Performing a self performance appraisal is nothing more than looking at yourself with new eyes and heart. It is more of what we discussed when we talked about honesty. It is the most important thing we must do in order to stay sober and to find inner peace.
Such is our topic-of-the-day as we continue to move through my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. How do we do this? What are we looking to find? Our intention is to look at our behaviors and actions with others, as well as ways in which we treat and think about ourselves.
To do this, we start with a pad of paper and a pen/pencil, and we sit in a comfortable place, free of distractions. We begin with present day, or we start with our earliest memories. Either way, we slowly recall our interactions with others that were destructive and hurtful to them, and we write those down.
Then, we look at our positive interactions and write down our loving and kind actions. When this is complete, we do the same thing with ourselves, meaning, we look at ways in which we treated ourselves poorly and positively, again writing down what we discover. This is a lengthy process and often is done over a span of time.
Do not be discouraged with what you find. We all have our light and our dark side, our sunlight and our shadows. But we are looking for that shining knob, deep within, that is our inner-most self. It exists for all of us; it’s just a matter of finding it.
When we are done, we will have four lists – one each of our kind and loving thoughts and actions for ourselves and others, and one each of our unkind and negative treatment of ourselves and others.
With these, we take the list of negative actions toward others and we examine it. We determine to whom we owe an apology, and we set about doing just that. Furthermore, we vow to try and not repeat those behaviors which hurt others.
Then, we look at our list of the loving and kind things we have done for others, and then the same list for ourselves. We recognize in our heart the good side of ourselves, and we acknowledge that side.
Recognizing our positive side, we next look at the list of negative things we tell ourselves about ourselves, and we apologize to ourselves, again vowing to not repeat those behaviors in the future.
When we are done with this process, we have a clean slate, so-to-speak, from which to live. This process will help immensely in our efforts to stay sober and it will definitely pave the way for inner peace.
Now that we know how to complete a self performance appraisal, we do it on an ongoing basis, correcting our behaviors and thoughts when indicated. I hope you enjoy the newly-felt peace you feel when you have completed this!