise for our taking.

When we begin to see our dream coming through, our sobriety allows us to express constant gratitude, which results in abundance that further leads us on our path. You may not be sober and your dream still comes true. It will have a different feeling than if you were sober.

I had held in my heart the dream to sail since the mid-eighties. Suddenly, here I was, about to live my dream to cruise and enjoying the boating lifestyle in the meantime.

Don’t push, just let things evolve naturally. Do the things in front of you to do, day in and day out. One day, you may be surprised to find yourself living that dream.

Who Is This Lady Behind Blogs About Sobriety, Serenity, and Peace?

March 24, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Who is this woman who blogs every day on sobriety, serenity, and peace, this gate lady? How did my “previous life” propel me into what has ended up being a daily blog on these topics?

To answer my questions is to describe to you why I am passionate about blogging for you, why I am passionate about sharing words about sobriety, serenity, and peace. It involves telling you where I came from to get to the point where I am today, in these blogs. I relay this in the hopes that it will be useful information for you.

In my prior life, meaning prior to sobriety, I was tremendously unhappy, miserable, in fact. Yet, I put my bright face forward, not letting others know I was aching inside. I spent a lot of time drunk or high, in self-pity, blaming my parents and others for that misery. However, I was doing nothing to claim my own unhappiness. I just kept drinking more.

I was in a dissatisfying, dysfunctional, and verbally abusive marriage, one I was afraid to leave for fear of being alone. My now ex-hisband and I were drinking and drugging buddies, so there was no encouragement or desire to stop drinking and getting high. I stayed for 20 years.

In late 1999, I developed feelings for another man and believed he reciprocated those feelings. I left my marriage in June 2000, only to find out the man did not share my love. I was devastated. My drinking escalated as did depression. I was unable to do anything but drink and cry for two months. I was unable to function with daily activities, such as eating.

After that two months, I quit my job because I had decided to go on a road trip to “find myself.” I was barely able to perform it anyway… I left the San Francisco Bay Area to go to San Diego, stay for a couple of weeks, and “get a handle on my drinking.”

Thus began a new life for me, a life of sobriety. I had no clue what was in store for me, I just did whatever came across my path that seemed in my best interest.

Although I have experienced many situations, and much growth and healing during my sobriety, my story is really about what it’s like to show up for life, to be present and take action as a sober person, to be responsible for myself. The gates and the verses that appear in my book are a reflection of what it took to get to where I am today, a life lived in serenity and peace.

It is this background from which I come to blog my thoughts every day. It is from a space for which I was looking in drugs and alcohol. Interesting how I found that incredibly rich and vibrant space in sobriety. I know how painful it is to be struggling emotionally, and I hope my blogs are of use in your pursuit of serenity and peace.

Filed Under: Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, serene, serenity, sober, Sober Living, sober living living sober, sobriety

The Gift of Choice

March 23, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Celebration of Choices

Once we have realized the realm of possibilities open to us, we discover the gift of choice. Like the little man in his top hat pictured to the left, we can raise our arm high and celebrate the choices that we have.

The reality is that we have a choice about everything that occurs in our lives. Even when we think we have no choice, we do.

When I was in the throes of my healing work, I thought I had no choice about my feelings of angst. The fact was, I was exercising my choice, allowing those feelings to overcome me.

At the same time, I was choosing to heal, simply because I chose to get sober, and because I chose to do the healing work. If we are working on self-improvement, then we have made the choice to heal and to grow. Even if we’re not consciously aware of it, we have made a choice.

All choices have consequences. For example, I chose to stay in a dysfunctional marriage in which I was bullied, demeaned, and criticized continually. It took me a long time to choose to leave it behind, and even then, I wasn’t acting consciously with purpose.

The consequence of me staying in that marriage was a wounded self-image and esteem. I was accepting an assault against my being, rather than getting out and moving away from the relationship. That was a choice I was making.

When we look at the choices we are making, consider the consequences to ourselves and others. In the journey to serenity, peace, and a strong sobriety, we want to make choices that are in our highest good. Sometimes the consequences of those choices are difficult, yet, if they’re for our highest good, we will get help from our Source.

Today, look at all the choices you are making in your life. Are they in your highest good? If not, what is keeping you from making a different choice that IS in your highest good? Walk through your fears with faith and courage, and consider making a different choice. See the gift of choice that is yours, and exercise it.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: choice, finding peace, gift of choice, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriiety

There Are a Wealth of Possibilities In Your Life

March 22, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Realm of Possibilities

Having experienced all that we have, we now discover that there are a wealth of possibilities in our lives that we can tap into. There is nothing to stop us, except ourselves.

The gates are flung wide, offering us a stairway to climb that leads to serenity and peace. It leads to a stronger sobriety for us. The way is beckoning us.

All we have to do is keep climbing, taking with us the wonder and gratitude that surround us in our lives. We just keep practicing these, along with honesty, willingness, openness, compassion, kindness, and all the other positive ways to live in the world.

What we will find is a softening of out heart, our soul. As we recognize some possibilities, more will appear to us. Soon we are surrounded with possibilities in our lives.

Today, look at all the possibilities of ways to be in the world, with yourself and with others. Revel in all of these possibilities. Choose a couple to follow up on, and you will begin to feel more serenity and peace. Notice how, as you follow up on those, that more possibilities appear to you.

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Gratitude As a Way of Life

March 21, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Visions of Gratitude

When we see things with eyes that appreciate, everything around and within us becomes more pleasing, more beautiful. Such is the case with gratitude. It becomes a way of life, whereby we are grateful for everything we have and do.

When living a life of gratitude, we begin the day by being grateful for another day, for waking up. Then we can be grateful for our sight, that we can see a myriad of colors and objects when we awake in the morning. And so forth throughout the day.

When we can live this way, our sobriety becomes easier and richer, and we are able to find serenity and peace.

But if you’re like I was in early sobriety, you are not able to be grateful. You do not see anything for which to be grateful. However, if you have followed the process we have been discussing, in the order it was presented, then you will have had a chance to look at old resentments, and hopefully, to resolve them.

With them resolved, hopefully you were able to forgive. Even if you have not gotten to the forgiveness stage, however, it is possible to see the world around you with gratitude.

Start by making a gratitude list every morning or every evening, whichever is the time for you that writing flows. Your list will be obvious things at first, like… you are grateful for a home, food, family and friends, your job. Keep doing this every day.

Really reach within for things about which you are grateful. After a while, you may notice a change in your list. You may begin to add things like your sobriety, your belief in a power greater than yourself, the guidance you receive from that power.

You may begin to feel gratitude for things such as the expansive feelings in your heart that you feel toward others you meet in your day. You may be grateful you are an alcoholic, for it brought you to this journey of healing.

Gratitude may well up inside as you consider that your difficult past occurred so that you could heal from it and then pass your message of healing along to others, to be of use to them.

When you can live with gratitude as the foremost thing in your heart, the road becomes easier and joyful.

Today, consider all the things for which you are grateful. Make a list of those things. Let your heart sing as you write each thing down. Really feel that gratitude as a deep feeling. If you are having difficulty with this, just start where you are and write down what you can.

Continue this as a daily practice until being grateful for the things in your life is second nature and happens easily. Feel that freeing feeling, that feeling of deep satisfaction and peace. You are experiencing gratitude as a way of life.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, grateful, gratitude, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Living a Life of Acceptance

March 19, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Path of Acceptance

Our level of acceptance is directly proportional to the amount of serenity and peace that we experience. The more we are able to accept our life, others, and ourselves as they are, the more serenity we will have. Our sobriety will be that much stronger.

I used to think that acceptance meant giving up in defeat… accepting things, but with an attitude of defeat. After a few years of sobriety, I learned that acceptance is not like that. It is a joyous action we take, a conscious choice we choose.

When we are accepting of our lives, ourselves, and others, things flow as smoothly as the moss on the stairs in the picture above. In order to experience this, we must first become willing to accept.

How do we become willing? We reason that there is nothing we can do to change a situation, and when that thought hits home, it will then resonate with our heart.

This assumes, of course, that we have already taken action on anything we determine requires action. But we do not push. There is a fine line between taking action and pushing. Taking action will flow smoothly, like the Universe is with us. When pushing, we will run into resistance of all sorts.

After we become willing to accept situations that are beyond our control, we direct our attention to things in front of us to do, things that are our business, not another’s. We engage in our task. Then, we go to the next task, then the next, and so forth.

If we practice this enough, we will soon notice that we are graced with the ability to live in that space of acceptance. We become adept at looking at a situation, assessing our actions and behaviors as they relate to the situation, and owning anything that was unkind or disrespectful to another.

Then, we feel clean about how we responded in that situation, and we move forward to determining if there is any action to be taken to improve or complete the situation. We take that action. Then, we wait to see what happens, while turning our attention to our affairs.

