Blaming Others for Your Sadness

Good morning, all! May this be a fabulous day for you!

I say that, and yet, from your search terms, I recognize that there are those of you who read this blog who are feeling sad, or worthless, or just plain down. Having a good day is far from your grasp… you think. Or is it?

In the search term for today, “blaming others for my sadness,” lies the clue to continued difficulty. You see, when you blame others for your sadness, you are looking in the wrong direction. You are looking outside of yourself, when it is far more productive and appropriate to be looking within.

You may avoid looking within, as it is painful to discover what it there… painful to see your hurts, your pains of life. And, yet, it is the only way to happiness. I’d like to say that once you deal with those pains, what lies on the other side is magnificent. Peace, happiness, and freedom lie on the other side of pain, sadness, and despair.

I invite you to consider that you have the task of being responsible only for yourself, no one else. It is your task in life to look within yourself for managing your feelings yourself, not blaming others for your woes.

For example, I spent 38 years blaming my parents and everyone else for my upset feelings, but when I started looking inside and taking responsibility for my own feelings, my own healing, the result was discovering how I was creating my own pain, my own sadness. When I stopped putting that on others and started healing myself by, for example, seeing a therapist, writing about my feelings, reading books about my wounds, I began to feel so much better about myself and feelings of peace and happiness started.

You can learn to manage your own feelings instead of blaming others for them. We each have the responsibility to make our own happiness through our thoughts, our action, our behaviors. Take as your challenge the task of doing that, of looking within for your happiness, focusing on yourself instead of another.

They don’t make you unhappy; you make yourself unhappy by your thoughts about what is going on. So, focus today on yourself, and take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings. Manage them by owning them, expressing them. Look within for your happiness instead of blaming others. When you stop blaming others, you will experience so much peace and freedom in your life. I invite you to own your feelings, and stop blaming others. Leave a comment and let us know how that is going.

 

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How to Deal with Injustice

Hello and good morning to all! May this be the beginning of a glorious week! Today, I am going to share about dealing with injustice.

I am reading the book Forgive For Good by Dr. Fred Luskin of Stanford University. First of all, let me say that if you are dealing with emotional pain from an injustice of any sort, I highly recommend this book. Dr. Luskin sheds lots of light on what we do in these situations that are harmful to us.

In the book, he talks about how we react to injustice, whether that is having to stand in line a long time, getting snarled up in traffic, being the recipient of abuse, or dealing with the death of a child. All are an injustice, and he talks about how we create misery for ourselves by our response.

We set ourselves on a path of pain when we take the injustice personally, blame the offender for feelings that are our responsibility, and tell a grievance story over and over again. Let’s look at each of these, as there is a way to have peace in your heart, even though the injustice may be difficult to deal with.

Dr. Luskin relays that we can feel the pain of the personal injustice and then move on to realize we are not alone, that many others have dealt with the same injustice. Furthermore, the offender rarely intended to hurt the other person. When we realize these things, we can allow the personal and impersonal to exist side-by-side.

There is a caution about not feeling an injustice personally, which is often denial of the situation, a minimizing of what happened. This is cautioned against.

The next thing we do which causes our misery is to blame the offender for our feelings. The thing is, we are responsible for our own feelings in the present, and blaming someone for something they did in the past prevents us from moving beyond the injustice. When we blame the other, we give away our power to someone who most likely doesn’t care about us, and certainly does not have our best interest at heart.

The third thing we do that creates our misery is to tell a grievance story. This is when we tell the story of how awful it was over and over again. Do you do that? Do you know others who do? The problem with this is, it sets our fight-or-flight response into motion automatically, leading to stress chemicals, which can be harmful to us, being released into the body.

Dr. Luskin talks about remedies for these three things. First, as I said, recognize the personal and impersonal aspects of an injustice and let them co-exist. Secondly, take full responsibility for your feelings in the present, without blaming another for them. Become willing to explore your pain, to feel it, so it can move through you.

What you resist, persists, and you want to feel your feelings so, as I said, they can move through you. Journal about them as a release, or talk to someone about them, but don’t keep them bottled up. Thirdly, look at the story you tell yourself or others about the injustice. Are you simply reporting the facts, or are you telling it in an emotionally-charged way, embellishing upon how awful it was, blaming the offender?

The more you practice just relaying the facts, the less charge the story will have and the less misery and pain will be generated.

How do you deal with injustice? Can you practice the above suggestions to minimize your pain, your misery? I hope you can and that you can relieve any suffering you are experiencing.

 

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