Dealing With Fear in Sobriety – 2 of 3

As an addition to yesterday’s post, I’d like to point out that me worrying about whether you would find me stupid for what I blogged was worrying about the future. I didn’t have my mind on the present. That takes practice, remembering to be in the moment, yet it’s an excellent tool for dealing with our fear in sobriety, and ultimately brings us much peace and serenity.

Back to the continuation of yesterday’s topic, the old hurts and wounds behind why being called stupid bothers me… It’s based upon repeatedly being called stupid about everything I did and thought. It was the past, will not change, and was not the truth. I tell myself these things. So do I need to say “get over it and move on?” There are many who say just that.

I am not one of them because that didn’t work for me. That is what I drank heavily over – to hide the feelings associated with the hurts. I believe we do disservice to one who is struggling emotionally and is stuck, repeating the same thing again and again, when we say “get over it and move on.” It does not acknowledge their pain, their grief, and they feel alone in the world in their misery with no hope for improvement.

On the other hand, it gets difficult to listen to over and over again over a long period of time, when we have seen no action taken on the part of that person to deal with their pain. Maybe they are drinking heavily, and we’re focused on that.

The thing is, I think we can gently acknowledge the suffering person’s pain by saying we know it exists and it is valid. And now it’s time to look forward, we gently say. We then can encourage any action they take to get past their pain, however small.

This is especially true for somone who has elected to get sober, as that is the beginning of being responsible for their wound healing, even though they will probably be totally unaware of that.

So, pardon the digression, but I wanted to say that… Back to the issue of the wound’s origin. I need to look at the situation from a different angle, with the new eyes of a 59 year old sober woman instead of a 10 year old scared child. When I do that, I realize something important. It was said by a man whose view of the world was narrow. I think about this a long while, and I feel it in my heart, my soul.

I discover I can, and do, have compassion and sadness for that man, because he misses out on so much. I have been graced with that compassion, and, over time, it has led me to forgiveness.

The thing is, I got to this place of acceptance, peace, compassion, and forgiveness by getting and staying sober. We saw an example of growth in sobriety by dealing with false evidence appearing real, and now we see another way of dealing with fear in sobriety, looking at the old story with new eyes, the eyes of the heart.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to choose the other way, the new way, because that brings me serenity, that brings me peace.

Tomorrow, another way of dealing with fear in sobriety.

 

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