The point here is that we learn how to live our lives within the larger space around us which is life happening. We center, or anchor, ourselves within the fray of our lives and we objectively acknowledge it for what it is. We start from that point to reach acceptance through the process I described above.

Today, how well do you practice acceptance in your life? Be as objective as you can while you honestly look at this. Remember, the more you can practice acceptance, the more serenity and peace you will have, and your sobriety will become easier.

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Living in Harmony with Ourselves and Others

March 18, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Shades of Harmony

After all the hard work we have done, after reaching a state of grace, we begin living in harmony with ourselves and others. Starting within, we begin to notice our harmonious thoughts and feelings. We recognize a oneness with ourselves.

In this space, we discover serenity and peace. Our sobriety is easier to manage. Overflowing, we project harmony onto those people surrounding us. We are being of service.

Often, we do not feel we are living in harmony because we are too busy with our day’s activities. We move from one task to the next, without stopping to pause to feel the oneness and harmony which is all around us.

How can we change that? How can we learn to bask in the wonderful glow of harmony with ourselves and others? The key is to slow down, to take a few moments every day to just do nothing but notice all the harmony that is around and within us.

That’s all it takes… a slowing down, a pausing to reflect and notice. Watch yourself living in harmony. Let the recognition of it bring a smile to your face.

Today, take the time to stop and notice yourself living in harmony within and with those around you. Make room for the harmony to flourish. Feel the peace that comes when you are choosing to live in harmony.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, living in harmong, living in harmony, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Inviting Dialogue with Others

March 17, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Invitation of Dialogue

“If we as individuals cannot speak to each other, how, then, can we as nations achieve peace?” This is the verse that is paired with the photograph, Invitation of Dialogue.

When I wrote this verse, I was thinking about all the times I have heard people speak to each other in gruff and unkind ways. I have always felt badly for the recipient of those words and nasty tone of voice.

In our search for peace and sobriety, we will find that how we talk to others matters. If we are kind, considerate, and respectful, we will feel much better about ourselves and we will have much better relations with others.

We can invite wholesome conversation or dialogue if we share our thoughts with others. By thoughts, I mean things like how we are feeling, our reactions to what they have said or done.

I am not talking about merely saying hello, and asking how another is doing, although these phrases are what we will say to others when in a quick, passing encounter. Instead, I am talking about the on-going discussions we have with people that are close to us, that we see on an on-going basis.

If we have the courage to tell someone that what they said was hurtful, for example, and why, this opens the way to a more meaningful exchange. If we do this, there is no need to act out our hurt, or to hurt another in retaliation.

Understanding on the part of the other person, with resulting compromise, can be a gift of our honesty about what we truly think and feel. This can occur if we approach the other in kindness, without lashing out. Rather, we can calmly relay our concerns.

A large part of dialogue with another is tuning into what they are all about, what they are thinking or feeling. In other words, we can get out of ourselves and our need to talk about ourselves by showing interest in the other person and their needs, wants, and desires. When we do this, we are being of service to the other person.

Today, I invite you to share with others your true thoughts, desires and needs, without hostility. Notice the resulting dialogue that occurs from this space. Be curious about the other person, determining their wants and needs and desires. Be of service to that person with whom you are speaking. Tell me, doesn’t that feel more satisfying, more fulfilling? Doesn’t that enhance your sobriety and lead you to peace?

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Cultivate the Differences We Find In Others

March 16, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Cultivation of Differences

One of the more exciting behaviors we can adopt to maintain our sobriety and bring us peace, is to cultivate the differences we find in others around us. It is exciting because we are always in a state of wonder about others when we decide to live this way.

Just like we would with a garden, we tend to the differences we discover. We go out into the world looking for those differences, and we celebrate them when we find them. We honor others when we do this.

We start with the obvious differences… sex and color. We adopt the philosophy of “live and let live,” and we realize that “One is not more beautiful than another. Each has beauty in its own right, if we will only look… if we will only see.”

Once we discover and cultivate the differences we find in others, we can apply all the behaviors we have learned up to this point, like tolerance, respect, compassion, and kindness. We practice these principles freely.

When we do this, we will know a solidarity to our sobriety, and we will know peace.

Today, look at the people around you and celebrate their differences. Know that their value does not detract from your own. Like the gates, “what thrives in one spot does not grow in another.” Remember that we want to cultivate the differences we find in others. Celebrate when you find these differences, as they add to the fabric of your life.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: compassion, cultivate the differences, finding peace, inner peace, kindness, living sober, peace, respect, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, tolerance

Enjoy Grace

March 15, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Sweep of Grace

One of the nicest benefits of doing all the work we have been doing is the feeling of grace that we will most likely experience. “Gently, quietly, an unearned favor of great beauty and pleasure is bestowed upon me.”

That’s how grace comes to us… quietly, gently. It settles upon us like a soft cloak. Grace is a feeling of good will and is accompanied by great thoughtfulness for others.

We know that we are feeling grace when we feel at home inside and with those around us. For me, when I feel grace, I feel a deep knowingness that all is well and right with the world.

When I feel this way, I know that God, or my Source, has and is giving me the gift of feeling good about things around and within me. I have been graced with the ability to forgive, for example.

By myself, I was unable to forgive, but with my Source’s grace and goodness, I have been able to get to that place of forgiveness, which leaves me with a feeling of goodness.

To get to grace, we need to do the work that I have outlined throughout the blog. When we do, then grace will find us. When we feel grace, we will experience great peace, and our sobriety will be enhanced a great deal.

Today, relax and see if you are experiencing that glorious feeling of grace, where everything you do seems to flow from a place of ease and goodness. Enjoy grace as it falls upon you, gently, peacefully.

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Recognizing Our Character Growth

March 13, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Growth of Character

When we engage in all of the things about which I have been blogging, we cannot help but see our character growth. At least, it will be growing and we can take notice. Often, we don’t, and we don’t see our individual growth, the growth of our character.

It seems like we get so engrossed in our lives that we forget to stop and step back to see where we have been and where we are now. Undoubtedly, when we do this, we will see character growth. We will see some changes.

We will want to allow ourselves this process of looking at the “then” and the “now,” not to wallow in things, or to be smug, but to humbly offer ourselves acknowledgment for our accomplishments, and to thank Source for assistance. We want to renew and refresh our energy so that we can continue on.

What we shall most likely find is a growth of interesting character, much like what is growing on the wall of the stairway in the photo above. Like the gentle and bright lichen on the wall, our new character traits show up and rise above the darker moss that also grows on the wall.

The lichen, our character and spirit, are lighter than the moss and we will be feeling lighter by this point in our journey. We need to allow this character growth, this spirit growth, and then we need to recognize and acknowledge it.

We use this information to be of use to others by talking about where we have been and where we are now. This gives them hope.

And, it serves to spur us on in times of discouragement or despair. These times will most likely occur during the course of our sobriety, and we can be ready for them. It all starts with recognizing our character growth.

Today, look at how far you have come. Recall where you once were, and where you are currently. Recognize your character growth. Deeply breathe in that feeling of goodness about a job well done. Feel the more mature feel of your sobriety, and know peace.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: character, character growth, finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Practicing Tolerance

March 12, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Practice of Tolerance

Today’s topic is practicing tolerance of others. Tolerance is the ability to recognize, respect, allow, and permit another’s values, beliefs, and practices, even if we don’t like them.

However, if one is treating us with disrespect or abuse, we do not tolerate that behavior. If that is us being disrespectful and abusive to another, we do not tolerate that behavior in ourselves; rather, we attempt to change that about ourselves.

Similarly, we do not tolerate abuse and disrespect that we dole out to ourselves, as that denigrates our spirit. We learn how to be respectful of ourselves, and we go to whatever length we need to, in order to accomplish this. We engage in such activities as journaling about it, talking to another, or seeking counseling.

The thing about tolerance that is freeing and that adds to our sobriety and our path to peace, is that once we learn to tolerate others, we no longer feel like we have to defend ourselves and who we are. We can live and let live.

In our practice of tolerance, we can even get to the point of finding another’s differences interesting, exciting, as we recognize the added richness those differences bring to our lives.

We even discover that another’s differences do not diminish our own value. We no longer need to compare ourselves to others.

Today, practice the art of tolerance. Experience that gentle feeling and warmth toward others that comes when you do. If in an intolerable situation, consider moving away from it, emotionally or physically. When you practice tolerance, feel how you are freer, more settled in sobriety, on the pathway to peace.

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Respect of Individuality

March 10, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Respect of Individuality

Perhaps the most kind and loving thing we can do is to show respect for individuality, both our own and another’s.

When we respect others, we promote peace and harmony in the world. When we respect ourselves, we gain emotional peace and the desire to stay sober.

