fear • Creating Peace Through Forgiveness

Dealing with Fear

May 15, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning to each of you! May you have a calm and peaceful day, filled with joy! Pardon my silence for the past few days… I have been recuperating. The search term I liked today is “dealing with fear,” and so, will discuss fear today.

We all experience fear It is a normal human emotion. It warns us of danger so we can go into the fight or flight mode. That is its purpose and it does its job well, or you wouldn’t be here today. Yet, does it get out of hand, preventing you from moving forward in your life? Do you find yourself not getting things done because you are in fear?

Ah, if you said yes, then you are among the company of many, for many of us allow fear to stop us from doing many things, such as following our dreams, for example. Is that you? Can’t seem to get your dream off the ground because of your fear? There is way through it and here it is.

There are three steps you can take to get through fear. The thing is, when you’re in fear, you don’t breathe. It is a typical physiological occurrence, as oxygen goes to the parts of the brain necessary for fight or flight. But that keeps you stuck, so there are the three things I have referred to that will allow you to get unstuck, able to move forward through the fear.

The first thing is to breathe, ask for help, and take action. Breathe, ask for help, take action… That’s the first step. The second step is to acknowledge you are in the fear state. Feel it, recognize it, acknowledge it. Then, the third step is to choose whether to stay in that state or to move forward to something new.

It doesn’t work to say “Move on!” “Get past your fear!” It doesn’t work that way. Instead, you must recognize your fear-state and take action to get unstuck from it by doing what I outlined above.

By doing this, getting unstuck, you will find that you move forward to fulfill your dreams, your desires. The next time you are in fear, try this exercise and let us know how it worked for you.

If you find it doesn’t, then ask for help by calling to schedule a free 30-minute discovery call with me. In this call, we will explore the factors behind your fear. You may decide to work with me in my coaching program to uncover more about your fear. I can be reached at 415-883-8325 or carolyncjjones@yahoo.com. There is help out there; all you need to do is ask and it shall be given.

Have a great day!

Will You Play Small or Step Into Your Greatness?

March 8, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning! I wish for each of you a day filled with great joy, as you step into your greatness. It is that which I would like to address… how to step into your greatness, for you may be holding back who you are.

Yesterday, I was on a sales call, and the leader, Eric, said that when we step into our greatness, we are helping and impacting those people around us that need our help. Conversely, when we do not step into our greatness, we are being harmful to those that we could be helping.

Then he had us email him what our biggest take-away was from the call. I emailed and said that I didn’t realize that by playing small, I was harming others, and that I don’t want to harm others. He read that email aloud, and made comments about it, pointing out that when we play small, we are keeping those who need to hear our message from that message, and, thus, are harming them.

Wow. I never thought of it like that. You see, I was introduced to the concept of playing small a few months ago at a workshop. At that time, I recognized that I was allowing my fear of standing out in the world to hold me back. I thought I got past that… until Eric said yesterday what he said.

I seem to come up with all sorts of busy-work to keep me from contacting the big players in my field of forgiveness, from reaching out to connect. So, this morning, I decided to put my money where my mouth is, and I emailed Fred Luskin, who is the PhD at Stanford University who has been working on the Stanford Forgiveness Project. He is considered an expert on forgiveness.

And I emailed him, telling him that I am “just up the street from him,” (no, I didn’t put it like that…) and that I, too, am dealing with forgiveness in my practice of speaking and coaching. I asked that he call me because I wanted to talk to him about his path of forgiveness, my path of forgiveness, and how our paths meet.

Talk about a wow! Now THAT was stepping into my greatness! I have taken the action and I will wait patiently to see the result of that action.

Where in your life do you play small, keep hidden for fear of being knocked down? Think about it, and write about it. I invite you to journal, print, with your non-domindant hand, as all sorts of thoughts will flow to you when you do that.

Write about your dream and how you are not fulfilling it because of your fears. That’s playing small. Not speaking up for yourself is playing small. Not approaching someone because you feel you are “less than” is playing small. Write about all the ways in which you play small in your life.

Think about how you can step into your greatness by reaching out, by speaking up, by fulfilling your dream. Then write about it, and finally, take action! Step into your greatness!

Filed Under: Self Improvement Tagged With: fear, playing small, step into your greatness

10 Ways to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

March 5, 2013 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning, everyone! I am running, running, running, and I apologize for the lateness today and the hurried post I must make. I have 25 minutes to write about ways to overcome low self-esteem. So, let’s get started!

Here are some thoughts about ways to overcome self-esteem:

1. The best thing to do to overcome low self-esteem is to get into action of some sort. That may involve soul-searching, as I define in the following steps, or it may mean getting active in an activity, or a group.

2. Start writing every morning for at least 15 minutes and print with your “other,” your non-dominant, hand. Allow your feelings to flow onto the page without censoring them.

3. Identify all of your positive points – list them out. This list will be at least one full page on a legal pad. i.e., identify at least 25 positive things about yourself.

4. List out all the positive things you did for others and yourself, and words you said to others and yourself in the last week. List these out. It will be a long list; go with it!

5. Write down all the negative things you have been told throughout the course of your life that have led to your low self-esteem.

6. Take each point on the list, the negative points, and ask yourself: Is it true? Was what I was told true? Write about what comes up for you, what you discover.

7. Now, if you have a “yes” on your list, if some of the negative things told to you were and are true, write a plan for each point you found to be negative. This plan will include how you plan to make changes in yourself so the point is no longer negative. In other words, plan to take action to improve yourself.

8. Take the time to reflect on all the lies you were told. Feel in your gut, in your heart, how those things were not said fairly. Consider they were said by an emotionally ill person, for whatever reason. Write about what comes up for you.

9. Become willing to let go of the negative messages you were/are told, and recognize how it will change the story you tell about yourself. For example, you may be pitying yourself; letting go of the negativity means you will have to let go of the pity, and you may not get the same attention you have been getting. I guarantee you, though, that the positive attention you get instead will be well worth it.

10. Re-write the list of positive points about yourself, including ways you would like to be, even if you have not achieved them quite yet. Adopt the new beliefs about yourself that you have listed.

If you preform these steps, you will see a shift from a low self-esteem, to a much more positive one.

Remember, we are all wanting to step into our greatness. We often play small, and we need to start playing big by stepping into that greatness that exists in al of us. That brings to mind another point, so I have included a bonus tip, tip #11:

11. Identify the fear you hold about letting go of your negative self-esteem; write about that fear. Just by bringing it to light, you help to dissolve it.

I am hopeful you find these steps useful. Leave a comment if you do them and notice an improvement in your low self-esteem.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain Tagged With: fear, low self-esteem

How to Open Your Heart More

December 6, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

“How to open your heart more” was searched for 4 times yesterday morning, so I thought I’d address that. I apologize for no post yesterday… I started this and the day got away from me before I could develop the blog. So, here we are today, in this moment, and let me write about how to open your heart.

The first thing needed to open your heart is willingness to do so, willingness to go there. Once you are willing, the whole world opens up, and you are able to see the things around you that you couldn’t see before. You see your physical world more intently; you see others with eyes and heart of gentleness and kindness.

Once you are willing to open your heart, the next stage involves identifying the wounds you have endured during your lifetime, and the feelings that accompany these wounds. Look closely at your fear and how it holds you back in life. Look closely at grief you may be experiencing, a feeling associated with loss of any type. Allow yourself the time to look at these feelings and try to be straight while you do so. Try to just “be” with them, without numbing them out with substances or activity.

Now, feel compassion for yourself for the wounds you have received and endured. See yourself with gentleness, kindness. Do not slide into self-pity… this is not a pity party I am suggesting. More, it is an objective assessment and acknowledgment of the damage you have received. Now it’s time to start seeing the world around you with gratitude. Be grateful for the simplest things and soon that gratitude will expend to larger things in your life.

Now you are equipped to begin a self-appraisal, looking first at your positive traits, behaviors, and actions. Really praise yourself for these things. Then, look at your negative behavior, the things you do for which you are mad at others for doing, when you do the very same things yourself. For your bad behavior that was hurtful to others, take ownership of that behavior. Be responsible and accountable for it by letting go of any resentments, and apologizing, if indicated.

This tool is invaluable as one to use on an on-going basis, throughout each day. It becomes second-nature to see yourself honestly, objectively. Rather than allowing this appraisal to be a jumping-off place from which to beat yourself up, use it instead as a method of keeping yourself right-sized… not bragging or boastful, nor insecure and self-reproachful. Use a self-appraisal to locate where you are in your world, both outer and inner.

Once you learn to follow this process, you will have opened your heart so very much. There is one more tool to use to get to deep peace and freedom, and that is forgiveness. Forgiveness allows you, without condoning what was done, to put to rest your heart-burning resentment, the thing that keeps you simmering with anger just below the surface. Once you come to forgiveness, you will begin to be really free, able to open your heart even wider.

So, this is the process to go through to open your heart. How does it work for you? Do you have a different method? What works for you? Leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: compassion, fear, forgiveness, grief, how to forgive, key of willingness, loss grief, open your heart, overcome fear, Willingness

How to Overcome Fear

November 14, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning. It is dark and early at 4:38 am PST, and I see that fear was searched for three times yesterday, so let’s talk about that.

Fear can be positive or negative. For example, it is positive when it warns us of danger. We can jump right into the survival mode, the fight or flight state-of-being. But what about when it’s negative?

Negative fear includes such things as fear that you are less than, not good enough, fear that you’ll look stupid… things like that. When you go to this place, you are in a contracted, pulled in state, versus being free of fear which allows you to be open and expansive.

To identify fear, look behind your anger. It often hides there. When we are angry, usually there is fear of something attached to that anger, as is there hurt. Hurt and fear.

When you identify you are in fear, there are three things you can do to get through it to another mindset:

Once you identify the fear you are in, breathe, ask for help, and take action.
Now acknowledge you are in that fear state, stare it in the face. It will dissipate.
Choose to leave the fear state or stay in it.

Fear is an acronym standing for False Evidence Appearing Real. We take non-facts, figments and worries of our imagination, and we run with them, expound upon them until we think they are real. It is often based on something that didn’t or won’t happen. Keep an eye out for this and stop yourself when you catch yourself going to this place.

