How to Get Past Feeling Worthless

Good morning! Many blessings to you each, and many thank you’s to those of you who continued to visit my site, even during my lull in posting. There were four queries for getting past feeling worthless, and today, that is what I will address.

There is nothing quite like feeling worthless to bring about despair. Perhaps you were told you were worthless; perhaps you came to that conclusion after trying things and “failing” at them. The result is the same… you feel like nothing is worth it, you aren’t worth it. Well, I can understand these feelings as I have been there, and I am here to tell you, there is hope.

First of all, I’d like to address you if you feel you have “failed,” and that is what is leading to your feeling worthless. Consider believing that there are no failures, only attempts to try something. You didn’t fail at something; your attempts merely were unsuccessful to reach the goal you were trying to reach.

The thing which is wonderful about looking at it like that is you can try again, and again and again, until you reach your goal. And each time you try and don’t reach that goal, you know what didn’t work and what not to do in the future. Many people try things, don’t get the result they were looking for, and then their thoughts go from, “I failed,” to “I am a failure and therefore, am worthless.”

Is that you? If it is, I invite you to redefine your view of failure as I defined above.

To address the issue of feeling worthless and how to get past it, let me say that the greatest elixir for that is discovering how you can be useful to another person or animal. For me, it was realizing my abusive past had been of use to another person because he could relate to me, he knew I had suffered as he was suffering, and a bond was created. So when I told him of ways in which I had started to heal from my past, he listened.

Had I not dealt with what I did, had I never had the experience, I never would have had to go through the steps and actions to heal that ended up helping another person. There is nothing quite like feeling that what you do or say is of use to another.

To get past feeling worthless, I invite you to muster up your strength, and determine how you can be of use, be of service to someone, sharing with them a way to do something, or a way for them to get past their pain. Opportunities to do this abound out there, as so many people are feeling worthless. I am inviting you to step beyond that to something greater. Will you take the step to healing?

 

Share

Shed Worthlessness and Share Your Dream with the World

Cornet of Worthlessness

Good morning. Today, we will continue through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. The next topic we come to is worthlessness.

Now that we have identified and acknowledged our fear, we can begin to look at other feelings that are keeping us from following our dream.

Perhaps, somewhere in our past lies the secret to any feelings of worthlessness we may hold. Perhaps, at one point, we were told by another that we were useless, that we had no value. Or, we have deduced that on our own.

If you were told you were worthless, let me just say, it was a lie. It is possible that whomever told you that was actually feeling it about themselves. They were feeling worthless themselves, and in their pain, lashed out in agony and frustration, spouting it to you.

The fact is, we each have importance and merit, simply because we exist on this planet. We each have value. Let me say that another way. You have value.

Everything about you has value because everything about you helps others in some way or another. When you are on top of your game and in a positive space, being of use to others, you are helping them to grow their sense of worth and value. That is being of service.

Even when you are being negative and/or hurtful to others, it can be a learning experience for the other person. They can look at your behavior as an example of how they do not wish to be in the world. This can act as a motivator to some, as they then strive to act in kindness and love to others.

There are those, however, who, when exposed to negative behavior from others, begin to believe they are useless and worthless. If that describes you, use even this as a learning experience. Look at yourself and ponder what is leading you to that conclusion. Ferret out what it is that you believe about yourself that makes you feel that worthlessness.

Then try this exercise. Think of one thing that you love to do, the one thing that makes your heart sing when you are doing it. You may or may not do it well, but time may slip away when you do it.

Consider that this one thing is your gift, something you were gifted, something you were intended to have or to be like in order to share with the world. This is your light that Spirit intends for you to gift to others, simply by doing it or being a certain way. 

Now, wear humbly that thing which you love to do, your gift, and go be of service to another. Shed your feelings of worthlessness and stop playing small. Instead, play big, as there is someone out there waiting to receive your gift. They are waiting to receive you in all of your glory and goodness.

The choice is yours. Playing big is the way to peace and playing small will keep you in misery. Which way do you choose? 

 

Share

Feelings of Worthlessness

We move through the book to the second topic – feelings of worthlessness. Webster defines it as to be without worth or merit, useless, of no value.

To have worth, it is your quality that lends importance, value, and merit. It is measured by the esteem in which you are held by others.