“We ask of others to follow our dreams, to be like us. Why?” If you are like me, I was never celebrated for my individuality in my early years. I was compared to my siblings and found to be deficient, every time.

If we are doing that to another, we need to stop, as it kills the spirit. If we are disrespectful of ourselves and our talents, our attributes, we need to stop. It is killing our sense of purpose and our will to follow our dreams.

Instead, let’s celebrate the talents and skills and differences of each other, encouraging others and ourselves to greatness, to be unique, to be individuals.

When we do this, we will know a much richer life. And we will know more emotional freedom and peace, and will wish to stay sober to experience all of it.

Today, practice respecting the uniqueness of others, their individuality. Practice respecting your own individuality. Experience the peace.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, individuality, inner peace, living sober, peace, respect of individuality, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Acknowledgment of Others Brings Peace

March 9, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Acknowledgment of Others

As we continue through the journey to sobriety and emotional peace, we have come to a point where we feel better about ourselves. We feel more complete and accepting of ourselves and our feelings of goodness begin to overflow to those around us. For the next few days, we will examine ways in which we can be more loving to others.

Today, we will talk about acknowledgment. On the one hand, we want to show acknowledgment to ourselves for our characteristics, our feelings, our quirks. “We go within so we can reach out to others.”

We also want to show acknowledgment to others, simply because they are human beings sharing this space we call Earth. “We reach out to others so we can go within.”

There is nothing more loving than to be walking along, passing someone, and showing them acknowledgment with a smile or a nod. It’s as if our heart is bursting with so much love that it pours forth to others, and we show them that we see them, that they matter, simply because they are another person, moving through life as best they can.

“We all want to be seen, to be noticed by those around us. We need to matter to each other, and to ourselves.” A perfect example of all wanting to be seen is the homeless person, standing on the corner of an intersection, asking for money. You have no intention of giving out money. If you’re like I used to be, you feel uncomfortable and you stare straight ahead, avoiding eye contact.

This says to that person that they are not worthy of acknowledgement. Now, I know that some people are making a very good living standing on street corners, and there are some who have been beaten down so low, that they know no other way to reach out for help then to ask for handouts.

Either way, these people need just as much acknowledgment as the next person. I have found that it brightens up their face to say hello, to smile or nod.

We can do a lot for our sobriety and peace simply by acknowledging others. Remember, this occurs freely when we have acknowledged ourselves.

Today, take those good feelings about yourself and share with others by offering acknowledgment with a smile or a nod. Doesn’t that feel nice to do that, to connect with another in this way? Don’t you feel more at peace?

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Patience is Needed When Waiting for Results

March 8, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Patina of Patience

As we continue through the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, we come to patience as our next topic. This, for me, was a difficult thing to master, and I still struggle with it at times.

I have had a lifetime of running so fast and forcing everything, so this idea of being patient and waiting for things to happen in their own time was foreign to me. I had to learn to be patient for everything… for results of my actions, for Source to show up with results to my actions.

I found that I needed to take an action and then turn my attention to the next indicated thing to do, the next thing that appeared on my path to do. In other words, I needed to take the action and then let go of results.

To do this, I needed patience. I developed it with a great deal of constant reminder to keep my fingers out of the affair and let Source work for me, in its own time.

Once we develop patience, allowing the Universe to work for us, not forcing results, a calmness appears in our lives. Like the patina that grows over time on the gate in the photo, there is a beautiful quality to being patient.

It becomes second nature to take action and let go of forcing a result. Try it and see how it feels for you. One key is identifying the ways in which we force things, the ways in which we are impatient. Once we can do this, then it becomes easier to remind ourselves to wait, to have patience.

When we develop the art of patience, we will discover that calmness which adds to our level of emotional peace and serenity. It will further our ability to stay sober, as we are not trying to force things all the time.

Spend some time identifying ways in which you lack patience… with yourself, with others, with situations. Try to remind yourself to be patient when you find yourself becoming impatient. Over time, it will become second nature to you, and you will discover the delightful art of patience.

Filed Under: Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, living sober, patience, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

The Benefit of Perseverance

March 7, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Rolls of Perseverance

As we continue through the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, we come to perseverance. It is the next step in our journey to sobriety and inner peace.

If we fail at any of our attempts in the process we’ve discussed, we just keep moving forward… we persevere in our attempts. We do not beat ourselves up because we have not reached the vision of who we want to be.

Beating ourselves up and putting ourselves down for not finding success in our attempts on our first try are self-defeating. Think, rather, that we need to keep moving through any unsuccessful attempts.

Keep trying until we are successful in our endeavors. Repeat over and over, if necessary.

“I struggle to not become discouraged, or to think I am a failure, because I have not achieved in my first few attempts the vision of myself as I wish to be. Instead, I try to hold tightly to that vision, awaiting my efforts to catch up with the way I am seen by my heart.

“Through practice and perseverance, I am learning and growing.”

Whatever your endeavor, whatever you are trying to achieve in your sobriety and your path to peace, keep trying until you are successful. Think of it as learning to walk, and recall how that took continual practice and “failure.”

I put “failure” in quotes because nothing is a failure… it is just another attempt to grow and heal, to keep sober and to find peace. So keep trying until your actions and thoughts match your desires. Keep persevering.

Continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success. This is what persevering means, according to Webster. I wish you well on your efforts to become the person you wish to be. May it enhance your sobriety and help you on your journey to peace.

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From Hopelessness to Hope

March 6, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Ray of Hope

We have come to the point that we believe in and accept ourselves, and we have done this in part by doing a self-appraisal, a performance appraisal.

To do that, we have had to be honest, open, and willing to look at ourselves, to make changes in our lives.

On top of that, we have gained courage to move forward, and through that, have developed our ability to be humble.

We have learned how to offer forgiveness, and we have begun to feel emotional peace.

Now that we have come to all of these beliefs and realizations, we have learned to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness.

If we have made it this far, to the place that we are beginning to love ourselves and practice all the things I have mentioned, then we have begun to have hope.

We are now moving from hopelessness to hope. All of this is helping our sobriety, helping us stay sober, one day at a time.

It is my deepest wish that you are following along, and are beginning to dawn hope in your heart. That is the purpose of the links in today’s post, to remind yourself of where we have been, and to revisit any, if necessary. May you find hope in the pages.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: emotional peace, finding peace, hope, hopelessness, hopelessness to hope, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Acceptance Leads to Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem

March 5, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Acceptance of Self

Now that we have learned to forgive others and ourselves, we are ready to accept ourselves, which boots our self-confidence and self-esteem. We are traveling on the path of acceptance of self.

We have completed our performance appraisal, our self-appraisal, and we are now ready to make right any wrongs we have done. We want to do this so we can feel self-confidence, self-esteem. This will help us stay sober and get to emotional peace.

Along the path of accepting ourselves so that we may experience self-confidence and esteem, we may reflect upon who we were in our early days, when we had confidence, had a positive esteem. We may have been children then; I was. At least, I glean from my pictures of the era that I was a happy child when I was about three.

And I ask you, “Have we really changed throughout the years, or do we merely hold within our heart and mind and soul the essence of who we are, while our physical form changes? Can we recapture the delightful being we have always been, as we allow and celebrate our strengths, our flaws, and our spirit?”

What if the only change we’ve experienced throughout the years is an assault on our being by others, and then by ourselves, so much so that the self-confidence and esteem we had as a child have eroded away? And what if our being is waiting for us to reclaim who we are, with great self-confidence and self-esteem?

So, how can we begin to fulfill the wishes of our being, to stop playing small, to step into who we are at our core? We just take action. We look at what is behind our playing small, our lack of confidence and esteem. If it is old messages that denigrate us, we know that those were lies, said by a spiritually sick person. We can think differently now about those disparaging remarks.

Then we practice honesty, and look at all our traits, both positive and negative. In other words, we do a performance appraisal. We apply compassion to the negative traits, and then set them aside, knowing that we have displayed our humanness. We focus on our positive traits, and we become humble, thanking Source for all the gifts which have been bestowed upon us.

And we begin to believe that Source gave us those gifts with the intention that we share them with the world around us. That means playing small no longer will work, and we must step into our full being, with confidence and esteem. We don’t want to flaunt, and practicing humility will counter that tendency.

All we want to do is to celebrate the talents and gifts we have been given and humbly present them to the world around us. When we do this, our self-confidence and esteem will rise. Staying sober will become easier and more desirable. We will become more accepting of ourselves. We will be that much closer to emotional peace and serenity.

Today, practice stepping into all that you are. Accept who you are at your very core. Apply compassion for being human. Identify your special gifts and talents, and celebrate them with your world. Bring back that self-confidence and esteem that have been absent from your life for so long… Accept yourself at a deep level of knowingness…

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: acceptance, acceptance of self, finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, self esteem, self-acceptance, self-confidence, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

How to Find Forgiveness – Part 2

March 4, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Tiers of Forgiveness

We are starting today at the first tier in the forgiveness process. This is the place where we have defined why we are withholding our forgiveness and from whom. Overnight, we sat with the emotions that arose for us.