Perhaps the biggest antidote for fear is to take action, to choose to leave the fear state and take action despite the fear. That action might be small, such as contacting someone we have been putting off contacting, or huge to us, like approaching someone to be a joint venture partner. The thing is, you need to identify it and take action despite your fear. Go through the steps above, and you will find yourself moving forward through and past the fear.

What are some of the things you fear that you cannot seem to get past? Leave a comment and let us know.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: fear, fearful, how do I get past fear

How to Conquer Fear by Getting Sober

October 2, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones 2 Comments

There were three searches about fear yesterday… conquering it, conclusions about it, and overcoming it. I’m going to take fear one more step and apply it to becoming sober. It has been my experience that I was only able to conquer fear when sober, so that’s what I’ll speak to.

It wasn’t until many years sober that I realized how much fear had ruled my life as a child and then during my drinking days. Basically, everything I did was dictated by fear of some sort… fear of not being good enough, that you wouldn’t like me, that I would make you mad or bother you… and the list goes on.

Let’s turn our attention now to the days I have been sober, my days in sobriety. It has taken me many years as a sober person to drop my fears that I am not good enough, although I sometimes return there, even today. What I have found in sobriety is that I experience the fear, but then I use faith to gain the courage to move forward, despite the fear. I always feel a sense of accomplishment when I do that.

I’m talking about little things that don’t scare many people… like calling or introducing myself to people to let them know who I am, what I do, and to inform them of my services. I get all fearful, and yet, I need to just do it, like Nike says. So I do, and everything turns out well, just as it was intended to be.

The fear which keeps you from getting sober warrants discussion. What about getting sober scares you? Define that for yourself, in all the possible ways. For me, it was not knowing how I would exist without alcohol in my life… how would I spend my time? It was fear of the unknown. Loss of a lifestyle, even though my current life was detrimental to my spirit and well-being, it was still familiar and, in a sick way, comforting.

At a deeper level, I resisted getting sober because a piece of my heart knew I had to drag out all the heartaches of my life and look at them. I didn’t want to do that and I avoided it. Heck! I drank to escape those feelings!! It took me many years of sobriety to realize that in the end, “those feelings” I was escaping were joy and peace.

So, how can you move forward past your fears? Consider the action or result that your fear is preventing. Define a task that will accomplish your desired action/result. Break the task down into smaller parts or sub-tasks, and do one piece at a time, one phone call at a time, one day at a time. The key here is perseverance. When you accomplish a sub-task, praise yourself with positive self-talk.

Getting and staying sober has allowed me to persevere in countless situations, numerous times. It has allowed me to move forward with courage rather than being stuck in my fear. Heck, I just sent a letter, two actually, to Michelle Obama, inviting her to open a dialogue about her activities with the Vietnam vets. Talk about getting past fears! I needed information and our differences in roles in the world made no matter, as I was reaching out person-to-person, one human to the next.

The thing about getting sober is that, if you stick with it and persevere, you will reap so many emotional benefits in addition to conquering your fears. To conquer your fears, first list them out. Then write out what you think will happen in each given situation. Then write about what you want to be different and how that looks for you. See if the fears have lessened…

The thing about conquering fear is that, if you look it in the eye, acknowledge it, and then befriend it, just notice it, it lessens. How can you move forward in your life, despite fear? What is the one major thing you have been putting off, procrastinating, due to fear? I invite you to leave a comment.

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: courage, courage form fear, fear, freedom from fear, getting sober, living sober, sober, Sober Living, sobriety

Creating Peace-of-Mind – Getting Past Fear

September 5, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Good morning. Yesterday, one search term was fear conclusion. I am thinking that means getting to the conclusion of fear. That’s what we’re going to discuss today. Fear… and how to get past it.

Fear… that you’re not good enough, that you look or act stupid, that you are a bother to others, that you are ugly, etc. Whatever you tell yourself that sounds like these, it is destructive to your soul. It erodes your spirit.

Yet, fear serves a purpose which is to protect you and keep you safe. Fear happens automatically in situations where you might be in danger. We often get stuck in the fight, flight, or freeze mode. This just automatically happens. When you recognize fear is happening, you can breathe. Breathe, Then ask for help with your fear. Finally, take action, however small. Just take action.

Because you go to that mechanism of survival when you feel fear, you have to get out of the mechanism of survival and then speak or art. When you get stuck in fear, you go to your old patterns of behavior. The key is to get out of that pattern, and this is best done by using the breathing, ask for help, and take action formula. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is actually quite courageous.

The next thing that you can do to shift from that fear state is to acknowledge you are experiencing fear. It will dissipate when you shine light on it.

The third step is to make the choice to stay in that fear, or to leave it. This is a conscious decision, made after you recognize your fear and acknowledge it.

Fear often shows up as procrastination. It’s not that you’re lazy as much as you may be having underlying fear.

It doesn’t work to tell someone to get over their fear It doesn’t work that way. You need to identify your state of mind and get unstuck from that point.

Fear keeps you from your dream. I ask you, what would your life look like if you were living your dream instead of your fear?

Filed Under: Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement Tagged With: fear, fear conclusion, fear resolution, fearful, how to cope with fear

Finding the Courage to Follow Your Dream

April 16, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones 2 Comments

Spaces of Courage

Good morning! We are now on a schedule of blogs every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Today we will talk about how to find the courage to follow your dream.

Perhaps you have the dream to become a caterer, or a teacher. Whatever the desire you hold, if it is coming from your heart, perhaps it is your divine path.

Listen to those urgings, the tug at your heartstrings, for it is your intended path. Even if you feel the pulling, it is frightening to follow a dream.

It takes courage to follow a dream, and some daring to stand out. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be a great caterer, or a teacher, or whatever your dream is?” We don’t feel worthy, so we ignore the voices of our heart and soul.

Instead, we go to jobs every day that do not fulfill our soul’s desire. After a while, our soul dies and we feel lethargic, listless. We are tired and irritable with our family when we get home after a whole day of pushing ourselves through a job we perhaps despise.

What is one remedy? If we are aware of a dream we have, we can make the decision and commitment to follow it. This takes a lot of guts, or courage. Courage is what allows us to move forward in the face of fear.

Step out, Stop playing small. Be the light the divine forces of the Universe want and intend you to be. Find the resources you need to move forward, even if you don’t think what you have is sufficient. When you move in the direction of your dream, the Universe steps forward and brings you what you need. It just seems to work that way…

Identify what is holding you back from following your dream. If it is fear, pray for the courage to move forward, even just a step at a time. See what happens when you do. Follow your dream and it will bring you closer to peace.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings Tagged With: courage, courage to follow your dream, fear, how to find peace, inner peace, peace

Fear of Following Your Dreams

April 2, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Webs of Fear

Good morning. I have been at a conference for the past four days, learning how to become a speaker. It was a dynamite workshop! I am armed with the tools to move forward with my dream of speaking to audiences about how to find peace of mind from anxiety and agitation.

Do you have a dream for your life? Are you living that dream? Chances are, if you are not living that dream, it is because of fear… fear of the unknown, fear that you are not good enough, fear to let go of the unhappy life you are living and step into a new way of being.

Just because you step into something new does not mean you have quelled all fear. For example, I am about to embark upon a new career of speaking, and I am terrified.

The terror is that I will not know what to say, that I won’t get it “right,” that my mind will go blank while I am on stage, that I will look stupid to the audience. I feel all of this and still, I press on. Why do I do that? Why do I continue to work my way toward my dream? Why don’t I allow the fear to win?

The truth is, I am allowing the fear to slow me down, allowing it to hamper my movement forward. Still, I inch forward through that fear. I will not allow it to stop me.

Through the actions I take, I will be able to move past the fear. That is not to say that the fear will be gone. Oh, no. I will continue to move forward despite the fear because I feel so strongly that I have a message intended to be shared with the world.

Because that belief is so strong, I will move forward even though I still feel fear. Will it feel uncomfortable? Most likely. Yet, I am bound and determined not to let that stop me. I will notice and acknowledge the fear, and I will gain strength and courage to move forward through it despite its presence.

That’s the thing about fear – we can continue to move forward toward our dreams even though we feel it. It will not hurt us. What will hurt us, however, is allowing that fear to stop us in our pursuit of our dream, our happiness. If we don’t try, we will feel we have failed. We will kill our spirit if we do not pursue those dreams we hold dear to our heart.

So, let’s take a look at our dreams, our desires, and let’s identify and acknowledge any fears that come up. Allow them to be and gently move forward anyway. When we can do this, we will feel victorious, and eventually, the fear will subside, or not. But we know we can set aside that fear and still meet our heart’s desires.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement Tagged With: courage, faith, fear

Fulfill Your Dreams

January 29, 2012 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Fulfillment of Dreams

“I am waking up from a lifetime of sleeping and am just beginning to learn to play, to fill my sails and dance across the shimmering waters.

“I am fulfilling dreams I have held in my heart forever that I did not know and, so, could not follow.”

Is this you? Are you awakening so much that you are now fulfilling your dreams? How is that for you? If you’re like me, it is awesome, soothing, satisfying, peace-evoking.

I held the desire to be a photographer when I was younger, but I gave up on that dream when I tried it in the mid-70s and was unsuccessful.

I guess there was a part of me that held that desire, and when the opportunity presented itself 34 years later, I merely followed where I was being led. I took action to feed my passion… photography, and soon I had a body, a collection, of wrought-iron gate photographs.

Before I knew it, I was writing a book of photos and verses which I later published. I sold my framed fine-art photography. I was not successful enough selling my photography or my book to support myself, but I was doing my dream. I felt fulfilled and rewarded because I tried; I followed my dream.

We don’t follow our dreams, perhaps because we think they are far-fetched. Mostly, I suspect we get into fear. Remember, fear is an acronym for false evidence appearing real. Yes, it’s scary, so find the courage and do it anyway. Try it. The success is in overcoming any obstacle and having tried to fulfill your dreams.

