It’s Okay to Doubt

Shadows of Doubt

If you’re anything like I was, you will have some serious doubt as to the existence of Source. You will have some serious doubt about whether sobriety is worth it. You will want to start drinking because the stuff that surfaces is just not worth dealing with. It’s too painful and the anguish you feel is not justified.

Oh, I’ve been there many times, believe me. I used to go around yelling that sobriety wasn’t worth it, just wasn’t worth what I was feeling, this huge pain from old wounds. It was unbearable and my life was better when I was drinking! Far better!

There are two things about that. The first is that I was forgetting that I was vastly unhappy when I was drinking, and, in fact, drank because I was so unhappy. I was unhappy at a soul level and knew deeply that my life was not right.

The other thing to say is that what I later discovered in sobriety was the peace and joy I looked for in drugs and alcohol, only what I found is a thousand times better than I ever could have imagined. And that’s how worth it, it is to stick with sobriety, no matter what comes up for you emotionally.

Take a look at this picture for a minute. What do you see? What feelings are evoked when you look at the side with the shadows and then you look at the side where there are no shadows? I can tell you that when I look at the side with the shadows, I get a feeling of frenzy, disorganization, chaos. It’s just too much for me with the lines and circles together.

On the other hand, when I look at that side that’s through the gate, the side that’s bathed in light, I see calm, I see smoothness. I see relief. But I have had to go through the chaos, the frenzy, the gate, to get to the other side where my heart is bathed in light.

Look at it this way… As the sun changes its position, the shadows will disappear and the right side of the gate will also be calm. Our souls are like the changing sun… As we make changes in our lives, time will pass, and just as the right side became calm over time, so will the part of us that is currently chaotic and frenzied.

Rats, I was trying to keep this a short post after mine yesterday, which was somewhat lengthy. Now I see I am at 400 words, and I was shooting for 300. If you’ve stuck with me, I hope it is worth it for you.

The point is, it is well worth keeping with sobriety through all the strife. At least, that has been my experience. It is the best thing I have ever done with my life, this keeping sober stuff – the best thing ever. I hope you choose to dance with sobriety.

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