This morning, we have become willing to look at the resentment we hold against those who have wronged us because we want emotional peace and we want something different for ourselves in our sobriety, in our life.

Forgiveness is for us, not the other person. Yet, it does often benefit the other person as well. By forgiving, we are in no way condoning what occurred as right. It was not. Yet, we can get to a place of forgiveness even though that is true.

Having said all of that, let me say that there is tremendous freedom in forgiveness, and that is what allowed me to reach emotional peace in my sobriety. This is how it happened.

I was about 3 years sober and was doing a self-appraisal about my romantic relationships, looking at all the ways I contributed to their demise, being accountable where I erred. What I realized was, I would get drunk and yell at each of them how worthless they were, that they would never amount to anything.

I was appalled to remember I had said those things! I didn’t mean them. I said them because that’s how I was feeling about myself. Knowing how terrible I was feeling at that time, I started to feel compassion for that woman who was in so much pain that she lashed out at another human’s spirit, denigrating it, for that was a terrible thing to do and say.

Wow. That was powerful when I looked at it in that way, allowing compassion to come into my being. For when I saw myself with compassion, I was able to then see the person who used to yell at ME that I was worthless and would never amount to anything, with compassion for what he might have been feeling when he said those things to me.

I began to realize he was so very young and was dealing with his own wounds. I say that not to excuse his actions, but to lend some understanding to him, and especially given that I had done the very same thing. He was an emotionally and spiritually sick man, I have come to understand over the years. I feel compassion for the sick man he was, and he has changed.

Armed with the knowledge that people do bad things, sometimes because they are emotionally and spiritually sick, I began to apply this thought and heart process to other incidences and people. I found myself getting to forgiveness, even if I had not repeated their behaviors myself. I have to say, there has never been a more freeing sensation for me, a feeling of deep peace.

With this new freedom, I had all sorts of time on my hands, time in which I was not spending my energy being angry. Ah, so suddenly, I had to become accountable, responsible, for myself, and totally. I have found that my time is freer to pursue my own heart’s desires, which has included the publication and distribution of my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.

Most recently, because, in part, to the freedom of forgiveness, I have turned my attention to adding two new services that I offer, those being coaching and speaking. I use the book as our guide through the process I am blogging about. I am able to perform in these capacities because of the freedom I have found in forgiveness.

You, too, can find forgiveness and can soar to new heights that, up until now, you have only dreamed of. Isn’t that something you want for yourself?

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, freedom from forgiveness, freedom of forgiveness. forgiveness, inner peace, living sober, living with serenity, peace, serenity, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

The Freedom of Forgiveness

March 3, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Perhaps one of the most rewarding things that comes to us in sobriety, when we are able to do it, is the freedom of forgiveness. Once we are able to forgive others for their wrongs, and then forgive ourselves, we will experience deeper peace and serenity.

Tiers of Forgiveness

It has been my experience that forgiveness happens in tiers or stages, over time. Just as the baby tears which grew by this gate in this picture evolved over time and are beautiful, so can forgiveness grow over time, and is beautiful when it occurs.

How do we get to forgiveness when someone has wronged us, led us to a life of anger and resentment over those wrongs? “Ruined” us emotionally… Made our life a shambles… Is the cause of our emotional misery…

How can we let go of this seething power which has control over us, and why in the world would we even WANT to let go of it? We are, after all, justified in our indignation!

This was me when I reached sobriety. I had spent my life being resentful and miserable because of the years of physical and emotional abuse which I had endured. It had left me deeply scarred. It affected me every single day in one way or another and prevented me from having lasting emotional peace.

Everyone kept saying to me, “Get over it. Move on.” Except I couldn’t; that’s what I’d done with my drinking and drugging… tried to get over it. It didn’t work; I numbed out instead to avoid the feelings of shame, worthlessness, hopelessness, and despair. Of course, at the time, I could not name these, I just knew I was miserable – still angry, definitely not experiencing serenity and peace on a lasting basis.

Yet now, I experience serenity and peace every day. It is a place of calm from which my actions, thoughts, and emotions well. I have resolved my anger, my resentment, and have forgiven those who wronged me. That was the piece which was missing for me, which prevented me from finding emotional peace and serenity.

At this point, I need to tell you how I got to that place of forgiveness, but this piece is getting long. Instead, I will save it for tomorrow. I suggest that what we do between now and tomorrow’s post is to do some work around who or what we cannot forgive. Let’s recognize who/what we cannot forgive and clearly define why. We see what emotions surface and try to sit with them for a bit. We feel in our heart how wrong their action was.

Then we turn our attention 180 degrees. We consider how this has consumed our lives and darkly colored our life. We want something different for ourselves. We consider the possibility that we can leave this misery behind and create a new story and we become willing to hear about how. Then, we wait for tomorrow’s post which will describe how I found the freedom of forgiveness.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: finding forgiveness, finding peace, forgiveness, freedom of forgiveness, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, will to forgive

Kindness As a Way of Life

March 2, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Curls of Kindness

“If this is not the time to be kinder and gentler to each other and to ourselves, when will it be?” This is the verse that goes with this image, and they appear next in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.

Once we have clarified our morals, truths, and integrities, it is time to look at our actions. Do we come across to others as kind? Are we kind to ourselves?

Showing kindness is one of the most single, powerful things we can do to promote peace. It will also benefit our sobriety, as when we are kind to others and ourselves, we know a sense of serenity.

When we show kindness, we have a good feeling about ourselves. Being kind feeds our ability to be kind to more people. And, when we show ourselves kindness, we feed our soul, we celebrate ourselves.

I don’t know about you, but when I go out in public to, say, the grocery store, I sometimes listen to parents talk to their children in a very unkind way. That denigrates their being, squashes their spirit.

Sometimes, the words that come out of our mouth are unkind, but we can always apologize for that and make an amend by being kind in the future dealings with people.

How do you display kindness to others? Do you consciously try to be kind, or do you not think about it? You might try thinking about it, as showing kindness will further your sobriety and your emotional strength.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, kindness, living sober, living with serenity, peace, serenity, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Finding Emotional Strength – Part 2

March 1, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Yesterday we talked about finding the morals, truths, and integrities that resonate with your heart. Doing this will help you find emotional strength. I suggested you write them down in a list. Interestingly, I have never done this, so I decided to do so. Today I want to share what I found when I listed these things out.

First, I went to the dictionary and looked up each of the words morals, truth, and integrity. Here’s what I found.

Moral is right or wrong in conduct, the principles of right or wrong. Here are the morals I discovered which fit for me:

respect and tolerance of others and self
kindness and compassion shown to all
approach all with love
be true to myself above all
promote peace

Truth is the quality of the state of being true, it is honesty, loyalty, trustworthiness, and genuineness, and it is the facts of realness. My truths that I discovered are:

My mission is to be of service.
I strive to be kind to all.
On a daily basis, I am a better and stronger person.
I am a strongly moral person.
I am intelligent, clever, and creative.
I am a deep thinker and feeler.

Integrity is defined as the ways in which I am of sound moral principle, up-right, honest, and sincere. I came up with a few ways in which I show integrity. These are:

I do not knowingly hurt others or myself.
I am honest in my dealings with others about who I am.
I am transparent about my struggles and my triumphs.
I build others up rather than tear them down.

These are the things which resonate with my heart, which advance my sobriety, and which bring me peace. They provide me with emotional strength. I am curious what you came up with and invite you to share by leaving a comment.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: emotional strength, finding peace, inner peace, integrity, living sober, morals, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety, truth

Finding Emotional Strength

February 29, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Pillar of Strength

“Perhaps, rather than thinking I must make my morals, truth, and integrity match another’s, I can determine what resonates with my own heart. When it does, I have the strength of a pillar.”

There is nothing quite like standing in our own light, resonating with our heart. For me, it evokes a deep knowingness and peace. It brings me emotional strength.

The first step toward gaining emotional strength is to take action. We need to add to our performance appraisal a list of our morals, our truths, and our integrities. We need to do this work… it takes action.

It takes self-confidence and courage to list out these things, and after the preceding stages through which we have been, we are more equipped with these qualities.

Once we have listed out our morals, truths, and integrities, we sift through them to determine which resonate with our heart. We know something resonates because of the deep feeling of peace and groundedness we have when we read that point on our list.

It’s difficult, at least it was for me, to separate out others’ influences while making my list. For example, during my 20 year marriage, I took on many of my husband’s characteristics and truths. They were not who I was. I took them on to keep peace. I changed who I was to get along, and in the process, I lost myself and what I stood for, what I believed in.