The feeling we will have when we fulfill our dreams is tremendous. Whether you become famous is not the issue; having overcome the fear to try, is the measure of success.

What do you dream about doing in your most secret spaces? In your most sacred moments? Hold that dream in your heart. Be open to things as they come across your path that move you toward that dream. Take action when the opportunity arrives. The most important things to do are to remain open to your dream, to hold them in your heart, and to take action when they arise.

Don’t sit around, waiting for that special action to take… go about your life, your routine. That is not how it works. Do the next thing that presents itself to you, and the next, and then the next. One day, you may find that these steps have allowed you to fulfill your dreams.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: dreams, fear, finding peace, fulfilling dreams, getting past fear, inner peace, living dreams, overcoming fear, peace

Feelings Are Energy In Motion – Humility – Part 1

December 28, 2011 by muz4now Leave a Comment

Guest blogger, Stan Stewart, is a musician, teacher, and technologist. As a certified InterPlay leader and lover of improvised music, Stan teaches and seeks integration of the whole self — experiencing body/mind/spirit as a whole rather than split parts of self — in the present moment.

He says, “What is happening for all of me right now is what I have to work with. I do my best to seek the kind of awareness that will allow me to experience and use all that’s available to me in this moment; and that can inspire me creatively and in my service to the world.”

Carolyn and Stan met on Twitter and now take their connection to the blogosphere with this guest post.

A few months ago, I wrote a post about “translating fear into creative energy“. It probably would have been more precise to call it “translating fear energy into creativity”. In that post, I said that — for me — feelings are energy in motion. This energy can then be used/ translated/ transformed into either positive or negative output (behavior).

Carolyn kindly commented on that post and expressed concern that calling for transformation of the emotional energy could be seen as calling for getting over the feeling. I fully understood her concern, so I started to reflect more on how to allow the feelings to “be” while also not becoming stuck in them.

I would definitely say that feelings should not be ignored or denied. They should be felt and acknowledged. For me, transforming them is a way of being attentive to my feelings.

Since my knee-jerk reactions so often turn emotions into what I later would label negative behavior, I proposed a way to help produce a positive output instead. I’ve had some success with this method and that’s why I wanted to share it. I also prefer creative over destructive outcomes, so I shared it for that reason as well. Part of the backdrop of my post is that I have a judgment that I — like many creative people — can become stuck in fear — or other emotions, like shame — and that this stuckness is not the optimal place for creativity. Creative work requires movement.

…more tomorrow…

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: creativity, fear, living sober, self-appraisal, Sober Living, Stan Stewart

Dealing With Fear in Sobriety – 3 of 3

December 20, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

To continue… For those of you new to the blog, here’s what’s happening. I am talking about each topic in the book I wrote called Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. I talk about the topics in sequence of their order in the book; there are forty-two topics.

Webs of Fear

I am then taking each topic and discussing it in relation to living in sobriety. Today, it is a continuation of Dealing With Fear In Sobriety. I hope what I write has merit to you non-problem drinkers.

There is another way to deal with FEAR other than what has been discussed, and it is “Screw” (you get the idea) Everything And Run. This is the method I most practiced when I was drinking.

Actually, my whole life I’ve been practicing this, keeping myself quiet so I wasn’t noticed. Not wanting to start controversy. Keeping the feelings of hurt and pain at bay. It was my method of dealing with the pain and hurt I felt in my soul. I was miserable deep inside.

But I’m not like that now. Now, my heart and soul are filled with light. I owe it to becoming sober, to all that have helped me throughout my recovery, to some force greater than me. The thing is, I did not do it alone.

There is help out there for those of us who are avoiding things and running, and drinking heavily over it. Even if you have not developed a drinking problem, help is available if you have difficulty with running from your emotions and it has led to misery. Others have been there, too. We know what it’s like. You are not alone.

Look at the ways in which we drink or shop or eat, for example, to avoid and numb things. With drinking, we call it partying, being social, but when it reaches the proportion of having repeated hangovers, for example, it’s a warning sign, perhaps, that the alcohol is ruling your life too much. You are consuming more than your body can tolerate. Take heed from one who lived like that for twenty-seven of her forty-eight years… it’s not necessary to be miserable in life. It starts with dealing with fear in sobriety.

FEAR has also been called an acronym for “Face Everything And Recover.” Once we look at the fear we have and examine what’s behind it, we can move forward. With the light of day shined on it, the fear seems to lessen. This is called recovery. If we deal with our fear in sobriety, we begin to feel some peace.

Tomorrow, the topic is worthlessness. I invite you to join me.

Filed Under: Sober Living Tagged With: dealing with fear in sobriety, fear, fear in sobriety, living sober, sober, sobriety

Fulfilling Your Dreams

December 14, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones 1 Comment

Fulfillment of Dreams

“I am waking up from a lifetime of sleeping and am just beginning to learn to play, to fill my sails and dance across the shimmering waters. I am fulfilling dreams I have held in my heart forever that I did not know and, so, could not follow.”

The topic today is all about fulfilling your dreams. Are you fulfilling yours? Or have you brushed it aside as unattainable? Perhaps it’s time to reconstruct that dream in your heart, pull it out, look at it.

Or, perhaps you don’t have one or you are already fulfilling your dreams. Kudos to you; you won’t feel that lack of something in your life, an unmet desire that tugs at your heart.

But if you do have that pulling, that desire to try something you’ve always wanted to do, now may be the time.

First, define what your dream is. Just hold that thought, that desire, in your heart. Next, start noticing the things that occur in your life that present themselves to you, which you can act upon, and which are in line, in tune, with your dream.

Take action on one small thing that presents itself. If you are having difficulty doing that, look inside and see what is preventing you from doing this. Is it fear? Doubt about your abilities? Don’t have the funds?

If you hold that dream gently in your heart, and set the intention to follow it, something will appear that gets you closer to your destination. It may take time – a short amount or years. Just start noticing opportunities that present themselves to you and take action on them when they arise.

Keep doing this; wherever you are being led, follow. One day, you will see that you are fulfilling your dreams. Don’t push. Let things flow naturally, gracefully. But keep taking action, keep doing your part.

May what you hold in your heart awaken and take life. Tell us about how that happened for you. Leave a comment about how things just happened in your life that got you to the point of fulfilling your dreams.

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions Tagged With: dreaming, dreams, fear, fulfilling your dreams, goals

Tips For Moving Through Fear

November 2, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Yesterday, after describing how the book was created, I talked about the two year time period when I dealt with the fear of exposing myself and my deepest journaled thoughts to the world by publishing my book. It took slow and steady coaching by someone who has grown to be a dear friend. What follows today are the ways in which I moved through that fear.

When you present yourself to the world in whatever manner, it is not unusual to experience the fear of exposing yourself. Perhaps you are afraid of being judged, rejected, ridiculed, or belittled in some way. The reality is, one or all of these things may happen, especially judgment or rejection, and it is easier to handle them if you are prepared.

How do you move through that fear of letting others see who you are , knowing of the possible consequences? It is helpful to focus on loving and serving others, instead of focusing on the fear and possible consequences. Focus on the fact that what you have to share is valuable to others and that you are depriving them to live a full life by withholding your light.

I recently learned in a seminar that in the first three to five seconds, we are judged on eleven points. This is just human nature. To get through the fear of encountering these judgments, understand that the judging will occur. So might rejection. Accept this. Allow your desire to shine in the world be stronger than caring what others think of you. Focus on the tips I mentioned above.

Accept that what others may think of you may not be who you are at all, and find the courage to proceed past the point of fear. Focus instead on your message, on what you want to present to your world, and the use it will have for others. Concentrate on that as you take action, but take action. You may find that once you begin to move forward through the fear, it is not as bad as you thought, and you will likely gain strength to keep on moving.

In the case of being ridiculed or belittled, move away from those that would do this to you. You do not need to tolerate belittlement or ridicule. No one is deserving of that behavior from another. Move away, hold your head and heart high, and keep moving forward into your Being.

I am hopeful that you are able to get the courage to show the world who you are. If you have been having difficulty letting others see your Being, letting them see who you truly are, and you try any of these tactics, I’d love to hear how they worked for you.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: courage, fear, judgment, plan of action, rejection, ridicule, serving others

The Birth of a Book – Moving Through Fear

November 1, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Yesterday, we finished with the topics in the book and today we are starting at the beginning of the book and going through each topic, one-by-one. We ended in joy, serenity, and peace, and it’s nice to know that that’s where we’re eventually headed.

Webs of Fear

The book begins with fear. Interestingly enough, it was the verse for the picture on the right that led me to realize I was writing a book. Up until that point, I had no idea I was creating one.

“Over here,” I was photographing these great wrought-iron gates, and “over there,” I was journaling every day to sort out my feelings and emotions, and to preserve my sobriety.

One day I wrote in my journal, “I have spent a lifetime spinning webs of terror and shame between the spires that stand as sentinels to my heart.”

I immediately stopped, flabbergasted, because I had just titled the image above “Webs of Fear,” in preparation for showing it in a gallery. These words I had just written gave voice to the photo far beyond the visual element.

Well, this prompted a search of all my journals and soon I had found prose that fit about 25 gate photographs. It was at this point that I realized I was creating a book. For the next six years, I gathered together the prose and photos, ending up with a book with 42 photos, prose, and titles. During that six years, I also spent time gaining the courage to present it to the world.

And that is the story of how the book was created. Tomorrow, I’d like to deal with the fear you experience when you step into your Being, when you step up for all the world to see you. This is what I experienced when I started to get my book published. It stopped the process for two years, as I dealt with and overcame that fear. I’ll relay some tips of how I was able to bring my book, and myself, out in the world.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Healing Emotional Pain, Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: fear, fear of exposing yourself, joy, peace, serenity

Inspirational Sayings About Love

June 25, 2011 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Acknowledgment of Others

At long last, I return to the blog. I took the last topic of patience and really put it to the test. Perhaps I have lost some of you… that is my fear. If not, thank you for your patience. It’s appropriate that today’s topic is acknowledgment, as I wish to acknowledge my lack of writing for almost a month.

