I love this quote by Carl Jung. It describes my experience very well. I spent most of my life dreaming. I would add to dreaming the blaming of people, places and things for where I was in life, for what was happening to me.
I then drank to numb the feelings that cropped up, such as anger, resentment, disappointment, fear, to name a few. After a while, drinking only intensified the feelings. I was miserable a lot of the time. Don’t forget, however, that I put on my “all’s right with the world” face. Even I was unaware of the extent to which I grieved.
In sobriety, I have been able to awaken to a different way. I have learned to take responsibility for my life, including my feelings. I now look for my feelings, own them, examine them and my part in things. I usually find it unnecessary to blame other persons or situations for what is happening in my life.
At first, I thought if I looked that closely at myself, I would find nothing but an empty shell of who I once was. All I could see were my negative traits. When I started to look at my positive ones, I began to like the person I saw. That took several years into sobriety, however, as my awakening has been slow to occur.
And what I have awakened to is a tremendous freedom. I have freed my heart soul from all that negative energy. For that, I am so grateful, as I often experience peace and joy, two things I didn’t know I could experience.
Not only have I developed that habit of keeping track of my inner world, I have learned to be aware of my outer world, as well. The flower in bloom, the hills on the horizon… all the scenery around me, both far and near.
Yet, perhaps the most rewarding thing from my inner search and awakening is my desire to see others. I strive to be more sensitive to who others are, more aware of their needs, their dreams and hopes. I try to see more with the eyes of compassion than I have ever known to do before. Keeping a continual scan of my inner world allows me to be more open to my outside world and the people in it. I cannot describe how peaceful and joyful that is.
In what ways have you awakened in your life? Has it been a slow dawning of your inner world or sudden? I would enjoy and welcome your comments. Thank you.
Join me fort the next post as the journey continues…