I found that once I knew my morals, strengths, and integrities, there would have been no need for arguing. I could quietly have stated them, relying on my emotional strength. By the time I learned to do this, however, I had been out of the marriage and sober for about 8 years.

I also found that by being strong in what I stand for, my self-confidence and self-respect increased tremendously. I feel good about myself, which leads me to feel good about you, which allows me to treat you with great kindness and respect. See how this works when we are feeling good about ourselves? It is of benefit to others, as well as ourselves.

You, too, can gain this level of feeling confidence, respect, and peace. Start by doing an evaluation of your morals, truths, and integrities. List out all that you currently believe, as well as how you would like to believe from here-on-in. Ask your Source for help in incorporating these points into your life. Ask for the courage to live them, to be strong with them in your being. Ask for the fear of standing in who you are to be removed.

If you encounter resistance or ridicule, bullying or criticism from others, perhaps it is time to move away from those relationships, as they are not in your best interest. Try to hang out with people who pull you up, not put your down, those who applaud your emotional strength.

When you are responsible for yourself in this way, you have less need to drown the sorrow of your own betrayal with alcohol or drugs. You will experience a great deal of freedom and self-assurance about who you are. You will know a better feeling than you get with numbing. You will have emotional strength.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: emotional sobriety, emotional strength, finding peace, inner peace, living sober, living with serenity, peace, serenity, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

How to Use Compassion – Part 2

February 28, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Fields of Compassion

The second part of the definition of compassion states that it is sympathy or sorrow shown toward another or others. I propose that this definition be expanded to include ourselves.

Our first thought may be, “this is selfish.” But if you think about it, why shouldn’t we each have access to the same sorrow and sympathy to which others have access, when it comes to our realizations about our downfalls and the wounds behind them?

By showing ourselves compassion in this case, we allow the grieving process to begin. If we grieve about our downfalls and the wound(s) associated with it, if there is a wound, we avoid going into self-pity. Thus, we keep ourselves from playing small.

Instead, we can step into being with our humanness. In other words, we see our flaws, our errors, and we take action to correct them, to improve the traits that need improvement.

When we’re in self-pity, we cannot take action. We become paralyzed because all of our energy is going into ourselves. This is when selfishness applies. Having spent most of my life in self-pity, I can now see that it was very selfish of me and it definitely kept me playing small.

The issue of playing small is one which I just learned about in a two-day intensive workshop called Double Your Practice in 90 Days, conducted by Jesse Koren and Sharla Jacobs. This seminar is part of a series referred to as Rejuvenate Training. I had the revelation that, in regard to my efforts in marketing myself as a speaker and a coach, I am playing small, rather than standing tall in the gifts that God has given me.

One such gift is the ability to see the details within the whole picture. It is that gift which allows me to see these details about how compassion aids the journey to sobriety and peace, while holding a space for the overall desire for sobriety and peace. And I have also been given the gift of being able to articulate my thoughts in writing, and then, in speech. So, coming from the space of wanting to be useful to others, I write and I will speak.

It has been fear that has kept me from doing more than the planning stage of my new endeavors to be a speaker and a coach, kept me from making calls to schedule talks, for example. I am afraid of the attention I may get, afraid of rejection, afraid I don’t know what I’m talking about. These are the fears which hold me back.

What can I do about it? I can apply compassion for that hurt child whose history includes the experiences which resulted in these feelings. I can experience the sorrow and grief I feel over the loss of a happy childhood. I can get angry over the rejection, the false statements.

In the end, when I’ve gone through the grieving process, I can get to a place of peace about it, a place of acceptance. And this allows me to heal, so that I can show up for myself in the world. When I can show up for myself, then I can show up for you, and I am able to become of service to you. It becomes a continual dance between showing up for each other and ourselves that is beautiful and evokes peace. So, tell me, why would showing yourself compassion be selfish?

Today, look at the list you created yesterday. Look at each way in which you feel sorry for yourself and figure out why doing that makes you small. Then trace that wound that leads you to be small, back to its origin. When you discover what that is, determine what feelings you are experiencing because of it. Apply compassion. Let yourself feel sympathy and sorrow for yourself and the person who endured the wound(s), and who experiences those feelings.

This seems like a lengthy process. At first it may feel awkward and clumsy, and it may take time to do. With practice, it becomes easier and less time-consuming. I invite you to try it. It will further your sobriety and will contribute to your peace.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, Jesse Koren, living sober, peace, Rejuvenate training, Sharla Jacobs, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

How to Use Compassion – Part 1

February 27, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

If you’re new to this blog, welcome. The goal of this site is to help you to get and stay sober, and to find inner peace. To do that, I am going through my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart : A Journey of Healing, one topic at a time, one page at a time.

My book is a tribute to the resiliency and beauty of the human spirit. Using photographs of wrought-iron gates and inspirational prose, it tells the story of my journey that occurred as I went into and through sobriety, and how I reached inner peace.

Each day, I show the image from the book, and discuss the associated topic of that photo. Occasionally, I also share the verse that goes with the image.

Today’s topic is compassion. This follows on the heels of self-appraisal, a performance appraisal, if you will. We discussed the importance of doing such an evaluation and how doing one moves us forward in our sobriety. By doing the performance appraisal daily, it helps us to eventually find peace.

We then spoke about being gentle with ourselves when we do the appraisal. Now I’d like to suggest that we also show ourselves compassion as we unearth our undesirable traits, behaviors, and actions. To any embarrassment, shame, or remorse that arises, we send compassion.

What is compassion? Webster defines it as feeling pity or sorrow for the sufferings or troubles of another, accompanied by an urge to help. It is deep sympathy. I have two comments to make about this definition.

I don’t believe people want our pity. Sympathy, perhaps, sorrow, yes, but not pity. Interesting then, how we pity ourselves for our shortcomings, our defects, our lessor traits of character… Maybe we want to look at that so we can learn not to continue doing it, for it is self-defeating, it makes us play small. It is not becoming of one who is sober, and it will restrict our ability to find peace.

Today, as part of learning compassion, return to the performance appraisal again and include, if you didn’t already, the ways in which you feel sorry for yourself. Get really honest about this. Look at it as a fact-finding mission, one which, when compassion is applied, will help you in your journey. It is illuminating when you shine the light on these thoughts, for then you can face them and apply compassion.

Join me tomorrow for Part 2 of How to Use Compassion, as I discuss how expanding the definition of compassion to include ourselves, leads us on our journey in sobriety and finding peace.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: compassion, compassionate, finding peace, how to have compassion, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Be Gentle With Yourself in Sobriety

February 26, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Bed of Gentleness

Be gentle with yourself as you move forward in your sobriety. This is so very important, so listen up… We get so mired in beating ourselves up and criticizing ourselves, that we are beaten down before we even start.

This is so self-defeating. It does nothing except put a damper on our sobriety. It makes us wrong, rather than human. Instead, be as gentle as a bed of ivy…

This is especially true for our work with our performance appraisal. As we look at our shortcomings, we want to be especially gentle with ourselves. I’m not saying we excuse ourselves from our bad behavior, but we can still be gentle with ourselves while we become responsible for ourselves.

We also need to be gentle with others, just as we are with ourselves. Be like that bed of ivy – soft, caressing, swaying in the breeze.

Remember to treat others as we would like to be treated and don’t forget to be gentle with yourself! This is necessary on our path to peace…

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Staying Sober Using a Performance Appraisal

February 25, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Search of Self

One of the most powerful tools we can use to get and stay sober is a performance appraisal. This is something we want to learn to do on an on-going, daily basis. Performing a self-appraisal will lead us to peace.

We are looking at all our curls, our shades of tan and rust, so-to-speak, as well as our shadows, our dark side. Right in the middle of it all, we will find our heart, shining brightly.

How do we do a performance appraisal? We begin by listing out our positive points, the ways in which we treat ourselves and others with kindness, tolerance, and respect.

We add to that list the things that we do well. We do this objectively and honestly, knowing that we are not bragging or flaunting our positiveness; rather, we are getting to the bottom of who we are at our core.

Next, we write down all the ways in which we have hurt others, ways we have been intolerant, unkind, disrespectful, ways we have hurt them spiritually. It takes courage to admit to these things, yet, it is necessary to illuminate our being.

Remember, we are looking for our heart that shines, like the knob in the picture above. Once we have listed out our positive and negative aspects, we want to next list out people with which we are angry or resentful, and why. Look at this list carefully. This is the key to the performance appraisal. This is the key to peace.

We look at the third list and notice what has angered us about others’ actions. Now, consider all the times we did the very same things for which we are angry. If we are honest with ourselves, I believe we will find that we have, in fact, done most or all of these things ourselves.