I was in Pennsylvania from the end of May until June 6th. Since my return, I have been unable to sit down and write. I have had trouble getting back into my work routine, period. I have taken three weeks to pull together documentation for an application to a health care program. In the process, I learned to do a profit and loss statement for my business, so it turned out to be positive.

As a review, what we are doing with this blog is this: In my blog, I write on the topics that are in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, in the order in which they appear in the book. We are going from fear, worthlessness, sorrow, and despair, through discovery and awareness, to lessons learned about how to treat ourselves and others. Finally, we reach joy and peace. It is a chronicle of my own journey from the depths of despair and praying to die, to wholeness and happiness, joy and peace. I’m glad you’re joining me on the journey.

I have to acknowledge that one reason I have procrastinated is because I am uncomfortable writing the blog using my new keyword phrases, inspirational sayings about…, inspirational quotes about… Sometimes, they just don’t fit. Sometimes, I feel uncomfortable using them from blog to blog. I am concerned about what you, the reader, will think. Will you get impatient with it? I have to get past that as I am on page 1 in Google because of using those keywords and phrases. This reaches a large segment of people with which I would like to connect. So please have patience with me as I continue this practice.

On with acknowledgment… In the book, there are inspirational sayings about love, about how we can show love by acknowledging others. “We go within so we can reach out to others, and we reach out to others so we can go within,” is one such example. “We need to matter to each other, and to ourselves,” is another. I think it’s important to acknowledge another… a smile to one on the street, a clerk waiting on a customer, a response to a loved one when they are talking. It doesn’t have to be lengthy or complicated, but it is so important to show love and respect to others, and this is one way to do that.

In our, perhaps, haste to acknowledge others, we sometimes forget to show the same love and respect to ourselves. We brush aside our hurts, our pains, and do not take the time to feel them, grieving for what it is we have lost, giving importance to our feelings. They are not wrong, they are just what is. Once we can experience them, acknowledge them, we can heal from them, and gain the higher benefit from the experience. I think, too, that once we share what we are feeling, it makes us more human to others. We can all relate and connect at that place of hurt, as we have all experienced it. It is a part of living, a part of being human.

We can watch ourselves, as we go through our days, giving acknowledgment to others, remembering to offer it to ourselves, our feelings, our thoughts. We can remember to acknowledge ourselves when paid a compliment, also. So often, perhaps, embarrassed, or not feeling worthy, we brush it off. Does that not negate the other person’s thoughts and feelings, showing them disrespect? Does that not belittle our strengths and who we are? Just some thoughts on quotes about life…

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes About Life, Inspirational Sayings, Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: awareness, Carolyn CJ Jones, despair, fear, Gate Lady Publishing, grief, inspirational quotes about life, inspirational sayings, joy, love, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Sorrow, worthlessness

How To Overcome Fear – Conclusion

December 15, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

Now it is time for amends… to myself and others. In this case, it’s not appropriate to tell others of the ways in which I may have harmed them – that would be more harmful. So, I make a living amends… I stop placing them in the role of rejecting me, judging me as less than. When those thoughts arise, I ask for them to be removed, I recognize them as harmful to another.

As far as with myself, I first apologize, and hold myself in compassion for having these thoughts. I remind myself I am a child of the Universe, equal to everyone else, with unique gifts to share with the world, just as all of us have unique gifts to share. I do a living amends by recognizing when these thoughts arise and asking that they be removed. I soothe myself.

Then I find the courage to go about doing what is right in front of me to do, in this case, it would be to send one email to one editor. I find the courage to do this through prayer. Low-and-behold, courage comes and I was able to send an email to all of the seven editors on my list. I was in the frame of mind that I was “equal to,” not “less then.”

The process of looking for my fears, and the harm to myself or others because of my fear, continues every day and I make amends when I identify the need. I continue with my spiritual practice. Then I find someone to whom I can offer help, perhaps someone who is in fear themselves, and I help if I can by sharing my story.

This is how I overcome fear. Do you have methods that work for you, or are you so consumed by it, that you are paralyzed?

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, fear, living sober, making amends, Opening the Gates of the Heart, overcome fear, Sober Living

How to Overcome Fear

December 12, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Webs of Fear

FEAR. Bleep Everything and Run. I was one of those that ran from my fear. I didn’t even realize how scared I was of everything and everybody. It consumed me… It controlled every action I took. Sometimes, I had the courage to walk through my fears, mostly for renovation projects I did, or traveling alone around the Western States and Baja in my van.

But what about finding the courage to let others into my world, to let them see who I really am? That has been more difficult. I’m talking about finding the courage to get past my fears that I will do or say something to make you mad at me, and the big one… that you won’t like me. This fear still continues today, although it has lessened a great deal.

So, how to overcome this fear? FEAR. Face Everything And Recover. What does this mean? It means I first develop awareness of my fears, I identify them. I admit I am powerless over them and decide to quit trying to manage them. I turn them over to the Universe for assistance. Then, I take action.

What does that action look like? Join me on Tuesday for more discussion about how to overcome fear….

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If you’re new to my blog, let me tell you that we are going through my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, one topic at a time, as they appear in the book. If you like what you read here, you’ll most likely enjoy the experience of reading it.

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, fear, living sober, Opening the Gates of the Heart, oversome fear, Sober Living

Open Hearts Present a Realm of Possibilities

November 16, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Realm of Possibilities

“If I climb the steps, anything is possible. Anything.”

The gates stand ready – open, inviting, imploring, beseeching… asking us to pass through. We see the stairs curve out of sight. Perhaps the thought of climbing them brings fear, excitement, anxiety. So, we pause…

We pause and become still, perhaps, that we may better see that which is before us. Being still is the ability to be in the moment and to receive graciously what is being given, without embarrassment, resistance, struggle, or fear. Being still is what allows us to connect with what is right in-front of us. Being still allows us to take action once we have filled ourselves with stillness – if it’s appropriate, that is. Sometimes, all that’s called for is for us to be still and receive.

Being still opens our inner world of emotions and allows us access to them. From that vantage point, we notice more possibilities, more choices, and the enticement to climb yet more stairs grows. In turn, we are able to open our heart more, as we experience the joy of connecting with ourselves and others.

Taking action often requires courage. From where does that courage stem? It could be from one’s faith, allowing trust in the unknown, believing that one will always be taken care of. Words of strength can come from others, bolstering us up at jus the right moment. It can even be from a stranger that we receive these words! Often, these sources grant us the courage we need to walk up the steps, even if still fearful.

And what of receiving? This is a pet peeve of mine. Sometimes, we do not know how to accept a compliment, perhaps are unable due to low feelings about ourselves, or we think we are not worthy. We negate or reject the words of another, making light of them instead of just saying “thank you,”inadvertently slapping the compliment-giver in the face, so to speak.

Learn to be still, with an open heart, and allow another’s opinion to flood through us, to saturate our being. Allow another’s self-expression to be respected, so that person’s spirit is not squashed. Open our hearts to receive with grace. Practice…

Today, these open gates led me to meander up the stairs of stillness, to peek a little around the bend at receiving. We got there when we opened our heart and walked up the stairs.

It’s amazing what we discover when we open our heart, walk up the stairs, and find the whole world of our emotions…. a realm of possibilities.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, courage, fear, open heart, Opening the Gates of the Heart

How To Respect Individuality

August 24, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 5 Comments

Respect of Individuality

I love how all the spires are marching in a row and keeping in line except the first one. It is standing out, waiting to be noticed, waiting to be respected for who and what it is. It is like those of us who dare to show our individuality, to display our uniqueness.

For we all are unique. We each have a special thing that we do, a special way of “being” in the world. Different beliefs, different interests, different opinions, different things we are good at. It is a rainbow of beauty.

But sometimes, we ask of others to follow our dreams, to be like us? Why?

Is it because it threatens us when someone isn’t like us; are we fearful of that difference? Is it because we didn’t have the opportunity to follow our own dream and we are trying to get another to fulfill it? Or, are we that one that was ridiculed for our interests, the things we did, the way we dressed and we are cautious of making known our individuality?

Regardless of which side of the coin we are on, we can change our mind about how we look at a person’s uniqueness and, yes, even our own. We begin to choose to celebrate the talents and skills and differences of each other, encouraging and cheering on others and ourselves to greatness, daring all to stand out, to be unique, to be individual. We realize we have a choice to choose that attitude and that we can them take responsibility and act on it.

In so doing, we all shine. Our esteem is increased and we feel more secure about ourselves. We become excited, observing others succeed, watching ourselves succeed. We learn that when we practice respecting another’s uniqueness, we experience joy, serenity, and peace. We become whole inside. We are at home with ourselves and others.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, choice, fear, joy, Opening the Gates of the Heart, peace, serenity

Call It Courage

July 12, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 34 Comments

Spaces of Courage

We all hold feelings of hurst, disappointment, grief, and despair deep within from which we desperately seek relief. We repress it, drink it away, or turn to another to make it right.

Perhaps, rather than cast the pain out of our heart or give it to another, it would be better to find the courage to touch that oh-so-vulnerable spot, to hold the pain tenderly, gently… with great compassion.

If we find the courage to invite in a sacred force to embrace those deep wounds with us, perhaps we will be graced with the ability to befriend our pain and then, to heal.

For those of you new to my blog, let me explain that I am blogging through the topics as they appear in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. This is a book of 42 photos of wrought-iron gates and accompanying prose that reflects my journey from feelings of worthlessness and deep despair to joy and peace. It is also a reflection my journey in sobriety…

They call it courage when someone moves forward despite fear. It takes courage to do that. Sometimes, it is very pronounced, very evident that we are acting with courage. Sometimes, courage whispers quietly, and says simply to try again tomorrow.

They call it courage when there is fear and you are scared; it wouldn’t be courage unless you are scared to do something. Then, as you’ve read above, a belief in the powers-that-be is all it takes to summon courage. Asking that power for help is usually successful.

Often, people are unable to summon the courage to deal with hurt, pain, disappointment, and they turn to others to “fix” whatever it is. This puts a lot of pressure on another. Or, they turn to drinking to drown out the sorrow.

