Fear of Emotional Sobriety

Good morning, all. I hope this day is a productive one for each of you. I actually started this two days ago, and the days got away from me, so I’ll try again…

I liked it that “fear of sobriety” was searched for twice, as I had been thinking of writing about whether sobriety was for you. Fear of sobriety fits quite nicely into that question. Before we dive into it though, I want to redefine the way I will now be looking at sobriety, which is what led me to add “emotional” to “sobriety.”

Sobriety refers to more than just abstaining from substances. It also refers to behaviors, and this is what I wish to focus on from here on in when I blog. I would like to define it as the act of developing more awareness – of self, others, and surroundings – as well as becoming more enlightened spiritually. It is about going through the gates of your heart, the gates of your life.

Webs of Fear

Using this definition, let’s look at fear now. Like a fly or some other insect, we each can get stuck in the webs of fear. My fear was not only about leaving behind the substances, it was also about changing my thoughts and behaviors as well. In fact, I didn’t even know that if I became more aware of myself and others, I would find peace-of-mind. And isn’t peace our goal? Don’t we all wish for peace-of-mind?

I was slow to wake up to self-awareness and especially awareness of others, as I was so emotionally damaged. It took doing a lot of work on myself to even identify what I was feeling! I was afraid to look at myself… fearful that I would find a nobody, a worthless person with no merit.

What I have found instead over the years is a highly compassionate and caring person with lots of gifts and talents. I discovered many strengths and character traits that I didn’t even know I had! Today, I can recognize and celebrate these.

It works that way when we do our emotional work, when we take a look at who we are at our core. It is scary, and the reward is immense peace that is gained. It grows on us. We become more self-aware, and thus, develop more sobriety. Also, as we become more self-aware, we become able to be more aware of others… their needs, their desires, and we become able to treat others with respect, kindness, and tolerance.

Said another way, when we become more self-aware, we are able to show more love to ourselves and to others. We also become enlightened in spiritual principles, such as gratitude and compassion. The end result of all of this? Sobriety in our behavior and more peace-of-mind.

Will you walk through the gates of your heart to more self-awareness, awareness of others, and the ability to practice spiritual principles? Or, will you continue to allow the fear of looking at yourself keep you from emotional sobriety? The choice is yours. Which will you make? Leave a comment and let us know. : )



Finding Emotional Strength

Pillar of Strength

“Perhaps, rather than thinking I must make my morals, truth, and integrity match another’s, I can determine what resonates with my own heart. When it does, I have the strength of a pillar.”

There is nothing quite like standing in our own light, resonating with our heart. For me, it evokes a deep knowingness and peace. It brings me emotional strength.

The first step toward gaining emotional strength is to take action. We need to add to our performance appraisal a list of our morals, our truths, and our integrities. We need to do this work… it takes action.

It takes self-confidence and courage to list out these things, and after the preceding stages through which we have been, we are more equipped with these qualities.

Once we have listed out our morals, truths, and integrities, we sift through them to determine which resonate with our heart. We know something resonates because of the deep feeling of peace and groundedness we have when we read that point on our list.

It’s difficult, at least it was for me, to separate out others’ influences while making my list. For example, during my 20 year marriage, I took on many of my husband’s characteristics and truths. They were not who I was. I took them on to keep peace. I changed who I was to get along, and in the process, I lost myself and what I stood for, what I believed in. 

I found that once I knew my morals, strengths, and integrities, there would have been no need for arguing. I could quietly have stated them, relying on my emotional strength. By the time I learned to do this, however, I had been out of the marriage and sober for about 8 years.

I also found that by being strong in what I stand for, my self-confidence and self-respect increased tremendously. I feel good about myself, which leads me to feel good about you, which allows me to treat you with great kindness and respect. See how this works when we are feeling good about ourselves? It is of benefit to others, as well as ourselves.

You, too, can gain this level of feeling confidence, respect, and peace. Start by doing an evaluation of your morals, truths, and integrities. List out all that you currently believe, as well as how you would like to believe from here-on-in. Ask your Source for help in incorporating these points into your life. Ask for the courage to live them, to be strong with them in your being. Ask for the fear of standing in who you are to be removed. 

If you encounter resistance or ridicule, bullying or criticism from others, perhaps it is time to move away from those relationships, as they are not in your best interest. Try to hang out with people who pull you up, not put your down, those who applaud your emotional strength.

When you are responsible for yourself in this way, you have less need to drown the sorrow of your own betrayal with alcohol or drugs. You will experience a great deal of freedom and self-assurance about who you are. You will know a better feeling than you get with numbing. You will have emotional strength.