Once we discover this, we allow it to sink in to a very deep level. Recognize that we, as well as the other person with whom we are angry, is human, that we are displaying our humanness. We take this information and “be” with it for a while, not to beat ourselves up, but to realize that we, too, do things which are not kind, not tolerant, not respectful. We don’t like to look at these things about ourselves, yet, they are key to finding sobriety and peace.

Given this realization, we can feel our “aha!” moment. Once we realize that we do the very things we are angry at another for, we can let go of our anger with compassion for both the other person and ourselves.

There will be things for which we are angry that we have not done ourselves, such as abuse. For these, there is a way to get to forgiveness, and we will discuss that when we come to forgiveness.

With our lists, we have a good idea of who we are at a soul level. We can celebrate our positive points and resolve to do things differently to manage our negative side. To do that, we ask for help from our Source. We also talk to someone that we trust to relay what we have found so we don’t keep it bottled up inside to “stew” on.

Today, look at yourself in a new light. Take the time to conduct a performance appraisal and discover the delightful and not-so-delightful things about yourself. Use this list objectively, to improve yourself. Know that once you have looked at yourself in this new light, it is something you want to do daily to keep yourself on track.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, honest, honesty, inner peace, living sober, peace, performance appraisal, self-appraisal, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Commit to Sobriety

February 23, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Please pardon my lack of posting yesterday. I overslept (till 7 am) and never quite got a grasp on the day. Have you ever had days like that? Perhaps you have days like that now.

I used to have those days when I was hung over and couldn’t function until about 2 pm. Boy, am I glad I do not deal with hangovers any longer. Sober life is grand just from that fact alone…

Commitment of Journey

You, too, if you suffer from hangovers, can get past that by committing to sobriety. Even if you don’t have hangovers, you can commit to your sobriety. You can commit to the journey, for it truly is a journey.

What do I mean by committing to the journey? I mean sticking with it, remaining sober, no matter what, no matter what you are feeling or thinking. It will get difficult at times, at least it did for me. And the reward comes by staying sober.

I began experiencing feelings that had been numbed for 27 years, the length of my drinking days. They were extremely painful, so much so, that I sometimes stated that my life was better when I was drinking, that I should start drinking again.

Some grace kept me sober during those times. Perhaps it was my higher consciousness that knew it would get better, that sobriety was the last stop on the block.

What I so pleasantly discovered one day was how freeing and peaceful sobriety is. In other words, I made it to the other side of my pain and it was well worth the hell I went through.

I have found in sobriety the peace and freedom I looked for in drugs and alcohol, and never could find. I have found it living a sober life and it is ten times more spectacular than I ever could have imagined.

If you decide to commit to the journey of a sober life, it will one day be for you a place of peace and joy, gratitude and love. Know that the journey has no destination, just the continued walk past flowers and other moments. Remember to slow down and notice the little things all around you, all the buds and flowers on your path. If you commit to sobriety and its journey, may you enjoy them. I wish you the best.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: Commitment, finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober life, Sober Living, sobriety

Finding the Courage to be Sober

February 16, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Spaces of Courage

It takes courage to get and stay sober. After all, when we stop numbing our feelings with alcohol, they present themselves for us to deal with, to look at, to heal from. It takes guts to hang in with it.

We can first consider that the experiences we will have are for the development of our soul, our consciousness, and for our healing. We have taken the step to become sober, and hopefully have committed to seeing ourselves through the tough times. Rely on your Source.

Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations With God, says of the experiences that greet us: “One thing we do know. Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having in this moment.”

Rather than drown out the pain that arises, or give it to another to solve for us, recognize that it is for our higher good, for our evolution to much bigger and more freeing things.

So how do we find the courage to stick with it, to remain sober, when we are desperately grappling for a hand hold, while our emotions are all over the map? As I mentioned above, we turn to our Source and ask for help through any difficulty.

We turn over our emotional pain to that Source, asking it to join us in a sacred space of healing. We will find the courage to continue. Know that your emotional status will improve, it will get easier and will improve.

Another thing to do is to be with our pain and apply compassion to it. We show ourselves compassion, kindness, and we speak gently to ourselves. We ask for courage and it will come if we are open to it.

This may sound frightening to some, dealing with emotional issues. Try not to allow this to prevent you from trying sobriety, for sober living is an amazingly beautiful way to live. As one who is on the other side of that emotional pain, I can truly say that the difficulty was worth what lies ahead.

Have faith, have courage. Be willing to explore what lies ahead for you. Know that it is for your highest good, and you shall make it through the hard times. I wish you spaces of courage through the tough times. Remember, we are on a journey to peace.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Trust in Divine Source

February 13, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Offer of Trust

As we move forward in our journey into sobriety and my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, we come to the topic of trust. Remember, we are in search of ways to get and stay sober, and to find peace.

Of paramount importance in the journey to and through sobriety, or simply through life, is a trust in Source, or the power of the Universe, or God, or whatever we call that force in the world which guides us, offers us solace, offers us opportunities. This force will take a front seat in our journey, and it will become our companion, our confidant.

This is necessary because when we have difficulty, and want to drink, we can call upon this Source to help us, and it will! It’s the most amazing thing! I came into sobriety just having read the book “Conversations With God” by Neale Donald Walsch, and I was smitten with the idea of God. I believed He was everywhere, in everyone, in me.

This became very important to me when the feelings of my emotions began to surface without alcohol or drugs to numb them, and it was this belief to which I turned to help keep me sober, to lessen the emotional pain I experienced. I got relief, and I was able to keep from drinking, so I kept believing.

But I lost trust as the hurts and pains of my old wounds surfaced in years two and three of sobriety, leading me to feel that God could not be trusted, that I still had to “watch my back.” This lack of trust went on for some time. Even so, some force graciously helped me stay sober, and I thanked that force daily.

At one point, my spiritual advisor suggested I notice every time something good happened in my life that I had not arranged, had not orchestrated. Something that was for my better good, or that fulfilled a piece of my dream. I did what was suggested and started noticing.

Sure enough, little things kept happening that furthered my dreams to become a photographer. Opportunities began to present themselves that I knew nothing about until they showed up. I began to make gains and strides in my healing work.

I finally made the choice to believe there was some guiding force that was grander than me, that would guide me through the maze of life -my emotions, my dreams, my challenges. That force comes to me in small voices in my head, telling me a certain course of action to take, being my conscience, guiding me when I listen to it.

The point is, we need to make the choice to believe in a force greater than ourselves to help us stay sober. We do not need to do this alone any more. It is safe to ask for help. There are people waiting for us with out-stretched arms, ones who have done it before and are guiding us. These people show up in our lives at just the right time, as if sent by Source.

It is my deepest hope to be considered by you as one of those people with out-stretched arms, guiding you through the process I took to stay sober and find peace. I share my story here to be of use to those of you still suffering, whether with an alcohol or drug problem or just plain emotional turmoil not complicated with substance abuse. May you find something in my words to further your journey in a positive manner.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: emotional turmoil, finding peace, inner peace, lack of trust, lack of trust in God, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobrirty, trust, trust in God

Awareness of Self and the World Around Us

February 12, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Birth of Awareness

Once we have cleared the energy by our surrender, we are able to develop awareness. Awareness has to do with what we notice around and within us.

We walk through the gates of our sorrow, our despair, to reach our passions and desires. We look through the gate and focus our attention on the lushness we see on the other side and we decide to walk through the gate.

Why do we do this – develop awareness? We decide to develop our awareness of all that is around and within us – all the glory, the beauty, the peace to be had – because we know we want to be in that space, that we can further our sobriety from the place of peace and awareness.

How do we get to awareness? We first surrender, then begin to notice the little things around us in our physical world. We pay keen attention to the flowers, the lushness of life, that abounds all around us. Again and again, we bring our attention to what is right in front of us, to the feelings we have in our heart.

Once we have decided to walk through the gates of our fear and sorrow, our despair and worthlessness, this brings us the energy we need to focus on things around us, as we discussed above.

Birth of Awareness - proposed image

After noticing the physical world around us, we then turn our attention inside, and we notice all the things about ourselves that are delightful, that make us the unique being that we are. We begin to show our appreciation for what makes us this divine and beautiful being.

When we look with awareness, we discover the possibilities for a different life, for a peaceful and sober life, and we want this. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy… wanting more awareness, clearing the space for it, and seeing with clearer eyes and heart.

Are you able to get to that place of awareness where you can focus on your world, both outer and inner? What helps you get to that place? What hinders you? How can you do things differently to increase your awareness?

In the discovery of all that exists beyond the gate, which photo do you think speaks more clearly – the current image, or the proposed one? Your feedback is most appreciated.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: awareness, awareness of self, finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Surrender Is Key For Sobriety

February 11, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Surrender of Pretense

Our next topic on the road to sobriety is surrender. This is a very important step in the process.

What do I mean by surrender? I mean giving up the fight, giving up the pretense that all is find behind our false bravado and politeness. We need to step forth and let people know and see who we really are.