In sobriety, we learn that drinking only increases the sorrow and misery one is feeling. Without liquor to dull the pain, we feel it acutely. Perhaps this is when a higher power is essential in helping to move forward bravely, to feel these feelings, these deep wounds. Over time, the pain dissipates, as we find the courage to face the origination of the pain. As we feel it fully, we are then guided to a place of healing from the wound. They call it courage when one sticks through this process.

When is the last time you displayed courage?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: call it courage, Carolyn CJ Jones, courage, fear, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow

Do You Trust Yourself, Others, and God?

July 3, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 6 Comments

Offer of Trust

A way presents itself to me, but I cannot see where the path leads. Still, I am asked to trust.

Is it safe? Do I have a choice?

We continue to journey through the book, talking about each topic in the order that it appears in the book. Today’s topic, trust of self, others, and God, is a foundation which allows us to work toward and reach inner peace. Without trust, we are constantly looking over our shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is most exhausting.

What does it mean to trust yourself? Perhaps it means the knowledge that in every situation, you will do what is best for your highest good. It is the opposite of doubting yourself.

How do you gain trust in yourself if it is lacking? It takes introspection, an examination of your beliefs and actions in all situations. It is a prevailing belief that you can and will act to your benefit in every situation.

It takes courage to do this, as you move past whatever fears you may be dealing with. When you notice that you have trusted a decision, for example, it is helpful to recognize the trust you showed in yourself and to praise yourself for displaying it. Over time, this becomes easier, and you begin to see patterns emerge which you can change with awareness and practice.

Trusting others can be a real problem, especially if you have been hurt or betrayed. The more hurt you have endured, the less likely you will be to trust others. The normal response is to shut down your heart and decide not to trust. Here again, courage comes into play, as you slowly observe others, assessing how trustworthy they are.

First and foremost, it involves the determination that it is safe to trust another. In the face of abuse, for example, you perhaps have seen a pattern of behavior and you have good reason not to trust. In those situations, be gentle with your response and realize you are doing the best you can to keep yourself safe. Seek help. Try to remove yourself from that situation. That will help you learn to trust yourself.

When you feel betrayed by another such that you cannot trust them, do some introspective work and determine if your expectations are too high. This can often be the case, that we set our expectations too high and others cannot reach them. Remember, the other person is a human being, prone to mistakes simply because they are human. If it occurs occasionally, you may be able to gain the courage to open you heart and trust them again.

But if this person repeatedly shows that they are not trustworthy, learn from that and stop trying to get them to be trustworthy. That is insanity, doing the same thing expecting different results. Move on and try not to become bitter from others’ betrayals.

Perhaps the belief in a power greater than yourself, call it God or whatever, is the saving grace for learning to trust. You can learn to place your trust in that power, believing that it will take care of you in all situations. The results may not look like you want them to, but on closer examination in these situations, you may see that the way things turned out are for your highest good.

Learn to be aware of when a higher power has worked in your life, and take note of the results that are better than you could have imagined. Over time, you will stop looking over your shoulder and will begin to trust in that power. You will begin to turn to it to ask for help to gain courage to trust, when it’s appropriate.

How do you handle trust in yourself, others, and God? Is it difficult for you?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: CarolynCJ Jones, courage, fear, higher power, introspection, Opening the Gates of the Heart, self-awareness

Living With Joy in Your Life

May 24, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 5 Comments

Burst of Joy

“I pick up the thread, however fragile, of finding inner peace. As I do this, it leads to furthering my self-knowledge, my journey to peace of mind and freedom of heart.

I never thought this could happen. My heart bursts with joy!”

A burst of joy. That is how joy comes upon me… suddenly, without warning. I experience it when I see an older couple holding hands, or watching an elder and a young person learning from each other. Joy hits me in public, as I watch a parent bestow patient and kind discipline on a child. It finds me when someone tells me of an accomplishment for which they have strived. Rainbows and nature bring me joy, that deep feeling of great pleasure. It is the simple things that bring me joy.

This is all relatively new for me and started occurring after a few years of sobriety. I lived most of my life not experiencing joy. I was too wounded, too busy looking for things about which to be critical and judgmental. Too busy pitying myself.

I didn’t realize I was making a choice to see things critically or negatively instead of positively, but I did. I chose to look at the negative. Now, I look for the positive that an event holds. There most always is a positive somewhere and that is what I seek. Often, finding the positive can lead me to joy.

This doesn’t mean I ignore the negative; I don’t. I look that squarely in the face, conduct a self-appraisal to see how I am contributing to a situation, and adjust my behavior or thoughts according to what I find. I ask for help from those around me, as well as from a power greater than myself. I take action as needed, even if that is merely a conscious change of attitude. Using this method, I have been able to move past my fear, past feelings of worthlessness and sorrow, past despair.

I have been graced with the gift to see the pleasure, the joy, in many situations, using the method I have described. It works for me. How do you find joy? What brings you joy?

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, despair, fear, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, worthlessness

An Attitude of Gratitude

May 7, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Visions of Gratitude

“When seen with eyes and heart that appreciate, everything around and within me becomes more pleasing, more beautiful.”

How can such a thing which is second nature to me today have been something with which I struggled in the past? I resented people who spoke of gratitude, being grateful for this or that in their lives. Then, I felt guilty and ashamed because I could not get to that place myself.

I was still hurting too much from past experiences, their betrayals. I carried great fear to speak up about my feelings. I could barely acknowledge them to myself, they were so painful. I needed to go through a grieving process, to deal with my sorrow, my worthlessness, before I could get to a place of healing.

Over time, this is exactly what I was led through… a healing process. The creation of the book helped me through my growth and change, and my growth and change led to the creation of the book. The order of the images and their titles reflect my process of healing and my process in sobriety.

Today, I am able to look at events as opportunities to learn and grow and I am grateful for those experiences. I am grateful for the ability and grace to feel gratitude. It is an attitude that, for me, has become pervasive. It floods and colors everything I do. It brings me peace and joy, softens and opens my heart.

Do I sound like Pollyanna? lol Most likely. I used to have a Pollyanna doll. I got it for Christmas one year because I loved the movie with Haley Mills. So what’s so bad about sounding like Pollyanna, as long as I give acknowledgment to my emotions that arise from events and situations?

In other words, as long as I don’t gloss over the difficult parts of a situation, pretend they don’t exist, go on cheerily without dealing with them, I am able to get to gratitude with honesty.

Gratitude finds me now, if I am humble, as well as open and willing to receive it. It has been a process of healing over many years. It is joyfully peaceful when I realize I am feeling grateful about something. How about you? Do you experience gratitude often?

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: being grateful, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, feeling worthless, honesty, living sober, open-mindedness, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, Willingness, worthlessness

Choosing to Look at the World With Wonder

May 2, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Moments of Wonder

“A beam of light falls upon the metal. I look with awe and wonder at the star that appears… out of nowhere.

Do you suppose there has always been such richness, such wonder, such beauty in the world? Perhaps it has been there all along, waiting to be noticed, to be seen with the eyes of the heart.”

I find that when I choose to look with wonder at the world, I see amazing and wondrous things around me. When I choose to slow down, to stop and look right next to me, beauty is there, just waiting patiently to be seen.

I find it in my physical surroundings… the moss by my feet, with its delicate shoots. It doesn’t have to be as spectacular as the rainbow in the distant sky; I see wonder in the simple things… the spider in his intricately woven web, the bloom of a rose.

I find it in the people around me… the child in the grocery cart in front of me in line, excitedly discovering the world around him, the elderly couple walking hand-in-hand, the woman quietly at rest, watching the sunset.

Wonder is everywhere, if I choose to look, if I choose to see. For me, it is a choice I learned once I became sober. It didn’t happen overnight. I had to get past my fears that I was unsafe in the world, past the feelings of worthlessness enough to be interested in the world around me. I had to learn to get out of myself, to let go of operating from that place of self-centered fear.

It took conducting a self-appraisal, looking at myself with honesty, identifying how unconscious I was to the world and its gifts, identifying how inside of myself I stayed, not venturing out to open myself to others.. not fully anyway.

Once I became willing to slow down and really look with my heart at those around me, my surroundings, I began to see it all with such wonder, such awe. It’s the simple things that I find I notice now, that touch my heart, bring a smile to my face, a tear of joy to my eye. It is that joy which keeps me returning to the choice to see with the eyes of my heart… to see with wonder.

What are the things in your life which bring you to wonder and awe?

Filed Under: Joyous emotions, Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: awe, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, honesty, joy, self-appraisal, Sober Living, sobriety, worthlessness

Invitation of Dialogue

April 23, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Invitation of Dialogue

“If we as individuals cannot speak to each other, how, then, can we as nations achieve peace?”

dialogue

Why do we not speak to each other, I mean really speak? What is it that prevents us from talking over with another our disagreements, or differing opinions? For me, it is usually fear that the other person will get mad at me, fear that I will be rejected. I still, at times, allow what another will think of me to govern my actions.

The thing is, when I finally muster up the courage to say something, it usually turns out wonderfully and a nice discussion is had. As long as I do not get defensive or attack the other, that is… As long as I stick to my side of the street… I have learned how to do that in my journey in sobriety. I am blessed with a sober way of living, as I have learned so much about relating with others and myself…

How do I handle things when the other person is abusive. or if I know they will be so? I have to discern that speaking to another will be safe for me. If I know I will be verbally abused, for example, I make the decision to not speak with the other and I try, as I am able, to remove myself from those situations. For me, that took leaving my marriage.

What about speaking to others in a casual way, to those, for example, who are in the grocery line with me? I often speak to another in that situation and have had some delightful conversations.

How do you do with speaking to others… do you not speak or do you take the invitation of dialogue?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, courage, fear, Gate Ladyfear, Sober Living, sobriety

Tips For Improving Your Character

April 13, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Growth of Character

“Do we notice the character of another? Do we recognize the traits and qualities of another, grown, over time, on the wall of one’s being?

Do we notice our own character, evolved, over time, on our own beautiful wall? Do we groom the moss and mold, encouraging new growth to flourish?”

growth of character Today, because of my journey in sobriety, I am able, even excited, to discover things about others. For me, that brings us closer as we recognize ourselves in each other. And still, each has one’s own unique character and that’s where the fun of discovery come in.

