Getting Past Feelings of Worthlessness

Corner of Worthlessness

The beginning of the book deals with four difficult emotions, the next one being worthlessness. For me, this was a feeling that I was about as good as a pile of debris in a corner, just like in the photo to the left.

It was one of the things I drank over, heavily, not only because of the bad feelings, but because of my resentment at the person who called me worthless so frequently. I was looking to drown or numb the sting of the feelings of worthlessness – the pain of hearing it, thinking it, living it. 

I did not know how to rid myself of these feelings, so I drank. It was a vicious circle… I drank cause I felt worthless and wanted to feel better, and then I felt not only worse, but depressed, as well.  It wasn’t until I discovered my life’s purpose that this all changed.

It also wasn’t until I had been sober for a few years that my feelings of worthlessness diminished. I won’t pretend to tell you the feelings disappeared overnight… they didn’t. Rather, it was 5 years into sobriety and I was still having difficulty with these feelings. Then, a miracle happened. Here’s how it played out…

I felt worthless and great despair over the fact that the pain of my upbringing was for no good purpose except to bring me down, to lead me to failure. I saw no purpose to my life and prayed to God to let me die because I was too afraid of committing suicide.

Then, one day I was at a support group and I listened to a man share about his pain, which was very similar to the pain of things I had dealt with and healed from. So I went to talk to him, and was able to relay books to read and even gave him my therapist’s name and number.

He was so grateful, he cried. As I walked to my car, I realized that my history had been of use to this guy. If I had not experienced it and suffered as I had, I wouldn’t have done healing work, and I wouldn’t have known resources to give to this man. Suddenly, I saw my difficult and painful childhood as a benefit, a plus.

In that instant, I realized my life’s purpose was to relay to others in emotional pain the information I have gained along the way in my healing process. I had a purpose, my life had a purpose! The feelings of worthlessness and despair lifted and were resolved right then and there! Yes, worthlessness creeps in there occasionally, but I am able to dispel it quickly, and to regain my sense of worth.

Do you have feelings of worthlessness over which you drink? Have you thought that your worth lies in the help and service you can give and be to others? Think about it, for there is a lot of merit in the thought that your life has had a specific purpose all along… that of healing from your wounds so you can help others heal from similar ones. Does that help with your feelings of worthlessness? I hope so…

 

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