We need to give up trying to maintain as if everything is fine, when it is not. It is safe to show our vulnerability around certain people. Choose the people you open up to wisely, making sure they will not verbally abuse you with the information you give them about your thoughts and feelings.

When we give up, it is a surrendering, not in defeat, but in calmness, looking forward with an air of excitement to better times. Our goals are to become and remain sober and to find peace.

How do we surrender? We just give up. We just say to ourselves that we no longer wish to fake it, when we’re dying on the inside.

We will wish to surrender initially to get sober, and then we will no doubt have to surrender again and again as we maintain our sobriety. We will need to give up our need to control and manage our emotions, our thoughts, our behaviors. Remember, we are giving in to the need and desire to become sober and doing whatever we need for that to happen.

What does surrender look like for you? Are you able to give up the pretense that all is fine behind your false bravado and politeness? I hope you can join us in surrender. It is the first step into a life of wonder and awe.

Overcoming Despair in Sobriety

February 10, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Face of Despair

Perhaps the hardest thing we have to do in sobriety is to overcome despair. It is a most debilitating feeling, and if we are “down” enough, we might be feeling this despair.

Despair is a loss of hope. To be without hope is devastating, a bleakness beyond belief. Often, we drink heavily over our despair, and this only serves to compound it.

The sound of despair is that of a wail, a keening. If you have ever been there, then you know what I’m talking about. Have you ever been there? Are you there now?

If you are there now, there are things to do which may be helpful. At least, they helped me to dispel my despair.

The first thing to do is to stay sober, no matter what, no matter how difficult the feeling of despair becomes. Then, what worked for me was journaling about those feelings. Brisk walks several times a day also helped, but often, we don’t have the energy for this.

It pays to understand why we are in despair, and that is what journaling can help to uncover. It also helps to get professional help from a therapist. At least, those actions worked for me.

But the thing that helped the most with my despair, was to discover that my life had a purpose. Once I discovered that purpose, my despair went away and it has not returned. For me, discovering that I could help others by telling my story, combatted my despair. I discovered that my life of misery and woe and hardship was worthwhile because it could be of use to others.

Try to discover the purpose of your life. Do some journaling about it and see if something comes up about your purpose in life. Perhaps it is to share your art, or your words with the world. Or maybe your gift is to cook.

Whatever your gift is, find the one thing that makes you of service to others, the one thing you can bring to others to make their lives better. When you can figure this out, then you can overcome despair because you are being of use to another and that is a divine feeling, a divine purpose. You feel complete when you are being of service to others.

What is your gift that you can bring to others? How can you be of service in the world? When you figure this out, see if that doesn’t begin to rid you of hopelessness, of despair.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, hope, hopeful, hopelessness, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Fear of Sobriety – Part 3

February 7, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

What will life look like once I am sober? That is the question we will address today in Fear of Sobriety – Part 3. This was my second concern after “how will I ever live without alcohol in my life…”

The thing is, I didn’t know what life was going to look like but I took that leap into sobriety anyway. I had to, or die. What started happening was that situations and opportunities came into my life, and I took action on those things.

For example, after my emotional meltdown for two months, the idea came to me to go on a road trip and to start with San Diego, where a girlfriend was living and trying to get sober. I quit my nursing job so I was available to leave, and I constructed my car with drawers and shelves in the back seat, readying it for my road trip.

When I got to San Diego, the opportunity presented itself to start going to a support group to deal with quitting drinking, and I followed up on that opportunity. That decision was to be the formation of my ability to live as a sober person, heal, and find peace.

Home for Three Years

When I had the thought to buy a full-sized camper van, gut it, and rebuild it with cherrywood, I followed up on that thought, using my God-given skills to do so. That van became my home for the next three years, as I walked through sobriety and the healing process. It was a safe haven in which to do the emotional work I needed to do.

The point is, we never know in what direction we will be pointed. I found I was always pointed in the direction of an interest of mine or a skill I had. I was steered away from nursing, and I believed resuming my nursing career would jeopardize my sobriety too much.

In the end, I was guided to a small mobile home, for which I was able to borrow funds to purchase, and I currently am working to build my speaking and coaching careers. All of this, after publishing the book I wrote over a time period of about eight years.

And I love my life, even though I had no idea it would turn in the direction it has. I just trusted the Universe and where I was being guided, and I took action on what came across my path that resonated with my heart.

We don’t know what our lives will look like when we get sober. We just trust and we become willing to follow where we are being guided. As far as living without a drink, that has been glorious and I have been graced with the lack of desire for alcohol in my life.

You, too, can take that leap into the unknown, and can consider what results as a series of exciting opportunities which present themselves, upon which you can act. Hopefully, this takes the fear of out wondering what your life will look like if you quit drinking.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: fear of sobriety, finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Fear of Sobriety – Part 2

February 6, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

I spoke yesterday about some of the issues around fear of sobriety. I want to talk about two questions a little bit, that I had on my mind when it came to thinking about quitting drinking.

What will life look like now? How in the world can I live without alcohol in my life?

These questions came to me in response to an email I received last evening from a close friend. She read yesterday’s blog and raised the point that she had never thought that someone could be afraid of sobriety. My response to her was, ohhhh, yeah. It’s scary, at least it was for me.

The two questions above address the greatest fears I had about sobriety, so let me jump in. The first concern for me was “how can I live without alcohol in my life???” I mean, EVERYTHING I did in my marriage and soon after involved daily drinking, and drinking myself into oblivion at night for the past seven years. I could not fathom what I would do without liquor in my life. For 27 years, it had been a close companion.

But my emotional pain got the better of me in response to an unrequited love. I drank and cried over my devastation for two months, unable to care for myself. Something told me I would die if I didn’t quit. I had tried not to drink, but was not able to do that on my own. Now I was pushed over my edge to an all-time emotional bottom. So, I had no choice. I had to live with no alcohol in my life.

Besides, I’d been having sharp pain in the area of my liver for over a year. The point is, I knew I was done. Perhaps you can relate to that. What I discovered was that life without severe and debilitating hangovers was very pleasant. In future weeks and months and years of sobriety, I learned and gained freedom.

Was it easy? No. I had acute emotional problems for the first several years over that unrequited love. But I knew I loved the lack of hangovers and that I might die if I started again, so I hung in there. I also developed the willingness to stay sober, even if it got uncomfortable. And the result was the best and most rewarding work I have done in my life.

At any rate, what we’re here to do on this go-around of going through my book, is to relay to you what the process of getting and staying sober, becoming whole, has looked like for me.

This post is much longer than I wanted it to be, so I think I’ll answer the other question tomorrow. Come back for a discussion of “what will life look like after I quit?”

I want to wrap up by letting you know I feel as if I was promoting sobriety yesterday. That was not my intent. It’s just that I get so excited about what I have gained in my life as a result of it, that I get carried away sometimes. Please pardon any irritation my words may have caused.

Filed Under: Sober Living Tagged With: fear of sobriety, finding peace, freedom, inner peace, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Becoming Serene

February 3, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Balance of Serenity

“I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am help in balance with great beauty and strength.”

This is how we will be feeling by the time we get to this point… serene… a feeling of tranquility, of calmness. Webster goes on to define serene as not disturbed or troubled.

Once we arrive here, we will be able to maintain a deep peace, as well as a devout and reverent sobriety.

All of the trials and tribulations we have been through to get here will seem like eons ago, and they will be a pleasing memory. It will feel as if our difficulties were worth it to get to this point of serenity.

Like the spires, the metal, and the tree branches in the picture,we are in perfect balance when we are serene. It has taken us a lot of work to get to this point and we are grateful to be here.

Life will happen, as always, but our feathers will not get ruffled as they once did. We will have the ability to hear disturbing news without freaking out. We will be able to remain more present for such news so that we can take appropriate action.

We will feel more serene about who we are as beings, recognizing that we are human and, therefore, fallible, while we understand and humbly applaud our strengths, thanking the power that is greater than us for these gifts.

Today, reflect upon your journey, about what has led you to this point. Are you feeling serene? If so, isn’t it a beautiful feeling? If not, you may wish to review the stages of the journey through which we walked. Whichever way it is for you,show gratitude for the path you are on, and keep moving forward on your journey.

A Promise of Peace

February 1, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Promise of Peace

We finally have reached peace. It is the culmination of everything we have learned up to this point. It is promised to us when we practice the principles of love that we have been discussing all along.

When we practice the principles of love for ourselves and others, the gates of our heart melt into the glow of dusk and peace rises to greet us.

This is the promise of peace. Do you feel it? Have you come along the path, the journey, and found it? Do you feel the gentleness of it as it brushes your heart? Do you find it easier to maintain sobriety now that you have peace?