To look at one’s character traits is to look at wisdom, I have found. Once past my fear of others and my self-doubt, I became able to open my heart and consider the other with respect and compassion, cultivating the differences between us. What a joyful experience this has been!

It is interesting that when I wrote the above prose, only the first stanza existed. Then, one of the book’s advance readers asked, “What about our own character, improving it?” She was right. The second stanza was born. I have learned to take responsibility for grooming my own mold and moss, if you will, to strengthen and grow my character. Again, I learned how to do this because of my healing journey and my journey through sobriety.

It took me willingness to do things differently, to listen to others, to ask for help. It took soul-searching and looking honestly at how I treated myself and others. It took forgiveness of others first, and then of myself. It has been a process over time… years, in my case. And the pruning has been worth it.

How did you learn to groom and grow your own beautiful wall?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, Carolyn Jones, compassion, doubt, fear, forgiveness, gates of the heart, honesty, living sober, respect, Sober Living, sobriety, soul searching, Willingness

Judgment of Others

April 6, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 172 Comments

Absence of Judgment

“Why do we judge others so harshly for being who they are, if their actions and behaviors feed their spirit and are not harmful to themselves or others?

Why do we judge ourselves so harshly for being who we are, if our actions and behaviors feed our spirit and are not harmful to ourselves or others?”

This is a wonderful attitude to have when looking at others. I noticed yesterday, however, that it went right out the window while I was driving. A whole litany of judgments were flying around in my brain! I mean, FLYING! One driver after another, judged as highly incompetent, stupid or ignorant.

Oh my goodness, how harsh. At one point I realized what was happening and said aloud, “What are you DOING, Carolyn?” I clearly was not practicing respect for those individuals, as I talked about in my last blog post!

Where did this streak of judgment, this lack of respect for others come from? I am not sure. It was not fear that I was a “less than” driver. In fact, I was touting my skills. I was tired and anxious to get home. Everyone was going 10 miles under the speed limit, in all four lanes. They were in my way.

I wonder if, because things were not going the way I wanted, I had the need to make someone wrong because of it? That attitude certainly could use a bit of self-searching to get to the root of the belief. I have learned how to do that in sobriety. I’ll keep you posted about what I find.

And what about judging others when they are not a danger? Is it because another is different from us and we feel less than, feel the need to elevate ourselves by putting another down? Or are we afraid of them? What is it that leads us to judge so harshly?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: caroltncjjones, Carolyn CJ Jones, fear, living sober, respect of others, Self-searching, Sober Living, sobriety

Respect the Rights of Others

April 1, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Respect of Individuality

“We ask of others to follow our dreams, to be like us. Why?

Why can we not celebrate the talents and skills and differences of each other, encouraging others and ourselves to greatness, daring to stand out, to be unique, to be individual?”

To those of you new to my blog, allow me to explain what I am doing. I am working my way through my book, one titled photograph at a time. The photos are sequentially ordered to reflect my journey through the gates of despair to peace and joy.

We started with fear and despair, moved into awareness and through search of self. Today, as will be the next few images, we are dealing with ways in which we can treat ourselves and others better, with acknowledgment and respect; we’ll get to judgment and tolerance next.

The prose which is paired with this image was written early in my sobriety when I was dealing with my feelings associated with having been compared to my sisters all the years I was growing up. My accomplishments were never as good as theirs, never enough when compared to another. It was a major source of my low self-esteem and self-confidence.

I think that we could do a better job of respecting each other and the delightful parts that make us each who we are. It is these differences that weave the fabric of our lives, rich with texture.

I find that when I am open and respecting another, I learn, I grow, and the other person is encouraged to be themselves, to let their light shine. I think that to show respect for another is to show love for that person. I think we could do better at this.

I think the elder is worthy of respect for wisdom gained through years of experiencing life. I think people are deserving of respect for their cultural beliefs and practices. The young adult is worthy of respect for embarking on their journey. I think the child is worthy of respect for the new discoveries made of themselves and the world around them. I think all are worthy to have basic rights respected. What do you think?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, despair, fear, respect, rights, self-awareness, Sober Living, sobriety

Self Improvement Through Self Acceptance

March 4, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Acceptance of Self

“Have we really changed throughout the years, or do we merely hold within our heart and mind and soul the essence of who we are, while our physical form changes?

Can we recapture the delightful being we have always been, as we allow and celebrate our strengths, our flaws and our spirit?”

I saw this gate and immediately saw a little being with his arms in the air, celebrating his personhood. It made we wonder if people celebrated themselves… Behind celebration, perhaps, comes acceptance. We accept ourselves before we can celebrate who we are.

If you are like me and have a lot of negative self-talk, it is difficult to find self-acceptance. That, at least, has been my experience. Today, I am able to accept who I am. Even with my human failings, I am able to smile at myself with compassion. How did this come to be?

Once sober, I did a self-appraisal, an inventory, if you will. On it, I listed all of my negative traits.I listed my fears, my grievances and sorrows about my behaviors and myself. Someone had to remind me to include the positive points about myself. I found that quite difficult, but I followed their advice.

It took me years to believe the positive things I had written about myself, really believe them with my heart. It also took years to stop talking down to myself about my failings. It was a process that evolved over time, one in which I struggled to be honest with myself about who I am. I was ashamed about my foibles and my humanness; I felt it conceited to think well of myself.

I’m not sure what changed over the years that has led me to accept who I am, to celebrate my being. I do know I have continued to pray to the powers that be to remove my negative self-image. In response, I seem to have been guided to develop compassion for myself. This has led me to accept who I am without shame. It has also allowed me to like many things about myself without feeling I am being conceited by doing so. In fact, I find it necessary to have a good foundation of love of self before I can truly love others.

We come to acceptance of self perhaps over time, depending upon one’s wounds. With time and some sprinkling of compassion and gentleness, we can find that delightful being we have always been.

How do you find acceptance for yourself? Is that something that has come naturally for you, or do you struggle with it?

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, Carolyn Jones, compassion, fear, Gentleness, living sosber, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, worthlessness

Practice Random Acts of Kindness

February 24, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Curls of Kindness

“If this is not the time to be kinder and gentler to each other and ourselves, when will it be? “

I recall writing this in my journal one day when I was in angst about the unkind treatment of others that I was witnessing. I was discouraged by this, as well as the lack of kindness I was showing myself.

I didn’t recognize the unkind treatment to myself until years into sobriety, but I did recognize that the ways I treated others could be perceived as unkind.

In the past, I was unable at times to just smile at people, or to offer a kind word, a compliment. It wasn’t that I had unkind thoughts; it was that I was in fear about exposing myself to you. This made me shy.

In later years, I have realized that my behavior could likely be perceived as hostile, haughty, stuck up. Recognizing this opened my eyes to ways I could improve. Still, I had difficulty smiling at you, offering a “hello.”

As my trust in others, the Divine and myself has grown, I have been graced with the ability to smile at you, to offer a word of encouragement, or to tell you your hair looks nice today. I make the conscious choice to practice random acts of kindness. I have experienced great joy when I open up to someone and watch their face light up with appreciation.

It’s as simple as that today, although it has been a process of going through my gates to get to this point. Once I was able to be kind to you, I began to be kinder to myself. My hostile, belittling self-talk has decreased tremendously and most of the time is absent.

So, I ask again. If it is not time to be kinder and gentler to ourselves and others, when will it be?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: acts of kindness, Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, kindness, living sober, random kindness, Sober Living, sobriety, trust

Inner Strength and Spirituality

February 23, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 6 Comments

Pillar of Strength

“Perhaps, rather than thinking I must make my morals, truth and integrity match another’s, I can determine what resonates with my own heart. When it does, I have the strength of a pillar.”

This is the verse from the book for this image. As I write it, I am struck with the part about making my morals and truth match another’s. I have struggled with this throughout my lifetime.

I learned it was necessary to determine what someone wanted of me, who they wanted me to be, and then to be that person, to give them what they wanted. Consequently, I became something other than myself in many ways. I became a people pleaser and would do so, even at cost to myself. Especially at cost to myself.

This thought process has died a slow death. Only in the past couple of years, have I begun to figure out exactly who I am, what I believe in, what my truth is. It has happened as my spirituality has grown. I noticed one day recently that I am being a person with my own truth, integrity and morals. It is wonderful to have realized that… very freeing. How did it happen? How does it continue to happen?

I don’t know for sure. I do know it has happened because I maintained my sobriety. All I seem to do is to show up for my life every day, doing the next thing that is in front of me to do, taking action when indicated. I have been blessed with courage to walk through my fear, especially to be who I am. I have found it helped, and helps, to ask for help from a power greater than myself, whatever that is called.

It has been a process that has occurred over time. It has happened as my awareness has deepened as I become more able to “hear” my heart. It has been a journey through the gates about which I am blogging. What has resonated with your heart? I welcome your comments.

I would like to address the people who found my site yesterday by googling about worthlessness. If you have come back, I would like to offer these words. Take heart, continue on your journey with all the courage you can muster. It is possible to move past feelings of worthlessness, at least, that has been my experience. Go step-by-step, day-by-day. Know that what you have learned about who you are is not your truth, does not serve your higher good. I wish you well in your search and I am hopeful the gates will be of use as you continue your process of healing.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, gates, integrity, living sober, morals, self-truth, Sober Living, sobriety, spiritual journey, spirituality, worthlessness

Search of Self

February 7, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 5 Comments

Search of self, personal inventory, looking at my part in affairs… all the same thing, perhaps. For me it is. When I became sober and first did an inventory, really looked at myself with honesty, I was scared to death that all I would see was a failure, a selfish and bad person with nothing worth mentioning.

What I have learned over the years is that we all have redeeming qualities, even me. Like the image, our minds are a swirl of ideas and thoughts and we even have our shadows… and right in the middle of it all is our heart, shining brightly, leading the way when we let it. Don’t forget to look for those positive things about yourself that are in your heart.

