Doubt in God

Shadows of Doubt

I had a specific request to deal with what to do when we doubt there is a God, so today I will address my thoughts about that. First, let me say that I have decided to blog every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I will start that this coming Monday.

I debated using “power greater than ourselves,” or “great spirit” in the title, rather than God. The word “God” seems to scare away those who do not believe in such a power or spirit. It used to do that to me until I read the book Conversations with God  by Neale Donald Walsch.

This book presented the idea that God existed in everything and everyone, without all the dogma that religion dictates. I could wrap my heart around that! When I believed there was a God everywhere, I felt tremendously light-hearted, joyous. I felt deeply connected with those around me, as well as my surroundings.  

Like many of us, I started as a young child being taken to church and being taught to believe in God and Jesus. Then, my family moved away from my grandparents, and my parents did not continue to take me to church. A few years after I stopped going to church, I found myself praying to God to stop the abusive behavior that was being thrown my way.

He never answered, never stopped the abuse. In response, I stopped believing there was a God and became enraged with Him. If there was a God, how could He be allowing me to go through what I was going through? It made no sense why He would allow my suffering.

That anger lasted for about 30 years, during which time I developed my life under the influence of alcohol and drugs. They became the power larger than myself. Then, about 4 months before I got sober, I read the book Conversations with God. And my life changed forever.

Now-a-days, I believe there is a God that guides me in a Divine plan, designed to take me to my highest good. I speak to this force, this God, throughout the day, acknowledging and thanking Him for all the things in my day that are going well, going as I wish. When I do this, doors keep opening in front of me. 

It wasn’t always like that. Even in sobriety, I went through a period of a few years when I was angry at God again for allowing me to suffer the abuse I did. I saw that it served no purpose except to bring emotional misery to my life. Even though I was angry and did not believe, I prayed to that power to let me die. I was too frightened to commit suicide, had no good means.

This feeling and my praying ceased in an instant after an experience I had one day, and I will speak about that tomorrow. It has allowed me to see my purpose in life and to move forward in joy, eager to be of service to others who suffer or suffered the same abuse I did.

I will also speak of words I was told, suggestions that were made, that allowed me to stop being angry at God and to even believe that some greater power existed. My doubt in God has resolved over time.

I will see you tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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