Who is this woman who blogs every day on sobriety, serenity, and peace, this gate lady? How did my “previous life” propel me into what has ended up being a daily blog on these topics?
To answer my questions is to describe to you why I am passionate about blogging for you, why I am passionate about sharing words about sobriety, serenity, and peace. It involves telling you where I came from to get to the point where I am today, in these blogs. I relay this in the hopes that it will be useful information for you.
In my prior life, meaning prior to sobriety, I was tremendously unhappy, miserable, in fact. Yet, I put my bright face forward, not letting others know I was aching inside. I spent a lot of time drunk or high, in self-pity, blaming my parents and others for that misery. However, I was doing nothing to claim my own unhappiness. I just kept drinking more.
I was in a dissatisfying, dysfunctional, and verbally abusive marriage, one I was afraid to leave for fear of being alone. My now ex-hisband and I were drinking and drugging buddies, so there was no encouragement or desire to stop drinking and getting high. I stayed for 20 years.
In late 1999, I developed feelings for another man and believed he reciprocated those feelings. I left my marriage in June 2000, only to find out the man did not share my love. I was devastated. My drinking escalated as did depression. I was unable to do anything but drink and cry for two months. I was unable to function with daily activities, such as eating.
After that two months, I quit my job because I had decided to go on a road trip to “find myself.” I was barely able to perform it anyway… I left the San Francisco Bay Area to go to San Diego, stay for a couple of weeks, and “get a handle on my drinking.”
Thus began a new life for me, a life of sobriety. I had no clue what was in store for me, I just did whatever came across my path that seemed in my best interest.
Although I have experienced many situations, and much growth and healing during my sobriety, my story is really about what it’s like to show up for life, to be present and take action as a sober person, to be responsible for myself. The gates and the verses that appear in my book are a reflection of what it took to get to where I am today, a life lived in serenity and peace.
It is this background from which I come to blog my thoughts every day. It is from a space for which I was looking in drugs and alcohol. Interesting how I found that incredibly rich and vibrant space in sobriety. I know how painful it is to be struggling emotionally, and I hope my blogs are of use in your pursuit of serenity and peace.