I talk of looking at my part in affairs… what do I mean? For me, it is looking without fear at actions or thoughts I have in response to any given situation. My part in the affair may be that I had self-serving motives, or I was fearful to speak my truth and be honest with someone. It could also be that I had a positive thought of myself instead of beating up on myself or putting myself down.

Doing a self-appraisal was a good way to simply locate myself, to define what I was feeling. It became the vehicle of my inner freedom and peace. A regular habit of looking at my part in the affairs of my life taught me how to value, respect and love myself.

The beautiful thing is that once I can value, respect and love myself, I can value, respect and love others… you! It is a joyful and peaceful place to live and I am so grateful to have found it, one step at a time.

How are you doing with valuing, respecting and loving yourself? How about others?

Thank you for joining my blog today. As you may or may not know, this blog is about my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. Each blog, I talk about the next emotion or action or principle presented in the book, determined by the title of each gate. It will be a while before we get to Moments of Wonder, where I talk about that awesome emotion. Meanwhile, if you’d like to jump ahead, I have guest blogged for Our Little Books, a little book with a big message and you can read my thoughts on moments of wonder. It’d be fun to have you visit. Our Little Books is a great line of little, teeny books… very inspirational. Hope you can check them out…

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn CJ Jones, Carolyn Jones, Carolyn Jones Photographs, fear, Gate Lady, honesty, living sober, love, self-inventory, Self-searching, Sober Living, sobriety, wonder

Commitment of Journey

January 25, 2010 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

commitment of journey “The gate stands open, beckoning me to climb.

Each step leads further in my journey, offering repeated opportunity to examine myself, my life – the leaves that have fallen, that leaves that will fall and the buds yet to form.

Once begun, I commit to the climb, for despite both rocky and smooth times that I will encounter, the journey’s reward is in each blossom and each leaf along the way.”

The second two stanzas were written in my journal a few years into sobriety. The gate showed up a couple of years later. To join the two, I wrote the first line after I discovered that this prose fit this image.

I never knew what a journey was. I did not hang around with people who spoke of their journey. All I knew was I was anxiously flitting from one activity to the next, looking for the one that would make me happy, bring me peace. It was always the end result which was my goal.

At some point in my sobriety, I slowed down and began to learn what a journey was. I became aware of how to examine myself, my life, and I began to write about this. I learned to slow down more, to notice the events and experiences that were occurring. I began to understand what people meant when they said that a journey is not a destination, but the process along the way.

Over the years, I have gone through a process of healing from emotions such as fear, sorrow, despair. The healing has allowed me to experience enjoyment of the process. I have learned, over time, to notice and appreciate “… each blossom and each leaf along the way,” along my path.

Sometimes the experience is difficult. It helps if I remember that there is a lesson to learn that I can use for my healing, my growth. I remember that the bad experience will move me forward to greater peace and joy, which I have experienced in my journey. Sometimes, I forget this…

Still, I commit to this journey, my journey, because I have experienced the rewards, the beauty in my life when the buds bloom.

What are the buds blooming in your life, along your journey?

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, Carolyn Jones Photographs, carolyncjjones, Commitment, despair, fear, Gate Lady, journey, sobriety, Sorrow

Spaces of Courage – Some Inspirational Sayings

December 20, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 99 Comments

courage

“The secret of happiness is freedom, and the secret of freedom, courage.” Thucydides

“A person of courage is also full of faith.” Marcus Tullius Cicero

“Compassion allows you to build courage and courage allows you to be more compassionate.” Gary Loper

“Courage is fear that has done its push-ups.” author unknown

“Always do what you are afraid to do” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I related to these quotes and wanted to share them with you…

Welcome to the journey through my book. Each blog is a new topic, based on the pages which appear in the book. Today’s topic is courage.

I discovered this image in Colorado in 2005, on the back roads from Pueblo, Colorado to Taos, New Mexico. I liked the symbolization of a higher power, a Divine force, if you will, that is depicted in this scene. And I especially liked it because it fit with the prose, which, amazingly enough, came to my mind when I stumbled across this gate.

I wrote the prose in 2003 while traveling in my van with my cat in Baja, Mexico. This was before I started taking photographs of the gates. I was newly sober, trying to deal emotionally with the rejection of the man I spoke of early on in our journey through the book. The verse for this image, which I wrote while in great emotional agony, talks about the pain in our heart which we try to get another to fix, or we drink it away, we repress it. The verse goes on to say that if we could find the courage to embrace that pain, find a Divine source to enter that oh-so-vulnerable-spot with us, perhaps we would be comforted and we would be healed. That is the essence of the prose that matches this image.

I have found, over time, that when I am lacking courage, frightened, afraid to do or say something, I apply this principle, and it helps. I try to pause, identify and acknowledge my fear, my resistance. Then I ask God to join me in that space of fear. I am often graced with the courage to go ahead and do something, say something, despite the fear that continues.

I have intentionally placed myself in experiences in order to gain courage and get past my fear. A prime example is traveling alone in Mexico. I was extremely frightened and, yet, did my research to plan safe travel and then went even though in fear. The fear abated the more time I spent in that beautiful country, interacting with such gracious people. The experience boosted my self-confidence and esteem. And that even occurred before my realization to bring God in.

How do you find your courage? Does it come easily, or is it difficult?

Filed Under: Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, compassion, faith, fear, living sober, Sober Living, sobriety, The Divine

Offer of Trust – for Self, Others and the Divine

November 21, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

A way is presented. The gate stands open ever-so-far, beckoning. The path looks inviting, enveloping. Our eyes travel to the top of the path; we cannot see where it leads, cannot see what is up there. Hesitation occurs. And still, a way is presented, steadfastly.

Do you follow the path when you don’t know where it will lead, when you can’t see what is ahead? Do you trust your instincts, accept the invitation, open the gate which stands ajar and walk through? Perhaps your belief in the Divine and your trust in that entity enables you to travel and open yourself to the unknown. Maybe your belief permits you to trust others and yourself.

Or, perhaps, you allow fear to stand in the way, thwarting your attempts to traverse the path, to open up to others, to a higher power, to yourself. When you have opened yourself to any of these, have you been disappointed, sorrowful, hurt, thus rendering you incapable to trust the next time?

The second example was me for most of my life. I was constantly trying to trust, only to continually experience disappointment, hurt and sorrow. With a higher power, I could trust only so far and then I felt I needed to watch my back, to take charge.

During my journey in sobriety, it was suggested that I notice each time when the forces of the Universe were acting in my best interest, when things turned out better than I had planned or imagined.

So, I became willing to take this advice and began to gain trust that something was taking care of me because situations did, indeed, turn out better than I’d thought could happen. Over time, my trust in the forces of the Universe, a higher power, the Divine, God, or whatever you choose to call that force, grew slowly. Trust has evolved.

As far as trusting others, I have learned I need to lower my expectations. Then, I am pleasantly surprised when something happens. I have difficulty with this, so have much opportunity for practice.

Trusting myself has become easier; yet, it was difficult for a long period. I began to notice the times when my intuition was” right on” in a given situation. That gave me courage to trust myself in the next instance. Gradually, I lowered the expectations I hold for myself and learned to forgive myself when I was not trusting. I am getting much better at this. Again, it’s practice.

As the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band says, “They’re all practice.”

Filed Under: Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, Carolyn Jones Photographs, fear, gates of the heart, God, higher power, journey, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Opening the Gates of the Heart, Sorrow, trust, trust in God, trust in Higher Power, trust in self

Birth of Awareness – From The Inside Out

November 17, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

“Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” Carl Jung

I love this quote by Carl Jung. It describes my experience very well. I spent most of my life dreaming. I would add to dreaming the blaming of people, places and things for where I was in life, for what was happening to me.

I then drank to numb the feelings that cropped up, such as anger, resentment, disappointment, fear, to name a few. After a while, drinking only intensified the feelings. I was miserable a lot of the time. Don’t forget, however, that I put on my “all’s right with the world” face. Even I was unaware of the extent to which I grieved.

In sobriety, I have been able to awaken to a different way. I have learned to take responsibility for my life, including my feelings. I now look for my feelings, own them, examine them and my part in things. I usually find it unnecessary to blame other persons or situations for what is happening in my life.

At first, I thought if I looked that closely at myself, I would find nothing but an empty shell of who I once was. All I could see were my negative traits. When I started to look at my positive ones, I began to like the person I saw. That took several years into sobriety, however, as my awakening has been slow to occur.

And what I have awakened to is a tremendous freedom. I have freed my heart soul from all that negative energy. For that, I am so grateful, as I often experience peace and joy, two things I didn’t know I could experience.

Not only have I developed that habit of keeping track of my inner world, I have learned to be aware of my outer world, as well. The flower in bloom, the hills on the horizon… all the scenery around me, both far and near.

Yet, perhaps the most rewarding thing from my inner search and awakening is my desire to see others. I strive to be more sensitive to who others are, more aware of their needs, their dreams and hopes. I try to see more with the eyes of compassion than I have ever known to do before. Keeping a continual scan of my inner world allows me to be more open to my outside world and the people in it. I cannot describe how peaceful and joyful that is.

In what ways have you awakened in your life? Has it been a slow dawning of your inner world or sudden? I would enjoy and welcome your comments. Thank you.

Join me fort the next post as the journey continues…

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, fear, Gate Lady, living sober, Sober Living, sobriety, worthlessness

Birth of Awareness – Discovering the Divine

November 12, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 5 Comments

Before moving on to awareness, I’d like to share what Michael J had to say about surrender… “Surrendering the ego is one of the biggest steps I took. I generally have to take it every day, right after seeking from within my love for the Beloved Self, forgiveness of the Self, and the best way to serve that Divine inside through daily acts of love outside.”

I thought this was beautiful and I wanted to share it with you. Thank you, Michael, for this most useful and thought-evoking point. I had forgotten about surrender of the ego, yet, it is an important part of the letting go process, getting out of my own way.

Moving on to today’s topic, birth of awareness, I’d like to start with my awareness of the Divine, to which Michael referred.