Corner of Worthlessness

Corner of Worthlessness

Feeling worthless is not a comfortable place to be. When I used to feel that way, I felt like a pile of rubbish in a corner… a heap of debris.

Why do we feel worthless? It comes from being told so or shown we are not valued. In my case, I was repeatedly told I was not worth anything, so I began to believe that.

Perhaps the actions of someone in your life translate to you that you are not valued, have no merit. As much as is possible, do not let their actions get you down.

It is hard to get past feelings of worthlessness, yet, it is possible. One way is to do esteem-able acts. Do something nice for someone else. Not only do they appreciate it, but you will feel self-worth for your actions. Keep doing that, over and over. 

Reflect on how you came to feel worthless in the first place. If it was because of being told that, then consider the source and what they were experiencing.

For example, I realized that I did the very same thing to my boy friends that was done to me. I used to get drunk and scream at them that they were worthless. When I remembered that in sobriety, I was horrified! I realized I was saying it because I felt that way about myself.

Hmmm. Perhaps the person that told me I was worthless said that to me because they actually felt it about themselves. That was the corner I turned to start to come out of feeling worthless. Still, though, it is one thing to wrap your mind around a “cure” and another to get your heart and soul in alignment with what your mind is telling you.

What really cinched it for me was the discovery of my purpose in life, or what I consider to be my purpose. Once I figured that out, I felt worthwhile, I felt I had something of value  to give others, and my feelings of worthlessness dissipated. Very occasionally, I go to that place when things are discouraging for me, yet I don’t stay long in that space because I remind myself of my purpose and why I’m here.

I hope that you, too, can conquer these feelings of worthlessness. Maybe the examples of how I recovered from feelings of worthlessness will help you.

It is not necessary to feel them and the fact is, we are each valuable and worthy in our own way. Believe that for it is a Truth. Each of us has a unique gift to give the world. It is just a matter of finding it. I wish you well.

Share

Feeling Worthless

Corner of Worthlessness

Do you struggle with feeling worthless? Of no use or value to others, to yourself? Do you hold yourself in low esteem?

This was me for most of my life… feeling useless to others and of no value, a self-esteem that was non-existent. I felt like a heap of debris in the corner, in the shadows. When it reached its maximum, it manifested for me as listlessness, inability to raise my energy to move forward, to work on projects, to eat. Often, I went from feeling worthless to feeling despair… what’s the point in living? At this point, I prayed to die.

I have struggled for years in sobriety with the issue of feeling worthless. What has worked for me when these feelings arise is to hold myself in positive regard, to review all of the ways in which I have been useful to others. Sometimes, I have to purposefully focus on my assets. I have needed help from friends and a therapist to do this, as well as the use of medication to treat my diagnosed major depression.

It took me a long time to be willing to take medication. That helped when I did. But the real thing which has helped in my feelings of worthlessness has been to help others when I am feeling this way. After I have helped someone, I feel more self-value, more self-esteem and I begin to feel like I am worth something.

We are all worthy as human beings, simply because we are here. If you are feeling worthless, there is help available. It might be beneficial to list out the ways in which you are good, things about yourself that you like. If you can find nothing, talk to someone and get their positive feedback about you. Second, there is help from a friend or therapist. Third, there is prayer to whatever or whomever you turn in times of need.

Whatever way you choose to get help, I applaud your efforts and wish you well. Remember, you are worthy simply because you are here.

**********

The holidays are upon us and I want you to be aware that I am offering a holiday special on my book. Currently, through Jan 2nd, it is $25.00, including shipping and tax for California residents. Order from the website or call 415-883-8325 to order directly.

Share

Experience Grace

Sweep of Grace

Grace is a state of being that sweeps down upon us. It is an unearned favor of great beauty and pleasure that gently and quietly is bestowed upon us.

When do we know we’re in grace? Perhaps it is having that great sense of knowingness inside that lets us know we are experiencing grace. There is a quietness to that feeling, where everything else tunes itself out and we are left with a deep smile in our soul. Everything falls nicely and easily into place, without needing to push on our part; it only requires us to take action. Then we let go of the results and more to the next thing which needs our attention.