Take a moment and write down your thoughts… have you found peace through this journey? Let us know what that is like for you. Please share with us.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, promise of peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Living with Joy in Our Lives

January 30, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Joy is defined as a very glad feeling, happiness, great pleasure, or delight. We may find that after going through the stages we have been discussing that joy is a constant companion. It is one of the most exciting gifts of the journey. I have found that to be true, and it is exhilarating.

Burst of Joy

“I pick up the thread, however fragile, of finding inner peace. As I do this, it leads to furthering my self-knowledge, my journey to peace of mind and freedom of heart.

“I never thought this could happen. My heart bursts with joy!”

We may come to a point in our lives that we feel we are up against a wall, that our lives will get no better and that we will always be in despair, or wherever it is that we go when we are down.

Therefore, when we find ourselves on the other side of that, joy comes as a surprise and we are thrilled! It is truly a satisfying and welcomed feeling.

Perhaps, we need a moment to reflect where we have been and where we have arrived in the present, and then we can rejoice, we can burst with joy ourselves. It goes hand-in-hand with peace, which we are about to experience, and it definitely aids in our ability to have a happy sobriety.

Today, think about where you started emotionally and where you are now, and revel in the feeling of great pleasure, of joy. Bask in that for the day.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: finding peace, inner peace, joy, living sober, peace, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Fulfill Your Dreams

January 29, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Fulfillment of Dreams

“I am waking up from a lifetime of sleeping and am just beginning to learn to play, to fill my sails and dance across the shimmering waters.

“I am fulfilling dreams I have held in my heart forever that I did not know and, so, could not follow.”

Is this you? Are you awakening so much that you are now fulfilling your dreams? How is that for you? If you’re like me, it is awesome, soothing, satisfying, peace-evoking.

I held the desire to be a photographer when I was younger, but I gave up on that dream when I tried it in the mid-70s and was unsuccessful.

I guess there was a part of me that held that desire, and when the opportunity presented itself 34 years later, I merely followed where I was being led. I took action to feed my passion… photography, and soon I had a body, a collection, of wrought-iron gate photographs.

Before I knew it, I was writing a book of photos and verses which I later published. I sold my framed fine-art photography. I was not successful enough selling my photography or my book to support myself, but I was doing my dream. I felt fulfilled and rewarded because I tried; I followed my dream.

We don’t follow our dreams, perhaps because we think they are far-fetched. Mostly, I suspect we get into fear. Remember, fear is an acronym for false evidence appearing real. Yes, it’s scary, so find the courage and do it anyway. Try it. The success is in overcoming any obstacle and having tried to fulfill your dreams.

The feeling we will have when we fulfill our dreams is tremendous. Whether you become famous is not the issue; having overcome the fear to try, is the measure of success.

What do you dream about doing in your most secret spaces? In your most sacred moments? Hold that dream in your heart. Be open to things as they come across your path that move you toward that dream. Take action when the opportunity arrives. The most important things to do are to remain open to your dream, to hold them in your heart, and to take action when they arise.

Don’t sit around, waiting for that special action to take… go about your life, your routine. That is not how it works. Do the next thing that presents itself to you, and the next, and then the next. One day, you may find that these steps have allowed you to fulfill your dreams.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: dreams, fear, finding peace, fulfilling dreams, getting past fear, inner peace, living dreams, overcoming fear, peace

Seeing Life as a Series of Choice

January 28, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Celebration of Choices

“I see a little man with his top hat, arm raised above his shoulder in salute. He celebrates his recent discovery… he has choices in his life.

“It is freeing to learn one can choose at any point. Ah, cause for celebration!”

I never thought I had choices about my life and my actions, my feelings, my mood. For me, all those things were totally overshadowed with childhood wounds that I could not get past to see that I could choose to act and react differently.

I spent a great deal of my life blaming others for my misery and I wallowed in self-pity. Then I learned the practice of doing a self-appraisal and I soon realized that I was not taking responsibility for myself. Not fully… not even at all.

I learned that it was my job to heal from my wounds, that we all have wounds. I was not unique. I discovered that by getting sober and seeking therapy services, I was taking more responsibility for myself. I was exercising my choice.

You see, we all have a choice about everything we do, right down to our attitude, and once we make a choice, we need to be willing to accept the consequences that go along with that choice.

In our example, I chose not to accept responsibility for my own healing, to blame others, and the consequence for that was severe depression, despair, strained relationships, poor self-esteem, and so forth. When I hit my emotional alcoholic bottom, I was forced to make a change, or die. I chose to live.

I could have chosen to continue blaming others. Had I done that, I have no doubt I’d be dead now through the use of alcohol or at my own hands.

Realizing we have choice is a powerful place to be. We can get out of those relationships that are toxic and damaging to our souls, our spirits. Or, we can stay and continue to accept abuse. Yes, there is fear, even terror, at the thought of being on our own, but that is a consequence of making a choice that, in the long run, is better for our being.

Today, look at the choice you have in your life; recognize that it applies to so many areas of your life. You have the responsibility to make changes if you are not satisfied; it is your choice. It is your job to initiate or seek help if you’re in a bad relationship, for example. Leaving is not the only option. Just recognize that life is a series of choice, one after another. You will be amazed at the peace that brings into your life.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: choice, choice to change, finding peace, inner peace, living sober, peace, responsibility for ourselves, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Life Offers A Realm of Possibilities

January 27, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Realm of Possibilities

“If I climb the steps, anything is possible. Anything.”

This is the photo that appears on the cover of my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. It is representative of the many possibilities available to us if we climb the steps.

And what are the steps we are to climb? All of the things we have been discussing in this blog… first surrender, then awareness of the world around us. We next climb the step into trust of a power greater than us, which leads us to courage and humility.

With honesty, openness, and willingness, we have the keys to continue up the stairway and we commit to our journey. We conduct a self-appraisal to discover our strengths and our weaknesses, doing so with gentleness and compassion.

These are things which we show for others around us, and we add in kindness. Once we have learned how to show compassion for ourselves and others, we are led to forgiveness, also of ourselves and others. We finally are able to accept ourselves and our lives as they are, and we feel hope.

We persevere with patience, while we respect and acknowledge others. We treat them without judgment, and we engage in dialogue with them. When we do all of these things, we will experience grace and wonder. Throw into the mix a lot of gratitude, and the world is our oyster. We are prepared to do anything, as we will have grown stronger.

If we do all these things, we will discover when we get to the top of the stairs, that there are vast numbers of possibilities available to us. All we have to do is quietly take note. We can begin to bask in peace and our sobriety will be easier to maintain.

Today, while you practice all the principles of living we have discussed, find yourself at the top of the stairs and see how many possibilities there are for you. You will be delighted with the choices you have.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: acknowledgment of others, compassion, courage, finding peace, forgiveness, humility, inner peace, peace, sober, sobriety, surrender, trust in a higher power

How to Forgive in Ten Steps

January 10, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

As we travel on in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, we come to forgiveness. I shall talk about how to forgive, a way I discovered that worked on a 40-year resentment against others from my childhood.

Tiers of Forgiveness

Before sobriety, I spent most of my life angry at others for their mistreatment of me as a child. I drank heavily over it, and spent much time blaming them for my misery.

Then, once sober, I was conducting a self-appraisal, and I realized that I had done to my husband and other men in my life the very same thing that another had done to me… called me worthless.

I was appalled, as I realized I had not meant that. I had said it because I had felt worthless about myself. I began to have compassion for the hurt being and mentally sick person I was in the moments that I said that.

Then I realized that if I had felt that about myself, maybe that other person did also. Maybe he called me worthless because he felt that about himself.

My compassion expanded to include him. From that, I was able to forgive and years of resentment began to melt away. For me, it occurred over time, in tiers, or stages.

Holding resentments is the number one thing that keeps us from maintaining our sobriety and finding peace. They keep us blaming others instead of taking responsibility for ourselves. In order to gain forgiveness, I suggest the following:

we identify the person(s) against whom we have a resentment
we identify the reason why we feel that resentment
then, we do a self-appraisal and ferret out times when we may have done the very same thing to others for which we resent the person identified in #1.
we are honest about this, and shine the spotlight on our behaviors and own them
chances exist that, at one point in life, we may have done the same thing that was done to us
we look at ourselves with compassion, recognizing our mental anguish at that time
then. we turn our attention to the one we resent and consider that they were feeling mental anguish like we did
we see that person(s) as a sick individual at the point in time that they harmed us
we extend our compassionto include the object of our resentment
in stages, or tiers, we allow for forgiveness to this mentally unbalanced person

In my experience, this is my way of how to forgive. For today, try this exercise and see if it gives you some relief from your resentments. Let us know what happens by leaving a comment, so we can all learn from what you found.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: compassion, finding peace, inner peace, peace, self-appraisal, Sober Living, sobriety

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