In the image, that little leaf you see in the opening of the gate is me, making the decision to walk through the gates of awareness. After experiencing fear, worthlessness, sorrow and despair, and after letting go of my pretenses that all was fine with me, I was led to develop awareness. There was no where else to go…

This happened for me several months before I got sober. Someone gave me the book “Conversations With God,” by Neale Donald Walsh, which I promptly ignored for several weeks. Eventually, however, I did read the book and became enthralled.

I came away from my reading with a sense that nothing that happens in the world is an accident, that God is constantly presenting opportunities and messages to us through the experiences we have, as well as through other people, songs, books, etc, etc. As I opened up my awareness to these things, I noticed them more and more and it became an ever-widening circle.

As time went on, I struggled with the God-concept, or the powers of the Universe, whatever you wish to call a higher power. But my awareness continued to grow and I could not argue the point that some force was at play in my life. I was led to books by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, author of “The Invitation” and Iyanla Van Zant, author of “Until Today” and received great solace in times of struggle. My belief continued to grow…

Please join me in my next post, when I will talk about developing inner and outer awareness.

Meanwhile, I welcome your comments about how you discovered the Divine in your life. Did you struggle? Did you always believe or did your awareness dawn slowly…

Filed Under: Self Improvement, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, despair, fear, Gate Lady, living sober, Sober Living, sobriety, surrender, worthlessness

Surrender of Pretense – Part Two

November 10, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 3 Comments

Today I would like to continue the discussion about my surrender of pretense. In the last post, I spoke of the ways in which I used to hide behind my gates, and sometimes still do. In today’s post, I will talk about the incident that led me to my major surrender, what that felt like then and what surrender feels like today.

It was an unrequited love for which I had left my marriage that led me to my knees. I was positive with all my heart that the guy returned the feelings and when I found out in a most humiliating way that he did not, I was devastated. Suddenly, I found myself alone and I was terrified.

All I could do for the next three months was to drink and cry. I was not able to function, to care for myself. I experienced acute sorrow, despair, worthlessness and fear. Eventually, I gave up in utter defeat and despair. I had failed to manage my life.

Interestingly, once I gave up and stopped trying to handle life myself, things started to get better. It was like I opened the gate for the good forces of the Universe to enter. People showed up who helped me and gave me love and support. I was able to make the decision to quit drinking and, at my friend’s suggestion, we joined a support group.

Even in sobriety, however, to surrender felt like defeat, utter despair. It was not until about two years ago, when I was placed on medication, that my inner world changed when I was led to surrender.

First of all, I consciously practiced giving up, letting go of events and the direction in which they were going. I quit trying to manage people and situations.

Secondly, the more I did this consciously, the more it began to happen and the more I noticed the ease in which I was able to let go.

Today, I continually return to that conscious place of letting go of things. I purposefully turn things over to the Universe and let scenarios play out as they will. Sometimes, letting go is a struggle and I do not achieve it. Sometimes, I am able to notice that I have been graced with the ability to let go, to detach. Each time I do this, it becomes easier the next time, and then the next.

When I surrender now, I feel peace and joy. I am usually pleasantly surprised at the outcome of a situation, as it is better than what I had planned or had imagined.

How do you surrender in your life? What does surrender look like for you? I welcome your comments.

Filed Under: Principle of living, Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, Carolyn Jones Photographs, carolyncjjones, despair, fear, Gate Lady, gates, gates of the heart, living sober, Sober Living, sobriety, Sorrow, surrender, surrendering to feelings, worthlessness

Overcome Fear – Walk Through That Gate

October 17, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones Leave a Comment

How did I overcome my all-consuming fear, my terror? I haven’t totally, but I have learned how to deal with it, how to walk through it.

I was many years sober before I realized how fearful and terrified I was of so many things. For me, it usually boils down to being afraid that I will do something wrong and will get in trouble, that I will not be liked, that I am not good enough or that others will get angry at me. These fears continue to drive me.

They are getting less and less as I become more and more aware of them. I put my attention toward these fears and talk my way through them. I pray to a higher power, the Universe, God – whomever you choose to call that Supreme Power which guides you in life.

I ask that my fears be removed, and often, they are. Sometimes, they only lessen, and I am given the courage to walk through the gate of my fear, whatever it may be.

I frequently recognize I am afraid to do something, and I purposely take action to walk through that fear. With practice and repeated walking through a fear, I find it melts away or becomes less and less.

How Fear Shows Up In My Life

My fear manifests itself as anger, hurt, defensiveness. When I recognize these emotions, I ask myself what is behind them. Usually, it is fear. Again, I pray for its removal and the strength to walk through the fear. Having been given the courage, I walk through that gate, again and again.

Fear is a normal human emotion and I do not think one is weak if one has fear. In fact, perhaps by acknowledging fear, one shows great strength and courage.

Personally, I have to determine when fear is False Evidence Appearing Real, and then go through the steps I have described. It is a method that works for me when I remember to use it.

Such are my thoughts on fear and it is time to move to the next image in the book. To begin at the beginning so you can discover the magic of the gates, scroll back. I would link it, but a link will only take you to one post…

How do you walk through the gates of your fear? What are your fears? How have you overcome fear?

Filed Under: Difficult emotions, Sober Living Tagged With: fear, gate, overcome fear

More Webs of Fear

October 12, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Today, with More Webs of Fear, I would like to talk about a saying I saw recently. It was ” fear is the parent of cruelty”. If I think back on the times when I was cruel to others, not intentionally perhaps, I was, in fact, fearful… afraid… scared. Is this the case for others?

Are those who inflict cruelty on others afraid? If that’s the case, can I relate to their fear and have compassion for them, thus freeing me from my anger and resentment toward the one who has inflicted the cruelty, whether that be myself or another?

How empowering it is to see with the eyes of compassion! It is very freeing. That does not excuse the cruelty; it just lets one see the other in a different light. It allows one to act rationally, rather than to react with anger, which is never productive. It allows for forgiveness, over time.

Again, I do not condone cruelty from one human being to another. My heart bleeds when I hear someone being cruel to another, and especially a parent to a child.

But being able to see the perpetrator as perhaps a fearful person has somehow allowed me to see that person differently. It gives me some basis of understanding for their behavior. I do not see them as harshly as I once did, which, as I said before, has been empowering for me.

It has led me to forgiveness and that has led to more peace of mind. It has led to my willingness to get involved more, to talk about fear as I have experienced it, and to talk about the ways out that I have witnessed or experienced.

You ask what makes me an expert on fear? Only from my experiences am I an expert; only in relaying those experiences am I an expert.

You must become an expert of your own fear. We all have it. It is a normal human emotion. It is advanced more in some then in others.

Where does your fear take you? How do you treat others when you are afraid? Are you angry with them, abusive in some way, nasty, shy, quiet? Are you tangled in your own webs of fear?

Filed Under: Difficult emotions Tagged With: fear, more webs of fear

Webs of Fear

October 7, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Hello and welcome. Today I begin to walk through the book with you, sharing on each of the forty two topics and sometimes the prose. The topic will be the title of each image.

I invite you to join me as we move through my journey from despair to joy and peace. I invite you also to scroll back and read the tale about how the book was birthed. It is an awesome story.

“I have spent a lifetime spinning webs of terror and shame between the spires that stand as sentinels to my heart.” Webs of Fear, our first gate… Weaving webs was the only way I knew; breaking them down has been more difficult. It has involved, for me, the awareness of my fear and then walking through it with courage and faith. I do it even though I am still frightened.

There are so many forms of fear: justified fear, as when in a dangerous or unsafe situation, such as an armed robbery, fear for another’s safety and welfare, and self-absorbed fear, on which I’d like to focus.

For me, self-absorbed fear occurs when everything I fear relates to me somehow, that I will lose something I have or not get something I want. It is very “self” centered. It can be a nagging fear or full blown, so much so that I am unable to function, to move forward, to take action and I procrastinate.

What others call procrastination, I recognize as fear, although I have to remind myself of this when I procrastinate. When I am so fearful of doing something and the result is procrastination, I must really examine what the fear is that is holding me back.

Frequently, I find a lack of confidence because my self- esteem is low and under that is the belief that I am not good enough. Old stories, these are…

I do not find it helpful, as some do, to call myself lazy. That only reinforces my negative beliefs about myself. To raise my esteem, I nurture myself, pay attention to the fact that I am scared and then do something nice for myself and someone else.

Today I wandered through the topic of procrastination. Next time, more about fear and how it manifests, for me.

What are the webs that you weave? What is it about them that paralyzes you with fear?

Filed Under: Difficult emotions Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, despair, fear, Gate Lady, peace, self-absorbed fear

Divine Intervention Through Photography and Journaling

September 15, 2009 by Carolyn CJ Jones 4 Comments

Abundance

How did Divine intervention through photography and journaling lead to my book?

It was soon after my epiphany in November, 2004, which occurred quite unexpectedly. One morning while journaling, I wrote, “I have spent a lifetime spinning webs of terror and shame between the spires that stand as sentinels to my heart.”

This sentence was quite powerful because I had recently entitled my favorite image of a gate – one with several spider webs - Webs of Fear. I realized that the sentence I had written defined the image, giving it voice beyond the visual element.

This prompted me to review all of my journals and to extract anything that might be used to describe a previously titled gate image. With few exceptions, the prose that appears in Opening the Gates of the Heart comes from my journals, written as pleas to treat myself and others more kindly, with more tolerance, respect and love.

Furthermore, most of the prose was written before both the image was titled and before the insight occurred which led to the merging of the photographs and prose. In other words, most of the prose was not written to fit with an image. It just happened that the prose fit and described each gate.

After my epiphany, the birth of the idea to compile the images and prose to produce a book came about. Opening the Gates of the Heart has woven together an internal exploration and healing from past trauma through my journaling with visual inspiration in the form of photographs.

I neither designed nor engineered any part of this book; rather, it happened because of my willingness to be open to my inner search, because of my passion for photography and the gates and because I acted upon what cam across my path. I attribute this to none other than Divine intervention.

How else could these journal entries match the photographs? I cannot explain it, can you?

Filed Under: Sober Living Tagged With: Carolyn Jones, carolyncjjones, epiphany, fear, shame

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