How do we reach grace? We practice the principles of living which we have discussed… such as tolerance, respect, gentleness, kindness, compassion… We show these things for others, as well as for ourselves. To get to the place where we are able to do that, we look at ourselves – our actions, behaviors, thoughts, beliefs – and we do a self-appraisal of these things, looking at the things which block us from being a more loving person… to others and to ourselves.

We look honestly, even if it hurts, even if it is embarrassing. And when we do, we take action to correct those thoughts and actions to be a kindlier person; by doing this, we experience grace. What does grace look  in your life when you experience it?

**********

Author statement: It is my intent in bringing you this blog, to acquaint you with the topics in my book. I present them in the blog in the same order in which they appear in the book. The sequence of topics reflects my own healing journey in sobriety, from deep despair and feeling worthless, to joy and peace. I hope you find in these pages that which you seek.

Share

An Attitude of Gratitude

Visions of Gratitude

“When seen with eyes and heart that appreciate, everything around and within me becomes more pleasing, more beautiful.”

gratitude

How can such a thing which is second nature to me today have been something with which I struggled in the past? I resented people who spoke of gratitude, being grateful for this or that in their lives. Then, I felt guilty and ashamed because I could not get to that place myself.

I was still hurting too much from past experiences, their betrayals. I carried great fear to speak up about my feelings. I could barely acknowledge them to myself, they were so painful. I needed to go through a grieving process, to deal with my sorrow, my worthlessness, before I could get to a place of healing.

Over time, this is exactly what I was led through…  a healing process. The creation of the book helped me through my growth and change, and my growth and change led to the creation of the book. The order of the images and their titles reflect my process of healing and my process in sobriety.

Today, I am able to look at events as opportunities to learn and grow and I am grateful for those experiences. I am grateful for the ability and grace to feel gratitude. It is an attitude that, for me, has become pervasive. It floods and colors everything I do. It brings me peace and joy, softens and opens my heart.

Do I sound like Pollyanna? lol Most likely. I used to have a Pollyanna doll. I got it for Christmas one year because I loved the movie with Haley Mills. So what’s so bad about sounding like Pollyanna, as long as I give acknowledgment to my emotions that arise from events and situations?

In other words, as long as I don’t gloss over the difficult parts of a situation, pretend they don’t exist, go on cheerily without dealing with them, I am able to get to gratitude with honesty.

Gratitude finds me now, if I am humble, as well as open and willing to receive it. It has been a process of healing over many years. It is joyfully peaceful when I realize I am feeling grateful about something. How about you? Do you experience gratitude often?

Share

Feeling Worthless – 4 Steps to Moving On

I was going to move on from the topic of feeling worthless, and then got an email comment from a friend. He raised a valid point, which I would like to share with you.

First, however, I’d like to explain to those of you who are new to my blog what I am doing. I am walking through my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart, topic by topic, as each appears in the book. There are forty-two topics or titles for the images. All together, they tell a story  – that of my personal journey through the gates of despair to joy and peace.

Each title/topic deals with a common human emotion, a principle of living or a way to treat others and myself.

I have preceded the title/topic discussions with six posts about how the book was birthed. It’s quite an amazing story and will lend new awareness to the story as it unfolds.

The point which was brought to my attention was that the gate, Corner of Worthlessness, is down the street from the Gate of Denied Approval. He went on to say that when we did not receive approval or unconditional love, it is difficult to dispel those feelings of worthlessness which arise from that lack.

Even though some of us, as adults, have wrestled with those feelings, and resolved them, they tend to arise occasionally to haunt us. He felt I seemed to have licked this problem. And, to a large degree, I have.

I used to have huge self-worth problems, however, which is why it appears in my book as one of my emotions. Some days, I slide into that morass. Usually these days, though, I don’t feel worthless. How is that, you may ask? I went through a process whereby:

  1. I first identify that I am feeling worthless. (It has taken years to learn that that is what I am feeling…)
  2. I talk to someone about these feelings; I let them out instead of bottling them up.
  3. I ask the Powers That Be, the Universe, to take these feelings from me.
  4. And, I remain willing for this to happen.

These days, that happens; I am freed from the feelings of low self-worth. It took a long time for this to happen, however, as first my esteem had to strengthen, as did my confidence. Perhaps it happened like that so my continued feelings could be of use to someone else. I don’t know.

So, on to the next topic with the next post. Meanwhile, you can view the photos in Opening the Gates of the Heart here.

Share